|Reviews for Blood Legacy|
| Sgt Rypht chapter 7 . 9/5/2014
Hello! I haven’t reviewed in a while so I decided to at least do one!
First off, general concerns. I like to mention that Blood Legacy so far has been really confusing for me. The events so far feels like it has no continuity (connecting one point in the story with the next) and things just seem to happen spontaneously. To harm the matter further, it feels rushed. Everything is happening so fast and I feel like I don’t even know the characters enough to get emotionally attached. You’re trying to explain everything about them in the shortest way possible as the author, which doesn’t work. Slow down and develop your characters, then make bad things happen to them. Right now, all of the Dark Evolutions just seem off as a result. The small chapter amount shows that you’re speeding through the story to get to this point.
On to specific problems, the setting of this chapter is nonexistent. More than a few times you call it “the area” or the “the space”. I’m sorry, but where are we again? Are we on a mountain? Are we in a dark corridor? Are we in a building? What’s going on? You need to have a setting for your readers to know where we are at. For me, as a visual person, I need to know where we are at to get the feeling of the scene. It’s like shooting a movie. Also, battle scenes are easier to write when you know the environment.
The battle itself was really telling vs showing. You told us a lot of things that happened and then threw attack names into the mix. These Dark Evolutions are feral; things are going to be wild and crazy. They aren’t going to care about just fighting the “bad guys”. They are going to rampage through the land and maybe even hurt their partners. Right now, it makes no sense.
Back tracking a bit, the reasons for the Dark Evolutions are shallow. The bad guys are just telling the Chosens, “you’re a horrible person” and they just believe them. Why? Again, you haven’t shown these flaws enough for the villains to use it against them so easily.
Example “Boy, your inferiority complex makes you inadequate for the role of leader”
A.)Cyberdramon has no proof on the matter. How would the villains even know these flaws in the first place?
B.)How does he know that will hurt? Also, why would having an inferiority complex make you a bad leader?
C.)Why is the role of leader so important to be used like a blunt weapon?
D.)Hiroshi hasn’t proved to be an inadequate or adequate leader.
E.)You blatantly stated his flaw.
F.)That said flaw did not appear prior.
Things like this happened in all the scenes. It’s really confusing to just have your character just fall apart suddenly. Right now the story feels really empty. You haven’t really given us a chance to see their flaws, rather than tell us that they are there. So, please take your time with this rather than jump into their downfall. Downfalls take time and care to create. Stop writing like people can see your bios, because they can’t (and they should have to). We as readers can figure out a character’s strengths and flaws on our own. You’re spoon feeding the readers and its sort of insulting to our intelligence when it comes to characters. When it comes to detailing a scene, you’re so vague that we don’t know what’s going on because you’re cutting corners.
The story so far hasn’t really included what you said in the summary. Right now, it’s been dark evolutions, kids falling to despair, and random battles against bad guys.
| HappytheExceed chapter 7 . 9/4/2014
Hope they get out of these safely. Dark
Evolution is never a good sign. They need to snap out of it.
| darkmachines chapter 7 . 9/4/2014
Huh it was interesting, sorry I like Digimon, but interesting in it is well kind of lose, still I read your story still.
| Blonde-Eko chapter 4 . 6/13/2014
Oooooh these BioHybrids are a very cool idea, I like how you weaved them into the plot in this way. I really like how you wrote Hayato and Yoshino, I hope to see more of them as the fic progresses :D
| Blonde-Eko chapter 3 . 6/13/2014
Aw poor Saki and Kenshin. I'm excited to find out more about this Akira character though. I like how you drop just enough mystery to get the audience interested, hinting at possibilities as to why and how this person died, as well as who they were, but still keeping the cards to your chest when it comes to concrete facts to leave us all guessing. Basically you're building it up perfectly, nice work :D
Candlemon is such a legend, I want to see more of him! Haha
| Blonde-Eko chapter 2 . 6/13/2014
This was a great chapter. I liked the battle with Mothmon a lot more than the one with Lucemon, truth be told (just because of how quickly Lucemon was taken out) I think you structured it very well and kept the pace while not skimping on the detail. Brilliant stuff.
I also like the fact that you chose to have Floramon evolve first, instead of going for the cliche of having the male lead digimon take centre stage in that regard. Very nice :)
The moral and ethical question over deleting the corrupted Mothmon was a really nice touch, too. It developed Saki's character and relationship with her digimon a bit more in my eyes and I was also glad to see a little more of Hisao this chapter too. Can't wait to see what happens when he and Candlemon get a chapter to take the lead in :D
Great choice for Floramon's evolved form. There's only one thing I can say to that (please don't hate me!) "Thunderbirds are go!" :P
| darkmachines chapter 6 . 6/12/2014
Hmm, another good and interesting one.
| HappytheExceed chapter 6 . 6/12/2014
The Chosen Children didn't even have the time to breath to be attacked as soon as they stepped into the Digital World? I wonder how they can defeat the illusion. They need their "Daisuke".
| Blonde-Eko chapter 1 . 6/12/2014
Very nice start to this story, I love your OCs they're well thought out and have a nice way of relating to each other, in short you've made them refreshingly natural!
I'm excited to see what the deal with Brianna (and Willow) is too, that's an interesting addition to the usual Japan-centric cast :D
The choice of and dynamic between the chaos digimon was also very well done by the way, I especially like the way you've headed Chaos Piedmon and Chaos Greymon as rivals, could make for some cool scenes.
I was a bit disappointed that Lucemon was rather quickly destroyed, but it makes me more excited to see who will be thrown at the digidestined next!
P.S. Amaterasu as Hiroshi's mother... very interesting choice of names. Are you going to venture into the realms of fantasy with her, or is the choice of name just coincidental? It did intrigue me, I must admit. Sun Goddess as mother to digidestined could make for some trippy stuff :P
| darkmachines chapter 5 . 6/11/2014
Hmmm, quite good and interesting work.
| HappytheExceed chapter 5 . 6/11/2014
I'm guessing three of the Chaos General eventually become the dark master & Puppetmon is the fourth member replacing Chaos Greymon because he decided to turn good. Lol. I'm really curious how Osamu will turn out here. The children are growing well. Will their Digimon be able to reach their perfect form?
| HappytheExceed chapter 4 . 6/3/2014
I'm quite interested in what you have. The characters and their relationship with canon characters. This is smart. I'm looking forward to read more.
| HappytheExceed chapter 3 . 6/3/2014
They seemed really experienced. I guessed they are more prepared for the adversity.
| HappytheExceed chapter 2 . 6/3/2014
Well, this is intriguing. I don't really read OC fic but this is above my expectation. This make me curious especially towards the end. What will happen to the Chosen Children.
| HappytheExceed chapter 1 . 6/2/2014
It's nice to see you exploring the chosen children before any of the group we know. Is the Wizarmon the same one with Tailmon? Shall read the rest later :)