|Reviews for A Tale of Two Eevees|
| Blue-Eyed Cat chapter 20 . 9h ago
Lol "This part of our journey was over, and I needed a nap." That's hilarious! Love it!
| SecretDisguise chapter 20 . 3/5
I've read your story from Chapter 1 to Chapter 20. Although I know there is a couple of grammar and spelling errors there (somewhere), I can't seem to find it. At best, they're not obvious until the reader sees it; that's a good thing.
In regards to the story, it's a good premise. It was executed rather well (not perfectly but well enough). However, your unwillingness to abruptly interrupt the story and say, for example, that you would not include filler is very jarring. At least putting the "warnings" at the top, before the chapter proper, would be good enough.
In regards to romance...I'm not a fan of romance although if I do come across it in a story that's not romantic, I usually don't mind it. The fact that Avery wants to stay as a Pokemon for the love of Leah seems a bit cliche, but then again...
How would you resolve the story with Snowpoint City? Just like Avery, I'm wondering what would they end up doing after all of this is over.
The change is also very radical: We start with a boy who (perhaps) want to be a trainer someday and then he ends up wanting Leah so badly that he wants to be with her no matter what. The fact that you showcased some of his instincts showing in most of your chapters shows that you paid attention to the animal instincts of Pokemon applied to "former humans." I applaud your sense of it.
In the end, I'll say that it's not perfect but good enough for a short story. Somewhere between 85 and 90 on the 100 scale.
| SuperSaiyanTeemo chapter 20 . 2/25
Nah...mew will find a way to get to them :D
| Dawn Guardian chapter 20 . 2/24
Zygarde is a rather interesting catch. Noting how it brought down two Xerneas' it is a fun partner in battle.
| caitou zzzzzz chapter 20 . 2/24
great chapter. couldnt help but laugh at arceus (veto) power. if mew likes transforming others maybe she shoulf be forced to live as an evee evolution for awhile. just the thought makes me laugh.
| autobot afterburner chapter 19 . 1/26
My character died...why
| Wisp the Shadow chapter 19 . 1/22
OMG I really like the story! Ever since I've known Pokemon existed, I've dreamed of nothing but transforming into a pokemon myself! Please continue it!
| caitou zzzzzz chapter 19 . 1/24
awesome job and couldn't help but laugh at liams...punishment? i guess i can call it that?
| Blue-Eyed Cat chapter 19 . 1/22
Awesome! Are you bringing all of them there or just them. Cuz you have already brought Xerneas and Yveltal there.
| pokeblog chapter 4 . 1/17
hey i really like your story keep upthe good work
| MidnightLight chapter 18 . 1/13
Well I have to hand it to you this is indeed a very truely intresting story, I hope you update soon and that the game will give you more insperation to begin writing again.
Thanks for reading this and i am now a fan :p
| Lash chapter 18 . 1/13
The story is solid, enough to keep the tension of the plot ongoing (CLIFFHANGERS RAWR!), not to mention with a slight touch of humor here and there. Oh yes, alas, a new and creative story without clinging to the main series too much!
grammar's good with few typo here and there. but, to hell with it, who don't make mistakes in typing long winded stories and i've read worse ones. details details details...
Swapping the perspective view from Avery to Leah in update 14 , chapter 5 is a nice switch!
- on the downside, i am guessing most of the reviews before mine mentioned about expansions on chapters for being too short, so i'll will not stress on that. If this help, you may add in more details, since we are psychics that telepathically projects images to readers, here's an example from update 18: the second update with no name.
"...using ExtremeSpeed, the scenery of trees, roads, leaves all blend into a blur of color lines that flew past my fur as I accelerate to my top speed that my adrenaline and my paw could carry me. I did not look back to see whether Leah was catching up or not as I could barely dodging trees, rocks and obstacles alike, not to ram into any of these with a speed of fifty mles per hour..."
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Overthrown By: Knightfall66 is by far the most detailed, and i thought you might want to check it out.
- The perspective swapping translation can be done with like:
- xxxx's perspective -
to be a bit more smooth to the touch, instead of typing in the Author's note, but this is Author's preference.
- You might need to work on the romance part between Avery and Leah though, by adding more details and not to mention reading other romance stories/ observe real life might just give it a boost.
All in all 8/10 and i am looking forward for your next updates. No rush though, good stories takes time to formulate. Sorry for being as Captain Obvious, best of luck out there and keep it up!
P. S. aaaaaaa i missed the OC submission since i stumbled on your story a bit too late!
| g chapter 14 . 1/13
Ilove this. Triillion stars on this
| peakcluch chapter 18 . 1/13
Good ch by the way but one question. Why the hell did you leave Liam to the mercy of mew? Please pm me the answer.
| aura of lucario chapter 17 . 1/7
Hurry up and update