|Reviews for Forged Bonds|
| anynonmous chapter 2 . 6/5/2014
Hilarious when jay teased falco and when he got his tail trapped. Nice touch with using ROB's last two lines from star fox adventures
| FireFox9765 chapter 2 . 3/2/2014
Human meets Star Fox fanfic; you're doing it wrong.
You should've given Jay a bit more of a background. You needed to give details about where he lived, what kind of life he had, how his life crumbled into little bits... Also, more psychological development would've helped. You just made him rush so fast through his desire to run away from his foster home, it feels unrealistic for a sci-fi fic. I already don't like Jay because of how he's acting so far. It's like he has a multiple personality disorder. One more mistake (which is very common. I myself am guilty of committing it) is that there's not emotions involved in the plot. I'm unable to feel any sympathy or interest for Jay because there isn't many feelings in his story. There has to be at least a bit of passion.
Then, nothing special has really happened and he's already a Cerinian wolf on the Great Fox. The next moment, he's already the savior and destroyer of the known universe, like he's some kind of superhero because Krystal figured it out. Also, there's no way Fay is going to fall in love with him so fast. I just refuse to believe it's all come down to a prologue and a chapter. Plot development is the key. You're going too fast, my fellow writer. You should really take it slowly and take care of details one chapter at the time. Elaborate your plot in a deeper fashion. It's my advice for you. It'll keep your readers hooked onto the story. The action of rushing everything in a chapter or two makes your plot predictable and uninteresting.
Overall, even though this is your first fanfic, you're making an awful lot of mistakes. My recommendation is that you go back to square one and rewrite the whole thing. I did that with my first attempt at this kind of fanfic and the results are satisfying and not frustrating at all (43 global reviews and over 2000 global hits. I have an English translation of the original Spanish version).
I hope I didn't sound too harsh. Best regards to you. Work hard and the rewards will be substantial.
| Silver Talker chapter 1 . 2/20/2014
| nimrod56 chapter 2 . 2/17/2014
Ok I am going to be honest, but I am having a bit of trouble keeping up with all of this. You are making everything happen so fast that your oc turned into a vulpine, got onto the starfox team, and already has a date with fay. IN ONE CHAPTER! I will say you have guts in doing all of that without giving much detail to whats going on. I think just a little more detail into Jay's life, maybe a flash back at the beginning with him and his mom or father. Other than that it is all good. It just needs more detail.
| Troygroomes chapter 2 . 12/15/2013
don't tell me Fara Phoenix
| PyroSolracIII chapter 1 . 11/20/2013
I will watch this for now to see where this goes.
Hope he stays human.
As for his love interest, you can always do a love triangle.
| GrimlockX4 chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
Looking forward to chapter 1 and see how this story will progress. Like the background of your OC Jay. :)
Keep up the good work.