History truly is written by the Victor Merlin the traitor's piece of s*** that slaughtered more of his own kind than anyone else just so that he could protect a muggle and be the puppeteer behind the throne and he is treated as a hero by the magical community utterly ridiculous.

I know it's probably minor (and also too late seeing the story is finished), but since you keep having Harry bringing it up: in british politics, an undersecretary is not a just a "secretary", but rather a relatively high ranking government official.

I am hoping beyond hope this isnt a Harry/Ginny or Harry/Hermione. I cant stand either of those ships. I would absolutely love to se interhouse interest between Harry and Daphne.

nooooo siries ! Why CRYING sooo much !

If you're reading this story because you can see that it's a series, I'll give you a pre warning now that you'll get to the third story and discover that the author abandoned the series nearly five years ago. While the story is a little slow on the uptake, its easy to forgive because we, as the readers know that we still have the rest of the series to go, the third story ends prior to the middle of the story. So if you enjoy series and want to avoid disappointment, i wouldnt bother starting with this series. If this series was complete I'd give it a ten out of ten, as it is NOT. I will instead give it a six out of ten

Why isn’t Crabbe throwing a Bludger (an iron ball) at Harrison Black Potter’s head AFTER he had caught the snitch fairly and won the game considered actionable?

Attempted Murder. (Cracked a 15-year-old’s skull which threw him from his flying broom, resulting in further physical harm.)

Unsportsmanlike Conduct: In Quidditch all play stops after the Snitch is caught. How can Crabbe as one of the Slytherin Beaters be allowed tobplay, undanctioned?

QUESTION: Who holds the highest power at Hogwarts?

Student
Prefect
Head Boy/Girl
Head of House
Deputy Headmistress
Headmaster
Board of Governors

Where does the Grand Inquisitor fit
in the Power Structure?

Seams that by appointing
Delores Umbridge to be
Grand Inquisitor, MoM Fudge
hobbled all the adult Staff
& Faculty at HOGWARTS.

Delores sets student Detentions
Delores approves Teachers
Delores approves the Curriculum
Delores approves each Club.
Delores can override all Hogwarts
staff, even Dumbledore. Umbridge
is the DADA Professor, and has administrative powers over
everyone at Hogwarts as if she
were a law unto herself WHILE
ALSO being simultaneously employed
as the Senior Undersecretary to
Cornelius Fudge.

Hmmm….
Bad politics.

this really is just following canon isnt it, how outright disappointing, all you have done is change the way harry approaches certain situations but the results are always the same as they are in canon, and using your little time correction theory from Hermione just to hide the fact that you lack the imagination to actually make a good "fanfiction", i wish idiots like you would state in the summary that the story would be following all canon events, i would've avoided this shit like the plague, if i wanted to read canon id have picked up the actually HP books by JKR

hermione is muggle-born, why would she stutter saying no-nose-morts name? makes no sense

dude its 28 houses with 4 extinct

Great story! Blazed through it. Very interesting premises and tension. Looking forward to the updates!

That was masterful

A beautiful story! I’m so excited to read book two I can’t wait!

You wrote:” Connection to bother but deeper and feinter were to additional sparks which he assumed were Draco and Tonks.”. Should be:”ConnectED to BOTH but deeper and FAINTER were TWO additional sparks…” SO MANY ERRORS!

In just this chapter alone there are 14 apostrophe errors. You really need to learn the difference between plural and possessive, and how to make a contraction. Also, 17 other grammatical mistakes including the wrong word, comma errors, typos, missing words and misused homonyms. If this is the ‘edited’ version, I weep for how abysmal the original must have been.

Get a beta who speaks, reads and writes English. Get a good grammar primer and study it. A solid understanding of English grammar can only benefit you. The most aggravating thing is that you only make the errors half of the time. So you must have some knowledge. Your story could be so much better if the poor grammar did not detract from your storytelling.

You have some excellent ideas and some plot twists that I really am enjoying. However, your English skills need some strict attention. One cat: cat. More than one cat: cats (NOT cat's). One Potter: Potter. More than one Potter: Potters (NOT Potter's). There are NO apostrophes in pluralizations. This is Primary School English you need to review. Belonging to one Potter: Potter's. Belonging to more than one Potter: Potters' (or Potters's). The possessive requires an apostrophe (with a few exceptions: his, hers, ours, theirs).

Gryffindors, stairs, Grangers, ideas: all plural. No apostrophes. Sometimes, in English, we change the word itself to make the plural: mice, men, elves, children, stories. No apostrophes. Some words are also their own plurals: moose, fish. No apostrophes. Cat’s paw, ministry’s policy (one policy of one ministry), ministries’ policies (more than one policy of more than one ministry), night’s sleep, harm’s way, Potters’ family’s fortune: all possessive, all require an apostrophe.

Not only do you not know how to use an apostrophe, you can apparently not differentiate between homonyms; passed/past, to/too/two, and your/you're are just a few you have regularly misused. You need to look up, and understand, the definitions of these words.

Your storytelling is good but your grammar definitely needs some work. Keep writing, you can only improve when you understand what you are doing wrong.

Thank you for your contribution to the world of Harry Potter Fan Fiction.