Reviews for Bound in Servitude
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 8 . 4/7
dumbledore is either forgetful or lying.

HE was the one that told Harry (if indirectly) that the Potter's were the decendants of Godric Gryffindor himself.
"Only a TRUE Gryffindor could have pulled that sword out of the Sorting Hat," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.
(Later this connection was comfirmed. Possibly by JK Rowling herself, but I would have to check to be sure.)

So Moody could be right.

If Voldemort is stupid enough to summon another Demon Lord and bind him, he deserves what he gets.

I halfway hopes he'll be stupid enough to summon Belial.

Belial is one of the Satans of course. More powerful than Harry's demon lords could ever hope to be.
And well-known as the Lord of Lies.

Seductive, manipulative, extremely clever and expertly skilled in twisting every contract to his benefit.
Less intrested in shedding blood, more intrested in corrupting humans, give them advice that sounds amazing that will end horribly for the human foolish enough to trust him.

Prideful enough to be incredibly insulted by a lack of respect.
Manipulative and clever enough to hide it.
Of all the demon Lords, perhaps the one most likely to act like Sebastian from Black Butler; Pretending to be a humble servants, while sneakingly sabotage his master.
...and prone to help whatever human he likes -much the same way one would indulge a favored pet.
(And Harry IS someone that might amuse him.)

He could cause Harry's group great problems... and make Voldemort shoot himself in the foot.
He's APPEAR to be Voldemort's tool and most trusted through and through, flattering Voldemort and claiming to admire a human that managed to rise above humanity... and yet work against him.

Of course... maybe you have other plans.
I just like the idea of Voldemort shooting himself in the foot. Lol
And Belial and Asmodeus are my favorite demons. _

Very nice speach. I especially liked how Harry gauged the reactions of his people, and altered the speach based on what reaction he wanted. Very professional.

I wonder if ruling is in his blood and magic -to the degree that he will naturally take the lead and do the right thing without thinking about it.

(I have a friend who's a natural talent at manipulation, despite her dislike for manipulation and using it for good rather than evil...unless you piss her off.

So why wouldn't leadership be a natural talent too? Maybe bred into his DNA?)

Btw, if you ever need info on Demons (or human psychology and/or manipulation) feel free to PM me and ask. It is my fortè. _

Oh, and if you have lots of freetime, and want to improve as a writer, I recomend watching Brandon McNulty on YouTube.

And the playlist of Sam Krieg seems to have a ton of resources too. ( add / samaelkrieg after the adress to YouTube. For some reason it's a bitch to find via searching lately.)

And I REALLY look forward to see your next update! :D
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 7 . 4/7
Huh. I just realized something.

Voldemort isn't bound by the Oath.
He IS of the SAME bloodline as Harry; The Peverelles.

TECHNICALLY he has as much right to the throne as Harry. More, actually, as he is decendant from the older brother.

But there is a chance his father's muggle blood weakened him. And his mother was barely more than a squib too.

But far worse; He split his soul repeatedly.
I am no expert on Spul Magic, but I imagine that can't have been viewed well by magic.

Plus, of course, his first body was destroyed.
Any blood in that bloodline was destroued with it.
His SOUL may live on, but it wouldn't be the same.

So he has lost any right he has to rule by now.

But it could explain why so many felt drawn to follow him -using your world building-, because Tom Riddle WAS of the Royal Bloodline. Even if no one knew it.

There is a chance that some Gaunts married some Black (I don't remember exactly), but the line is only clear and direct to Voldemort and Harry from the Peverelles.

Thise two DO share an ancestor tho.
No question about it.

I would like to see how THAT plays out!
Imagine Voldemort's face when he learns he HAD the chance for the throne, and let it slip through his fingers!

If he even has any loyal subjects by then (proboably Bella, who is both mad and in love with him), they'll certainly feel his rage.

Speaking of...

The Lestrange brother's seems loyal, but not crazy.
While I cannot tell if this is the canon truth or not, you COULD use the excuse that they felt as if Voldemort was their King back then, and were desperate to find him when they tortured the Longbottoms.

Augusta would understand, if not forgive.

If you want to paint them in a better light, you can have the brother's protect Neville from Bella. Saying Bella wanted to torture the baby to get the parents to talk, but that's where the brothers drew the line.

It would make the Longbottoms feel a little berrer about the Lestranges. And put the blame More on Bella.

(Her story feels like a tragedy.
I can also feel her desperation and terror for loosing her magic.
Killing her after she looses her magic would be a mercy killing.

If you want to make Harry ruthless, have his first kill be in self-defense, and his first kill of a defenseless person be Bella.

Once you have killed, it is easier next time.
Killing in defense is one thing.
Killing someone who cannot directly harm you... that's a whole other thing.

But sometimes it is necessary to kill, say, a criminal.
Or one who passed secrets to your enemy.
Or someone who may be righteous, but simply gets in your way.

A mecy-killing is one way to toughen an innocent soul up for that.

As the demons undoubtedly know.

Listen to these two sentences:

"-but if they had demons... well, that changed everything, didn't it?"

"-but if they had demons..."

Which do you HONESTLY ferl sounds better?
Because in my opinion, that last add-on is overkill.

Is dumbledore delusional, or do demons ACTUALLY rape women in your Lore?

In Demonology -and I relay heavily on church and ancient texts written by priests here- NEVER mentions actual rape of the women. It's always seduction.

(Some sources blame the woman, most don't and consider it a curse-like phenomena. But the woman is always willing. Or at the bare minimum enjoying it while it happens, willing while it is going on, and only regretting it after the fact, purely because it is amoral.)

Not that I doubt demons could rape, should they feel like it. But rape is a powerplay used by those who feel powerless -not exactly the kind of personality you find amongst demons.

(Voldemort fits the bill tho. I wouldn't be suprised if HE has a half-blood heir somewhere. Assuming his genetalia even works, what with all that dark magic and botched resurection ritual.)

...I see ypu already had the same idea as I suggested on the . Lol

There are roughly 66 million (muggle) people in Brittain as we speak.
If Harry kicked out the muggles, it'd be pleanty of space..

But his demons ARE Demons, and prone to greed. So I very much doubt they'd advice him of anything less than to rebuild the British (wizarding) Empire. _

I wonder if his family once worked with the Royal family if England. Or maybe it was a squib line from his family that rules it. (Or from one of the adopted girls.)

A King (or Queen) ruling the muggles under his command (which likely is a mere formality), while the Wizarding King himself focuses on the Wizards makes a whole lot of sense.

Plus, it would help the war effort, to have both muggle and magicals co-operate.

(Oh, I'm sure the muggles were mainly seen as servants and footsoldiers to the earlier Empire -especially if the wizards were even more powerful back then.

But muggles back then were highly religious, superstitious, and prone to believe anyone with powers (that was sanctioned by the King/Queen) were angel/saints, or gods if you go further back.

And serving a deity or near-deity is something anyone truly devoted to said religion. They'd happily die in their service. Religion is funny that way.)

And to retun to my point: His Demons would likely push for World Domination. Lol

Harry has a LOT to learn about being a king. Lol

It is VERY irresponsible for a king, who has so many people depending on him, to put himself in danger and risking death.

He can save one child, but if he dies, what would happen to everyone else?

It is no suprise that Machiavelli's book on how to run a Principality suggests FAR more ruthlessness and self preservation, than does his more democratic and nice book on how to run a Republic.

Huh. The demons must have been in quite a rush to let the death eater off that easy. A good torture expert knows that the art of tortures does not lie in inflicting pain half as much as in keeping your victims alive for as long as possible WHILE inflicting pain.
(Although there is a certain art to inflicting pain in a way that feels as bad as possible too of course.)
Nice touch with the skinning tho. Not uncommon, but it does the job well -if a bit messily. (But messily is half the point when teaching someone not currently the victim a lesson.)

Well, that, or the author is an innocent little kitten who doesn't know all THAT much about torture -or maybe the author just didn't want to go into deitail, also an option. Lol

Oooh~ If Voldie won't be the biggest problem, who WILL be?

Will you have dumbles run to gis old BFF in desperation, where he sits in Numregard to ponder the true meaning of the words engraved over his prison "For the greater good?" _

Grindewald may be powerhungry, but he always meant well. In an arrogant, muggles-are-aninals-and-we-nust-keep-them-under-control sorta way.

Both him and dumbles once saw themselves as benevolent overlords. He would certainly help fight demons.

I just really, REALLY hope you will NOT start to drag origional character or Deities into this. _
That's the point where you know the story is gonna die in a shithole of idiocy and dumb cliche's.

Normally it's Mary Sue characters that dies in the deity-trap, but I CAN see having two overpovered demons on his side causing the same problem as a Mary Sue.

But dumbledore IS as powerful as Grundewald, and CAN win over him in a faur fight.

And Grindewald is Mary Sue powerful up the wazoo, from what is shown in the Grindewald movies.
(Mind ccontrol, apparation to moving objects, powerful spells -all wandless.)

AND he is a skilled manipulator.
If they are to draw in the mugglevorns (and they must), and sway the few who feel the Oath but rebel against the loss of freedom just because their ancestors made an Oath without asking them, they will need his silver tounge.

Maybe you have something else in mind, like opening Hell, summoning other demons, or some other idiotic move on their behaf, and that's fine.

So as long as you don't drag in anyone that doesn't belong in the established Lore of your world.

(angels would NEVER help wizards. Wizards are Demons in their eyes.
Anyone who's ever read the bible, or even parts of it, knows that the flying featherdusters and their dictatorial boss happily punish, even kill, people JUST because their father or forefathers did something.
And BOY can they hold a grudge!

So even IF dumbledore tried, they'd reject him. But at least confirme the myth about wizards being of demon blood.)

I love that you are still writing on this, and I hooe you will write more!

Empire-building is actually a genra of Harry Potter fanfic I have seen people ask for a lot.

It would certantly be interesting to see how he builds his Empire.
How he conquers people, what laws he pass, who he delegate everything from city planning to trash removal too. (And the headaches it gives him to realize just how much work it is to be king. xD)
The politics, the people who want to marry off tgeir daughters, the demand for an heir the pepple can love and throw a party for... lol

But if you plan to end when he's conquered the world/land that's fine too. Even IF I'd love to see more.

As long as there is no gods/godesses/other outside or OC enteties dragged in, I'll be happy. _

And I REALLY look forward to see what happenes next, and what Harry choose to do.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 6 . 4/7
Small note: Magical Gardians is a fan invention, NOT canon thing.

If you want to add a made-up concept, that's your choice.
I just thought you should know that in accordance with the actual Potter Lore, there is no such thing as a magical gardian.

(I can't remember if JK Rowling was the one to say it was a myth, or if there is exactly zero evidence of it. But it is one of the two.

Harry's legal gardian is Petunia.
And if someone, ANYONE, puts an adoption slip of paper in front of her, and promise she will still be protected without him, she'll happily sign him over to anyone, even Voldemort himself.
(Well, PETUNIA might hessitate. Vernon would sign it in a second.)

Otherwise, kudos for showing people's ridiculus (and sadly both canon AND comon human) sherp mentality.

Kudos on ron being an impulsive idiot.

But I'd subtract a few points for the blind trust in Harry. ron never had that.

He would also never be selfless about it.
Odds are he'll see himself as some kind of heroic knight serving his King, getting rich and all the girls he want and battle evil foes like Draco and winning.

In reality Harry would be better of making ron his Strategist

(and IF he is morally uptight enough, or it hits too close to home, also remind ron that the Pawns on his new chess field is real human beings, and to not sacrifice them unless absolutely necessary.

It's not how you win battles, by worries about human lives, plus they likely signed up for it, unlike Harry... but moralistoc people generally go down woth the ship and everyone dies.

While the psychopathic captain saves half the people by throwing the other half overboard.

Sympathy is a flaw in any leader.
The most praised american presidents scores high on the psychopath scale, funny enough. (Source; "The Wisdom of Psychopaths")

This is also why dumbledore is an aweful war leader.
He's getting his own people killed by refusing to kill the enemy.
Ghandi may be great in peacetimes, but if he tried the same during a war, he'd just get his people killed.)

Regardless, it's still pretty well written. _

Hermione, however, is VERY OOC.
She acts nothing like herself when she takes that Oath.

Mind you, I CAN see her EVENTUALLY take it.
But she would first rave about slavery, lock herself up in the Black library for a week to research it, maybe have serious conversations with Sirius about said bloodline (she never asks Harry for permission to do anything) and thus tips him off that SOMETHING is up, but he'd not be sure what... before she finally asks Harry if she can just pledge herself and not her bloodline, the demons saying no, and after yet another "you don't belong" experience on the train or in school, she'd FINALLY give in out of a desperate need to fit in, and use the "It's Harry" and wanting to support him as an excuse to do it.

(Wouldn't suprise me if the demons had manipulated the events that made her do it, and smirked in the background as she did it for that matter. Lol)

But your Hermione gives in far too easily.
People don't change their opinions that easy.

Most never change them.
Why do you think crazy conspiracy theorists and religious fanatics and Manson's followers STILL believe what they belive, after seeing the evidence that they are wrong laid put before them?

(Or in the case of many cults; hearing the more ridiculous things. Like how aliens will save your group if you sleep with the Leader, and take you to a magical utopia where everyone can fly, and whatnot.)

She's also a little too quick to recover from an experience that she has longed for her whole life.

Other than that, this is a great story.
And to be fair; I nitpick on everything, so the fact that all I find problem with is minor details actually means that you keep very true to canon, logic, and demon lore (as best I know, I am mostly unfamiliar with those two you chose)

And your writing is also pretty good.
You could benefit from showing the physical manifestations of emotions a bit more (tears, tensing, clenching fists, and so on), but that's about it.

And your plot is suprisingly brilliant. And intriguing.
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 5 . 4/6
Fun fact!
Muggleborns are decendants of squibs, who's magic simply resurfaced.

In the (fictional but in canon) book "The Muggleborn Myth" it explains this, and also say that mugglevorns are caused by marrying muggles and water down the magical blood.

(I personally suspect inbreeding to be another cause, but the book is said to be american, and americans doesn't inbreed like the british wizards do -to the best of my knowledge.)

Which means that there is a chance that muggleborns (like Hermione) is also bound by this Oath -they just don't know it.

Oh! I would LOVE to see the rant Hermione goes on when she realizes she's bound to an oath made by her ancestors, with no choice herself.

Wrll, assuming she finds out, and doesn't loose her magic for going against him when dumbledore tells her too. Her blind faith in autorety figures will surely be her downfall someday.

...Suddently I am wondering if the way to set the demons free is for a Potter to fall in love with them. And only the one he is in love with can be free

It's a classic clause in binding Demons in stories, because ALL magic contracts requires an "Out", so to soeak. A clause for how ut can be broken.

And most people who trap a demon that way, if they were to consider the LEAST likely thing that could ever happen, to ensure they could never be set free, would be to say they can only be freed by the love of their captors -his familyline.

It's unlikely enough for a human to love an evil demon.
It is even more unlikely that their captor will.

Plus, it would make the Potter's original family motto take on a whole new, and more important, meaning; A way to ensure the demons are hated and feared as an extra safety measure.

It would be a great piece of writing Foreshadowing if that was true! _

Not to mention... cliches are clichès because they work. Because people love them, and love reading avout them. It make the story great.

Perhaps you are an even better writer than I thought, if this is the case. _

Question: House elves!

They look like the unholy lovechild of an elf and an Imp. Are they? (In your story I mean. I suspect the origional HP lore is based on Brownies.)

It is taller than an Imp, but shorter than an elf.
(British elf, not LotR elf. They were shorter than the avrage human, but only by about a head or two.)

Imps are known for being great and loyal familiars -once you've dominated and bound them.
(Unlike Devils, which are notoriously untrustworthy, and must be handled firmly.)

Imps are weaker than Devil, weaker than almost everything else in Hell.
But sentient and cunning, albeit with a limited inteligence.
They also have their own brand of magic...

I can easily see Wizards binding an Imp to themselves, and their ancestors thousands of years later forgot what they are and why.

Imps, being inhabitants of Hell, are not meant to be on earth either. Normally they'd be sendt straight back to Hell if freed from their Familiar Bonds. ,(which could explain their fear of being "Freed".)

Perhaps the half elf nature allows them to stay, but there is a good chance that some demon would hunt them down and drag them back because of some cosmic law or other.

(Which in turn could explain their inborn fear of Demons. Lol)

It's just a theory, but I am curious to see if it hits close to what you think to have them be. _

It's cute how humans think they have something to offer a Demon. (Besides their soul, and Voldie's soul is not worth a damn the way it is.)

I can absolutely see dumbledore's logic; Demons are selfish creatures. If a deal benefited them, more than it caused their plans problems, they might take it.

Of course, Harry is too important for whatever their plans is to give up.

And what can Voldemort even offer?

Money? Power? They can take that themselves.

Freedom? Harry would give them that if they wanted it.

The leave to kill people? Please... Harry never ordered them to not kill.
If they snuck out at night and went on a killingspree, Harry wouldn't even know about it. Heck! For all we know they ARE going on killingsprees.
Harry's "leash" is so loose that it might as well be a pager instead of a leash.

Voldemort cannot offer anything.
But I am sure his arrogance will think he can.

dumnledore is equally arrogant, thinking he can somehow know the will of creatures far more powerfup, ancient, and alien than he himself can even imagine.

If you feel like studying how the mind of a demon might TRULY work, I'd recommend reading The Dresend Files. (Although it is Fallen Angels, not demons. But mix in a bit more bloodthirstyness and wild nature, and you just about have how demons might think.)

I love this story tho!

It is well-written, and you keep everyone in-character!

The good guys are good, the evil guys are evil, Tom Riddle is a scared little child that lashes out in anger to protect himself from the things he fear. Yet smart enough to research his enemies first.

And Harry is slowly corrupted to the Darkness, slow enough to not quite realize it himself -as is usually the case when you have demons around you.
(Doubly so if you've got a childhood that left you desperate for praise and positive attention.)

Serious kudos to you!
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 4 . 4/5
I should have mentioned this in the last chapter... About Demon names.

Asmodeus and Belial are by far the most commonly known to people. (I won't go into the complex orgins of Belial. Read Baal Kadmon's book on him if you're curious.)

Abbadon is a pretty good third choice. Mammon might be equally known, albeit both are less well known than the abovementioned ones.

Caym is relatively unknown tho. On the line with Sitri, and Stolas and Glasya-Labolas. People MAY have read their name somewhere... but it's usually only those intrested in the occult that's even heard of them.

I CAN see a rebellious teenage Vernon playing at being a satanist cuz he liked a cute girl that was and picked up a thing or two about the occult from her... but that's about the only way any of them would have heard of Caym.

Abbadon... there MAY be some movie somewhere that uses his name. MAYBE John Constantine in Hellraiser, or the guy in Preacher (comicbooks) meets him at some point, I am unsure. But that's the only reason anyone would know his name.

Dudley might have seen the latter in a videogame.

But that's it.

Either way it's a bit late to change your story now. But it's something to consider for the future.

Hermione is VERY OOC here.

In the books she blindly obey dumbledore, and tells Harry "I did/didn't do it because dumbledore said it was for the best."

Ron may have tried, but by and large he also obeys dumbledore. Just not AS blindly. His problem is him being envious of Harry, convinced Harry is a pampered peince with no rights to complain, and has a tendency to put his foot in his moth and have a temper to rival Voldemort's.

Fyi: Dorea Black is not related to Harry by bloor. Nor his grandmother.

She married Harry's... great...great?...great?... grandfather's brother.

They had no children listed in the family tree I looked at.

Harry is in no way related to the Blacks. His closest KNOWN relative is Voldemort, and that is back to the Peverelle's.

(Although one family tree marked a Potter-Gaunt link. Another hinted at a relationship with the Millicent's, but that may have been through marrige of a side-line, not blood relation to Harry.)

"But we will never try to change you, or influence you into becoming something that you don't want to become."

I have no doubt Harry believes that means they won't influence him.

He, like most humans, forget that demons are notorious for tempting people.
And you cannot tempt someone to do something they don't, on some level, WANT to do.

But ALL humans have a darker side. Anger, hate, jelousy, envy, desire for sinful things, wishing to take a shortcut -things that CAN be obtained, but only if they leave their morals behind.

Harry would still WANT to do it.
It would just be a matter of the demon's whittling away their morals.

And I have talked cristians and muslims out of their religion and into Satanism before -humans are EASY to tempt.

I can only imagine how skillful a true Demon would be...

And they'd be helping him, by demon standards.
Morals are a human invention anyway.
It changes with time and place and who you ask.
And mostly just holds the individual back from fulfilling their dreams.

Rather useless, unless you are trying to rule a whole society.

If a single individual deviates from moralism, it have little impact on society.

Only when a multitude of people reject it, perhaps even the majorety... THEN and ONLY then will you see any real problem. (Mad Max comes to mind.)

SERIOUS Kudos for how you portray the demons. Cookies for you!
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 3 . 4/5
I agree 100% that people who did not live through the last war have NO reason to not say Voldie's name.
Most likely they just picked up the habit from their parents.

During the war it made sense

Voldemort put a Taboo spell on his name in both wars, and his Snatches showed up to kidnap, or torture any kill anyone who said it.

And wizards being idiots (not unlike muggles and all humankind) was too stupid to use that to set a trap to take out his people one snatcher team at the time, by using a superior force.

What I don't understand (even in canon) is why no one ever explains to Harry WHY they fear to say his name.

Even dumbledore keeps encouraging Harry to use it, knowing fully well what an idiotic idea it is once Voldemort comes back, should he choose to repeat what he did the last war. (And he does.)

This is not your fault tho. That's canon idiocy. So kudos for sticking with canon lore. _

Still makes me wanna smack them over the head tho. Lol

On demon names... Don't sweat it too much, as long as you use one version that is written as correct.

The bible wasn't written in english. It didn't even use the latin alphabet. (I believe it was Hebrew, possibly with some parts in ancient Arameic -but I am iffy about that part.)

So names of demons when written in english often have several ways to spell it. Because the ACTUAL letters in their names cannot be properly translated to english.

(Abaddon (Hebrew: אֲבַדּוֹן ’Ăḇaddōn)

I cannot read hebrew, unfortunately, so I cannot say with certainty what his name sound like. But there are YouTube videos with people making a heroic effort to pronounce it -just right-.

That aside, I love this story.

I ESPECIALLY love that you allow the demons to be as dangerous and bloodthirsty as demons like them WOULD be.

I wonder... if he set them free, but they end up in a relationship with him... will they keep serving him because they enjoy playing the part, for him?

And will they have children with him, and end up protecting what is now their own family line.

(It would be a nice little revenge against the Potters too, to make the family carry the blood and dna of the very demons they enslaved.

I doubt Harry would understand it, or mind tho. If they even told him that part. Lol)

Amd I know they're all guys, but demons are rather infamous for being shape-shifters.

The Cubi (Incubi/Succubi) is known for turning first into a woman and steal the seed of a human man, then turn into a man and use the seed he/she stole -now corrupted with their own essence- and impregnate a human female.

The union would create a Cambion. (Merlin was rumoured to be one. Some stories claim his father was a demon. Although the original story said he "had no mortal father". Which IS a bit vauge. But the possibility exist.)

Of course, this is magic, and I HAVE seen Male preg stuff too. Lol

Idle curiousety on my part tho. Lol

But I look forward to see how it all turns out. _
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 2 . 4/4
THIS chater dumbledore is perfectly in-character in about the demons. Lo

I like your theory on Blood Wards. It's intresting.
I would have assumed it was fuled by the Sacrifice of a Life (Harry's mother), but in the context of your story, your explanation makes more sense.

But why don't the demons just get rid of the Blood Ward?

It serves no purpose but to potentially harm Harry after all.
And whil Harry may care that the dursleu's are safe, he won't think of the consequences to them if the wards vanish.
And the demons certainly wouldn't care for the dursley's. Nor be obligated to tell Harry of any risks.

Harry has been blamed for everything from dudley breaking his toys to Venon not getting a promotion; He WILL blame himself.

I was quite frankly expecting the demons to talk him around, and work on his tendency to blame himself, consider his own pife less worth than the lives of others, his overdeveloped sense of being responsible for fixing everything, and all the othet mental problems the dursley's imposed on him by their abuse.

(They might need to use magic, since years in theraphy still doesn't fully fix these kinds of things, but they ARE demons. A small cut/polishing down his moral center and frontal lobe, nudging him a teeny-tiny bit towards sociopathy should do.

And since magic is intention based, and demons thinks being a sociopath is a good thing, it wouldn't count as harming him and the bond would allow it.)

Your Harry could benefit from some psychological depth here and there.

Huh. I've never seen a non-cristian, non-american cross themselves before. Lol
Unusual, but not impossible.

...I WAS going to nitpick on Hermione's overreaction to demons...

...then I realized this is the 90s. The Satanic Panic will be all over the tv.

So maybe it IS a logical reaction. Lol

Had it been 2024, it wouldn't be.
But in 1994... yeah, it would be.

Not a criticism btw. Just a fun notice.

I will criticise how easily your characters change their opinions on something tho.

Ron's about-face goes directly against his bigoted, hard-headed belief that ALL things Dark is Evil and should be destroyed.

If it was deemed Dark to wear a hat, Ron would be the first to start a bonfire to burn every hat he saw. He wouldn't even ask why.

Hermione would be sceptical, go research, and tentatively come to the conclusion it was okay as long as they were bond to him.

(She'd have a moral struggle with herself about slavery, and it's a 50/50 chance of her ending up either agreeing with Harry and go on a crusade to free them... or believe that the end justify the means, and something as dangerous and evil as demons HAD to be enslaved, for the sake of all mankind. "And oh, Harry. Be careful!" But she'd support him.

Ron would decide Harry was going Dark, and would turn on him just like he did during the tournament. And likely badmouth him as going Dark too.

The Twins may be the only ones who'd actually trust Harry's judgement.

Even sirius would badger him about having them locked away somewhere. Because Dark his abusive family Evil, to Sirius.)

If this is your first story, it is a good one.

If you've been writing for a while, it is time to start studying writing techniques on YouTube. I recomend Brandon McNulty.

And as you clearly have never manipulated anyone in your life, I strongly recomend reading Dark Psychology 101 by...Michael Pace I think. (And 202, the follow up book.)

In the demon's shoes I would have told Harry that just because he KNOWS Dark magic doesn't mean he has to use it.
But if knowing it could save his life, or the life of someone he lovez, wouldn't it be better to use it?
After all, he doesn't HAVE to use it~

If he knows it, he will use it.
The demons know that.
But Harry is 14. He does NOT know that.
Heck. Most adults wouldn't know that.

It's a nice way to corrupt someone, while still giving them a choice.

And id they are actually demons, they will want to corrupt humans.
They'd probably even see it as a good thing, something nice.

I personally think that most people would benefit from dropping any number of pointless moral values.
And I'm not even a demon, and sadly not a sociopath either.

Imagine what an actual demon would think.

Although the way Harry thinks is so warped from canon that maybe just being in their presence have corrupted him already. Lol

The Death Eater children is a strong case of "Be careful what you wish for. You might get it."

I wonder what the TRUE agenda of the demons are...

Even IF they can't return to Hell, one would think they still wanted to be free.

What do they gain from staying enslaved to a Master they knew nothing about?

Were they bound to protect him?
They couldn't like someone they didn't know after all.

Or do they plan to take advantage of his young age and ignorance/non-bias, and teach him THEIR ways and Values?

I can see how someone might desire an apprentice or heir to pass down their knowledge to. A little mini-me.

They can't really father children after all.
(The Succubi/Incubi can. But I have never heard of any other demon tyoe that can. Plus, it requires the ability to shape-shift and change gender. As demon cannot really Create.)

If Harry lived long enough, he'd eventually figure out how to set them free, if he was loyal to them.

That's one option. But pure speculation on my part of course. Lol

I DO look forward to see their REAL agenda.

And fyi: I think that people compare it with Kuroji... Black Butler (I can't spell the japanese word) becayse your demons act a whole lot like Sebastian in Black Butler.

A little less sly of course. They're a but too nice-acting, lacking the subtle demonic undertone Sebastian have.
And his semi-hidden antagonistic behavior.

(Ciel and Sebastian's love-hate relationship between a Master that knows he is nothing but a future meal for a demon, and the demon whom plays pretend servant while cooking his meal is a big part of why that series is so damned good.

The adventures, fun, and aesthetics may be more visible, but they're just the icing on the cake. In my opinion

Stories THRIVE on Character Conflicts. And complicated relationships always gives a character more depth and charm.)

I know I sound critical sometimes, but I really do mean to help you improve as a writer.

And you clearly has talent for comming up with a compelling story.

So please keep writing. It IS a pretty good story, and I'd like to see how it plays out.

(I assume you plan to write more than 6 chapters at least. Even tho I am only on chapter 2 right now. Lol)

So do keep writing. _
Dark-Prince-of-Clowns chapter 1 . 4/4
You might want to stop confusing your own knowledge with that of your characters.

(Abbadon MAY be known by an adult watching horror movies, or someone living far later than 1994, AND that reads manga books.

It is unlikely a child that is not allowed to watch tv, in a household that forbids anything that even HINTS at magic and have ZERO religious belief and thus never set foot in a chirch, much less owns a bible, knows about him.

Caym is so obscure that even -I-, who has studied Demonology for many years, only briefly remember him.

It is practically impossible for Harry to know about HIM.)

Your writing is good tho. And I like the story premis.

Poor Harry... he thinks President is a high title in Hell.

Mind you, it is not low. But as I understand the Goetia, Presidents are below every single Monarchy rank. (King, Prince, Duke, and so on.)
Although I will admit that there are different options in the different texts.

Some lists the rulers of Hell (below Lucifer that is) as the Seven Satans, whom are those who each rules over one of the Seven Deadly Sins.

Below them are the Princes.
Below the Princes are the Kings. Or along side them. Depending on your sources.

(Because the Princes are the Princes to the throne Lucifer is King of.

While the Kings are the Kings to Kindoms under the Emperor Lucifer.)

And that's just the oldest books. I won't even touch upon more modern books.

That said, I know it is nitpicking.

The only actual story problem is that a teenager without access to books, movies or people to talk to in the mughle world, knows about creatures no living wizard ever talks about, if they eveb know they once existed.

Details like ranks is less important, AND he can still think what he does and be wrong. That's what makes a character human.

Pop quiz!
Who is "he"?

"It too us there." "We grabbed the portkey together".
Really? You and your demons?

I know who "he" is.
You know who "he" is.
dumbledore does NOT know who "he" is.

So which of the abovementioned is Harry speaking to?
Something to think on.

I get why the demons tell Voldemort what they are.
It might just scare him enough to leave Harry alone.
They simply failed to calculate in his madness.

I do NOT get why they tell dumbledore.
They fain nothing, and as a lightsider he will try and seperate Harry from them, convince Harry to keep them locked away somewhere, and generally make things hard for them.

Please tell you you don't write character who always says what they mean and mean what they say.

That kind of boring shit kills good writing.
People lie. Or refuse to speak. Or speak in riddles.
Sometimes all three.
(dumbledore, I am looking at you. And Snape.)

And all dumbledore knows is that two people he has never seen before that CLAIMS to be ancient, CLAIMS they serve the Potter family. They COULD lie.

So why does he allow Harry to go with two strangers who's motives he do not know, to take him to an unknown place?

It doesn't matter that they are telling the truth. Humans lie. Demons lie. (Most of them anyway. Orobas being an exception.)

Your story is really good this far. And you are decently good at writing as well.

But you DO need to work more on seperating ehat YOU know from what your CHARACTER knows.

AND stop the unrealistic amount of honesty.
No one tells everything and never lies.

And if you have been bound for thousands of years to a family line, you do NOT have good feelings towarda them. And your agenda will be pretty evil towards them to.

I COULD have believe that they initially acted hostile, and then Harry slowly won them over.

I can also believe if they act nice so as to win over Harry to release them, or for them to send him to a trap that will kill him after they trick him to change the standing order about protecting him.

And then he won them over by genuinely wanting them to be free and doing what he could to find a way to free them.

They might even choose to stay after, and in some plot twist, Voldemort tries to set them free or steal the bond from Harry but it fails because they are free, and so on.

But I do NOT believe someone enslaved against their will is going to love and care about their Master. Or not plot his demise.

Other Potters would have been warned of this and taken precautions. Harry would be an easy target. And they want revenge.

That makes more sense.

But overall I enjoyed it. _
Guest chapter 8 . 3/22
I love this story so much! I read it multiple times a year! Are ever going to update it again?
Eolyon chapter 8 . 3/20
Es una pena que no siguieras escribiendo esta historia con lo fascinante que es. Gracias por ella, y por favor retomarla.
Guest chapter 1 . 3/11
I love this fic and I have loved it for ten years, I hope one day it could be completed but I will cherish it regardless
Msh.writes chapter 1 . 3/8
this is bloody fantastic plz plz plzzz i beg u to continue it
Xps102 chapter 8 . 2/23
No matter how many times I read this it's still good.
archangelazraelson chapter 3 . 2/18
perfect mix for abbadon and caym they remind me of a blended sebastion from black butler wirh alucard from hellsing
LizzMikaelson chapter 8 . 1/2
I look forward to reading another chapter. Your stories are very well written and I have reread most of them at least once. I cant wait to see what happens next as well as what an amazing author like you can create next.
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