|Reviews for The 48th Annual Hunger Games|
| Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 1/13/2014
Always hit enter to make a new paragraph when you introduce a new speaker. So here, ["Beautiful." I stopped singing and tense up to see Art making his way over.], you should've had a separate paragraph beginning with 'I' otherwise it looks like Serenity is the one who's saying 'beautiful'.
You always need to add punctuation inside the quotes and not just most of the time.
Would Serenity forget that tomorrow is Reaping Day? She gets worried that her name is in the bowl a lot, that should weigh heavily in her mind.
Serenity does seem to care a lot about people, but it feels more like she cares because it's Reaping Day as opposed to any other day. Anistar has been crying for her parents in the time that she was in the community, but only now does Serenity comfort her.
["Well, you need to tell him. Tonight will be the perfect time too. You will both be free of the reaping meaning you will be able to spend the rest of your lives together"
"You're forgetting one thing" I reply as she raises a questioning eyebrow "Stella" I finish and she sighs.
"Who cares about that stuck up bitch? It is clear that Art loves you" Allison replies.]
So let me go through this...
The part about how women can't seem to occupy the same space without fighting each other to get a man? Yeah, this is kinda what the exchange between Allison and Serenity in regards to Stella. Stella has yet to show up, but she's already called a 'stuck up bitch' because it's obvious that Serenity and Art are meant to be and Stella's complicating that. And Art isn't exactly a nice guy either. He has feelings for Serenity and it's very clear from the way Serenity acts around him that he knows she likes him back, but he'd rather string both girls along as opposed to being straightforward and honest.
To make matters worse, Stella's picked, and according to the next chapter Serenity is actually happy about this until she notices Art crying and quickly decides that he must love her otherwise he wouldn't cry and would feel happy that she was reaped...do you see how this makes Serenity sound like a horrible person? And she continues to make it all about her. She's upset that Stella is criyng when /she/ should be the one crying because she was supposedly noble enough to stand in her place. Instead of making her sound like a good person to step in for an engaged, loving couple, she uses this an excuse to gain pity points.
| rosie.horgan.7 chapter 12 . 1/13/2014
| rosie.horgan.7 chapter 11 . 1/5/2014
| Guest chapter 2 . 12/2/2013
Is it district nine or twelve? I'm confused
| Guest chapter 7 . 11/24/2013
OH MY GOD IM LIKE EMOTIONLY ATTACHED TO THIS STORY PLEASE CONTINUE! Wow I can't wait to see what will happen if she wins glitz will die but she can't win because she doesn't want to go home and see art with Stella! WHAT WILL HAPPEN! Please write I love it
| Ironicduck chapter 6 . 11/24/2013
Okay, now I'm update to date. I like the way you're writing this, although I hope with Glitz you remember that he is a career and the ways he's been taught to view the Games his whole life will not be easily broken. But, I'm intrigued to see where you go with this, I just hope you don't fall into the generic pitfalls. Also, I LOVE the idea of the diary - that's such an original creation and I really think it's clever! :) Good job.
| Ironicduck chapter 3 . 11/24/2013
I'll properly review this when I get up to date but before I forget, just a quick question - didn't you say District 9 only had 3 Victors? But here you've just shown a District 9 tribute winning last year?
| HG1 FAN chapter 4 . 11/16/2013
Wow i really dont see why you dont get many reviews! Dont be deterred though, keep writing!
I hope something happens between her abd tbe boy from 1, that would make things very unusual and interesting. A career with an outlier! The idea is almost preposterous! I LOVE it!
:) :) :)
| Nrrrd-Grrrl-Meg chapter 1 . 11/11/2013
This did not end as I expected! This is really good and heart wrenching; you can feel how much Serenity loves Art and it just makes you want to break Art and Stella up and rearrange the stars for them. ;) I can't wait to read more!