Reviews for Please Don't Believe When I Say It's Hard To Breathe
ReillyJade chapter 1 . 4/18/2014
Truth be told, this isn't the type of story I usually read, but this was so well-written that I couldn't help being completely enthralled. Despite this pairing being so far-off from canon, you did a magnificent job keeping the major players in-character. Bellatrix in particular I found to be very well-done, all sadistic and crazy, just like we know her to be.

The bit about her not wanting Voldemort to find out about Hermione was a very interesting insight to Bella. No one would dare to hide something from him, but she's so confident with her place in his ranks that she probably considers herself bulletproof (er... curse-proof? Lol). And the best part is it's totally plausible. Makes me wonder if, even in canon, she was keeping certain secrets from her dear Dark Lord.

It so interesting to see Hermione so not-in-control for once, because that's always been her thing. In canon, she's /always/ in control and has some sort of plan, and freaks out when things don't go her way. That, I think, speaks volumes for Bellatrix's power in this piece, because she was able to essentially brainwash someone as strong as Hermione.

Grammar/spelling was impeccable in this. I think I spotted, like, one out-of-place comma, but I don't remember where it was and it's totally forgivable in a piece of such length.

Overall, a very exquisite, however dark, piece of writing. Thank you so very much for sharing it with us in the Showcase! :D
Bad Mum chapter 1 . 3/9/2014
Chilling and disturbing. You make Hermione's gradual total surrender very plausible, though I do wonder whether she might have questioned more at the outset and tried harder to work out what was going on. Bellatrix was beautifully written, crazy without going over the top.
wynnebat chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
Brilliant story! I love the characterization here. It just fits so well.
Bloody Pheonix chapter 1 . 2/14/2014
Well done.
TheOnlyTrueMagic chapter 1 . 2/8/2014
This story was strangely beautiful...I guess that makes me a little twisted? Yet, it was oddly believable, more believable than many of the other Bellatrix/Hermione stories I have read. I thought both characters were in character, and I don't doubt that Hermione, all book smarts and very little practical knowledge until the very end, would fall easily to Bella's enchantment. Very well done, all things considered.

By the way, I went onto iTunes and bought the song by Seether. It is SO good! Thanks for introducing me to it and to the musical group. Their music is incredible. :)
HedwigBlack chapter 1 . 1/17/2014
This is amazing! I think this is the first Bellamione fic where everyone is in character. Bella is definitely crazy in this one and I like how dominant she is and that she doesn't want the Dark Lord to know. It just goes to show that despite how submissive she is to him, ultimately she likes to be in control and I think you portrayed that very well here.
I also like how you wrote Hermione. As much as she always tells Harry off for not telling anyone when he gets concerned about Voldemort, I honestly think if the tables were turned she'd react the same way. Here, she doesn't want Ginny to know about her sleep walking/dreams because she's embarrassed and I think that's a realistic reaction. And Hermione's used to not having to depend on anyone else so I don't think she'd go to anyone about her dreams. Plus, when she's with Bellatrix she /doesn't/ depend on anyone else but her "Mistress" and even though Hermione's unaware of what's happening, the feeling she gets of letting someone else be in control is enough for her to not want it to stop until it's too late.
I think you did a great job of making this scenario believable and your writing is so vivid. The shards of green in her vision really stuck out to me, as well as the last scene. Great job with this AU.
hiddenhibernian chapter 1 . 1/15/2014
I've never read a Bellamione story before, so this was interesting!

I did find the plot plausible; the gradual seduction aided by compulsion makes sense, since this particular pairing is so far off canon. The pace was good too, and there was plenty of suspense - especially for me, since I just couldn't believe that Hermione would remain ensnared in the end. You did convince me, though, so well done on the characterisation!

I loved the detail that Hermione sleeps with slippers on – does anyone under fifty do that... ? It's wholly in tune with her personality, a little fussy and a perfect example of the way you use details to tell your story. Combined with the present tense, it makes for a compelling trip to Grimmauld Place – I could almost smell the mould...

I did think you lost some of that amazing detail towards the end. On one hand I can see how you'd want to keep the story as a one-shot and keep the plot moving along, but on the other hand I think the asides (like Hermione's book being transported with her and then kicked aside by Bellatrix) were very good at keeping the reader immersed into the story. It felt like I was a fly on the wall, rather than a distant reader.

Hermione's comment at the end about Harry not making a good pet made me laugh; it was a powerful contrast to the wistful 'It is far too late for any of them' just before.
Uni Shall Not Sink chapter 1 . 1/14/2014
Wow. This was incredible. Although I do believe that if she really wanted to Mione could have broken the spell, it was hard to see her so not in control. I don't doubt for a minute that Bella is capable of this and that she would do it. What spell did she have her under? A modified version of imperio? Anyway, brilliant job!
Ralinde chapter 1 . 1/12/2014
That was quite dark and disturbing indeed.

I think you did Bella's character very well, she comes off as twisted and insane as she is in the books, which is quite difficult to do I think. I admire you for pulling off 8k on a single story (and keeping me hooked all thoughout), that's quite an acccomplishment.

Hermione seemed a little too docile for my liking. I get that she's under Bellatrix' spell because of the necklace, but I'd expect her, off all people, to give a bit more resistance. I did like the alternations of her detailed remarkings of her surroundings and her foggyness, because that clearly distinguished that she was really under a spell. I also like the slow progression from her not realising what was going on at all, and then the transgression after she'd seen Bellatrix in Flourish&Blotts.

I personally love cross-gen, though not when one of the characters is still a minor (although I know that the age of consent is 16 in the UK). I don't know, it just borders on abuse in my opinion.
Nonetheless, you write very well and there were moments when I actually forgot about the age-thing.

The ending felt a bit rushed to my opinion, but maybe that's because you've taken your time in establishing their 'relationship' and gradually have Hermione spiralling downwards.

I do wonder whatever the Dark Lord thought of Bella's pet and her eventually keeping it with her at all times, even though I think I can make an educated guess.

On the whole: very well done.
J.F.C chapter 1 . 12/27/2013
I must admit I find this very interesting... very rare for me to read a female slash in the Harry Potter category, I almost always read them in other fandoms, and it was beautifully written. Bellatrix was very IC throughout the whole fic. Note: I couldn't stop myself from comparing this oneshot with the many stories I have readwith HarryxTom/Voldemort... especially with three fanfics that also made Voldemort describe him as his pet too. Anyway, I like it... this is my favorite so far of the five fics you sent.
Alicia Mirza chapter 1 . 12/27/2013
Hey!

First of all I must admit I’m far from a fan of femmslash or even very dark stories like this, but it was well-written. Mostly these stories are very OOC, but your characterization was pretty good.
I loved how Hermione thought that she was only dreaming at the beginning also I found the basic idea with the portkey. And the Mistress and her pet? It was kind of interesting even for me.
Though I’m kind of freaked out how easily Hermione has been brainwashed...
Keep up the good work!

Alicia :)
WastedOn chapter 1 . 12/26/2013
Cheers for the excellent writing. Thanks!
autumn midnights chapter 1 . 12/24/2013
I love your characterization of Bellatrix here. Her dialogue and her actions are so /Bellatrix/, and I think you did a great job writing her in this fic. I can picture her coming up with something like this, and it really does show what a prodigious witch she is, able to come up with the charms on the necklace like that - I feel like a lot of people forget how skilled she is and focus just on her talent at torturing people. Your characterization of Hermione, although not exactly canon, was also very well-done, and you really wrote the change in her quite nicely. No real typos that I noticed, either (especially impressive for an 8k fic). Your writing is wonderful, also - your descriptions and phrases and sentences in general are just very well-done, and I love the use of present tense. The ending was - although dark - such a perfect way to end the fic, showing how much Hermione has truly changed because of Bellatrix. Really good job with such a dark idea.
Fire The Canon chapter 1 . 12/15/2013
This was quite interesting - a very dark and twisted take, but at the same time, I quite enjoyed it to be honest. For what it was at least.

I liked the way you characterised Bella. I can really imagine her speaking that way, and she sounded very in character. I also liked how completely brainwashed Hermione was. It's scary to think that people can be brainwashed so easily - especially someone like Hermione. Ick.

I also liked how it was a slow process. How it began with Hermione only thinking she was dreaming, but eventually her realising it was more, but having no way to control it. I suppose that just shows the power of magic.

It was written lovely. I spotted a few typos, but nothing major. Well done.
Greyella chapter 1 . 12/10/2013
Lovely dark fic deary. I find people often make this pairing far too...sappy.
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