|Reviews for Springs in the Mind|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 12/18/2013
In all honesty, I’m all for getting every idea out of your head considering the past quality of your ‘Marathon’ fics. Hoping this lives up to that standard. Anyway, time to find out:
-Like the soldiers’ banter. It’s somewhat…standard, I guess, but it serves its purpose.
-So, moving down a bit, there’s some…interesting, characterization of the cyborg. I put the ellipsis because Durandal brings up the point I could see coming a mile off, that he’s seeing fellow humans, yet his first instinct is conspicuously to NOT come up and shake their hands. But it’s a point that’s done well, especially with the sudden neck-snapping thoughtstream that pops into the text (and subsequent ones).
-On another tangent, more good work with the cyborg and Durandal in terms of their interaction and the characterization of the latter. Course I’m left to ask if Durandal could contact him via radio why he had to rely on the terminals, but maybe he got an upgrade or something. I also notice that Durandal seems a bit less manipulative – snarky still, but otherwise giving straight answers. Still, I think it’s appropriate in a sense, that after killing pfhor together for however long, I can see Durandal addressing the cyborg on more equal terms.
-“Sure, he could steal guns off the Troopers, but they weren't a proper substitute for a pack full of assault rifle clips and shotgun shells.”
Ah, quit ya bitchin’. Least taking guns off the pfhor is an option unlike in the games. ;D
-“At least he'd been running into Enforcers, too. Nothing like the agonized screams of Pfhor dying in the flames of their own weapons to brighten up his shitty day.”
More props for characterization there.
-So, moving down a bit, like the banter here between the soldiers. True, I commented on this earlier about it being ‘standard,’ but I like it more here. It might be because of the “hah, irony!” subject matter and/or I feel their individual personalities are starting to emerge more. However, the amount of swearing did get to me – usually a non-issue, and admittedly subjective, but with “fuck” being tossed around to the extent it was, got a bit grating eventually.
-Kudos to the cyborg’s reaction about being a…well, cyborg. Admittedly I’d have thought he’d have realized on his own accord, but being the mostly blank slate he is, I guess that’s down to interpretation. Also noticed the “out in the aste”/”there hadn’t been a war” thoughtstream s– guessing it’s a reference to the Icarus/Thermopalye asteroid conflict and the roles battleroids played (yes, probably stating the obvious here. Go figure.).
-In contrast though, the rationalization part felt a bit rushed. I get that it’s effectively rationalization on his part, but it feels more like a 180 without stopping at the proverbial 90 degrees to ponder alternatives or look back. However, the end part does make up for it. Rationalization feels a bit short, but the acceptance bit is well done.
-All in all, good job. Has some good snark and makes for a nice character study.
| supercode chapter 1 . 11/28/2013
Great story. Interesting, though, that Mark definitely has enough information to figure out he is a cyborg but he does not choose to chew Durandal out about not telling him. Personally, if I found out my entire life had been a lie, I would be furious! Also, Mark's constant "urges" to kill humans, is that supposed to be a symptom of something like PTSD, or did Durandal put that kind of programming into Mark after Lh'owon, so that he would not try to hitch a ride with some humans back to Earth, as he almost got the chance to do during the events of Marathon 2? Like I said, very interesting...