|Reviews for Whirlpool Sky|
| Radio Driver chapter 6 . 1/3/2014
Good goin,, Sky. Keep on keepin on.
| Selias chapter 6 . 1/2/2014
I STILL can't read your PMs. You have me blocked. I can't read them if you have me blocked.
www . fanfiction account / blocks . php
Remove the spaces, and I should be on the list of blocked users.
| Selias chapter 6 . 1/2/2014
I can't read your PMs. You blocked me.
| skywiseskychan chapter 6 . 12/30/2013
I think your baby boy is dead after 3 days of just water, sorry to say.
I would sugest a MUCH shorter time to escape through the drains. Just so we don't have to Bakamoto you too :)
Remember, you said yourself using chakra is energy intensive and he's been doing it for a day and some extra. At the least he should have had a bottle or two with him if not a filled bladder of some.
| KrisB-71854 chapter 6 . 12/29/2013
Is your Jared channelling your Hermione from Double Time Trouble? Mabye not yet. I figured that he had been there a few months, but from what little that I gathered on his actual age that he was still very young. You mentioned that he was starting on some physical training once.
With all the crap that you've shown him able to do though and than how you ended it, the entire mission didn't make sense to begin with. And I'm not even getting into age. I believe that they knew that Jared could likely be able to do it. I figure that the only difficult part was in any sensors or such.
Once he discovered the exit and the natural caverns and basically the tunnel out and such, it was smooth sailing for him. I'm sorry, but these Nara need a common sense injection. I liked your description of things, but you've got to wonder is paper that rare or uncommon outside of Uchiha controlled land?
O.k. I can see it being "expensive," but not rare so only scholars or the rich can even afford it. That brings the thoughts of sealing. It might be rare not only because of the restricted knowledge, but the raw expense of paper or such to use for sealing scrolls. Sure you can etch them into stone and rocks for bases and traps, but that doesn't help you make something portable. Tattoos might actually be cheaper than useing paper especially for things like storage scrolls. If they had a generic storage tattoo, they could keep all sorts of things in it. Combined with some creative suicide tools and there wouldn't be any worries about them being tortured from your members.
So far, I'm wondering what will cause the distruction event in this time line. So far from what I've seen, they just aren't developed enough to kill themselves to that extent. The only thing that I could believe would be unsealing the bijuu and slaughtering the only ones that could reseal them. The Uchiha would be stupid enough to do that even not knowing how to control them.
There is a lack of data to really make anything else fit at this point. You've had aliens mind wiping everyone if I recall correctly in another of the universes that he had visited. So I guess that I shouldn't put too much thoughts on that part.
I've been wanting him to pick up sealing, but you've just introduced the village archive and that they'll have lots of information in there and that the ninja have abilities to read alot at a time. You know that just sounds like you contradicted yourself. If they had enhanced reading and memorization skills why don't the Naras and Yamanaka atleast know all their own stuff? I'm sorry, but it sounds like almost a requirement for them. Also your ninja seem to not be cheating enough.
Well, I guess we can understand why they haven't been cheating in certain directions. It's obvious that any ninja with Earth affinity and some time could tunnel out what ever mines or escape tunnels or hidden basements that you want. You've just introduced a key reason that would seem to be useless to them though. They only had torches for light and that was much worse than light blubs to read by. You might be able to use the rooms for storage or such, but not class rooms or work rooms where detail work was done, but you wanting to keep it all hidden.
I was thinking something along the lines of seals to fix many things. At this point, I doubt your Jared will learn any unless he gets married and moved into the Uzumaki clan though. Sighs. Well, he has been working on being a chakra control god as well as applying advanced knowledge. You've made it sound repeatedly like he was from modern US. If I recall correctly though, your Agency superspy Jared had access to much higher tech levels and knowledge of how they work and how to build them. That could be a mixed bag for him though. He can basically attempt to skip straight to some of the advanced stuff using chakra control instead of advanced tools to build things. Oh, well. I always enjoy reading your stuff. It's fun, interesting and crazy.
| Selias chapter 5 . 12/28/2013
Did you just block me? Why?
| Selias chapter 6 . 12/28/2013
I take it that Jared is going to be running into that captured Uzumaki? Also, the Mangekyou only blinds you while it's active, not every day after you've gotten it. That's why Itachi could have it for years, and not go blind, but Sasuke was almost blind not long after activating it. Well, that and Sasuke kept using Amaterasu, which almost certainly uses WAY more power than Tsukiyomi.
| Anon chapter 6 . 12/27/2013
Thank you for another great chapter. I hope you never stop writing :)
| Ari989 chapter 6 . 12/27/2013
Words cannot describe how awesome baby Jared on his first mission was! Just the mental image of that is both adorable and cool. Now I wonder what the Yamanaka scroll he retrieved could be used for? Perhaps to interrogate a certain Uzumaki? Let's just hope that Jared's good deed doesn't come back to bite him in the butt. Thanks for the update and Happy Holidays!
| Bigreader in The Omniverse chapter 6 . 12/27/2013
While I liked it and I know your stories usually jump the shark, I think this chapter really jumps the shark. Baby mission impassible? That is like the movies baby geniuses. Watch it and see what I mean. Find a way to time skip you character a few years at least.
| FatesShadow83 chapter 6 . 12/27/2013
Great chapter! Merry Christmas!
| dogbertcarroll chapter 6 . 12/27/2013
His memories can be viewed by the others in his clan. That should show them things they can copy down and have the Nara's decode.
I'm thinking the builder probably included an escape tunnel or something similar, so he could get out in case they were going to bury him in it like a tomb.
With the number of times that's happened to architects in the past it'd probably be standard for anything being built underground by them.
Jarod may not have found it, it's outside his specialty, but a Nara looking through his memory might. An easy way in and out of the 'library' would provide a huge boost to the clans.
| Dairegh chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
That, was a little too close...
| karthik9 chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
It is excellent chapter.I look forward to future updates.
| Darkfirelight chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
Decent chapter, but why the hell is a baby being sent on covert missions? If a child showed the capacity to invent new methods, showed the intellect to fake deaths and make new training methods and challenge conventional beliefs then you wouldn't say to yourself "let's send him off into enemy territory."
Just one thing about your canon idea that bothers me; The Sharingan does have rules in the anime/manga;
Kakashi's sharingan is rougher on him because it's transferred and as such can't be turned off, and while that is seemingly retconned later in the show in regards to Kakashi and Sasuke you could argue that (SPOILER)-
If Madara has the ability to call down meteors, supe up clones with Susano'o and utilize a supreme Susano'o and then, after coming back to life, charge at an entire shinobi army and nine tailed beasts on his own then he probably has enough energy to continuously utilize Sharingan.-
(END SPOILER) And just because the Mangekyou sharingan is active doesn't mean that it's continuously being used. It causes blindness when used (Minor) and that effect increases with the utilization of techniques;
Amaterasu - Pressure on the right eye and subsequent blindness to said eye (Medium - continuous usage to effect).
Tsukuyomi - Psychological pressure and damage to the left eye with repeated usage. (Mild - High(?))
Susano'o - Damage to both eyes and intense chakra pressure damage to the body (High-Very high(!) depending on experience, health and chakra levels and control.)
Kamui - Damage to eye in use in return for time/space manipulation. (Kakashi's right, Obito's left.)
Izanagi - (Can be used with a regular sharingan) - Permanent blindness to one eye per usage in return for brief denial of reality (Avoidance of death, reality of genjutsu, etc.)
Izanami - Reality and situation forced to the forefront of the affected's mind until understanding/acceptance are reached - Cost: Permanent blindness to one eye. (Can be used with regular sharingan.)
Genjutsu abilities - Depending on chakra levels, chakra control, level of sharingan and level of skill in Genjutsu as well as imagination and natural ability of sharingan.
Itachi restrains his usage of Mangekyou because of the damage already effecting his body. The reason his combat ability isn't affected is because of his prodigious skill even without the sharingan. (Age 12, midair blind and hitting numerous targets with reflected kunai and balanced landing followed by shown usage.)
Obito doesn't go blind because he doesn't use Mangekyou - He uses his Sharingan to cast genjutsu and utilize time-space manipulation similar to a localized Kamui cast on self. He apparently started to use this before he obtained his mangekyou, and his other eye is Madara's. He also apparently has the gene's of Hashirama in his body, thus allowing him the first's healing (probably).
Basically - Sharingan - Level harder to use with increased ability but adaptable with repeated use. It can't copy speed, it can predict it; Sasuke trains with Kakashi to use the Chidori (Speed-type technique) and then, using his knowledge gained by watching Lee run and speed training, achieves that speed (though used with much more difficulty than Lee). You can't hope to copy speed if you can't keep up with it is the explanation; - it's all in perception.
Mangekyou - Blindness with usage, increased blindness with each technique used, traumatization causes psychological damage.
Eternal Mangekyou - When an Uchiha with the sharingan takes the mangekyou of another they gain the eternal mangekyou - essentially the mangekyou only without the damage inflicted upon it by the regular techniques. (Though they will still damage the body and mind.)
Rinne'gan - No disadvantages save the user's ability and timing/recharge period - Gained when someone with the potential to activate the sharingan doujutsu or related closely enough through blood also has Senju blood running through their veins and utilizes both blood traits simultaneously.
Don't mean to sound like some know-it-all or hater, just thought it might help to know about the abilities and effects of the sharingan and it's abilities in depth. Sorry if I sound arrogant or obnoxious. :/
Good writing and plausible weaknesses/abilities, aside from the whole "baby climbing into enemy territory" thing.