|Reviews for Whirlpool Sky|
| Publicola chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
I really like your work in general, but you've almost outdone yourself here with this story. Excellent stuff here, a really compelling AU based on a single divergence point, and brought consistently to the 'present' when your story is set. My one quibble is how young your main character Jared-super-spy is (even in a ninja village that trains children, having an infant practically still in diapers run a suicide mission seems a bit... much) but I suppose it's better than the alternative - putting off any effective action for one reason or another while people suffer.
Keep up the great work!
| TrekFan101 chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
Thank you. Thank You! Finally an author who takes the inconsistent canon and gives some long overdue thought to it. Think about what it means for bakamoto's story telling skills, that I enjoyed your author's notes as much as your story itself. :):)
I also hope you will find your sense of enjoyment in writing 'Shampoo's Revenge'. I realize it has been over half a decade since you updated it, but I enjoyed it far too much not to ask. :)
| Deadzepplin chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
Man I just like that Itachi was going blind but was so fucking good that he compensated for it completely and only because Itachi was/is the only good Uchiha
but all the other rule braking bullshit is annoying as fuck especially the ability to tell apart Shadow clone from original because not even the fucking Byakugan can do that and it's ocular abilities in detection are fucking magnitudes better then the sharingan
Here's hoping for some awesome Uzumaki shit soon
also I hope that if/when the captured Uzumaki creates the bloodline thief seal it is based on giving bloodlines to the already pretty freaky Uzumaki body that it fucks up any uchiha that gets a bloodline transplanted to them and if one miraculously survives and gets the uzumaki bloodline they find it is all passive buffs and nothing that would help them with seals or chakra control or anything that they really want from the Uzumaki
| Alex DarkFire chapter 6 . 12/26/2013
nice work again, loved the infiltration. also find it amusing that your SI has learned or relearned that hunger is no fun and little things like embarrassment are pushed to the side when your that hungry. anyway, thanks for the gift looking forward to seeing where this goes from here
| Radio Driver chapter 5 . 12/24/2013
Good goin, Sky. Keep on keepin on.
| CatOnFire chapter 5 . 12/19/2013
What's best about your stories is that they often contain many different little bits of information that are great to know. Before made it so you could not highlight text and copy it out of a story I would have a text document open and collect 1 to 3 little facts, and save them for later.
| Anon chapter 5 . 12/15/2013
Please do continue
| vaward chapter 5 . 12/14/2013
Why wasn’t anyone freaked out by a six month old speaking in coherent sentences and talking about subjects a baby shouldn’t know about? Even though Jared saved his father and five other men, this might backfire on him as others will be extra wary of the child prodigy.
Uchiha getting a hold of the Chimera Technique would devastate their clan, as Mangekyou wielders would be trying to steal each other’s eyes to cure blindness and gain new superpowers, followed by trying to take control of the Uchiha clan. And one or two Uchiha might get greedy and pull a Danzo, incorporating multiple Sharingan eyes in his arm or back.
Besides, if the Uchiha are so universally hated, the boundaries to their territory ought to be heavily patrolled and have lots of watchposts so "the accursed Uchiha and their slaves" cannot sneak into other nations. Having the ability to absorb bloodline limits means nothing if you cannot actually get your hands other bloodline limits.
In the end, the Uchiha numbers would drop so low that they cannot maintain control over their slaves any longer. A mass desertion would have less bloodshed than a civil uprising as the Uchiha clan has the home field advantage in Konoha (better supplies, hidden traps, tunnels like the Viet Cong, etc.), and they cannot chase after all of the deserters without leaving their base of operations undermanned and vulnerable to outsiders.
The Nara memory techniques were never intended to be learned by someone who has been reincarnated and can actively remember his previous life. He might have intense dreams of his former life. Or the scars he had in his former life might appear on his baby body because his subconscious self-image thinks his body ought to have scars. Or he might develop a split-personality, ‘Jared’ and ‘whatever his new parents named him’.
| Waspy chapter 5 . 12/14/2013
Without Madara becoming Mizukage and exterminating bloodline clans, are bloodline limits more common in your world than in cannon-Naruto?
Sealing never became widespread. What about summoning contracts? Fandom has three interpretations of how summoning contracts are made: (1)a seal master creates a summoning contract himself to bind certain creatures into servitude, (2)creatures sense a compatible human and offer him or her a chance to sign a summoning contract willingly made by said creatures, or (3)someone performs the hand seals for summoning without having signed a summoning contract to be reverse-summoned to the realm of creatures most compatible with you (see “Vulpine” and “Your Summon is Pink”). Furthermore, some fanfics say certain creatures either want to summoned (prestige and reputation) or need to be summoned because they need the chakra of human summoners or because they need a mortal agent in the human world to champion their agenda, so one of the summon animal clans might seek out Jared.
If you had a choice, what would you prefer your summon animal to be? Toads and snakes are overdone, slugs might be viable in they can teach Jared medic-nin techniques that Tsunade never invented. Bats would make an interesting choice as echolocation is ideal against the sight-based Sharingan, and it’d let Jared shout “I am Batman!”
The author of “Naruto” borrowed heavily from Japanese myth and folklore. There are two legends that might integrate into your story. In one, a carp that manages to swim up a waterfall will transform into a dragon; this inspired “Pokemon” and how a player can level-grind a Magikarp so it’ll evolve into the powerful Gyarados. Jared might help a carp swim upstream in exchange for a favor later on.
In the second folktale, salamanders and newts are supposedly baby dragon hatchlings. If Jared is bored or lonely due to being confined to the fake hospital, he might find a salamander and keep it as a pet. The salamander might reward Jared’s kindness by revealing that he is a baby dragon hatchling, and that if Jared returns him to his mother, he will be granted one wish (so long as it is within the mother dragon’s ability to grant).
Why did it point out these two legends? Because Jared should be defined by his kindness and desire to do good, and not by how powerful he is. Plus, in all great stories the hero has a wise mentor (Obi-Wan, Gandalf, ProfessorX, etc.) and a dragon would make for a pretty badass mentor.
| michael68 chapter 5 . 12/14/2013
If the second Konoha is a minor village, who controls most of Fire Country? Was it annexed by one of the Big Five or was a ‘satellite’ village constructed to avoid a power vacuum?
I hope you mention that the reason the Uchiha didn’t ever make a comeback is because of in-fighting and backstabbing, not to mention that keeping ‘gennin clans’ weak mean they lack the foot soldiers necessary to wage a war, otherwise they could’ve regained some of their former glory.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
Earlier, you said that all five elements exist inside your body. For the Dust release disintegrating matter, it’s not what dust is so much as what dust symbolically represents: entropic decay and the inevitability of all things breaking down.
Inside the body, cells exist in a continual cycle of dying off and getting replaced by new cells, so getting the Dust release to work might involve harnessing entropic decay inside your own body and using dust as a symbolic medium to project it outward into the world around you. In a way, it might be similar to how in the Naruto self-insert “Dreaming of Sunshine” the Nara clan can manipulate the Yin/Darkness in others and use shadows like chakra strings to make body movement control easier and less draining.
“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.”
| KrisB-71854 chapter 5 . 12/13/2013
While they thought that Jared was a sage before, he just became an actual hero now! Many will be slapping themselves for this one though.
Oddly, the Uchiha never really notice that their entire village suddenly put on extra weight and all that. That's great.
I liked hearing about the Nara family stuff. Hearing all that math stuff actually made me think of something evil. Another fic that I read had a Harry Potter developing his own Device by using a memory tech, and several abilities that allow mutlithreaded thoughts. He was going to try developing a copy from a certain anime that we all know and love. Now, chakra ain't magic, but what's fun is that SkySaber actually does have experience with magic on that level and may be familiar with that anime. The next step is developing chakra skills that make use and require that math to work.
You know those shadow abilities should be useless without those family support abilities. Too bad that they didn't think of using near suicidal or very, very wasteful flashy justu whose sole purpose was to have a vast visual effect and drain the users chakra down by 99% while making it look like an instant kill shot on the other side. They'd be stupid enough to copy something like that. Of course, they'd figure it out if they ever practise with the things rather than copy them.
I like the idea about how everyone hates the Uchiha in this universe. There own followers most of all. Hmm, I'm thinking what would be really run is if that sealing girl were able to teach him the basics of sealing. I doubt that would happen though.
thinking back to those improved physical development skills. What the Nara really need to do is have the Mind Benders assist them and implant a "false persona" known as Gia-kun for training. Horrible, horrible thought. Gia being a failed Nara project. Young Gia was just like most of the rest of the clan until he volunateered for "the project." He was never the same again. Actually, known only to Gia though is that the project was wildly successful. Gia was just even more lazy than most Nara and liked to pull his own prank. He figured just putting up with his "false persona" while his internal persona was able to lazy around more than justified his actions.
I like that we find out that Jared needs to stop this world from self destructing, but the big question is what will cause it? I doubt even releasing all 9 bijuu would be that bad unless that were stupid enough to staughter the Uzimake before that. I liked how you've pretty much stated that all the older ninja that we knew could all be discounted as dead due to lack of decent med nin.
Actually med nin never really made sense to me. Why? Because if they existed, the med nin D ranks working for merchants and minor nobles "should" earn more than B ranks. No one with any talent or drive at it would be allowed to work on "mere ninja." The nobles and rich would have their services all locked up on just in case sort of things.
| tenchifew chapter 5 . 12/13/2013
Thank you for writing.
| 1Batman4u chapter 5 . 12/13/2013
Spider-Jared, Spider-Jared! Does whatever a Jared can. He spins a web before your eyes, catches villains just like flies. Look out! Here comes the Spider-Jared!
For the Ice Release, the clan babies might curl up next to Jared in order to cool off during the Summer, eventually learning how to escape the heat much like how they learned walk-crawling.
| treavellergirl chapter 5 . 12/13/2013
I must confess some confusion about this person that ended up reincarnated, he said that he has gone thru that before... By whom? And how? If there is some information that I have missed it would be appreciated if a nudge in the right direction were applied
| DarthLizardWizard chapter 5 . 12/13/2013
So Jared's dad is not a Senju. Doesn't mean his mother isn't.