All and all I didnt end up liking this much. For the last 20 chapters the MC has sat with his thumb up his ass doing nothing about the war he is supposed to be fighting. The way you wrote his relationship with the Starks was forced and frankly just weird. Instantly loving all of them for no reason and they all loved him in return. Also I hate Gendrey/Arya pairings or really any Arya pairings. Shes a prepubescent child. Gendry the pedo

Roland is kind of mentally tripping over the authors love for the Starks. He readily admitted that the Freys cant be trusted then seeded half the riverlands to them just so Lord Frey would let go of a betrothal for a Stark second daughter. Realistically Arya isn’t worth all that much but Roland is willing to sell half the riverlands so shes free to marry his bastard brother. I know Lord Stark has alot of love for Jon Snow but hes not so politically stupid that he would allow his daughter to Marry a bastard from kings landing; not to mention Catlyn. I guess Roland can step in and force the issue given his unatural intrest in Stark personal issues. Rightly thinking Ned would probably need to Betroth his remaining daughter and possibly one of his sons to Northern lords to help keep them all unified. In Neds generation Brandon died Ned married a riverlander Lyanna died and Benjen joined the watch. With Neds kids his heir married a riverlander Sansa married a Baratheon Arya will for some reason marry a southern Bastard and Bran is still going to go down that stupid 3 eyed raven rout. That leaves maybe Rickon. Robs already half riverlander and his kids will be more Riverlander then Northerner.

You’ve fallen into the same Euron Greyjoy trap everyone else does. You’ve given Harry Potter type magical powers and wrapped him in a metric to of plot Armor to make him menacing. If Catlyn Stark was knocked unconscious it would take days or weeks to move her to anywhere the Silence could be anchored. But like in the shows he is capable of teleportation it seems. The taking of Winterfell only worked in the shows because the entire North was under seige and Theon knew winterfell so well. In this half tge Northern forces returned back North ages ago and your MC has been doing fuck all in the war since he decided to take over the rivers of the reach.

Don’t really know why your MC is going thru all this trouble to get Arya’s and freys betrothal ended when your just gonna have her marry a significantly older bastard blacksmith. Why writers fanfiction or GOT show writers whatever feel tge need to pair up Arya at all is betond me. She like ten just leave tge girl alone. Frey apparently pedo Gendry its no matter its gross regardless

Viscous cannon Cercie would have never trusted Little finger with her children I highly doubt this version of Cersie that is much more devotedto her children would. We might get attacked so lets entrust the obviously creepy and untrustworthy little finger with your kids; did we all forget he is a flesh peteler for living? On top of that Tyrion already knows that little finger is the reason that Catlyn arrested him so why would he trust him. Little finger has zero power when all his untrustworthyness is broght to light so that seems more like a story thread to keep him in the story then anything else. The only way that works is if you shrink both Tyrions snd Cerciies collective brain power to zero.

How would Roland automatically jump to the Iron Islands are going to attack the North and also immediately sush out their battle strategy. I know its meant to make him look intelligent but it just makes this seem like the MC ether read the books and knows this shit far ahead of time or for some reason you made him omnipotent. Your trying to hard to make your MC perfect at everything. This kid would have been about three years old during the Iron born rebellion so I doubt he knows Belon Greyjoy so well that he knows exactly what hes going to do and how hes going to do it. Right now he is Significantly weakening his own army by sending half of them north on a whim. What next is he gonna berate Rob for the frey alliance by warning him that the red wedding is coming. He already sent smalljon to last hearth im assuming for nothing to do with ironborn given last hearth is pretty far away from anywhere the ironborn could attack. Or maybe based off his omnipotent status hes for some reason aware of the wildling invasion a year before it happens and sending them there for that. Is he already magically aware of the night king as well? Again your trying so hard to make your MC absolutely perfect that it just reads like 100% pure plot armor. Can you just asmit that the only way your MC would have reacted so harshly to Rob sending Theon to the Iron islands is because hes read the books and knows what’s happening ahead of time. If so hes an idiot for not dealing with Joeffry much much earlier.

It definitely seems from reading this that you as a writer have a massive hate boner for all things Lannister and are very much in love with the starks. I share this opinion myself but it makes very little sense for your MC to be so blatant about it given they are his family. He refers to tywin as Tywin when he should probably call him grandfather. And now he’s referring to the Lannisters as an outsider like he isnt half Lannister himself. His relationships with all the starks seems to pregress so fast to the point of unbelievability. Rob talks about him like they’ve known each other all their lives rathee then the few weeks they’ve actually interacted. All his stark relationships just read like plot armor rather then anything of real substance

Its cool that you saved Lady and all but you write this MC like hes somone that has watched the show and acts accordingly. He Just happened to have hunted a wolf the same color earlier and just happened to have a potion to knock out lady. From Rolands perspective their really wouldnt have been anything suspicious about Brans fall or really any reason for him to get so close to Jon so fast. I get your trying to make a good alternative to Joeffry but in honesty you dont have to try this hard to make your MC perfect. Just make him a regular guy and he will outshine Joeffry on account of Joffery sucks on his own. It doesnt take a morally perfect character to outshine him. By making him perfectly altruistic and shit your just making him completely unbelievable as a human. He grew up in kings landing surrounded by corruption and Lannisters. Theirs no way he comes out of that the paragon of virtue with zero faults that your portraying. I get you as the writer probably ether read the books or watched game of thrones and came away from it really liking the Starks but your MC has no reason to automatically love them all like hes known them all his life. Him immediately showing up and getting super close to all of them and them all just deciding they love him just feels super forced. I can see him being friendly with Rob given hes the heir to the North but you should have taken the time to have interactions between him and Arya and build that freindship slowly so its more believable. Right now it feels more like the MC reincarnated into ASOIAf and was a big fan of the Starks from a past life or something.

By ageing the characters up you made this a GOT fanfiction rather then ASOIAF.

Not a knock on the story cause I haven’t got far enough into critique it yet but it is always a mistake to age the characters up. Its just another thing the show screwed up that the books did way better. In the books Rob is much more impressive because he is 14. His victories in the war of 5 kings are awesome because hes still so young and his blunders are more forgivable for the same reason. Sansa is the same way. She gets alot of hate because shes so nieve but its so much more forgivable when you stop and relise shes 11. The show ageing all the children up to near adults or in Rob and Jon case actual adults makes their show counterparts so much less impressive. The show and the book series is set in a midevil time so people did everything young cause the life expectancy is like 30. If Theon was 20 he wouldnt be a ward for Ned Stark anymore on account of hes already years into adulthood. Rob at 16 would already be married or about to be given hes an adult. Same with Jon Snow. If he had plans to Join the nights watch he wouldnt still be in winterfell when cannon starts if he is 16 given he’s already an adult. While ageing characters up made certain scenes and situations more palatable for people to sensitive to understand that the midevil world was harsh it also screwed up their character arcs badly

Honestly i though Joffrey and Roland would have a dynamic similar to griffith and guts as in the brotherhood they shared growing up then ect. Then the madness that takes jeoff making Roland hate him.

Shouldve just killed em

Beo he micheal jordan palmed his head . Name him King NOW.

Why was this abandoned lmaoo?

Wtf ?