|Reviews for Not Sick|
| Amics chapter 39 . 9/16
good story. sequel up?
| Mernom chapter 39 . 9/12
Well, this is it. Not a half bad story, and I like how it explorered some interesting possibilities.
The biggest issue it has in my opinion is that it drags on too much in Ame.
| Mernom chapter 38 . 9/11
Sakura losing an eye sounds like a plot hook. Plus, Konoha has PLENTY of spare eyeballs atm...
| Mernom chapter 36 . 9/11
Oh no. Danzou has an operative who uses bugs: do he likely knows about the Rinnenran. Not good.
| Mernom chapter 35 . 9/11
The shipping moment was so sweet I had to get a glass of water to wash it off if I didn't want my teeth to fall out there and then. They are such dorks with this.
| Mernom chapter 34 . 9/11
Wait a sec... Didn't Naruto replace his headband after the time skip? If was it just the fabric?
| Mernom chapter 25 . 9/9
A big complaint I had about the first half of the arc was how well it went. And then you started to kill almost everyone, and by this point it feels like you're trying too hard with this.
Good job with that 'you thought I didn't prepare spares' line though.
| Mernom chapter 19 . 9/8
Yup, this is leagues better than the recent few chapters.
| Mernom chapter 18 . 9/8
Well, that changes things. The right VS Pain and Konan was getting tedious, I was just about to drop the fic entirely. The cut to Sasuke'a scene was done right in time to keep me.
On the actual chapter: this is actually a very good idea. I have no idea why didn't Kabuto do it in Canon.
With Sasuke's motivations, it makes perfect sense. His first goal, to kill Itachi, was already complete at that point. While this isn't exactly his 2nd goal, it is both close enough to unsettle him, and potentially him not being aware that it's not.
| Mernom chapter 10 . 9/6
Hmm... I'm not sure about this. Itachi and Sasuke feel a BIT ooc. For the moment, Kill your Heroes remains the fic where this kind of scene was done the best in my opinion.
| Mernom chapter 9 . 9/6
Something I always wondered about: wasn't Hotaru's WMD back jewel thingamajig based on nature energy? It would be interesting to see how would that arc work if it happened after he learned sage mode.
| Mernom chapter 7 . 9/5
Wow. I completely forgot about that scroll.
| Mernom chapter 5 . 9/5
The biggest problem with doing the eye trade thing, is that if you do, you need to rule that the sight damage done by the Mangekyo is NOT inflicted in the eye itself. Because if it is, the trade wouldn't work well if one of the traders lost most of his sight already.
Ruling it to be damage to the Chakra coils that connect to the eyes due to them not being fully opened in the initial activation, and requiring a different pair of eyes with compatible but different Chakra to fully open, which would prevent any further damage, and also stop the damaged coils from interfering with the ocular nerves.
| Mernom chapter 4 . 9/5
Things are getting interesting... Presumably, both Sasuke and Itachi will be sporting the Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan soon. Plus, it seems likely that Sasuke gets recovered, if only via Sakura holding his spare eyes hostage. I do have a few questions though: when did Itachi get him away? The last scene with the both if them was Itachi talking to him, and him laughing about the notion of Itachi loving him. Then, Itachi was punted away... And next thing we know, he got Sasuke away somehow? Did I miss anything?
Also, the Orochimaru scene here could benefit greatly from consistent POV knowledge. Make it appear as if he died, and add a short scene in the end that shows his last snake escaping. More important here than in the other points, because the part when you reveal that the snake survived happens in the future, and then the scene hops back into the present.
| Mernom chapter 3 . 9/5
This seems odd. Even if Pain is was weakened by the distance, I'd expect him to fight even more fiercely to make up for that weakness. Don't let the opponent time to think, time to breathe, time to plan. He's a pragmatic fighter, he wouldn't just let Shino and Kakashi plan their next move. Granted, he'll give them a chance to surrender at break points (like after knocking Naruto out) but HE will be the one to decide them.
Also, did Hinata already learn that jutsu by that point? AFAIK she was training for it at a later stage... Don't remember that well though.
An issue with the writing of the story in general: I feel like you're hopping POVs too much. Generally, having a scene be written from a specific perspective makes it easier to understand for humans who are used to seeing the world from a single perspective. Which leads to the scene not revealing information that the POV character isn't aware of, as long as the POV doesn't change to someone who does. 'little did they know' doesn't work that well, unless done right.
Also, it's funny, how Canon Sakura actually DID get to punch a God. And a real one at that, not this puny fake.