|Reviews for Radical Transformation|
| C-tronic chapter 15 . 9/16/2012
I loved the part when Leo's reflections over his brothers and their human form. It really added depth!
| C-tronic chapter 14 . 9/16/2012
I see that you modeled the story out of the movies (TMNT II) and not the cartoon. LOL, that's okay...the fanfic is still great!
| C-tronic chapter 9 . 9/15/2012
I have to agree with most of the reviews that this a great fanfic story so far. Your story is one of the very rare stories that I could see fitting the tone of the 1987-1996 cartoon. Typically most of these TMNT fanfic stories have some extreme angst, over emotional romance-driven stories, or even worse...disgusting turtlecest themes.
You definitely have a sense of each of the Turtles' and other TMNT personalities and I'm glad that you explore each of their characters a bit, rather than just focusing on one. You are definitely balancing the story with the right amount of action and emotion, while not leaning too far to one or the other.
Also the description of the environment and emotions are great! Your story comes across as an actual story rather than a script.
| Tanglemorph chapter 16 . 3/2/2012
I have a few comments about this piece.
First, the story and the idea are very well written. I'm on my second read-through of the fic, and I feel that you've worked the brothers' dynamics very well. Each chapter is well rounded and enjoyable, adding new twists to the plot. The characters are also in character, and behave in a believable manner, especially when confronted by the change in shape. However, there are a few things that do detract from the piece.
First is the use of slang and terms common to the such as Vinilla instead of Vanilla, dint instead of dent. In North America, the common term used is truck, not lorry. I did notice you use truck early on, but it did become inconsistent later on. It can be quite distracting to hear an American use British terms, just as you would probably find it annoying if someone from the UK used American slang.
Overall a good read, with only minor errors.
| I Love Kittens too chapter 44 . 4/8/2011
The story was great. But has a bittersweet ending :( Does Prida will ever know the truth that her friends (guys) are alive? And will the guys found out that Prida is also alive?
Please make a sequel of this story.
| mr.miyagi chapter 1 . 2/27/2011
Do you take requests? Cuz I'd like to see how you would do a 'My Little Pony Friendship is Magic' where they turn human.
| Amy Hamato chapter 27 . 7/7/2009
i'm confused what did Raph say
| Nike chapter 16 . 10/24/2008
I'm quite enjoying this so far. The boys as identical quads being forced to go to school is quite entertaining.
The only problem I see is that you might want to get an American to beta your stories set in America. I keep noticing things that make it obvious you're from the UK. For example, we don't call a lorry a lorry; we call it a truck, semi, or 18-wheeler, depending on which area of the country the person is from and how large the vehicle is. Another example is the extreme unlikelihood of finding treacle in New York City without going to a specialty shop. Maple syrup, yes. Treacle, no. Most of Manhattan (where most of this is probably taking place if it's by April's apartment) is so squished together that you're unlikely to find a large store unless you're in the neighborhood of Park Avenue and even then, they'll build up and not out. Most New Yorkers head to local small and often family-owned stores in the neighborhood. Sometimes it's even separate stores, like a baker, butcher, and green grocer.
| InvisibleBrunette chapter 41 . 9/26/2008
Love the story so far. And anyway you put it Tatsu is ugly.
| 10 write 20 goto 10 chapter 44 . 4/6/2008
That was amazing! I think you got all the characters right, which is pretty hard to do. And, of course, you created the FIRST (and only, I assure you) OC that I didn't hate! although Prida WAS a bit mary-sue, but I'm happy to ignore that, because the story rocked! 10/10
| HosekiDragon chapter 4 . 3/26/2008
This is awesome, I love it! Makes me grin. So far, really cool and creative and I can't wait to read more! Definitely going into the faves!
| SassandraS chapter 44 . 3/6/2008
one of the best turtles-turn-human fics I've read :)
It was so much fun reading about the guys' antics in school. Though in my mind they would have done a lot more misschief ;)
The little slip-ups were a very good detail (Raph telling tooks he gets on his shell and Mikey yelling "high three")
For a split second I feared Prida would turn Mary Sue ( she does have some Sue-ish charactaristics) but I like her and the sequel kinda gives her unique appearance a meaning.
I absolutely loved the disco chapters and especially the ninja rap scene. I can so imagine them dancing away at that song.
There were some mistakes though. Most I guess are mere typos but in earlier chapters there was a continuous confusion between 'board' and 'bored'
keep up the good work
| SassandraS chapter 4 . 3/4/2008
Dude, school starting at 9 and ending at 3.15? 0.o
That is such luxury
My high school started 8.15 and ended at 4 and some days at 5.
Love the story thus far. I normally only review at the end of a story but I had to say this ;)
| TreeStar chapter 7 . 12/29/2007
No surnames and everyone is okay with that? They would be deported as immigrants, because NO ONE in America can legally go without a surname for more than two days. Infants need to be named something by then, and being orphans makes no difference. Have you ever met an orphan with only one name? Additionally, they have no SSI numbers. Or medical insurance, so who's paying their hospital bill which is probably up in the hundreds of thousands for all the proceedure internal scans and overnight care four teens underwent?
Also, police cannot legally demand that any child attend school with stitches in their limbs and/or concussions.
Foster parents cannot leave foster children with blood relatives unless they are approved by the court, which the cops can check in about five minutes. They would need to contact the legal foster parents before the boys could leave the hospital. And which relative of April's were the boys born to, exactly? And why did they go into foster care rather than to a relaive if they have blood kin that can legally watch them? The system would want to get rid of them. it's already too crowded.
Identical quads equals identical eyes and voices. That's a huge problem with your descriptions.
Why on earth don't they say their complete names ever? Raph never just says his name. They're proud of the names their father gave them, and who are they afraid of tipping off? Shredder doesn't keep tabs on highschool admission rosters and according to the rest of the planet, the boys don't exist.
The real problem with this fic is that you're trying to write about a world that you haven't seen enough of. If you play with the foster idea, you need to know how it works. Integrating children into society with no real legal names (first names don't even matter in america) or SS numbers is a long and arduous process. Skipping it 'to get to the real story' doesn't work, because it's so outrageous that the rest of the story becomes rediculous. These kids act like they've been around girls and been flirted with and gone to school before, and it's not just OOC, it's like a completely different fandom you're writing for. How is this even ninja turtles anymore?
The concept was great until you tried to put them into society and highschool. They should never have gotten hit by a truck, even. they're ninjas and they've practiced invisibility all their lives, dealt with near-death experiences and a conspiratory war in their city, but the second they turn human they run in front of a truck together? Cliche.
The grammar and such isn't bad, and it isn't rushed or anything, which is great. You're a decent writer. You just need to learn to study up on a subject completely before you start writing on it. This is the world you live in. You should know how it works. It's just got so many potholes that it doesn't hold water.
But i love your dedication to it. It's got length and OCs, which is fantastic and new. :)
Mostly my advice is that you think the smaller aspects of a plot through carefully before you start the story, because there are more small ones than large ones, and focusing only on the large ones like 'human' and 'school' create a story with no real inflection that's been done a hundred times in thousands of fandoms. Small things make a story original.
| Mako-Magic chapter 5 . 9/16/2007
i know this is completed and i'm only on chapter 5, but felt need to comment! it says (in ragards to raph and prida) "But she wasn't like most girls, who would flirt and giggle, which drove Raph crazy." how would raph know what girls are like? apart from what hes seen from april or watched on tv. and april's not like that at all!
anyways, good fic so far!