|Reviews for On Broken Wings|
| KaijuKnight chapter 1 . 7/5/2014
Wow! I know now that I would have been beat to a pulp if I had pulled off my story for this contest. This was really good! It's nice to see good writing for characters that don't often get written about. It's even better to see a redemption story for Wolf. He is actually one of my favorite characters and like Krystal, doesn't have near enough back story to his character. He still has a lot of mystery to him and I think that he is less a bad guy than he is an anti-hero. Really good stuff. And no romance. Which could just be the end of it, or just the beginning. Really good.
| Emile The Watcher chapter 1 . 12/11/2013
Heh, wow, when you step out of your comfort zone, you do it well. Nice bit of reading this, as usual, a superb level of detail and characters, I think you made Fara and Wolf fit together nicely. The bar setting was nicely done, as well as Wolf's obsession about ending his life.
Overall, very nicely done, and an excellent entry into the contest.
| The Pen Vs The Sword chapter 1 . 12/10/2013
Sword: Aw, that was sweet and cute! But sad...But then cute! Then emotional!
Pen: Enough already! Ahem. There were parts of the story where you jumped back and forth between Fara's and Wolf's point of views without warning. That should be rectified.
Ask nicely, Pen. It's unusual to focus on these two and I'll admit, I was skeptical. But when they finally met up, the story took off. I'd be interested to see more of them. Good job.
| Mitch3ll6900 chapter 1 . 12/4/2013
even though I thought I did well with mine I can see where I need the improvement. I liked it allot and it was kinda refreshing to read something oher than Fox X Krystal.
| JackLinks chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
Nice, that's a lot of content for a oneshot! My only criticism is that I would prefer slightly more detail in their surroundings. I'm also very happy to see this year is mostly happy xmas oneshots so far, I remember a lot of darker ones last year..
Looking forward to next update! Good luck!
| Xxstar-hit96 chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
I totally called that. Not the storyline, but the pairing. You described Wolf as broke and homeless and I joked about you having Fara in there. I did that because in every story I read she's always the rich girl that has a massive house.
Anyway, great job on the emotion in the story man, it was a good story and it's really entertaining, kudos to you By The Way, about the pairing, you're right, nobody thinks about doing that but you did it, you thought outside the box, great work and good luck in the contest
| general whitefur chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
That was good. It was definitely a very unique take on a Christmas story, though I think it really paid off in the end. You certainly did a very good job of providing an explanation for Wolf's roguish and outlaw behavior, something I would say very few people really do. I have to say I like the WolfxFara pairing you used, it certainly isn't the most conventional of pairings, but I believe that helps it to stand out. Also they aren't the most completely unrealistic pairing I've ever seen, so they were both unique and believable.
There were a few typos here and there in the story but nothing serious, certainly nothing that I am immune to. Overall a very good story, and I completely get what you mean about writing something other Fox and Krystal, I love writing them but sometimes it feels good to focus on the rest of the Star Fox ensemble.
| Order and Chaos - Qui Iudicant chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
Critique time… sorry to start out my review like this, but first things first.
"I'm sorry, Miss Phoenix. We did everything we could to help him. It looks like the disease was just too much for him to handle this time.(“) Fara continued to cry while the nurse caringly patted her on the shoulder. (Quotation mark missing.)
"Anyplace warm," she begged, internally. (Not sure if *any* and *place* are supposed to be separated, but I’ve noted it anyway.)
Fara stuttered, "W…wolf?" (As it is a name, the second “W” must be capitalized.)
"I know, but it's Christmas, and I couldn't stand to spend it alone. Have a good night, Wolf—and one more thing…( )
"…Merry Christmas." (When another paragraph follows when someone’s speaking, eliminate the quotation mark at the end of the first paragraph, even if it is shorter than the first.)
Well, onto review proper, now that all the critiques are done.
I really don’t know what to say, other than that you surprised me very much on writing this. I never really saw Wolf as a guy who might have some feelings as opposed to being a cold-blooded mercenary – but then again, people are complex, and Wolf certainly is so. Anyway, this brought to mind some of my own depressive thoughts, back when I was going through the usual adolescent changes (much like little Krystal in Benedictione Dei), so I was able to connect to Wolf quite well.
As for Fara, well, I think you may have overdone the conversation inside the bar between her and Wolf (I was picturing their voices being raised, and that kept me wondering when any of the other patrons would hear of it) but overall, it was reasonable enough. Her gift to him really surprised me; and I had to go back to re-read that part when he told her about losing his toy-fighter (because I forgot that he told her the model) to his dad. I’m glad everything turned out for them both: Fara gained a friend in the most unlikeliest of persons; and Wolf has a chance to start over his life.
One last note: I didn’t find this as disturbing as your review to my own fic suggested; but I’m glad it is not the case. I guess reading other fics had desensitized me enough not to be “that” affected by emotive fics. ;) Well, good job, as always. Can’t wait to read the rest of the submissions. (Which reminds me, I still have one fic out there that I have not reviewed, yet.)
| XxSanitariumxX chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
I think Fara gets put in a mean light too often. Most usually portray her as the jealous ex or just a yuppie fop so that Krystal looks way better in contrast. However, this showed the potential her character has and the pairing wasn't out of spite for anyone else. While nothing Christmas centric happened the feel in the story's atmosphere didn't let us forget that it was Christmas time. Then again, Wolf got his Christmas present and a second chance. What he'll do with that chance is unknown but maybe he'll make better this time around.
Very nice story overall despite the sadness involved.
| Beyond An Anomaly chapter 1 . 11/30/2013
GAH! Wolf/Fara! I've thought about this pairing working...and I had thoughts of writing this in a certain story! Oh, you beat me to it to be the first...rats. XD
On a more serious note, this fic is just. WONDERFUL. The overall premise is awesome, and you did such a thing with Wolf's character that I never possibly imagined. This was most certainly not fluffy, which, in all honesty, is a bit of a relief to find in the contest. (Granted, I'm not one to talk too much, am I? XD) Really the characterization is perfect, which is really important for me when reading, and you really did wonders with the two characters you had to work with, and gave them plenty of time and room to blossom through subtleness and very inspiring dialogue. The ending was borderline tear-jerking as well.
All in all, this was a truly great story. Definitely one of my favorites thus far. :)
Happy holidays to you!
| Elarix chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
Funny thing, I just went through exactly what Fara went through this Thanksgiving break; I had to visit an old aunt in the hospital who ended up dying and then run around in the cold city looking for a place to eat. That's a bit creepy...
But now for the story. Wolf and Fara placed together? I've never seen that done before; originality meter maxing out here. Overall, it was devoid of fluff (thank you, thank, thank you!) but still completely heart-warming, satisfyingly and sufficiently long, and did a great job of forming the relationship between Wolf and Fara; they argued, they hated each other, they stumbled upon common ground, they found a way to relate, and they became friends.
For improvement, Wolf's contemplations of suicide seemed to be completely forgotten half-way through the story, which should have been dealt with later on. Also, Fara only mentions once to Wolf that her father just died, and at the moment he is still in Scrooge mode, so he doesn't care. Her father's death should be brought up later, and he can comfort her.
Thanks for the story! It was a life-saving break from too many Fox and Krystal fluff fics. I really enjoyed it!
| GrimlockX4 chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
Well written out story, really enjoyed the pairing of Wolf x Fara. Liked how you written out the development of Wolf and Fara here.
Good luck with the contest. :)
| Wolffury chapter 1 . 11/29/2013
Good job. The story was great, the dialogue was good, and the character development was good as well. This is actually the first time these two have been paired? Weird, especially for the fan fiction universe. Good luck with the contest and Happy Holidays!