|Reviews for Star Fox: My Life is Yours|
| NiallMarston chapter 22 . 4/25
This was REALLY good. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of reading this.
| Ill be PMing you chapter 1 . 4/9/2014
Incredible work lad, honestly. I'll be makin an account on this site, and sending you a PM tomorrow. It's an interesting offer, so I hope you'll give it a read, until then.
| Disturbed KoRn chapter 22 . 2/15/2014
(The following review is meant to read in the style of Youtube movie reviewer: JeremyJahns. If you are not familiar with JeremyJahns I recommend going to Youtube check out a few of his videos and read in the style of that. Anyway please enjoy my review.)
Ok, this is my first real, actual review of any Fanfic, for good reasons too, but we'll get to that. The story starts out pretty strong, actually when I saw the first chapter was titled "Exposition" I was like "Shit, this isn't gonna interest me" but you know what it hooked me, I felt compelled to continue all the way to the end. I read this story first when it had like maybe 7 chapters. And now there's 22! Which means more interesting story! Or at least that's what I thought. Ok the first thing I want to talk about is your portrayal of the characters in this story, were they true to the series? The answer is kinda. I mean we all know Falco is suppose to be like an ass, but he's even more of an ass in this story. Fox is a toughened veteran who has seem some shit, but still has his soft spot for Krystal, who also was portrayed well enough for me to continue the story. One thing I didn't like about your portrayal of Fox is that he's this really anti-religious dude, and I'm not saying that because I'm religious, I'm just saying he was never given a religious stance in any games. But he wasn't a cool atheist like that ones that don't give a shit so much they don't ever bring up the topic and you never know their religious standings at all, no Fox in this story was just like, straight up religion sucks, and that sucks, maybe your an atheist and that's what compelled you to make Fox like this, but really I didn't like that aspect about him. Anyway, back to the story, Fox and Falco have some sort of conflict, but I don't remember much of it, I forgot why Falco was mad at Fox in the first place. But that's not the main focus of this story! Then what is you ask? Hell if I know, this story is all over the place. First it's about friends becoming enemies then making up, then it's about some terrorist attack I think I was supposed to care about, then it's about Fox mentally rehabilitating himself, and then it's about him and his wife and his kid, then it's about his kid's role in some sort of war, and then it's about growing old. That's a lot to follow for one story. My favorite part is the part where Fox is with his wife Krystal, and the birth of his son. I'll touch on that a little later. So even though the structure seems messy, it played out quite well but that's just probably because I wanted to know what happens, and a good story should give that "I want to stick to end" mentality. But I think an even better idea would've been to take these little separate ideas scattered in this story and make them their own stories, that way it's easier to focus on one thing. Because there were a few plotholes I noticed, like in the chapter where the general orders Fox to murder a man on his wedding, he doesn't of course, but it was brought up in this story like once. Why did it have to be Fox? Why couldn't the general easily ordered some random ass generic soldier number 43 to do it? When that question was asked I was expecting a conspiracy type story, and I was like "Oh! This interests me." But of course after the generic ass villain, I forgot his name it was like Taylor or something like that, once he get's offed the whole matter is dropped, Fox suffers PTSD (a nice touch I may add) and he rehabilitates his mind. But we never know why? Why did this guy bomb a tower? Why did the general not get some one else to do it? Why on Fox's wedding and not, oh I don't know a different day?! But we never get the answers and the story rolls on. Another missing plot point was Falco. I just remember he just completely disappears from this story at one point. Moving on to the my favorite parts of the story, the moments between Fox and Krystal, and of course the birth of Marcus. For some reason I feel like Krystal isn't in this story as much as she should've been, but I enjoyed the hell out of the Fox and Krystal chapters, especially chapters 9, 12, 13, 14, and 15 . After chapter 15 when Marcus is in the picture and the McClouds have a taste of parenthood, I thought to myself "Great! Great story! Glad to see a nice conclusion." And then other chapters started popping up. Now I'm am gonna be completely honest right now, chapters 16-22 are all expendable chapters, the story didn't need them. i still read them, but as I kept going I slowly kept losing interest. Like literally after chapter 18, I just speed read through the remaining chapters, and maybe that's why I'm missing out on those plotholes I mentioned earlier. The final chapter i didn't speed read though, "Physical Death"... Gee, I wonder what that chapter's about? So this is the dramatic conclusion it all lead up to this the fall of Fox McCloud, now this chapter should've physically raped my feels, the build up to it is good and sets up all the emotion, Fox is all philosophical in old age for some reason, may have had something to do with the the previous few chapters but whatever. And then it happens. Was it emotionally heart breaking as I though it be? Not even close, it was just like and now he's dead... The end, here's some epilogue for you. That ending was very lackluster and kinda anticlimactic honestly. Ok so a final review for this story is needed. I'll review it out of 10. At first I thought I'll take away a point for each chapter that was expendable/not needed at all, but that's 7 chapters leaving the final score to be 3/10, which is simply not true at all. Despite it looking like I didn't like this story due to my review, I actually legitimately enjoyed it(except for those final 7 chapters). So based on the good points of this story I will give my verdict of an 7.5/10, a higher score than I would've given to my own crappy stories, and i would definitely read this over anything has written. ThatWinchieGuy, you definitely have me interested in more of your works, just try to know when a story needs to stop. Despite the whole story getting a 7.5, I want to talk about a specific chapter, that is chapter 12 "The Test". Dude, for the love of all things that are good in this worlds write more stories like this. This was hands down the best chapter in the entire story. This one chapter was better than full 30 novel status fanfics I have read in the past. Chapter 12 alone gets a 10/10 by itself, in fact I may read it again once I finish this review, which I just did. Thanks for reading my review (If you did). And keep up the good work, you can go places.
| trath14 chapter 22 . 2/3/2014
This is a great story. It makes me want to write a fan-fiction.
I really enjoyed this and look forward to using this in my life as I continue through high school.
Star fox is a great series and you choosing to write something about is is even better.
You really gave me what it feels like when you age, get married, have kids, and die. I too now know how to think about approaching death.
1 question about the story though, what happened to Falco and Katt?
| trath14 chapter 22 . 2/4/2014
I really liked this story you made. It makes me feel what it is like going through difficult times in life, as I hope to use these in my life as well.
You have proved a great point that life isn't easy in multiple ways, and that we have to find our way through these challenges to be as successful as we want to.
A quick question about the plot, what happened with Falco and Katt?
| dragondaniel0901 chapter 18 . 1/27/2014
Hopefully this is not the end :( and if it is the end then can someone tell me
| Lady Blue chapter 15 . 1/21/2014
I love this chapter very funny and family like. And I have to say Falco is the most historical person in the story. I love it when he's drunk.P
| Lady Blue chapter 14 . 1/18/2014
I have to say well done well done. I know once this story is done its going to have lots of reviews. keep up the good work.
| GrimlockX4 chapter 15 . 1/19/2014
If was Fox I be going stir crazy from being woken up by a 3 month old infant.
Really enjoyed the atmosphere you put into the chapter, keep up the good work.
| ThatWinchieGuy chapter 4 . 12/12/2013
Troygroomes, I just wanted to emphasize the fact that Krystal and Fox's relationship is still very young, despite their marriage. Young love often leads to tons of sex. Don't expect to see many more sex scenes after this. Thanks for your review!
| Troygroomes chapter 4 . 12/12/2013
What's Next Krystal getting Fox to mate her underwater.
| Culebra del Sol chapter 2 . 12/9/2013
There aren't that many stories that delve into emotional/character development like this. I am pleased.
| FromAnotherWorld chapter 2 . 12/8/2013
Basically this chapter was written very well. The interactions between Fox and Falco were done in a plausible and vivid way and were thus very entertaining to read.
Well, depending on what you're up to Krystal might have lost out a bit till now but it's only the second chapter and plenty of time left. At least the way I interpreted your summary both of those interpersonal relationships are going to be important in this story but Krystal and Fox didn't have a lot of interaction yet.
This is, unless this story is entirely or mainly about Fox's inner life and doesn't focus so much on any kind of action. Then it wouldn't matter how much he interacts with whom. It all depends on what you're up to.
And by the way, the short part where Krystal actually showed up was done pretty well too.
The only thing that seemed a little awkward in this chapter was when Fox spoke to Slippy but their conversation was left out completely. It's really a minor thing, especially as Slippy mightn't exactly be one of the most important characters in this story. However, the effect it has is pretty similar to the shopping thing in the first chapter.
(Just for clarity: I am not saying changing some aspects about the canon is 'bad' or anything like that. I was merely stating personal preference and I know I am not the only one who has this preference, however, there are of course a lot of people who have completely different preferences.
When I was talking about killing certain character I was not talking about canon or not canon anymore. As it takes place after Assault and you, like a lot of people, don't consider Command canon in your story it couldn't even be canon or non canon as it happened after the events that are still in the canon.
Also, again I wasn't saying anyone should be forbidden to kill any characters but merely stated personal preference again. I am often tempted to stop reading a story if an author kills my favorite characters right at the beginning and I assume I am not the only one. Those characters are not a lot of people's favorite characters therefore it would hardly if at all matter for the number of people who read it, though.
I am only trying to put this clear in case someone else but bryan mccloud is unable to read and understand a simple text. He is right however that my wording probably wasn't very nice.
Anyways, if an author of a story I review minds me reviewing their story and stating my opinion they can PM me this and I will stop. I am not going to stop just because someone else gets mad at what I am doing, though.)
| bryan mccloud chapter 2 . 12/7/2013
why should people care whether this story that story should follow the game's storyline.
if every single fanfic follows the game's storyline, then no one would bother to come here and read the fanfics as it will be all similar to each other.
it looks to me that you don't understand what fanfiction is all about.
just because star wolf dies then you complain about the story not following the original storyline is totally wrong.
i know for a fact that your favorite star fox characters are wolf and leon. (it is in your profile)
these sentences above are for the person who first review your story.(name "FromAnotherWorld")
to the author of the story.
good story so far. don't be bothered by the person who review your story first as he is mean and rude.
| FromAnotherWorld chapter 1 . 12/7/2013
Your sentence structure, vocabulary and grammar are actually astonishingly good compared to most new authors on here. You certainly don't have any problem putting your ideas into neat sentences.
Yet I wouldn't deem this a start of a story that turned out very well. Reading all the explanations of who did what after the Apparoid war and before and how it came Fox is at this point in his life you choose to write about is a bit tiring. Yes, some of this your reader needs to know from the beginning on to understand your story, yet you probably overdid it. It's all things you should mention in your fanfic... at some point. However, if you mention it all at once right at the beginning it gets a little boring.
One more thing I personally didn't quite like that much were the changes of canon. This, however, is merely a subjective personal preference. There might be some other people who mind this and some who do it themselves and consequently won't dislike it.
Well, the particular things I am talking about right now is time-line and age. Katt shows up in 64 thus can't actually be much younger than Falco, Adventures doesn't take place too long before Assault does and there actually is a bit bigger age gap than two years between Fox and Krystal. Minor things, I know, and most people probably won't care.
However, one thing that might have been inconvenient to mention right at the beginning is who all died. While you're of course free to kill whoever you want in your story the effect you probably will achieve is that some people whose favorite character was killed will instantly stop reading. Now, neither Peppy nor StarWolf are loved by too many people therefore the effect won't be nearly as big as if someone killed e.g. Krystal but it's still there.
And finally you can't that easily skip parts you don't like to write without it sounding a little awkward. What I mean is Fox and Krystal going shopping. You write they drove off and right in the next paragraph without any other separation than between all other paragraphs they come back. Yes, shopping is boring and writing about it certainly is too but the way you mentioned it but avoided it at the same time was a little clumsy. I'm not saying you can't mention anything without going into detail but in this particular case it didn't quite work the way you did it.
One more thing I'd like to mention is that starting off with a rated M story as a new author mightn't be that convenient. As you have to select 'M' in the rating before you even see those stories chances are fewer people will look at them or they will look at them less frequently. I've been watching a few stories (not too many though) that had their rating changed when halfway done. If they went from M to T the number of reviews increased and if they went from T to M it decreased.