|Reviews for The Troubles Came|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 1/24/2014
Don’t know what “nonnies” are I’m afraid. Taking a quick skim down, don’t see much of a coding issue either though. Certainly the parts where it has centre alignment is still readable. Anyway, let’s see if the writing holds up:
-Interesting intro. Since you were kind enough to provide a date, I was able to quickly suss out that this was set during the battle between Icarus and Thermopalye, and how, among other things, dead soldiers are recycled into battleroids. The notion of limiting damage to one’s fleshy opponents so they can be used later is something I can see happening in such a scenario.
-Moving down a few sections, there’s not too much to comment on specifically – not without resorting to generics such as “this is good” at least, for every other sentence. Anyway, trying to provide something a bit more constructive, I’ll say the writing style and characterization is…interesting. I say this because on one hand, it does include military tropes, in that we have soldiers with “mean” nicknames who act like soldiers and…well, yeah. I’ll be honest, I’m not a big fan of military fiction (not that there aren’t exceptions), so that I was able to get through the “lean and mean” offspring of the genre without rolling my eyes is testament to your writing abilities. Or, playing devil’s advocate, maybe I’m just more resilient to it. True, ‘Springs in the Mind’ had similar characters, but luckily had the cyborg and Durandal to stand in contrast.
Luckily, there’s more going for the soldier boys here. It’s a sudden shift from the above attitude to the point where Shahi is committing suicide, but it’s still harrowing. And the effect is added to by the clinical nature of the body harvesting, especially the children comments. How children are less compatible reminds me a bit of ‘The Matrix’ (how younger minds are easier to unplug) but it still works here on its own terms. Children are more likely to be spared, but it’s not out of human decency.
Rambled a bit, but for the first few sections, think it’s good. It’s got a distinct horror element to it and it comes through well.
-Presence of Traxus…hmm…earlier version than Traxus IV perhaps?
-Moving down to the next section (where the ‘coding issues’ you mention might be present), well, if there’s an issue, I can’t see it. The interweaving of the ‘tech speak’ with the human cries creates a ‘horror contrast.’ It’s well done.
-Moving down…Durandal, Strauss…yeah, see where this is going, and the mention of a farming father (as in, Mars, from the first game’s manual) and a “security officer”…yeah…)
-Overall, this is…well, “good.” Under normal circumstances I’d be gushing out at how good it is, but I’m afraid you’ve kind of spoiled me for quality already, so I’m afraid I’m in a rut of possibly repeating myself. It feels a bit stop-start at times, but it works well overall. Personally subscribe to the belief that the cyborg was one of the battleroids as well, so that’s another plus for me.
| supercode chapter 1 . 12/6/2013
Great story! I don't usually like ambiguous endings but this one was pretty good. So, I'm guessing you don't subscribe to the theory that the security officer is the same guy as the hero in Pathways into Darkness? I was just wondering.