|Reviews for Crowned|
| fallout.blitz chapter 1 . 1/15/2018
| ShadowYoungLink5 chapter 1 . 2/23/2017
I personally really loved the story! It really let both characters shine and give them motivations and accidental situations which trigger the lovey-dovey stuff! Tho other then the facts that players collect Green Stars and Stamps, Star Medals being non existent here it still is a very charming story!
| Demaar chapter 1 . 11/5/2014
a lot better than i expected.
It is also the only Peach X Rosalina story i could find on this site so i am really glad that it was so well written.
| TruetobeBlue chapter 1 . 4/4/2014
Ah, I'm glad that someone has finally written a story with this couple without it ending up as porn. Sorta refreshing, y'know?
In any case, I really like this. The characterization of both princesses was pretty spot-on, no complaints there. You highlighted the contrast of the characters quite well in regards to dialogue and how they acted. They feel distinct from each other, which is important. Good stuff all round.
I also really like how you integrated aspects of 3D World into the plot, such as the search for Star Medals and the competitive aspect of the multi-player. As someone who has played through 3D World, I can relate, particularly when you're squabbling over that crown with another player. You've nicely translated those real life experiences into the narrative, and it serves as a nice plot device, as well as the main point of tension between Peach and Rosalina.
As far as I can tell, your grammar, punctuation and prose is generally solid. Paragraphing is fine, and there's a decent mix of long and short sentences that help to keep things varied. Your description is pretty good too: I could see how the scene played out in my mind without any real difficulty, and that's largely thanks to how you told said scene.
If I were to have any criticisms - and they'd be quite small ones - it'd be that you tend to overuse the word "monotone", particularly when describing Rosalina's voice. But don't fret, that's a mild nitpick.
Furthermore, I think it'd might have been best to develop the romantic framework a little bit more. I mean sure, we get that there's a tension between these two due to the friendly rivalry going on, but the romantic climax might seem a little bit out of left-field. I think just a little more development on that aspect before the original kiss would have given it more of an impact. Again though, don't be too concerned. As it stands though, your pacing is fine. Plus, it is a oneshot, so perhaps you don't have as much time to give such development.
In any case, I really enjoyed this. It's refreshing to read a fic which has Peach and Rosalina as the main characters (and actually stay in character). I'm writing one myself, but stories focusing on the two seem rare. Rarer still are fics that portray them as a couple and don't resort to titillation. Even if I was to disregard the originality, this story is still pretty good on it's own merits, and has earned a favorite from me.
Good stuff, plain and simple. If you have any questions or the like, please feel free to message me. :)
| Hyuuga-Sword chapter 1 . 12/28/2013
Lovely story between the two of them. I agreed with a lot of the things the reviewer before had said. It was amusing with its awkwardness and very vivid in description. I especially liked the contrast between Peach's and Rosalina's character in the story where Rosalina gives off a very mature, adult feel while Peach is bit more childish and rash. I thought you made them work well in the story and had created a unique personality for each character. Something I also liked was how you kind of broke the fourth wall with the characters. Haha. It worked quite well for the story.
| Major Mike Powell III chapter 1 . 12/7/2013
Well, well, soldier...
This was very interesting and absolutely lovely!
So, we have an innocent-enough situation, where Peach just REALLY wants to wear the Crown, but Rosalina is quite the step ahead of her. LOL
Then, a simple moment of fun escalates as the princesses become wrapped in each other's unexpected affections, yeees. *O*
That was beautiful, my friend. The vivid descriptions, the awkwardly funny dialogue and the atmosphere, and of course, the lovely fluff and smooches was captivating. *O* I love it!
But in the end, Peach never really did get that stupid Crown. XD
Great work, my friend! This was great! X3
Semper-Fi! Carry on!
| Roxius chapter 1 . 12/7/2013
Really cute story here ha ha I liked how it's set in the new game as well, even bringing up stuff like the star medals. And it's good to finally see some Peach x Rosalina as well! Nice job!