|Reviews for A Christmas in Azkaban|
| elosunshine chapter 1 . 10/12
Oh that was heartwrenching!
But like you I like anythg that is related to Sirius and you did a good job here...as always :)
No need to say that I liked the reference to the Dog star in the end too
I also like how Sirius refuses to let out his anger like he is prone to do all through the books, to some it might feel like un-sirius like but it doesn't bother me. He has to get to learn some things at least during his 13 or so years in prison right?
Keep it up anyway :)
| tonksfan94 chapter 1 . 9/21
*whistles* wow, just wow; really good one shot. I could fully picturize the scene as you have written it. And I agree completely with what you have written in the author's note below. Kudos
| Bowser Jr's Descendant chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
Good; quite emotional. The pain in the story is easily felt.
My suggestion for here is to remove echoes: in particular, 'imagined' in the paragraph where he's reliving the Christmas he had with the Mauraders. They sound good until you read them out loud, in which case you can actually lose the meaning of the word after a few repetitions. (I've actually done this.)
These are good stories! They just need that one last little bit of polish.
| QueenLight20007 chapter 1 . 9/9/2014
This is amazing! I love it:)
| engineerwenlock chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
Wow. Very powerful. Like your story about young Harry at the Dursleys', this story captures the sad reality of the situation well, but then it shows hope. Your stories are both realistic and inspiring.
And thanks for your note at the end too. It was a good reminder.
| Emily Jiang chapter 1 . 5/12/2014
Wow. Okay this is good. But maybe at the end, when it says the Dog Star, maybe somehow make out that it's Sirius? Because when I first read The Dog Star I was like whuut and then I was like OOOHH ITS THE STARRR
| Hermione Is My Role Model chapter 1 . 5/12/2014
Omg the feels :'(
Loved it :-)
| FailScribe chapter 1 . 5/5/2014
Oh. My. God. That was amazing! One of the best things I have read on this site in awhile!
You captured the emotion in addition to what was going on so perfectly. The details painted a picture without becoming wordy or boring. I think if you told someone who never read Harry Potter that this was an actual scene in the books, they would totally believe you. It really complements J.K. Rowling's work; especially with the author's note at the end.
I hope more readers will come across this story because it is a well-written fan fiction, which a lot of people seem to think doesn't exist. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this.
| Rurouni Ken-ouki chapter 1 . 4/8/2014
Very well done. In particular the pacing worked really nicely. I was just starting to think "That's a bit too happy a thought for him to have in Azkaban" when the Dementors showed up.
One small suggestion is that the Aurors on patrol should probably have a Patronus with them.
| Holly The Sparkling Unicorn chapter 1 . 4/1/2014
Wow, this was really dark but I loved it. At first I thought Sirius was going to grab the young aurors wands and that's how he was going to get out, but then you went all mean and sadness on me which I love but also hate at the same time.
I love how the dementors came at the first sign of happiness, but I don't really get why he didn't just turn into Padfoot, didn't I read somewhere that Padfoot couldn't be effected by dementors? No idea if that's canon or fanon... hm.
Anyway great story!
| ReillyJade chapter 1 . 3/27/2014
Well, it's not like I wanted to sleep with dry tear ducts tonight or anything like that, so no worries on that front...
Honestly, this was one of the most heartwrenching Sirius-centric fics I've ever read, and believe me, I've seen some real downers. So if shattering hearts was your desired result, then congratulations, you get a trophy. I think what made it so awful was how depressed he was before the Dementors even showed up. Like, he's /that/ hopeless, and that kills me because he shouldn't even be there. Ugh.
Gross as it was, your description of Azkaban was fantastic. I could literally feel what the atmosphere was like. You really know how to paint a setting with words; it something I struggle with myself, so I really admire a person who can do it well.
The ending of this was lovely, especially the bit about igniting the flame. It reminded me of that Dumbledore quote (the “Happiness can be found...” one). Did that inspire the story in any way?
The two Aurors complaining about missing Christmas was a nice touch, and a slightly humorous bit among an otherwise dark piece.
I only have two small critiques. First, dialogue should always start a new line for ease of readability; there were a couple of spots throughout the story where dialogue was place in the middle of a paragraph. Just something to keep in mind in future stories. :) Second, I suggest trimming the author's note. While I appreciate the passion you have for the characters, it comes across well enough in your writing. Similarly, you also point out your reason for writing the story, which is again something that speaks for itself in the narrative – the theme is perfectly portrayed. Basically, what I'm saying is there's no need to further explain what your story already tells us – and I assure you, this is actually a compliment! :)
Thank you so very much for sharing this with us in the Showcase!
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 3/20/2014
This is an interesting piece.
I really like how you've written Sirius' thoughts in this one - definitely things I can imagine him thinking. I particularly liked the way how you wrote the fact that the only thing that affected him was the taunt about people believing that he was better than his parentage, because, again, that's definitely the one thing I can easily imagine hitting him deeply - it's the one thing he's always been pretty proud of.
Overall, this was a really well written piece - well done! :)
A couple of things:
[Ya] This feels a bit too colloquial, and I guess not British enough? Idk, a bit too casual for JKR's world - [Yeah] would fit better.
Also, as an aside, I'd remove/cut down the AN. As it is, it's almost as long as the fic, and gets a bit distracting :)
| VictoryNike chapter 1 . 3/16/2014
Awww. This was super sweet: Sirius recalling wistfully the Christmases he had with the Potters, the Death Eaters stealing away his last spark of happiness, the ending with a bit of hope. Lovely. I also loved your note at the end. What a nice metaphor, that one spark that could create a flame :) Well done!
| Ralinde chapter 1 . 3/12/2014
I feel you have portrayed Sirius' emotions well, it must have been hell in there and I can definitely picture time passing by unnoticed, days blending together into one cold, lonely forever. It is nice that you started it while he was in his dog form and how he transformed when the patrol came round.
There were some missing words and some sentences that didn't flow very, especially in the beginning. If you're referring to a person, it ought to be 'who' not 'that', so 'the blond who' instead of 'the blond that'. Also, 'a blond' is a male, whereas 'a blonde' is a female.
I like the fact that you added Aurors to patrol Azkaban. JKR only ever described Dementors (if my memory serves me correctly) but that doesn't take into account that the prisoners all need food and water, to mention just one thing, and I'm pretty sure no House Elves live in Azkaban to make the food appear magically, not with the Dementors around. I would have thought though that since Azkaban is a top-priority, high-profile prison, at least one - if not both - of the Aurors on duty were experienced, skilled and toughened. I highly doubt that the Ministry would allow its his risk prisoners to be patrolled by two new and inexperienced Aurors who only barely finished their training.
The reminisces of Christmasses past are bittersweet. I can imagine that this is what keeps him sane and it was hard to see it taken away from him again by the Dementors. There was no mention of Peter in Sirius' memories, was that intentional (you know, because of the betrayal)?
| MissingMommy chapter 1 . 3/3/2014
This was definitely an interesting piece. I enjoyed how you brought the Aurors into Azkaban. Though, I'm not sure why you did. Azkaban has always been patrolled by the Dementors alone, unless there were visitors.
But the Aurors who were there were lovely. I like how they got unlucky as to patrolling on Christmas Eve. It fits in with how the police works (at least in America); they get an option: they either work Thanksgiving or Christmas.
And Sirius. I adore Sirius so much. And I love he was portrayed here. I love that he, even though, he hated his family, he still was sad to hear that he was the last one. (I'm assuming that he was told of Regulus' death/disappearance). His memory of the Christmases he spent with his friends and Lily were just wonderful.
Overall, I think you did nicely. Good job!