|Reviews for The Lion and The Serpent|
| Bryan R. S chapter 26 . 9/27/2017
Story has so much potential but takes highly uncharacteristic turns. Snape is done well. Voldemort was done well up until the dark mark. In the very least at the end of 24 hours it should have killed him. Fudge and Dumbledore are not cordial. His character is defined by his Napoleonic complex in regards to Dumbledore. Harry was so close to being done well but his actions were off character and ruined him especially in downplaying the role of his friends in his life. Throughout the story characters switch feelings on topics like light switches turning in and off. It's not that simple. It falls very flat. The memory charm is unnecessary and sloppy writing. Love in general doesn't happen so quickly, die so quickly, or reoccur so quickly. Lust maybe, but not love. Ron would not have pushed Harry into a relationship with Ginny. Overall you can't just say things are so without giving them realistic reasons for being so.
| Evanesco-Muffliato chapter 26 . 2/5/2017
Both Harry and Dumbledore are cowards in this story. Well done.
| Hailey8229 chapter 26 . 1/6/2015
I love this story a lot but I want to know about what happens with Harry and Draco! I'm going to read the next story. I hope it touches on it! Great story! .
| Mary chapter 1 . 12/17/2014
Oh dear, this seems like such an interesting story but I just can't stand the grammar mistakes, so I can't continue reading :( Sorry.
| Goose chapter 1 . 12/4/2014
Harry/Draco isnt just a "few tweaks", its pretty much OOC/AU.
| divergentpotter chapter 6 . 11/16/2014
Well the suicidal thoughts were spot on. Beautifully written but I can't take this fic seriously. Malfoy just isn't Malfoy.
| divergentpotter chapter 5 . 11/16/2014
Well that chapter was super serious but oh my god I couldn't stop laughing through it. The wording just got to me. I'm still going to read but I don't like the style of the writing. The third person and it just doesn't seem to show a good grasp of their personalities.
| Axile 'Vion' Raiz chapter 8 . 11/8/2014
I hope draco is topping. -Axile 'Vion' Raiz
| Guest chapter 20 . 9/10/2014
Harry is a selfish brat
| AliceCullen3 chapter 26 . 6/25/2014
| Niknak chapter 6 . 5/29/2014
Hi there! I'm really happy to see such great ideas to down in writing, especially since I adore this pairing to death uwu. Anyway, as you said you're open to constructive criticism, mind if I give you a few tips? Your word choice and sentence structure is very restricted and strained, clunky is what my old English teacher would have called it! Try loosening up your arms and fingers and mind a little before you go back to write something, it may help! You want your sentences to flow easily, especially when youve got a body with dialogue in it. Considering using a little more colorful language might be beneficial too! Throw in some beautiful descriptor words here, a little more detail there and then you've got a pretty great set up! I usually always keep a thesaurus around me when I'm writing. I'll go back and look over my work and highlight or circle any words names or phrases that I seem to be repeating too much, and I go back and try to see if I can come up with any alternatives. Uneccesary and unintentional repetition is a recipe for loss of interest while an audience is reading. I'm not going to nag about spelling and grammar because anyone can mess that stuff up ;) English is kind of a hot mess of a language. Anyway, I love the character development and the relationships going on here! You've got great ideas in this piece that I love. I know this is finished, but keep up the great work!
| Nina chapter 21 . 5/21/2014
1. I have read your entire story so far and love it! I'm a total grammar/spelling person haha so not gonna lie, it was really hard to get through some of the chapters. I think grammar and spelling can either make or break a story - grammar is like the traffic signs of reading, you know? It tells you when to speed up and slow down and stop. So with that being said, I am SO happy and grateful that you took the time to slow it down and really focus on both the story and the grammar/spelling in this chapter. Thank you!
2. This is an odd point, but for some reason it bothers me every now and then - you tend to use people's names a LOT. While this isn't a bad thing, sometimes it's a little too much. Just something to think about.
I know this story has been finished for a long time, but I just wanted to review and let you know that I'm loving this and can't wait to read "Astray Together" :)
| GaloRoots chapter 26 . 5/18/2014
Umm no. I will read your next story because leaving it like this is a crime. This ending was just so argh! Frustrating! Nope nope nope. I do not accept. Nope. Ok. *sigh*
| GaloRoots chapter 19 . 5/18/2014
My heart is literally in shreds. The pain and hate I feel right now is a poison, like venom in the back of my throat and it's hard to swallow.
Good job though.
| sapphyredragon-rn chapter 4 . 5/17/2014
so... I tried, I really did. . Your summary is well written and your story concept is interesting... But... you keep jumping between past/present tense, sometimes within one sentence (has/had; was/is etc). Once in a while I can handle... the stunning regularity which it occurs in this story has put me off. I kept on, hoping that someone had called you on it already, and had effected your writing, but as of yet, I haven't seen anything to indicate that... So... Here is where I stop. Although I may try to read the sequel and see if there is improvement, since you did say one could read and understand the sequel without having read this story.