|Reviews for The Snake's Charm, and the Fox's Tale|
| ytygr chapter 10 . 3/16
I can see why you'd want to make them older but at the same time Ino would not be the same irresponsible child so the consequences of her action would be much worse. And I would think an older Genining group might not have the same reaction to Naruto as newly graduated Genining at 11-13 yeas will. Immaturity causes a lot of there down fall for both Naruto and them in your storyline.
In addition, that would mean Naruto either meets Anko later in life or she's in his life for more then six year. This would also change some of your dynamics. Including, the tension she has with her feelings for him after one of her excuses is he will grow out of it. But and 18 is less likely to do so then an 11-13 year old.
Now I am not saying don't rewrite if you truly want to but you are going to change the entire storyline. It will be a different story, one I will read but I like the current one. It would be interesting to see if Hinata can gain his trust, when she is the only one that has a right to even try to gain it. I was also looking forward to see if the rest of them would get their heads out of their asses and how team seven would grow with the change in dynamics with Anko as co-lead.
| CBB chapter 9 . 3/8
The AN telling readers to "Watch episode 9 if they really wanted to see the explanation." was highly unnecessary. The explanation is actually needed for plot. If I had been your English teacher, and this was an assignment? That would have been a serious mark down.
| KyuubiNaruto4444 chapter 10 . 2/10
I believe I understand a bit about why you're saying though this story is actually something I've been looking for it has that somewhat dark storyline yet it doesn't go overboard like a lot of stories I've read where all Naruto wants is to simply koll everyone in sight. This is more reasonable you have given him a proper reason to be the way he is unlike some authors. So on a last note I would like to wish you good luck with this story and all other stories you may write in the future
| Banjo the Fox chapter 8 . 1/22
Naruto being that mean to Hinata, really? Isn't your Naruto supposed to be fucking SMART? He would have noticed that Hinata wanted to really be his friend, also... Growing up like that, people generally learn how to read emotions, true emotions, its what keeps them alive and how they know who to truly trust, instead you have not given that to Naruto, instead you have made him a complete fool, as if he never suffered at all... Really killing the story.
| Banjo the Fox chapter 7 . 1/22
Ugh... Story is really going downhill
| Banjo the Fox chapter 6 . 1/22
An awesome chapter, but is Hinata really afraid of Naruto? If so, i'm going to have to call it here and say fuck this story. Other than that though, decent enough chapter.
| Banjo the Fox chapter 5 . 1/22
... Cliffhanger like a real dick, huh? I hope Naruto smears Sasuke into the fucking ground.
| Banjo the Fox chapter 4 . 1/22
FANTASTICAL chapter! I absolutely loved it, especially the torture scene! I hope Naruto sticks it to that spineless old bastard, Sarutobi!
| Banjo the Fox chapter 2 . 1/22
Wait... Are you still having Kakashi be Naruto's Anbu guard? And you had him not hate Naruto... But he still waited til after the beatings to help him... Massive fucking plothole!
| Banjo the Fox chapter 1 . 1/22
Very good first chapter, I have always loved NaruAnko, unfortunately hard anyone ever does the pairing anymore, at all.
| King Harpo chapter 10 . 1/19
| Guest chapter 10 . 1/16
love this story, it will be even better when you update it!
| HorsemanOTA chapter 10 . 1/17
All the other things as you pointed out could stay or go as for the ages just keep them the same the whole of the ages you have done so far has been coherent and leaves room for growth but if you change the ages it will be a little muddled either way the way you are currently going is just fine anyway thanks for the read so far I look forward to the next update
| Gremlin Jack chapter 10 . 1/16
This was still a good story, even if you lost your way a bit. I look forward to the new edition.
| Lillith The Nocturnal chapter 10 . 1/15
OK, the age thing. You don't NEED to up their ages that high. While I will agree with you that 12 year old killers might be stretching it a bit far, I'd put them at about 14-15. Old enough to not be kids, young enough to be prey to their hormones. Besides, the average lifespan of a ninja is about 30 years, so every year counts.
If you need to give Naruto a power boost, why not use the canonical power-boost he got at the start of Shippuden (Something that it took Kishimoto 315 chapters to give him when Naruto could have been benefiting from it since Chapter 2), Shadow Clone Training.
As for plot, you could just visit the stations of canon, but please, mix things up a bit. Have the Chunin Exams be different while teaching the same lessons (1: See missions through and don't get caught cheating 2: Do whatever it takes to survive, even if you have to throw dignity and honor aside 3: Know your enemy and counter appropriately.) It might be a good idea to plot out what you want your main characters to achieve in your story. That way, you can think "how will this progress [character]'s story arc?" when thinking of the plot of the story. Let's take Sakura for a moment. A good goal for Sakura's pre-Shippuden arc would be "break her of her civilian mindset". If Anko is going on the Wave mission, one moment could be Anko forcing Sakura to watch as she painfully interrogates one of the Demon Brothers and giving her the option to assist, along with pointing out good places to cause the maximum of pain with the minimum of effort. After Anko does that, then forcing Sakura to watch as Anko interrogates Tazuna and shows how you get information out of a target you want to remain on good terms with (like not violently rubbing their sternum or other painful things). If you want another example that uses Naruto, his pre-shippuden goal could be "use shadow clones intelligently". During the Wave mission, Kakashi sets the group the tree-walking exercise. Naruto tries it the way he does in canon, then remembers the shadow clones he can make. Naruto creates 100 clones and tells them to start the exercise, dispelling themselves in groups of 10 every hour. Kakashi is impressed at this and tells Naruto another trick for using Shadow Clones. If you want to make a large group, create one who then creates the large group. That way, Naruto still has half his chakra to toss around and he has his large group.
Hopefully, your rewrite goes well. I'll be waiting for updates!