|Reviews for Golden|
| Galad Estel chapter 1 . 1/25
Ah, I really like this poem. It's simple and sad and yet warm. I really liked the line "He pulled me through his smile." There is a sense of innocence in this that you don't find in most poems or stories about Sauron.
| Certh chapter 1 . 1/10
Lovely. I do love the line 'a golden child in a golden land' - it portrays Sauron and his personality before his corruption so well. And the first stanza was amazing - that sense of Melkor "pulling" Mairon to him was incredibly intense.
| Cansei de Ser Sexy chapter 1 . 1/13/2014
Argh, this was very beautiful, lyric as much as poetic, which is adequate. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember that Sauron himself was a Maia first, before he Fell, and much like Lucifer and his Fall I liked how you did it, like Lightbringer, he was a [golden child in a golden land] Great imaginary.
It is clear how Melkor, and his shadows pulled him, the attraction almost physical, the metaphor with 'his smile' was great as I would imagine Melkor very sweet, as sweet as sin, or sweet calling of sin. The repetition of it was very good too, and I know poems do that, so technically it was also good, creating a sense of full closer.
Liked the mention of "ring", very foreshadowing.
[called it love, and wisdom -grace. They were blind] first, the notions behind this was fantastic, how truly he was taken by his "love" for Melkor, but then saying he was wrong, that was a mistake. Powerful, but I wish you could something more rhyming with love instead of "grace" even though grace was great to convey the sense, it didn't rhyme well for with the rest. I don't always look for rhymes in poems but I felt like it would better.
Nevertheless, it was very good. I really enjoy your poems.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 1/11/2014
I must admit it's been years since I've read Silmarillion. I think about 6-8 years. :D But that's more for it never being in the library when I want to read it than anything else, and I really love poetry, so I hope you don't mind me reading this anyway.
Interesting how the initial three lines serves as a bracket for the rest of the poem. "Through/ his smile" is a very interesting image, particularly when coupled with the atypical way light and darkness is portrayed here. The way both of those images reflect in the rest of the poem is very clever, more than just the mention of the stars and gold and spirits. "sooty bars" is a very interesting image as well; I'm not sure I can describe what comes to mind at it, but it does make a brittle yet tainting image, something more permanent than mere shadow. "and called it love/ and wisdom - grace. And they were blind." is another very interesting line. An interesting reconstruction of the "love is blind" motif.
A few specifics with the line structures: [I had no time for shadows once] - for me, that reads better with a line break after "time", but then it'll affect the length of your lines which seem to be quite structured. [playing at making the Spheres from dust] - this seems a little less poetic than the other three lines, particularly due to the near-rhyme in the previous two.
[He smiled to me and sooty bars/ ran up the glass around my mind] - an interesting place to put a stanza break. I think it only reads oddly because the other "sentence" spread across three lines, so it feels like the first bit of a new line only as opposed to half a line.
| Sauron Gorthaur chapter 1 . 1/4/2014
Wow, thanks so much for the lovely birthday poem, Wayfaring Strangers! I love how you do these first person persona poems, and wow, what a vivid, intense portrayal of Mairon in such a small number of words. I loved it!
I love what you did with the form for this one. It’s amazing how everything in this poem’s form reflects Sauron’s signature shape: the ring. There’s the refrain that both opens it and ends it, which forms this lovely circular nature – it’s almost as if you could endless keep reading it around in this huge ring. The rhyme scheme (which I adore) works in the same way, providing a circular shape to each stanza with that abba scheme. And the enjambed lines like in the refrain, and “He smiled at me and sooty bars / ran up the glass around my mind”, also give the poem a flowing feel, like the endless ring. I don’t know if you were doing it consciously or not, but either way, it worked wonderfully how everything reminded me of that ring shape, even the fact that you included the word “ring” at the end of the first line of the refrain.
Having read quite a few of your poems, I also like how different and experimentational it feels compared to your usual ballads, which is great for a rebel like Sauron. The rhyme scheme is definitely there with all its music, but it’s subtler than the typical ballad rhyme scheme and its music is less sing-songy. It’s a very elegant rhyme scheme. The slanted rhymes, like “dust” and “once” and “land” and “hands” and even the imbedded rhyme in the refrain, are appropriate for a character like Sauron, who subtly twists and slants the traditional rules. It’s just got a lovely taste of rebel in its feel, while still being an elegant form poem, which I think is perfect for Sauron’s voice. I’ve always seen that as one of the main differences between Melkor and Sauron – Melkor wants to make everything his own by destroying everyone else’s stuff and creating his own stuff completely from scratch, while Sauron wants to take what is already there and twist it to his own mind and his own uses. That’s what I see here: Sauron speaking in a beautiful traditional form, but subtly breaking the rules and bending it to his own purposes.
And as for the characterization of the Maia himself: brilliant! As I said, there’s so much characterization here in so few words. First, it has an sophistication that is perfect for an elegant, manipulative lord like Sauron who is obviously skilled at rhetoric and has speaking skills. But there’s that signature arrogance of Sauron’s, too: “a golden child in a golden land” and the almost off-hand way he talks about his skills, that he “tumbles” stars and “plays” with Spheres, like such things are almost inconsequential. I can just see Sauron enjoying himself, playing at being a god, the way he does all through Middle-earth history. It reminds of the scene from Akallabeth of him defying the lightning on Meneltarma. And that chillingly arrogant last line of Sauron scoffing at the other spirits and calling them blind to see his “darkness” as love, grace, and wisdom.
Through the poem, I love the clashing imagery of the darkness/shadows and the light/gold, both of which are obviously important to Sauron’s story. It’s neat how “darker” the poem gets as it progresses; in the first stanza, the imagery is almost complete of gold and light. But then in the second stanza, he’s still clinging to the gold, but I can see him slipping into the darkness, while in the third stanza, the “other Spirits” are bright, but all the images of Mairon are of darkness. And of course there’s the ongoing battle of “light” and “night” with “the Doors of Night” winning in the refrain. It’s a subtle transition, which I think is appropriate for Melkor seducing Mairon to the darkness, as Tolkien puts it.
And even though you only give us brief glances of Melkor through Mairon’s vision, it’s still a powerful portrayal of the Dark Vala. I love how sinisterly friendly, and how plain seductive, he is through those brief glances. I can watch him luring Mairon in through the poem. His smile in the refrain and again the smile in stanza two are inviting, seductive, and chilling all at the same time, as he pulls Mairon through the Doors of Night with his first smile and taints Mairon’s mind with “sooty bars” with his second smile. And what a great image that “sooty bars” image is! Not only is it appropriate for Sauron’s vocabulary as a smith, but it’s a very disturbing image, at least how I’m seeing it, like some horror film where someone’s hallucinating and seeing rain or some normal substance turn into black streaks running up the windows. It’s definitely a great image to show Mairon’s innocent glass-like mind being corrupted and defiled. And I like that you show Melkor purposefully corrupting Mairon in how he brings his “mind-made shadows” near enough to Mairon to corrupt him.
All in all, a great poem that I really enjoyed reading, and I’m honored that you wrote it for him. Thanks a bunch, mellyn nin! Keep on writing! Cheers :)
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 1/3/2014
Legally and ultra-fandom blind!
I am usually not into poems that rhyme, but I must admit, you drew in. This poem tells a story of a powerful friendship, one that was obviously lost but had a friend, I assume is named Melkor, that helped this person through this hard and mentally destructive time in their life.
I had no time for shadows once - I assume that this means that he was once a normal kind of person, maybe even highly looked upon.
A golden child in a golden land - So this person is maybe a rich kid, grown up in a high aristocracy life.
I like how in the beginning, it seems that this person had it all, but it wasn't until Melkor came that it seems like he began to see life beyond black and white. Melkor seems to give heed to doubts to his own golden world's ways...
There is so much powerful descriptive words and images used in this poem, like: "sooty bars ran up the glass around my mind."
I also liked the repeating of the original three lines that you used in the beginning.
He smiled me
Until Next Time,
| Rosawyn chapter 1 . 12/26/2013
General fandom-blindness warning for the Silmarillion (pretty sure I've already explained my level of familiarity in another review).
I'm also pretty sure I've read some of your poetry before, and I remember enjoying it, so here I am again. Yay for poetry! :)
There's quite an intriguing effect in the first line, the way it ends with “the ring” and it's not until the next line that it's revealed to be “the ring of Eru's light,” so it seems to (perhaps intentionally) bring to mind another ring, the “One Ring.”
I must admit I don't know who Mairon is, but I'm assuming that's who's speaking. I'm also amusing that being pulled through the Doors of Night is a bad thing, though it sounds like it was one of those things that seemed like a very good idea at the time.
The second stanza seems to paint a picture of who Mairon was in the past, before being corrupted by Melkor. It sounds as though Mairon had a lot of power but was innocent and followed the rules, doing what was expected.
I really love the first line of the third stanza. It's such a powerful image of how Mairon has changed.
I was very confused by the final line of the third stanza. This is probably my fandom-blindness showing. It was very unexpected that the completion of the thought would be in the first line of the next stanza. I don't really understand why sooty bars would be running up the glass around Mairon's mind or even why there would be glass around his mind, but it makes more sense than Melkor smiling at sooty bars. If you were intending for the reader to be confused at that point, you definitely succeeded.
I don't know who the “brighter Spirits” are, but it does sound like they were indeed blind, at least to the danger Melkor represented.
The ending stanza being a repeat of the first gives the poem a sense of ending where it began, coming full circle.
I really don't think it's necessary or helpful to state in your A/N's that there is “no slash intended.” You could simply put “Gen” in the summary, and your point would be clear. Due to fandom-blindness, I honestly wouldn't have a clue that Mairon was male (though I do know Melkor is), but there isn't anything in this that would suggest shipping or a pairing to me without the A/N suddenly putting that idea in my head right at the end. :P
| CrackinAndProudOfIt chapter 1 . 12/25/2013
Beautiful! I love the rhythm here, and as always, your images are so powerful. I especially loved the lines about the "sooty bars." This fits Sauron and his fall perfectly, with the eloquent way you describe it all, his attittude toward Melkor, and especially that repeated motif of gold. I also liked the repetition of the first stanza at the end! :)
| Mornen chapter 1 . 12/23/2013
..."Morwen?" (Character list)
Excellent poem (as always!) I loved the line about tumbling the stars. And also the one about keeping the gold and drowning the stars. It was beautiful.