|Reviews for Team 7's Ascension: Blood Wings|
| EagleJarl chapter 16 . 6/22
One thing I notice you've copied from canon is that things move very slowly. People watch walls of fire come towards them and have enough time to make half a dozen handseals, albeit not enough to step out of the way Jiraiya watches Sasuke in mid-leap and has time to grab Naruto and take his shoe off before responding.
It's a weird shōnen trope and really breaks (my) suspension of disbelief. At the very least it requires more setup - talk about how chakra allows people to see and think faster or something.
| EagleJarl chapter 14 . 6/22
Pro: Fun chapter with lots of nice development for the kids. No, I don't think you're spending too much time on the Exams. The Exams represent a major piece of character growth and power-up and that's something that needs to happen onscreen.
Con: The bit with Kakashi at the beginning was totally out of left field and smacked of diabolus ex machina. There was no setup, but suddenly he was out of chakra - or so low that he was running only on muscle power - except he still had enough for more jutsu as needed. He was captured by an OC (I only find references to him in fanfics) that we know nothing about except his title and a couple of lines of dialogue. We have no reason why Kakashi should be afraid of him or any idea what his abilities are. Furthermore, it's completely unreasonable for him to be there. Generals don't do their own tracking in the middle of planning an invasion, and he said himself that he didn't realize it was Kakashi, meaning he thought this was just some random guy who presumably could be taken down by a few jōnin. There's no explanation for why Kakashi's Hiding Like A Mole technique didn't go off, or how the MT would have seen through it. So, yeah. Diabolus Ex Machina.
| EagleJarl chapter 13 . 6/22
Nice handling of Naruto's leadership. A reasonable place for it to start, a little clumsy the first time but made up for by sincerity. His own self-doubt was realistic and a nice touch.
| EagleJarl chapter 12 . 6/22
So, is the Hokage's "mission" really a matchmaking attempt? I hope so.
Something I've noticed about your handling of names: "Uzumaki-san" would be normal and "Naruto" would be intimate. Is "Naruto-san" actually a mode that is used? If you're going to use Japanese style honorifics you should be sure they're right. Maybe this is and I've just never heard it, but you should check.
| EagleJarl chapter 9 . 6/22
The fight was exciting, but you should avoid head-hopping; pick one person's POV and stick with it throughout the scene. Ideally it should be one person's POV for the entire story, but at the very least a scene. Doing otherwise is just confusing.
Speaking of which, the bit with Kakashi at the end was clumsy and exposition-y. Don't just tell us that ninja always spy, show us. Also, don't set things up and reverse them in the span of a sentence. The guide tenses up - oh, but it was only a finger. Kakashi smirks - oh, but it was behind a genjutsu mask. You're setting the reader up for one set of expectations and then yanking it away.
The reveal about the two "chūnin" actually being ANBU was slick - you simply showed the seal and then moved on, allowing the reader to put together that these two "paper pushers" were actually undercover guards and spies. You then dove straight into a massive exposition dump, which ruined the effect.
You've got good characterization, solid dialogue where each character sounds unique, believable power scaling that demonstrates how much potential Team 7 has, and you've avoided most or all of the standard cliches. There was no Wave mission, they were the rescue for the Wave mission. Sakura isn't useless and whiny and fangirling on Sasuke. Naruto isn't constantly shouting "Believe it", using Shadow Clone or Tailed Beast chakra to solve all problems, being a Wind user, talking to Kurama, and making friends with everyone. Sasuke isn't an antisocial emoboy with a one-word vocabulary. That's a lot of good stuff, so now just focus on "show, don't tell" and keeping to third-person limited POV.
| EagleJarl chapter 4 . 6/21
So, Sakura's training was "stop being so femme"? That...might actually be the most important thing he could have taught her, yeah. And Sasuke's was probably intended to teach humility, but I think it failed. Naruto picked up a little social awareness, at least.
| EagleJarl chapter 2 . 6/21
This makes so much more sense than the way they were trained in canon. I like your Kakashi much better - pragmatic, brutal, but active and sensible, with a good plan.
The start of this chapter was a little rough. Sakura switched between being calm and being furious and back in the space of three paragraphs, then gnashed her teeth - a thing I've never seen anyone do and is usually associated with madness, not anger. It got better after that, though.
The timing with Sakura rescuing Naruto was a little deus ex machina; that would have been a good place to add one sentence about how Kakashi had subtly guided her there so that he wouldn't have to rescue Naruto himself.
The trick with the pheromones was nice; I had assumed it was just Kakashi using genjutsu or riling the critters up, but pheromones makes a lot more sense.
Given that Sakura had water in her area it's a little surprising to me that she didn't do the trick with the raft - she's supposed to be the smart one. Also, was it stated what was on her scrolls?
Did Sasuke get the Chidori already, or is this a lower-power jutsu?
| EagleJarl chapter 1 . 6/21
Nice start. Why couldn't we have had this in canon?
Bold choice, not giving Naruto the Shadow Clone at the beginning. I'll be curious to see how that develops.
One question I've had for a while: why isn't every Konoha ninja taught the Shadkw Clone? My understanding is that using one clone at a time isn't an issue - it's only the MSC that's dangerous. Given that having one Shadow Clone would double your training speed, why isn't everyone using it?
| Dawolfmun chapter 24 . 6/19
Damn that was probably one of the best stories i have read in a while! Good job!
| Butterflygrin chapter 10 . 5/24
malaria~ lol rotf
| ShadowedAuthor chapter 24 . 5/24
I suck at reviewing because my immediate thoughts after finishing a story, especially a long one like this, are usually just a guttural appreciation. It takes days for me to make a considered opinion and by then I'll have moved on; so, please do not think me reductive when I say that Is simpy love your story, even if I cannot think of specifics right now.
| arinasution5 chapter 12 . 5/3
| Guest chapter 9 . 4/22
I've never been more impressed with a team 7 centric story than I am right now. I love how you didn't make them ridiculously strong over night, but had their strength grow through training. And your version of Kakashi is badass!
| Devrat chapter 12 . 4/18
I liked your story very much but there are some things that I couldn't digest like naruto giving order like a leader and sasuke following them.I have no doubt that naruto can be a leader, otherwise how did he become hokage but in the beginning he was just a loudmouth kid who rushes without plan and its not in sasukes nature to follow anyone.
Keep up the good work :)
| Nights Silhouette chapter 24 . 4/14
A great story to date, cannot wait to start reading the next one.