Reviews for Flocking Movement: Triad
Guest chapter 4 . 1/6/2014
thump. thump. no, no. don't worry about me. just giving myself a concussion as i continue to bang my head against the wall. first daniel came back, then he quickly died. then lucy gets another chance at the life she should've had before being killed off. now you tell us she's going to die young, after barely getting back together with des. lucy and daniel. my 2 faves. i... i... can't stand it. and if i can't, des won't survive it twice. i'm going to suggest blasphemy here and face the wrath of the fandom, but,... well, xazz, let des die first. and soon, if her time's running out. better he not live to see lucy die again, after his role in her death the first time and protecting her now. 'cause he can't protect her from this. he'll fail again. then he'll bring his wrath on the world and be that anti-Christ dude destined to kill everyone. no! don't let it happen! agh! you are a cruel, genius-level mistress, xazz. that's why i keep coming back to flocking movement stories, even though you've singlehandedly redefined what a tragedy is. i don't know a better writer than you. thank you for all of your time here.
Grau Kingbird chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
Forgot to mention that last review was for The Zealous Servant, chapter 5.
Gray Kingbird chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
I like how you have equality between the sexes and races, bb. The problem Calli faces is the rigid social class structure. She’s a commoner, seeking a noble husband to secure their family’s future if Spayar should fall. Nobles are expected to marry other nobles. Any relationship with Calli would probably just be a casual fling to a nobleman. His family would not accept a commoner as wife to their son, with the possible exception if Spayar was d’alaer to the Assuras. There would be strategic advantages to having Calli, as they’d be closer to Von. Barring that, Calli is in for a world of disappointment here. She’d never be their equal and brings little to such a marriage, no title, no lands, no fortune. This could get very ugly. Spayar still has to deal with the nobles, and she could make him lose face, too. You’ve written Calli as strong and spirited, bb, as well as a bit naïve. I don’t think she’d be crushed by this, but she may jeopardize Duren and Anora’s chances if she’s not careful. If her family is publicly humiliated, no one from any social class will want to be associated with them for fears of incurring the wrath of the nobility or royalty. Great chapter, bb!
Gray Kingbird chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
The Anti-Christ is a man of lawlessness. Cain is the best one who I can think of in your story, bb, that fits that description. And Des called him basically a god. The theories say the Anti-Christ would set himself/herself up as a false god. But Cain has never actually called himself that, has he? That was just Des’s interpretation. Then again, Clay doesn’t know Cain, so it couldn’t be him. I enjoyed how you captured Clay’s frustration with his situation and how you contrasted his current living circumstances with the hardships the rest of the flock have been having. Yet Clay is a vital flock member because he knows the truth. He just needs to remember it. One of my favorite moments was when Clay walked right through the shade and made him disappear. He’s come to terms with the mental health glitches he suffers with, it seems. You’ve built so much tension in this chapter. All of the oblique references that we know are important, but can’t quite figure out how. You’re messing with us, and I love it! This was a rich chapter, bb, with too much to speculate on, as you can see. Thank you for this gift you’ve taken the time and effort to share, bb.
Gray Kingbird chapter 3 . 1/6/2014
I know how Clay feels; my head hurts, too, as I try to figure this out with him. You had a brilliant idea about the Muninn, bb. The ravens sitting on Odin’s shoulder whispering the news of the world, and Hawk named Clay Raven. Sadly, Clay can’t handle the info overload like the Norse god could. Me either, tbh. Seriously, I don’t know how you track down all of this research. Your efforts are amazing and deeply appreciated for the complex story you’re creating, bb. Is Des the Key? The Key to opening up Atlantis for the Proeathans? But they’d need his cooperation now for that, wouldn’t they? He’s getting too strong. He shuts down their tech. He can’t be the Anti-Christ; the person who embodies evil incarnate who is supposed to do battle with the Jesus at the End of Days. Of course, Des is marked. Does Clay know that?
On the other hand, I’m not sure I see Des as Christ reborn, either. Will Des destroy the world? Solomon said this person will cause the end of civilization as we know it, or alternatively, the end of everything. That sounds like you’ve left more than one possible future. The fact that people would need the Anti-Christ’s mark on them to participate in the post-Apocalyptic economy says there would be some future involved. Maybe the Proeathans are the civilization that Des is destined to end, not humanity. He did swear to kill all of the Proeathans when they captured him five years ago. Would that make him evil? Sure, to the Proeathans. But to humans? Then he’d be their saviour, right? As long as he doesn’t end them all in the conflict.
On to part 2.
Guest chapter 3 . 1/5/2014
hey, xazz, hope u feel better soon. like how everyone in ur fic thinks des is a pawn to be used. they all want him, assassins, templars, proeathans. why? what does des have that they don’t? power. he has it. they don’t. looks like he’s getting that. he can fight back now, the theme in your triad, where david starts fighting back. haven’t figured out what triad is for yet. triad alliance fighting together- flock, assassins, ais? yes or no I like ur ideas. if they get des back, they’ll either hug or smack him. or both. he keeps opening his big mouth without thinking an d waking up the old ones or falling down bottomless pits. never learns. needs to let alt or hawk or lucy do the talking. dif povs great idea for this intermission as wait for des come back. how about chap from ais pov? or would that give too much away? w/e. like ur ideas. thx, xazz.
Heron chapter 3 . 1/4/2014
And what about Cain’s role in all of this? Does he know anything about Eden? If he is as old as you’ve hinted, or even if he is any connection to the original Cain, he’d know something about all of this. But do the Proeathans realize who they may have had in their grasp? They’ve been out of the game for thousands of years. I get the feeling your Cain would not be controlled by the pieces of Eden. Is that what happened to Adam and Eve, perhaps? They somehow shook off the control and broke the Proeathans hold on humanity? All of the hints and connections you imply in FM are breath taking, bb, and I have so much fun looking for them. Thank you for your efforts on FM and everything that you do, writing or art, but please don’t feel any pressure to update FM or anything else. That’s not why I review FM. I review because you deserve recognition for all of the time and effort you put into this series. Your fans all feel the same way, I think maybe some just don’t know how to express their gratitude. You put your soul into everything that you do. I appreciate you, bb.
Finally, please take care of yourself. Anxiety and depression can bring anyone down. I know from what you’ve said here and on your blog that you put so much of yourself out there in this world, and it must feel like you don’t get enough back sometimes. A lot of the time. But there are people who care about you, in your life and online, friends you’ve known forever (from what you’ve said) and strangers that you’ll never meet. Please remember how special you are. People do hear you, bb. I'll end this with one more hug and my customary: please be happy, bb.
Heron chapter 3 . 1/4/2014
Clay’s contribution to the flock’s efforts are critical. He puts so much stress on himself to learn what secrets the past holds. He may actually be one of the greatest threats that the Proeathans face. He remembers their past, their mistakes, and their crimes. The flock is using his information to fight back, and he is a dangerous weapon, which makes your idea to Clay relaxing on the island fishing and sunbathing all the funnier, like he’s on vacation and not doing anything important!
Clay’s discussion with Solomon was captivating. Clay knows the truth, or at least the truth as the Proeathans knew it. Your inferences to Eden caught my attention. The shade seems to be saying that the pieces of Eden, like the Apple, were used to control humans, maybe to be happy to serve the Proeathans, that they feel like that is their life’s fulfillment. But the Proeathans don’t seem to be able to control the remaining humans while they don’t have all of their toys- many of the AIs seem to be hiding them. And the Proeathans are operating at less than full power, if I understand what you’ve written earlier in you plot. That’s one reason they want Desmond, the stadalla, who can return them to full power, or Mercury, who can return them to more than half power. That Eden is slavery of humanity seems more like paradise for the Proeathans than anyone else. It puts a new spin on the phrase that it is better to serve in heaven than it is to rule in hell. Is it? Hmm. Only you can decide that in your fic, bb!
Please see the next box for part 3 of this review.
Heron chapter 3 . 1/4/2014
bb, I’m terribly sorry you’re not feeling well right now, physically and emotionally. There is so little I can do through a computer, but I’m giving you a big hug right now. On top of that, I’m finally giving you a review you deserve for this wonderful chapter. In a small way, I hope this cheers you even a little bit, the same way as when you posted a chapter when I was ill before Xmas.
I can’t tell you how thrilled I was when I realized you had written a chapter from Clay’s pov, bb! The game never really developed his character sufficiently. He acts more like the voice of a prophet, revealing certain truths to Desmond to unravel before he loses his mind. That aspect was most dissatisfying, and you are amazing for giving Clay an actual life in your story. When contrasting Jake and Clay’s mental health challenges, Jake’s seem far more minor compared to Clay’s state of mind. Jacob and Malik seem more stable, although the chapter you wrote for them makes it sound like they have The amnesia Clay struggles with, the exhaustion, even the time disturbances are well written. His calm, matter-of-fact acceptance of these shades is interesting at the same time it is disturbing. Such visions in modern society would get him admitted to a mental health facility for help. Can Clay ever function in normal society again without the protection of the flock?
Please see the next box for part 2 of this review.
Hack Generation chapter 3 . 1/3/2014
Trolled by Solomon!
Gray Kingbird chapter 2 . 1/2/2014
The Zealous Servant, chapter 4. Von’s mother is a poor leader. People follow her, but she does not lead or guide them. No wonder they’re jealous or hate her outright. Threatening everyone is not the way to hold allegiances. She has power because people give it to her. And now they’re taking it back, starting to throw in with Von. The ignored allies, the threatened allies. bb, you’re weaving a tale of court politics and intrigue that would impress Shakespeare here. The games of manipulation and coercion that Spayar and DiSol are playing with each other are remarkable. Spayar basically just ordered DiSol to murder his own brother in return for being forced to move Von’s plans ahead half a year. Virilia has no accountability to her people and doesn’t seem to understand the obligations of being in charge, such as giving one’s people food, security, and peace. I love the medieval feeling to your original story, bb, and the dark power plays for the throne as everyone jockeys for position. I like how your back stabbing plot twist is a way of life in this story.
Maybe Von should tell his family to leave and find a new home until the conflict is settled. They could be pawns to use against him. Who would Spayar choose if forced- Von or his family? Spayar’s ability to go from a loving and engaging son, big brother, and friend to a threatening enforcer and statesman capable of ordering murder is almost frightening, bb. I hope no one double crosses Spayar, because they may seriously regret it. bb, your original story deserves more recognition for the little gem that it is. Great work!
Gray Kingbird chapter 2 . 1/2/2014
You wrote a fantastic chapter, bb. You showed Malik and Jacob’s situation in a way you never have before. I don’t think there’s been enough sympathy for him. He woke up to a nightmare six years ago. Suddenly immortal through no fault of his own and now with a split personality, forced to share his body with someone from another century. That he stayed sane is testament to how strong a person Jake is. That the dichotomy hasn’t torn them apart is sensational. It sounds like they’ve struggled for control at times. Malik telling Jacob to shut up and just enjoy their encounter with Altair was hilarious! I liked you showing Altair’s vulnerable side, that he just doesn’t know what to do and for something he’d like something for himself. Maybe that’ll help him understand Desmond and Lucy’s relationship better. Triad is taking leaps and bounds in the growth of your characters, bb.
I wonder if this development will enrage Cain when he finds out. He taunted Altair that he couldn’t live a mortal life, it always died. Now he has an immortal partner and a chance to be happy again. Cain, on the other hand, who saved Altair and loved him like a little brother, will still be alone, with no lover, no grandsons, no friends, nothing. The sheer heartbreak of their lost relationship must leave Cain bereft. What will Cain do, what deal will he make, to not be alone again? Only you know, bb, and I trust you no matter what you decide. All of your characters are dynamic rather than static, even minor ones. You’re a gifted writer, bb, and I thank you for sharing that gift with us. It is you, rather than your creations, that keep bringing me back.
Guest chapter 3 . 1/2/2014
xazz, ur hints that lucy knows what happened at the slave plantation in iowa were intriguing. what does she know? all dif povs in each chapter are great really fun. clay shouldn't wait to send his info to hawk, ur preview worries me. will clay have a chance to tell him anything? oh no! is clay about to be caught? too many feels here! hawk is my fave in ur fm stories btw.
could the proeathans have chosen a worst place to enslave than chad? yeah lake chad is a wetland and one of the best places to grow food in africa with a big fresh water supply but chadians are very diverse in religion culture & have a long history of slavery colonialism & civil war. they need to check out how france’s colonization worked out there. chad is filled with rebel groups that would rightly hate serving the proeathans. they would be one of the most difficult people to control. that could help the alt & others in overthrowing the plantation. t/u for sharing ur great stories xazz. not begging for updates just wanted to let you know how much i’ve enjoyed all ur efforts to write an exciting adventure here & i get how much time & research u’ve put into this labor of love. this & the zealous servant are my faves. found it after i saw one of ur other reviewers posting reviews for it & they’re right spayar is sizzling. are the people humans or elves not sure b/c of pointed ears. great story. thx again for all ur efforts.
Gray Kingbird chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
The Zealous Servant, chapter 3 review. Spayar is absolutely ruthless. He’ll do anything to gain Von a political advantage, including have sex with the secretary. Smoothly played. His confidence is endless. I laughed when he declared that straight boys often decided came across after having sex with Spayar. He also knows he’s special; no one will control him. Your characterization of this arrogant servant is beautiful; he’s a warrior, statesman, magician and the prince’s babysitter all rolled into one. Spayar comes across as far more mature than Von for all that he’s one year older.
That said, Von is an excellent political strategist. His mother and siblings have discredited themselves with powerful allies. Ignoring the priestess and Gallinsum is stupid. I’m impressed by how you put Gallinsum in such an impossible position, bb. If they don’t side with Von, and he wins, they’ll be destroyed. If they side with Von, and he loses, they’ll be destroyed as traitors. His mother fears them because they are a democracy, but the people are prosperous. To interfere with that would be bad, but if the other noble territories realize they live well without the power of nobles over them, it could spark rebellion. Which might happen anyway if the people grow fed up with the siblings sparking a coup that could cost countless lives if the nobles force them to fight a battle they didn’t ask for. Overthrowing the old houses would let people control their lives. There is no divine right of kings to enforce allegiance to the Assuras. I think this is going to get ugly and I love it, bb!
Best wishes for the New Year, bb!
Gray Kingbird chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
That meeting of all the principal and supporting characters to plan anarchy was so much fun. There’s nothing like planning to topple an entire civilization to pass the time. These AIs are ruthless. Why does Lucy trust they’ll help her sort out her own feelings from whatever was programmed into her? They are willing to do anything to achieve their own goals, including kidnap Des again. They could offer Lucy help only to put more of their own programming into her to use against the Proeathans. Hera has her own agenda. Even Pluto and Venus warned Lucy. The luck of the red moon is a bad omen.
Please, don’t let anymore bad things happen to Lucy! Agh! Lucy’s torment was the best in this chapter. Thank you for giving Lucy her own chapter. I can’t get enough of Des, but it’s exciting to see the story through her eyes. She wants to be sure of herself because Des deserves it, but so does Lucy. She deserves real happiness. It was painful to read about Rebecca snubbing Lucy for something that was never her fault.
Excellent start to your new series, bb!
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