Reviews for Flocking Movement: Triad
Gray Kingbird chapter 2 . 1/2/2014
You wrote a fantastic chapter, bb. You showed Malik and Jacob’s situation in a way you never have before. I don’t think there’s been enough sympathy for him. He woke up to a nightmare six years ago. Suddenly immortal through no fault of his own and now with a split personality, forced to share his body with someone from another century. That he stayed sane is testament to how strong a person Jake is. That the dichotomy hasn’t torn them apart is sensational. It sounds like they’ve struggled for control at times. Malik telling Jacob to shut up and just enjoy their encounter with Altair was hilarious! I liked you showing Altair’s vulnerable side, that he just doesn’t know what to do and for something he’d like something for himself. Maybe that’ll help him understand Desmond and Lucy’s relationship better. Triad is taking leaps and bounds in the growth of your characters, bb.
I wonder if this development will enrage Cain when he finds out. He taunted Altair that he couldn’t live a mortal life, it always died. Now he has an immortal partner and a chance to be happy again. Cain, on the other hand, who saved Altair and loved him like a little brother, will still be alone, with no lover, no grandsons, no friends, nothing. The sheer heartbreak of their lost relationship must leave Cain bereft. What will Cain do, what deal will he make, to not be alone again? Only you know, bb, and I trust you no matter what you decide. All of your characters are dynamic rather than static, even minor ones. You’re a gifted writer, bb, and I thank you for sharing that gift with us. It is you, rather than your creations, that keep bringing me back.
Guest chapter 3 . 1/2/2014
xazz, ur hints that lucy knows what happened at the slave plantation in iowa were intriguing. what does she know? all dif povs in each chapter are great really fun. clay shouldn't wait to send his info to hawk, ur preview worries me. will clay have a chance to tell him anything? oh no! is clay about to be caught? too many feels here! hawk is my fave in ur fm stories btw.
could the proeathans have chosen a worst place to enslave than chad? yeah lake chad is a wetland and one of the best places to grow food in africa with a big fresh water supply but chadians are very diverse in religion culture & have a long history of slavery colonialism & civil war. they need to check out how france’s colonization worked out there. chad is filled with rebel groups that would rightly hate serving the proeathans. they would be one of the most difficult people to control. that could help the alt & others in overthrowing the plantation. t/u for sharing ur great stories xazz. not begging for updates just wanted to let you know how much i’ve enjoyed all ur efforts to write an exciting adventure here & i get how much time & research u’ve put into this labor of love. this & the zealous servant are my faves. found it after i saw one of ur other reviewers posting reviews for it & they’re right spayar is sizzling. are the people humans or elves not sure b/c of pointed ears. great story. thx again for all ur efforts.
Gray Kingbird chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
The Zealous Servant, chapter 3 review. Spayar is absolutely ruthless. He’ll do anything to gain Von a political advantage, including have sex with the secretary. Smoothly played. His confidence is endless. I laughed when he declared that straight boys often decided came across after having sex with Spayar. He also knows he’s special; no one will control him. Your characterization of this arrogant servant is beautiful; he’s a warrior, statesman, magician and the prince’s babysitter all rolled into one. Spayar comes across as far more mature than Von for all that he’s one year older.
That said, Von is an excellent political strategist. His mother and siblings have discredited themselves with powerful allies. Ignoring the priestess and Gallinsum is stupid. I’m impressed by how you put Gallinsum in such an impossible position, bb. If they don’t side with Von, and he wins, they’ll be destroyed. If they side with Von, and he loses, they’ll be destroyed as traitors. His mother fears them because they are a democracy, but the people are prosperous. To interfere with that would be bad, but if the other noble territories realize they live well without the power of nobles over them, it could spark rebellion. Which might happen anyway if the people grow fed up with the siblings sparking a coup that could cost countless lives if the nobles force them to fight a battle they didn’t ask for. Overthrowing the old houses would let people control their lives. There is no divine right of kings to enforce allegiance to the Assuras. I think this is going to get ugly and I love it, bb!
Best wishes for the New Year, bb!
Gray Kingbird chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
That meeting of all the principal and supporting characters to plan anarchy was so much fun. There’s nothing like planning to topple an entire civilization to pass the time. These AIs are ruthless. Why does Lucy trust they’ll help her sort out her own feelings from whatever was programmed into her? They are willing to do anything to achieve their own goals, including kidnap Des again. They could offer Lucy help only to put more of their own programming into her to use against the Proeathans. Hera has her own agenda. Even Pluto and Venus warned Lucy. The luck of the red moon is a bad omen.
Please, don’t let anymore bad things happen to Lucy! Agh! Lucy’s torment was the best in this chapter. Thank you for giving Lucy her own chapter. I can’t get enough of Des, but it’s exciting to see the story through her eyes. She wants to be sure of herself because Des deserves it, but so does Lucy. She deserves real happiness. It was painful to read about Rebecca snubbing Lucy for something that was never her fault.
Excellent start to your new series, bb!
Heron chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
Hi bb, Ok, I went back and reread a few key chapters in Flocking Movement, and I changed my mind. You do hint at Altair's attraction and love for Jacob. Right before Altair was killed in Dubai, when he realizes both Desmond and Jacob are still trapped, he looks at Jacob and it's like something clicks inside, and it's clear he won't let Jacob (with Malik's reborn soul) be killed again on his watch. So, yes, the love is there even at that early stage.
You are a magnificent writer, bb. That's all I can say. That, and I really love days where I'm off and can do whatever I please, like reread and pick apart your stories. Be happy!
Guest chapter 3 . 1/1/2014
A chapte r from Clay's perspective. This is bliss. You are amazing how you shift the story around frm Des, bb. Supporting characters have a lot of insight that you never get from just one person pov. I like how you have all these complex relationships and motives for everyone. Could Cain have his own chapter sometime, or even his own story? Or maybe he's too big to capture in a story. Or needs to remain mysterious. W/e. Thank you fo this update. Not asking for more when you've given us so much already. Happy new year, bb!
Heron chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
Their relationship has deepened in a way it never could in the twelfth century, and I love it, bb! I don’t think anyone will be terribly surprised; the tension between these two has always existed. Even Jake thought Altair was going to make a move before Dubai, although I admit, I didn’t pick up that vibe in your previous story. It sounds like Altair needs time to come to terms with the fact that he’s with Jacob and the Malik he knew, not just Malik’s reborn soul. The one thing I loved most about this chapter, bb, was that Altair is no longer alone. Jake is immortal. He’ll be there with Altair for eternity. Altair does not have to try to live the mortal life anymore that Cain was mocking him for living and failing each time. He has an eternal partner. Oh, I bet they’ll still fight and certainly they won’t live in each other’s pockets. They’ll have missions apart and all that. But this is forever. Maybe Malik’s soul was searching for Altair all those centuries, too. Reincarnation may not just mean the soul gets a new body. The soul is supposed to grow through each new life. Altair’s soul has never has stopped growing and searching. He’s just done it all in one body. But maybe now he’s no longer empty or alone? Only you can reveal that, bb, if you choose.
As usual, I went on far longer with my musings over your tale than I had planned, my only excuse is you’re so darn good at writing and inspiring these philosophical monologues on my part. Oh well. As long as you’re ok with them. Thank you once again for a wonderful chapter. I have enjoyed Jake from the beginning, so having this chapter from his pov has been a treat. Please have a safe new year. Be happy, bb. (btw, "Shut up, Jake/Jacob" is my fave catch phrase from your FM series!)
Heron chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
He was driven for centuries waiting for Desmond to be born; he made that his reason for living. Only to have Desmond ripped away by the Proeathans, the AIs, to think Altair failed. He feels like he has nothing left. Then Jake comes to take care of him, because no one ever takes care of Altair, which is sweet. I enjoy it when someone else takes care Altair in your stories, bb. Everyone expects him to lead and take care of them, because he is basically the father figure of the group. Only Jake thought to seek Altair out and make him eat, to reassure him for once. Not Ezio, it wouldn’t even occur to Hawk, and Lucy is essentially comatose right now. So it fell to Jake. Jake came across as far more insightful then most of the other characters give him credit for. Malik and Jacob may not have the long centuries of experience that the older three have, but he knows Altair better than anyone alive, including Cain, I think.
One more box should tie up this review.
Heron chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
This is where I’m still trying to sort out Altair’s rather jumbled thoughts. (Jacob was right; Altair struggles to explain himself sometimes- although given the nature of this discussion you had on life, death, reincarnation, and god, there really is no clear cut way to explain all of that, so I’ll give Altair a pass on this one!). If I’m understanding what you wrote, bb, Altair believes that Malik’s soul was reborn in Jacob in the twentieth century. (Your humour cracks me up- Altair’s indignation at Jacob sleeping with his grandson- that was too much!) Now, Altair also tells Jake that he doesn’t believe in God, because there’s no way He’d allow creatures like Altair and Cain to exist for so long, that they could have no purpose in a greater Plan. Yet Altair believes in reincarnation. Is that not a form of belief? Perhaps not in organized religion, but of some power larger than humanity (and I don’t mean the Proeathans, they are not gods, they are a sentient species capable of being born and dying who are committing genocide). Perhaps not in Christianity, Judaism or Islam as none of the Abrahamic religions believes officially in rebirth. Wasn’t it in Flocking Movement that Ezio mentioned Altair had once spent something like fifty years living as a Buddhist monk? When Desmond asked why, Altair replied that it was something he’d never done before. Clearly, you’ve written Altair as having spirituality of some sort. He just hasn’t been able to define it within himself, from the sound of it. It was devastating to read about just how empty Altair has felt in your story, bb. On to part 3.
Heron chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
Hi bb, Firstly, let me just wish you a happy new year for 2014, bb. I hope this is your best year yet!
Secondly, while I’m reviewing this here, I read the full and unabridged chapter off of your blog, so I’m not reviewing the version on this site, just to clarify.
bb, you wrote an intimate chapter here which I thoroughly enjoyed, though I don’t mean the sex scene (but that was fun, too, nonetheless!). The sex scene was well written and abundant. I like how you focus on the foreplay a lot rather than the actual act. One of the great things about your writing is that you don’t just throw a sex scene in for the heck of it. They also serve a purpose in your stories, either to move the plot along or to enhance character development. You absolutely achieved both ends with this chapter, bb.
You drove home the reality that this relationship is between three people, bb, in a way I’d never really thought of before. Altair, Jacob, and Malik. Altair has never revealed how desperately lonely he was before, how he was always searching for a familiar face in the crowd of his family and friends. All he ever wanted was his original friends and family back. Ezio, Hawk, Clay, and Desmond are great and they give Altair a family to take care of, but they’re people he was never supposed to meet, to never know existed. He had nothing left of his old life except those occasions when he found someone reborn.
Please see the next box for part 2 of this review.
Guest chapter 2 . 1/1/2014
Hot, hot, hot! Looked this one up on your blog, Xazz. This is one of the best written porn scenes I've read on this site. Thank you! You've had Jake and Altair dancing around each other for, like, 6 years. You are the master of building tension in a relationship to the breaking point, Xazz. Jake is, like, my favorite character, so this was a bonus, all his inner thoughts as he and Altair do deed. At least Jake'll never get lonely. Bright side to everything. I know you don't like writing porn, so I doubly thank you for writing out Jake and Altair's first time together. It was worth it. You put all this time and effort into writing these mind blowing, layered stories, Xazz, and I appreciate the effort, although I'm not much of a reviewer. I'm not begging for updates. I know you have a job and classes that are more importanct than fanfics. If you have time and interest, I know you'll update. I respect that. In the mean time, I hope you kick butt in 2014! Like you usually do all year, every year!
Guest chapter 1 . 1/1/2014
mercury is now my fave ai u've created, xazz. he's just as much a disrespectful punk as desi can be. what do the ais think they're gonna get out of stabbing the proeathasn in the back? they aren't alive. they can't be trusted. they've stabbed their own makers in the back. nothing to stop them stabbing the guys in the back when it suits them. sounds like they've got some kind o f deal going with cain on top of that. they wouldn't tell the guys what. the ais've stolen desi again. xazz, luv how u've got all these different bad guys, some more obvious than others, like andrew, gunning for the guys. lucy rocked this chap, too. luv her angst. no pressure to update. just wanted to tell you how much I like your stories and the effort you put into them. you rock more than all your characters, xazz. happy new year.
hollownature chapter 3 . 12/31/2013
so desmond is going to destroy civilization? sounds kinda like ac 3 except not
Heron chapter 1 . 12/31/2013
Last part of the review, I promise!
But projecting their guilty feeling on to the victim was probably easier when they didn’t have to look her in the eye and work with her again. They had to deal with survivors’ guilt, but now I wonder if even Lucy has to contend with survivor’s guilt? Lucy Prime is dead, yet she loved Desmond and had important work to do. Now synthetic Lucy has taken her place, she has Desmond, she has the life Lucy Prime was supposed to have, and she may even have Lucy’s friends. Wow, what an emotional mess you’ve created here, bb. I love it!
Finally, having these chapters from perspectives other than Desmond’s is not confusing; it’s inspired. You have so many different and exciting characters, bb, driven by so many agendas that reading the progression of the story from their pov is illuminating and furthers the plot well. Also, I’m just thrilled to see Lucy getting her own chapter. She is part of the flock, and you’ve always made FM about the entire flock, not just Desmond. Which is another reason these supporting stories apart from the main thread with Desmond in the narrative are so enthralling. Ok, I’ll review the next chapter soon. Be happy, bb!
Heron chapter 1 . 12/31/2013
One of the best moments you wrote in this chapter was a small yet significant moment; it was when Ezio demonstrated his trust in Lucy by asking her opinion if the Assassins should join them or not. Yes, he, Altair, and Hawk still make the final decision, but it was a huge leap in their acceptance of Lucy in the flock. This was further reinforced when Altair chose to stay in the cockpit with her and Jake rather than be near Andrew. Altair’s way of choosing the lesser of two evils, at least from his pov. Of course now that Altair has semi-accepted Lucy, there’s Andrew come along to keep calling her a traitor. Oh, well. You can’t let it get dull, bb. They’ve come to depend on her.
Lucy’s reappearance must be painful for Rebecca and Shaun. They were a cohesive team, and they were friends. Her death was… unexpected. I wonder if Shaun and Rebecca will be more inclined to reject the new Lucy because they feel guilt for abandoning her bleeding and dying on the floor at Andrew’s orders? Maybe they seeing her alive again makes them face their own guilt in not doing more to help her rather than only Desmond? I bet they eased their consciences by buying into Andrew spewing his claims of Lucy’s so called betrayal, that she turned her back on the Assassins.
Please see the next box for the rest of this paragraph- the computer cut if off as being too long!
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