Reviews for Flocking Movement: Triad
Gray Kingbird chapter 10 . 2/6/2014
Hey bb, Well, Lucy is one of your strongest female characters in this series. You have woven religion and myth and original fiction into a rich tapestry around Lucy as part of her plot and purpose in FM. Your idea to create Lucy in the fashion of Eve is fascinating, bb. The real Eve was one of the most controversial women in history. Her supposed role in the Fall of humanity from Eden gave her a pivotal role and many long term consequences for women for thousands of years. Women were seen as inferior, sinners who needed to be silenced lest they lead noble men to their doom again. And it all traces back to the popular game of Eve bashing that men have engaged in for millennia. Now Lucy comes along as another original created Eve. She thinks she is a fake girl, fantastic irony, bb, when she is the purest human ever.
Lucy is being called an angel. What is she, bb? You’ve dropped so many hints that analyzing your work is such fun. Has she evolved beyond what the AIs understand? They are not alive, they are computer programs that can be deleted. There are metaphysical forces and processes in the world that Pluto himself admitted they don’t understand, such as whatever is happening with Desmond. Is Lucy possibly an angel? They are supposedly created by God, but the Proeathans have taken that role in FM, and they don’t seem to entirely understand their creations or how they work. The intriguing part of this speculation is that in the oldest religions espousing angels, the angels were supernatural, immortal beings that could not be destroyed. They were guardians, a guiding influence, like Lucy has proven to be for the emancipated slaves and the children who cling to her as their primary maternal figure. Lucy’s love and guidance have given Des balance even as his family keeps him anchored. Angels protect humans and carry out God’s tasks. What is Lucy?
Lady of Eryn Galen chapter 13 . 2/6/2014
Is it bad of me to hope the synth Cain gets is a copy of Altaïr and that they somehow make up in the end? Will that hope destroy my hopes and dreams for the future?
I love Cain, he's awesome. And I can just see him going all big bro on Altaïr's ass. That would be so cool *_*
Anyways, I am looking forward to this *points at preview* I'm sure it'll be just as good as the rest.
One little tip though, you should try proofreading your chapters a bit more. There are a couple of sentences that don't make sense, as well as grammatical errors that can confuse readers. Still very good stuff, though, even if I don't really ship Altaïr with...well, anybody. I want him for myself ;)
Anywho, see ya around!
Hack Generation chapter 12 . 2/3/2014
Hack Generation chapter 11 . 2/3/2014
Hack Generation chapter 13 . 2/3/2014
Lol-ing so hard at the clone thing
Heron chapter 13 . 2/3/2014
Hi bb, Good grief. I only slept for a few hours, then I wake up and you've completed Triad! You had an industrious night, for sure! I'll have to review in a few days. I have a major exam to write midweek, which needs all of my focus to study and prepare, so please don't think I've abandoned you here. I WILL review.
Never apologize for working on/neglecting whatever projects interest you most at the moment. Your readers understand this work is simply for your own enjoyment, and we are entitled to nothing from you, bb. Only what you are willing to share, when you choose to share it.
I hope you're feeling better after your awful shift. You could also discuss the discount with your manager by explaining that it helps employees to have more knowledge about various dishes to explain to customers and it improves employee morale. Also, if employees know they'll get a discount, they're more likely to come there on time off to eat and bring friends, which means more revenue for the eatery. Sometimes employees are even tax deductible, but the manager would need to check with the accountant on that. Anyway, here are some non-confrontational ways to explore options with your manager that are logical and beneficial to the restaurant. Good luck!
Be happy, bb!
Guest chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
u are a fun writerxazz. where do you get ur ideas? i know triad focuses on 3 young flock members but is ezio still in fm? he never get's much time since fm ended the one b/f 17th I mean. he used to have more to do with des. or is he busy with other stuff scouting for proathan soldiers? they must know by now the planatation fell. this is going to be a painful ending too isn't it? great fic, xazz!
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
What did Cain see over Lucy’s shoulder? If he is the magician, Ando, then what did his power see? If he is the true Cain of old, born of human and Proeathan blood from Eve and Adam, then he’d have a version of Eagle Vision, surely. His blood would be stronger, and he may not need to switch over to golden eyes to see Proeathan toys or… demons in their midst? I love how ambiguous your can be at times, bb! Now one last question, bb. Where is Altair right now? Surely he knows that Cain is out of his cell. The first thing Cain would want to do is hunt Abel down and talk. After pounding him into tiny pieces, that is. Of course, how can Cain make Altair listen? Altair is too scared of his ‘big brother’ to react with anything but fear and anger. The only way would really be to lock Altair up and hold him prisoner until he listened to reason. Now that would make Jake frantic, because I suspect Cain wouldn’t tell him where Altair was, although I’m sure Cain would get immense satisfaction from locking Altair up for a few days. Not long, he needs to help with this war, and even Cain must know that. Or would Jake let him, as a way to get peace between the two titans in their midst?...
Well, bb, I love this adventure you’re sharing with us, even as you foreshadow impending doom. Oh well. I’ll stay as long as you wish to. Again, I’m sorry you had a terrible night, and I hope you have a better time at your next shift. Could you explain to your manager that the previous managers have always given discounts on food to employees, that it is one of the perks of the job? I wish you well with this. Please be happy, bb.
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Ok, that story was meant to drive your readers crazy, wasn’t it, bb?! Ando and Mosen- were they Cain and Abel? The true story of the fallout between the brothers and events leading up to Cain gaining immortality and Mosen dying- although the circumstances were unsaid. Perhaps they could never have endured eternity together. Perhaps that was the price Ando had to pay to live forever. Live alone. Unloved. As he left his mother in her final days. He broke his promise to her, but the Godswood (love the nod to GoT there, bb!) kept its promise to him, granting him eternal life. It GLOWED. Like so many of the Proeathan toys. The AIs said humans were basically little more than animals, so the advanced Proeathans would’ve essentially been the old gods to these first humans, and subsequent religions named their deities after them. Did Ando and his family figure out how to manipulate these toys for their own use, unknown to their masters? The amount of symbolism in your story is unmistakable, and now I’m like Lucy, wanting to hear the real ending, and not the sweetened version for these children.
I think one more box should wrap this up!
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Lucy and Desmond. A complicated story. She is now an angel to these people. When the truth comes out about Desmond’s role in the end of the world, he will be seen as a devil, a demon. Neither of them asked for this burden to be thrust upon them. Each is a symbol of rebirth or destruction. Yet, aren’t both needed to remake this world for humanity? The destruction of the oppressive Proeathans with the help of Desmond, who are here well past their time, is the only way that the humans can start anew, with Lucy’s help. He may well prove to be the monster in this epic saga you’re creating, bb. But maybe the world needs him just as much as it needs Lucy. What would Christianity be without the serpent? He bore the brunt of all the hatred, the sins of Eve that drove humanity out of Eden. But, perhaps that is the corrupted version? If Eden was a prison for humanity, enslaving them, maybe the serpent helped humans to see the truth and escape, rather than be cast out. They no longer had the so called protection of the Proeathans (God), but they were free to make their own fates. Maybe the serpent was a monster. Maybe only monsters can fight this war. Maybe Desmond needs to become the only thing that can fight this war. That would take a tremendous act of trust and faith on his part that he was doing the right thing, becoming the most hated person in humanity, in order to save humanity. Who is the hero and who is the monster? Your hints during Cain’s discussion were tantalizing, bb!
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
The children need Lucy in their lives to fight for them and show people they are just as human as they are, just as worthy of being loved. Cain recognized that truth. He understand that these children are a treasure, a legacy. Demeter’s base in Chad has just become the new hidden cradle of civilization for the new world, which is utterly fascinating. This is a new civilization being born, and Cain is there to witness it. Lucy is worried about only seeing the destruction and not the rebirth of the world, but she is not only seeing the rebirth, she is part of it. The legends that will evolve from this infancy will spread over thousands of years. Lucy will be a beloved warrior-mother figure, willing to fight for her children in battle, be they adults or children. An angel. She’s likely be canonized eventually in whatever religion rose up in the new world. And Cain, along with the flock, will be there to witness it. They’ll be alive thousands of years from now, watching people praying in cathedrals and shrines to Lucy, remembering the real person, the real human woman she was. How surreal would that be? And Cain will witness the rise of a new religion, as he’s seen so many times before. He may just won Lucy over, a tiny bit, with this show of compassion. At least until the next reprehensible thing he does. Oh well.
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Hi bb, I am so sorry you’re not having a great shift at work. I hope a review cheers you up just a little bit. Your story is just crackling with energy, even when it’s a simple bedtime story! And Cain telling the story to the children was too cute for words! The image you evoked of Cain, sitting, surrounded by awestruck children was powerful, bb. He reminded me of images of patron saints of old, sitting on a grassy hilltop, with dozens of children at his feet, eager to hear his tales of their people’s history. You accomplished this in a few simple words. Your ability to paint a picture with words is no small thing, bb, for all that I know you love to make art. You paint just as effectively with words as you do with brushes and pixels. The gentleness of that moment with Cain made me pause. He was simply showing caring to a bunch of small children who had no say in how they came to exist, but are already bearing the brunt of blame for being.
Please see the next box for part 2 of this review.
kattenbelletje chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Wow, Cain is an amazing storyteller. I'm sure that at his age he has a great many stories to tell. In my mind this has turned into his theme song (Ikue Asazaki - Obokuri Eeumi). He is a very interesting character.
Guest chapter 4 . 2/1/2014
The idea of Hera as her mother was strange, to say the least. It works, too, in a weird way, but I’d hate to be Desmond and have to contend with her as a sort of mother-in-law. One wrong move with her little girl and this woman will be out for vengeance. This is one of the few times you’ve aroused sympathy in me for the AIs, Xazz. The fact that they were all sacrificed and forced to become what they are was bad, and Hera’s rather forlorn claim that Lucy is the only synthetic child she remembers making. I felt badly for her. Like Lucy and Desmond’s clone, the AIs have been strictly controlled by the control freak Proeathans for their own advantage. Also, evidence continues to mount that the Proeathans are not nearly as intelligent as they like to think. After all, if they sacrificed the only person capable of helping them to create more AIs, they clearly lack much foresight. Also, they don’t seem to understand how their own technology works as they didn’t understand that the price of making Lucy was her free will and to think independently for herself. You're an incredible author, Xazz.
Guest chapter 9 . 1/31/2014
hey, just had another thought . doesn't happen much, don't worry. if cain's got a god complex, then don't the 3 older ancestors have a god complex? they make these life an death choices. like letting dunc die when they coulda saved him. or alty making ezi immortal. I mean, hey, only gods can make you immortal. and alty did it. so they've got massive god complexes goin on there. but they couldn't stop end of world, so that's shake up your god complex. even cain couldn't escape his prison. that shoulda shook him up. an can cain stand up to angry luc if tries to make another synth? she's not scared of no gods. bring it, is how she lives her life. you're a fun writer, xazz.
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