Reviews for Flocking Movement: Triad
Heron chapter 11 . 2/7/2014
The true purpose of the Apples horrified me, bb. They were used to imprison the consciousness, or soul, of humans with the sixth sense in order to subjugate the population. And before that, those same people were coerced into helping enslave their fellow human beings. Five of the six strongest humans with the sixth sense living on the planet are gathered in Demeter’s base. Altair, Ezio, Hawk, Clay, and Cain. Only Desmond remains unaccounted for. If the Eden returns and the five of them are compelled to obey Proeathan will, they have a lot of humans to deliver into Proeathan hands, none of whom would resist their overseers. This is a disaster waiting to happen! Maybe they should separate, so if some fall under the influence, then the others may yet break it? The Proeathans would absolutely love to get the flock under their power and influence. But I suspect they can’t control Desmond any longer. Or ever again. For all that Clay is furious at Desmond for allowing Atlantis to rise. I think Clay would rather have killed Desmond himself and end any possibility of Atlantis rising. For all that he loves Desmond, he’d choose the world first, I think, over their youngest. I don’t think Altair, Ezio, and Hawk would choose similarly. I love all of the potential strife you’ve set up within the flock. Hawk is right, though, that they have to wait for Desmond to explain himself. When he’s ready, the AIs warned many chapters ago.
Heron chapter 11 . 2/7/2014
Hi bb, Thanks for being so patient, bb! I’ve just been kind of decompressing these last couple days. The exam I wrote makes all the difference about whether or not I’m able to practice my chosen career, so I was too wound up to give you a decent review, and I won’t know the results for two months, but I will strive to do my best for you here!
Atlantis has risen. It’s done. The dreaded future they were fighting has happened, and now none of them know what to do. Only Desmond could’ve raised Atlantis. The question is why he did it. He swore to kill all of the Proeathans, so why would he help them? Unless raising Atlantis wasn’t to help them. All of the Proeathans will be drawn back to their precious jewel, Atlantis, to live and be together once again now that they’ve all but wiped out all human resistance on Earth. They’ll be gathered together in one easy to find location, easy for Desmond, at least, I think. Concentrated in one geographic area. A vulnerable target, perhaps, for someone who can unleash the forces of hell itself upon them? Such as when Atlantis sank all those thousands of years ago? Only this time, the Proeathans may not find it so easy to escape and save themselves. But is Desmond really able to do the Proeathans what they did to humanity? They are… I’d say inhuman, but that’s already a given. That’s your point: they’re not human. They lack compassion even as they seem to lack a soul. Desmond has both. I don’t know if he really has it in him to obliterate an entire race of people, every man, woman, and child the way they did to humans. That is the ultimate abomination and could Desmond live with himself after such a thing? Or would he let himself die with this ultimate act genocide? That is for you to decide, bb. I trust you to surprise me no matter what my conjecture is.
Please see the next box for part two of this review.
Gray Kingbird chapter 10 . 2/6/2014
That could work to Von’s advantge if he knows how to use it. Tassa’s philosophy of moral relativism aligns well with Von’s outlook, in that right and wrong is subjective, and might is right. Their shared belief seems to be that something is wrong only if someone else who is stronger than you can enforce that belief upon them. Society’s norms and morals won’t apply to Von if he becomes Asuras, because society’s norms and values will be a reflection of his. Tassa doesn’t want to be judged anymore, either. She wants to make her own rules. Von and Tassa… have a lot in common. Add to that her beauty, her power, her family connections… there are a lot of possibilities there. Especially as Von will need a wife if he wins for an heir to the throne. A wife who is stronger and able to support him better than his father has done for his mother or their children. Although if Von ever has kids, I really hope he only has one child. One heir, less competition for the throne, maybe the kid would wait til Von dies (naturally) to take the throne since they’d know no one else was waiting to kill them. bb. you create some the strongest female characters ever. They have real problems and real conflicts that they struggle with, and are able to fight. Your women are rarely the idealized image of women, great beauties who serve as sexual partners for a dominant man or as the venerated mother figure who sacrifices all for her offspring. They are human beings in their own right, with needs, regrets, dreams, and fire. I love your Tassa, bb. Simple as that. Great chapter, bb.
Gray Kingbird chapter 10 . 2/6/2014
The Zealous Servant, chapter 13 review. Tassa is one of the most enticing characters you’ve created in ZS, bb. I realize she’s a supporting character, but she fascinates me. She is ruthless and powerful and vulnerable and conflicted. Her childhood of not completely belonging to a powerful noble family which apparently turned its back on her as unworthy given her incestuous conception continues to affect her. She doesn’t know where she belongs and doesn’t strike me as knowing completely who she is yet. Or what she wants. Other than to not be Tassa Hau-Peony. That name is almost a curse to her, closing more doors in her face than opening them. Mali is full of common sense and comfortable with who she is, which I think Tassa is jealous of. Yet Mali is jealous of Tassa’s beauty and power. Their rivalry is fascinating even as they make uneasy frenemies. Tassa even admitted she doesn’t want to get involved in all of the geopolitics surrounding Von and Spayar, Mali and DiSol. But does that make her amoral? I don’t think so. She has struggled to survive in a family and world that didn’t want her. Just like Von… is struggling to survive in a family that doesn’t want him. Wow, that connection just occurred to me. They have a lot in common. Hmm.
Tassa has survived by her power, her wits, and her beauty. She never gets what she wants. A loving family, respect, Spayar. All things she never had. She has a moral code of her own, but it centers on self-preservation. People have burdened Tassa with their moral judgments of her all her life. She is sick of it, and wants to be recognized as a person in her own right, or at least feared and left alone. Her struggles, her faults, her stubbornness and desperation are enticing. She won’t be crushed. Tassa is one of your most intriguing characters in this story, bb. I think she has great potential to be a great ally or a ruthless enemy.
Gray Kingbird chapter 10 . 2/6/2014
I know Lucy is uncomfortable with everyone treating her as if she’s some divine being amongst them, but she actually is. She walked unchallenged through the Proeathan installation, she was not born of another woman’s womb, she is more human than any other person alive, and her existence is a gift. Much like that of an angel. Humans believe more in angels than they do in global warming. Belief is power. Lucy is powerful. I just don’t think she- or the rest of the flock- realize how powerful she is yet. Even the AIs have no idea what she is really capable of. Even Cain knows to be wary of her. Of Lucy and Des. A formidable pair. But if Lucy is happier without Des, I accept that. She’s complete in her own right. You’ve created a tour de force with this character, bb. I especially enjoyed when Lucy stood up for herself against Rebecca. Your Lucy never backs down, not against humans, immortals, or Proeathans. She defends herself and refuses to be a pawn to anyone’s will. She’s done better than Des has, that’s for sure. Everyone uses him. Except, ironically, Lucy and Cain. Angels are known for not forcing their views of people, only guiding towards the right answer. (What does that make Cain to Altair then, since everything went wrong after he stopped letting Cain guide him?) I hope if Lucy has a child, it is by her choice and is not forced upon her or simply an accident. It would be far more meaningful to the world for her child to be planned and wanted. I also hope your “angel” doesn’t die in four years, bb. Scowling at the thought of that unwanted and brilliant plot point. Great chapter, bb.
Gray Kingbird chapter 10 . 2/6/2014
Hey bb, Well, Lucy is one of your strongest female characters in this series. You have woven religion and myth and original fiction into a rich tapestry around Lucy as part of her plot and purpose in FM. Your idea to create Lucy in the fashion of Eve is fascinating, bb. The real Eve was one of the most controversial women in history. Her supposed role in the Fall of humanity from Eden gave her a pivotal role and many long term consequences for women for thousands of years. Women were seen as inferior, sinners who needed to be silenced lest they lead noble men to their doom again. And it all traces back to the popular game of Eve bashing that men have engaged in for millennia. Now Lucy comes along as another original created Eve. She thinks she is a fake girl, fantastic irony, bb, when she is the purest human ever.
Lucy is being called an angel. What is she, bb? You’ve dropped so many hints that analyzing your work is such fun. Has she evolved beyond what the AIs understand? They are not alive, they are computer programs that can be deleted. There are metaphysical forces and processes in the world that Pluto himself admitted they don’t understand, such as whatever is happening with Desmond. Is Lucy possibly an angel? They are supposedly created by God, but the Proeathans have taken that role in FM, and they don’t seem to entirely understand their creations or how they work. The intriguing part of this speculation is that in the oldest religions espousing angels, the angels were supernatural, immortal beings that could not be destroyed. They were guardians, a guiding influence, like Lucy has proven to be for the emancipated slaves and the children who cling to her as their primary maternal figure. Lucy’s love and guidance have given Des balance even as his family keeps him anchored. Angels protect humans and carry out God’s tasks. What is Lucy?
Lady of Eryn Galen chapter 13 . 2/6/2014
Is it bad of me to hope the synth Cain gets is a copy of Altaïr and that they somehow make up in the end? Will that hope destroy my hopes and dreams for the future?
I love Cain, he's awesome. And I can just see him going all big bro on Altaïr's ass. That would be so cool *_*
Anyways, I am looking forward to this *points at preview* I'm sure it'll be just as good as the rest.
One little tip though, you should try proofreading your chapters a bit more. There are a couple of sentences that don't make sense, as well as grammatical errors that can confuse readers. Still very good stuff, though, even if I don't really ship Altaïr with...well, anybody. I want him for myself ;)
Anywho, see ya around!
Hack Generation chapter 12 . 2/3/2014
Hack Generation chapter 11 . 2/3/2014
Hack Generation chapter 13 . 2/3/2014
Lol-ing so hard at the clone thing
Heron chapter 13 . 2/3/2014
Hi bb, Good grief. I only slept for a few hours, then I wake up and you've completed Triad! You had an industrious night, for sure! I'll have to review in a few days. I have a major exam to write midweek, which needs all of my focus to study and prepare, so please don't think I've abandoned you here. I WILL review.
Never apologize for working on/neglecting whatever projects interest you most at the moment. Your readers understand this work is simply for your own enjoyment, and we are entitled to nothing from you, bb. Only what you are willing to share, when you choose to share it.
I hope you're feeling better after your awful shift. You could also discuss the discount with your manager by explaining that it helps employees to have more knowledge about various dishes to explain to customers and it improves employee morale. Also, if employees know they'll get a discount, they're more likely to come there on time off to eat and bring friends, which means more revenue for the eatery. Sometimes employees are even tax deductible, but the manager would need to check with the accountant on that. Anyway, here are some non-confrontational ways to explore options with your manager that are logical and beneficial to the restaurant. Good luck!
Be happy, bb!
Guest chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
u are a fun writerxazz. where do you get ur ideas? i know triad focuses on 3 young flock members but is ezio still in fm? he never get's much time since fm ended the one b/f 17th I mean. he used to have more to do with des. or is he busy with other stuff scouting for proathan soldiers? they must know by now the planatation fell. this is going to be a painful ending too isn't it? great fic, xazz!
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
What did Cain see over Lucy’s shoulder? If he is the magician, Ando, then what did his power see? If he is the true Cain of old, born of human and Proeathan blood from Eve and Adam, then he’d have a version of Eagle Vision, surely. His blood would be stronger, and he may not need to switch over to golden eyes to see Proeathan toys or… demons in their midst? I love how ambiguous your can be at times, bb! Now one last question, bb. Where is Altair right now? Surely he knows that Cain is out of his cell. The first thing Cain would want to do is hunt Abel down and talk. After pounding him into tiny pieces, that is. Of course, how can Cain make Altair listen? Altair is too scared of his ‘big brother’ to react with anything but fear and anger. The only way would really be to lock Altair up and hold him prisoner until he listened to reason. Now that would make Jake frantic, because I suspect Cain wouldn’t tell him where Altair was, although I’m sure Cain would get immense satisfaction from locking Altair up for a few days. Not long, he needs to help with this war, and even Cain must know that. Or would Jake let him, as a way to get peace between the two titans in their midst?...
Well, bb, I love this adventure you’re sharing with us, even as you foreshadow impending doom. Oh well. I’ll stay as long as you wish to. Again, I’m sorry you had a terrible night, and I hope you have a better time at your next shift. Could you explain to your manager that the previous managers have always given discounts on food to employees, that it is one of the perks of the job? I wish you well with this. Please be happy, bb.
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Ok, that story was meant to drive your readers crazy, wasn’t it, bb?! Ando and Mosen- were they Cain and Abel? The true story of the fallout between the brothers and events leading up to Cain gaining immortality and Mosen dying- although the circumstances were unsaid. Perhaps they could never have endured eternity together. Perhaps that was the price Ando had to pay to live forever. Live alone. Unloved. As he left his mother in her final days. He broke his promise to her, but the Godswood (love the nod to GoT there, bb!) kept its promise to him, granting him eternal life. It GLOWED. Like so many of the Proeathan toys. The AIs said humans were basically little more than animals, so the advanced Proeathans would’ve essentially been the old gods to these first humans, and subsequent religions named their deities after them. Did Ando and his family figure out how to manipulate these toys for their own use, unknown to their masters? The amount of symbolism in your story is unmistakable, and now I’m like Lucy, wanting to hear the real ending, and not the sweetened version for these children.
I think one more box should wrap this up!
Heron chapter 10 . 2/2/2014
Lucy and Desmond. A complicated story. She is now an angel to these people. When the truth comes out about Desmond’s role in the end of the world, he will be seen as a devil, a demon. Neither of them asked for this burden to be thrust upon them. Each is a symbol of rebirth or destruction. Yet, aren’t both needed to remake this world for humanity? The destruction of the oppressive Proeathans with the help of Desmond, who are here well past their time, is the only way that the humans can start anew, with Lucy’s help. He may well prove to be the monster in this epic saga you’re creating, bb. But maybe the world needs him just as much as it needs Lucy. What would Christianity be without the serpent? He bore the brunt of all the hatred, the sins of Eve that drove humanity out of Eden. But, perhaps that is the corrupted version? If Eden was a prison for humanity, enslaving them, maybe the serpent helped humans to see the truth and escape, rather than be cast out. They no longer had the so called protection of the Proeathans (God), but they were free to make their own fates. Maybe the serpent was a monster. Maybe only monsters can fight this war. Maybe Desmond needs to become the only thing that can fight this war. That would take a tremendous act of trust and faith on his part that he was doing the right thing, becoming the most hated person in humanity, in order to save humanity. Who is the hero and who is the monster? Your hints during Cain’s discussion were tantalizing, bb!
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