Reviews for The Victors Project
Red Sting chapter 5 . 1/13
I genuinely thought I'd gotten to this one already. I'm very impressed. I think the pacing in this one is one of the best in the story. Wheaton was an endearing character quickly. I love how it shows the evolution of the Games even in these very early stages. After a few critical laced chapters I think I really only have positives to say about Wheatons. I also really enjoyed the descrption of the arena as this semi-labyrinth with near impassible walls and the action-packed pace of Wheaton trying to outrun the alliance. The ending here is very dark but of course not out of character for the Capitol. I think I mightve added a little bit more on after that letter just to show the beginning of Wheatons descent but highly solid apart from that. This chapter gets an 8.5/10 [for reference Abrams is a 10/10 and Brilliances chapter a 2/10].

I have some other things to say about District 9 in your universe but I'll save those for Evelyn's chapter...
mellowenglishgal chapter 65 . 1/12
Honestly, I've been thinking about the siblings recently and figured that one or both would have this mentality - that the other doesn't make it out of the arena because they'll be utterly broken. Although in my version it's Gloss who's the rebel and the "insurance policy", killing the vulnerable victors who'd be a liability if the Capitol took them alive, and Cashmere makes him swear to kill her, when she doesn't expect it, because she can't bear the thought of surviving to continue being whored out by Snow.
Red Sting chapter 18 . 1/12
Yes this was an interesting chapter indeed. Finally I have come for Boudicca's chapter. A few things;

-I love the backstory and the description of the Pit. I agree such things could be common in post apocalpyse societies. Reminded me slightly of Mad Max.

-The training sessions under Ahenobarbus and Tiberius were well written too.

-I really liked that we saw a liiiitle more of the arena than usual this year and a closer look at the Career alliance, the first Career alliance.

-I don't like Boudicca cursing at Tiberius. I find this almost always removes gravitas from characters, especially villains. She felt colder and more emotionless or at least highly highly contained before. Also, women should never curse ever, and I'll leave everyone to figure out whether I'm being serious when I say that. I am serious in that it removed a good chunk of her gravitas here though.

I still haven't forgotten how great I think the mentors viewing thing would have been for this chapter...think. I already said Mag with Platinum and Gleam, Bovina with Wheaton and Ahenobarbus, Woof and Ahenobarbus would be a great one, Silk and Wheaton, Seaward and Vera. I also wonder if Camden had any friends in the other victors in the five years he knew them. Maybe Jules, Woof or Gleam on a casual level.

An unexpected one might have been Luxe, who I always saw as a warm and paternal figure, as a sort of comforting older brother figure to the clearly very troubled Vera. It's now my headcanon that Luxe and Vera were best friends [maybe even more then that] and you can't stop me Oisin.

Despite that though, this is a pretty good chapter overall. Go with 8 out of 10. Think I might go for Blight next, which is interesting; Blight's is my least favourite of the three spin offs while Cecilias is my favourite, but Blights chapter in this story is my favourite over Enobaria and Cecilia's chapters. Peace out.
mellowenglishgal chapter 12 . 1/12
Magnificent!

We love a resourceful girl!
mellowenglishgal chapter 11 . 1/12
Poor Camden.

Love the addition of Ohio mines - District 12 sure does love a loophole!
mellowenglishgal chapter 10 . 1/12
Orchus and Jules. I love them!
mellowenglishgal chapter 9 . 1/12
Ah, what Katniss would have been!
Guest chapter 77 . 1/10
Genuinely the best fanfic I have ever read. Finished this in less than a week while I had practice exams to revise for . Genuinely I have no words for how well written this piece of work is. There are several times where O had to take a minute to just think about what I had read. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.
mellowenglishgal chapter 4 . 1/12
Oh, you broke my heart.

How dare you!

It was a beautiful chapter.
Red Sting chapter 25 . 1/12
I have a few things to say;

I've never actually mentioned this before but I share the same last name as one of the tributes in this story and that tribute is Vera. I quite like Vera and I do wonder now if perhaps I'm related to her as a far back 20 times great uncle. As you were probably using for inspiration of most of District 7 [gee I wonder where 'Connor Murphy' comes from as a name] I am Irish.

I never reviewed Seawards chapter properly and I want to rectify that. I enjoyed his chapter a lot! I think the siblings lover element was an unexpected and memorable element to incorporate in and you did a great job describing his arena. I would have liked to see a little bit more of Seaward himself in later chapters though his entry in Secrets was probably my favourite in that story. The only thing I would have added is a little more exploration of the arena and a couple of hand to hand duels [or weapons, something other then drowning] and show Seaward and his family together a little bit before the Games.

Virtus' chapter takes a few re reads to take in. I didn't fully understand the messages until the fourth time reading it. I think he and Augustine Pine were a good pair to put together for the interviews, showing the bombastic Capitol nature with a fairly bombastic but also very serious fighter in a victor. The Sixatrons are as obnoxious as ever. My favourite part of the chapter is the tension after the first fight between Virtus and the six outliers.

The scene with Luscious in the cave is extremely heavy, so...heres what I have to say, dont yell at me. I think something of this nature has to be given a little more time then the quick ish paragraph you devoted. I clearly understood what he did to her 'every way a woman can be defeated' tells us that so I'm not asking you to be more graphic. I think it just needs to be extended in time to feel the impact of what he did. It also makes his character very much a darker shade of grey which is interesting, I appreciated seeing him mentor Brutus and appearing in Berenice's chapter. I think I found his evolution to rebel just about trackable between his appearances and especially his appearnce in Berenice's chapter.

On a lighter note his bond with Honorius here is hilarious and heartwarming. I won't ask in what way the three of them are all cousins, I presume it's Honorius dad Virtus dad Justus mother were all siblings.

This is another strong chapter overall, 8/10 I think. Strong balance of the light and dark themes, I must say that too. Ironically despite being more focused on I find this arena more boring than usual...just rocky cliffs and caves. Apart from that though, strong chapter.
Red Sting chapter 16 . 1/12
This...might be the strangest chapter in the story to be honest. I think it might have the widest gap between the highs and lows. Let me elaborate;

-The interview section was great and I could feel the life in Augustine Pine as a sort of proto Caesar Flickerman. I wish we could have seen more of him in the assorted chapters, maybe Cora's. I also decided Cora wouldn't be the best choice to do the 'mentors give their thoughts'. I think I would go for Boudicca, Chaff and Berenice for that, so a generational gap roughly each time. You could still focus on Ahenobarbus and Tiberius mentoring Boudicca in this style.

-The beginning starts to drag a bit when Martinus really takes his time deciding who to sponsor. Not terrible and I do like the feeling of pomposity in the Capitol that we see from it but couldve been a bit quicker.

-Everything in the arena is fucking awesome. Vera is an exciting protagonist to follow and her backstory was exciting too. The gigantic trees make a very intimidating looking environment.

-I do overall like the approach to Martinus. As a mostly still kid he can't be held fully responsible for his actions but you don't shy away from the dehumanisation the Capitol shows to the Districts and that comes out well. I think I wouldve shown a bit more of the dad and his attitude to the Districts [probably not very positive] to cement this even further and show Martinus will follow in his footsteps.

I think this is a good chapter too. Im going to also give this one a 3 marks out of 4.
Red Sting chapter 32 . 1/12
So this is an interesting chapter [yes I'm off work for most of this week so I think I might round out reviewing every chapter]. Here are some feedback points;

-The first few points are pretty well written but rather brief I think. To really delve into the grief of losing a sibling and losing a parent in all but name I think I wouldve made these longer and delved into Seeder's bond-later lost-with her dear dad. Show don't tell the affection and support between them. I like what it says about his 'reassuring voice' I just would've wanted more of that.

-Ever since Wren's chapter I grew to like her more and like I said would've liked to see her as Seeders mentor directly and if there was some bond of affection between them.

-The husband points are written awkwardly. These should have been fused into one longer bulletpoint.

-Eddie Baxters point is the best written in the story I think. I wouldve liked more of this, longer and again show not just tell the bond.

-The arena stuff is pretty strong.

-In general I think thirteen points is too many. Fuse the husband points together, cut parcel day, the whipping and maybe the 'Peetas love' section, extend the others and maybe add one about mentoring in the later years and the younger victors she looks out for, as well as the tributes she mentored who stood out most.

Not the worst chapter by any means but not my favourite either, a middle ground between Brilliance and Abram [maybe 60 percent closer to Brilliance]. This makes 59 down, 16 to go and all of District 11s victors reviewed!

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Red Sting chapter 48 . 1/11
Alright it's the middle of the night so I might as well get this out out of the way too and I have to review this one sooner or later. Alright here we go;

I mis spoke about Matthias, this is my actual least favourite chapter of the story. On the other end of the spectrum from Abram I just dislike almost everything in this one. Firstly as I've already said it has nothing at all to do with the victor of this year, he is barely a side note, so thats a bad start.

Here are my main feedback points;

-Luxe and Platinum might claim to be old men but they sure don't act very mature to Nolan when they probably have a very good idea of what he went through as a working citizen of District 9. Mags, one of my favourite characters of both your story here and the original books, gets completely overshadowed by the dick measuring contest between Platinum and the guy less then half his age who could break his jaw with one punch.

-If you really wanted at least half this chapter focused on the intrigue, like Antigone's, you couldve given a stronger direction. For example Halibuts chapter references his parents as rebels who died just after the 3rd Quarter Quell. You can foreshadow that here which would have a great payoff along with other rebel units in the Capitol, District 4 and elsewhere. You could also have a younger Plutarch [he didnt look that young to me in the movies with white hair] appear here. It also would have been good placement for other rebel leaders of her generation, like Woof, Mannanan or Bovina. I would consider Jules, who seems to be from a sort of middle class District and could relate a little to both Nolan and the 1s, but you said he largely gave up on rebellion by this time. My perspective is to just not include that. My message here I guess is that Mags is a leader of the people of Panem and if she wants to unite rebels she needs to talk about the people of Panem and how willing and ready they are to fight, when the chance comes. You can even have some argument here, have Nolan want to rush it, Platinum can make a snarky remark at him and Mags can diffuse the tension. This would be great-Mannanan with his dry sense of humour would work well here too-but in my strong opinion as you did it, you did not give this area proper substance.

-Beetee also would have been good to include in a larger role which could show Mags' softer and more compassionate side, always a plus.

-I know I mentioned this but there was potential if you want to focus this on Brilliance. The die hard patriotism thing was great, you can follow it, narrate his story in close position like you did for Boudicca's, then we see this brainwashing clash with the horrific arena. People often really weaken the Careers and make it sound like 80 percent of them go all disillusioned after their Games which I think weakens the impact but here I think that could have worked to some degree. You can then have Luster provide him with luxuries, food, drugs and possibly whores to drown out this sense of disillusionment. There's a stronger way to connect him to Mags and the rebel talk too I think. Perhaps have him form a close allyship and friendship with one of her tributes in the arena, even have her be a childhood victor hero of his and you can have her visit him kind of like Cecilia in Fall into the River.

-All the talk about the bad tolls and woes in Districts 1 and 9 is kind of dull water. Its not that those events arent tragic its that theyre not personal. Media always teaches us to show not tell; I recall how you said the Capitol killed Woofs dog, Seeders husband, Nolans...brother I believe. You can talk about his brother, and childhood friends who got whipped or almost starved or even did starve [some of them could have been briefly mentioned in his own chapter]. Luxe and Platinum likewise should convey personal links to the tragedies they talk about, in additon to maybe recalling the fear they experienced in their own arenas [in this case you would both show and tell. Platinum almost fell to his death and drowned, Luxe probably watched someones heart get cut out, etc, there are things you can work with here Oisin!].

Overall I'm sorry, I just see almost nothing positive with this chapter and knowing how could you can get it is a real shame. I can see potential to it too, but a lot was missing by placing Brilliance in such a small role and then, frankly, fumbling and bambling around the main points of the Mags-rebels talk. This one is to me what the Great Divide is to the Avatar; the Last Airbender [fantastic series by the way, all of you watch it] fandom [and I am to the Hunger Games fandom what Overanalysing Avatar is to that one].
Red Sting chapter 22 . 1/11
I'm on an absolute roll going through these...you've done better with the female victors chapters then I remembered overall. Bit of a mix of Wiress and Silks feedback going back to this one. It works really well going back to it as a semi standalone, the event of the Games works really well and the brutal descriptions are on point. I particularly like the focus on the District 7 tributes and the total madness of the Careers. Those gave this a strong structure and identity, so I was into that. This arena sounds beautiful and I also liked the Mannanan's diary touch to convey to us the impact of Thisbe's health struggles. Two things I would have fixed here;

-I strongly doubt the Gamemakers would have waited til day 7 to pull the action trick. It reminds me of those awkward ideas people have for potential Quarter Quells. I imagine probably day 4 is when then would have got the event going.

-I would have focused on a few particular placements in the castle arena and described them, then linking them together as opposed to 'this is a big classic castle and its beautiful'. Have the Careers hunt tributes in the courtyards, have dinner in the halls, show a couple of outliers in caves outside, that kind of thing. This would have also told us slightly more about Thisbe pre breakdown and conveyed the strength of the Career alliance which you can then show the impact of the Gamemaker's mania, in that it breaks it down. This may make it a bit longer but Im usually up for that, Matthias' chapter is my least favourite partly because of short length while I love the long chapters of Abram and Roan.

Everything else is solid. Obviously you can't fix Snow being a little too young here compared to BosaS. Also, not necessarily in this chapter but I kind of wished you'd used the 'the mentors look at the arena and give their thoughts' maybe once or twice more, Chaff's was in the middle, either here, Boudicca, Honorius or Cora's chapter could have been good to do that for the early years [I really want to see Bovina and Ahenobarbus interact among other things]. For the later years I think Johanna, Enobaria, Berenice or mayyybe Odysseus' chapter could have been told through the mentors. Berenice's chapter could have kept the focus on Ares that its counterpart here could. Solid chapter, 3 out of 4 marks. 57 down, 18 to go.
Red Sting chapter 54 . 1/11
I was planning on leaving this one for a bit but damn, you did it again. I think I've finally understood now that some chapters are meant to be more on the standalone side-this, Song, Gleam and Chevy are good examples-and when they hit they hit well. Wiress is smarter than I recalled and more resourceful. I like how it subtly gives different elements of life to different characters of District 3. I really like the arena. Don't love the death of the District 4 boy but thats the only major gripe. This is in some ways not dis similiar to how I imagined her trauma occuring. When I re read this in more of the stand alone way I really get the world building for District 3 more strongly, I see Wiress' 'scrappy nature' as the Career victor [probably either Ares or Brutus] called it, I get the visualisation of the arena well, I get pretty much everything and its an extremely solid chapter. I'm going to give this one 8 and a half marks out of 10.

I mis counted, I think. This makes 56 victor chapters reviewed, including all of District 3. 19 to go.
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