|Reviews for The Meek Shall Inherit the Babes!|
| ThatFacelessDude chapter 10 . 5/11
Been waiting for an update to this story for quite a while, and boy was it worth the wait!
Let me get the few negative aspects out of the way first. As you admitted yourself in your closing notes, that ending suffers from a whole lot of tone whiplash. It just shifted too dark and too fantastic way too quickly. The descriptions are pretty good, though, even if they're out place. Some nice, decorative language. A bit too flowery sometimes, for example when you mention the sun's "rays of cosmic energy". The word "cosmic" seems rather unnecessary and flagrant in the sentence, since "cosmic" is something more typically associated with technical scientific language, which is rather out of place on a non-technical text or a sci-fi story. I know, it's a nitpick, but those kinds of unnecessary words do pop-up in the more descriptive sections a tad too often. Second major issue is that DJ seems off. A bit too confident. I understand if you didn't want to make him the ridiculously cowardly mouse that the show's later seasons turned him into (I wouldn't either), but I think you went too far in the other direction. He's too dominant. Perhaps it's a subjective interpretation, but I'd see DJ as more of an eager submissive, than any form of dominant, given his personality on the show. On a final negative note, the lemons tend to drag on for a bit too much, since they're a bit too stuffed with description. Sometimes it's best to give a simple, un-detailed description of the scene and let the audience fill in the blanks as they picture it.
As for the good elements, let me say off the bat that they do outweigh the cons. I like your writing and I like this story a lot. In contrast with the actual smut, which dragged on a bit, the pre-lemon teasing between DJ and Heather in the movie theatre was much better, since it didn't last too long. It was explicit enough to hook you, but didn't stretch out with mundane details and descriptions. Heather's change of heart worked really well. After having things go badly for her in the last few chapters, culminating with the endless downpour of bad karma at the beginning of the episode, it makes sense that she'd re-evaluate her recent life choices (i.e. being a jerk). The aforementioned avalanche of bad luck that Heather goes through was pretty funny to read, and it's always nice when characters from the other unrelated chapters (in this case, Sam) pop-up, since it makes the world the story is set in feel more alive. I also thought the scene with the janitor was pretty funny (Was Bridgette convincing the guy to clean the bathroom and then sending him a dirty pic in one of the previous chapters? I don't remember). Despite what I said earlier, I don't think the lemon was bad. It was actually pretty good; just a little too descriptive and long. If you trimmed a little off the top, it would be excellent. Even if I think DJ is a bit too confident, his banter with Heather was very cute, which is what you want for this type of story.
Overall, it's still really good, fun stuff, with only a few issues. I'm looking forward to seeing this story continue, as well as "Second Chance at Love". Great work!
| TDDolphin chapter 10 . 4/18
Heya Rufus! How ya been man? Sorry it took me a bit to read your latest Meek chapter, but I'm here now and ready to review. Before I do though, I want to say congratulations becoming a tour guide aboard the New Jersey, and good luck with finishing up grad school :)
You know, after seeing how you write DJ and Heather together, I might actually like them more in this story MORE than Cody and Bridgette, and considering their scenes and my love for that couple, I didn't think that was possible. Heather and DJ had such great chemistry here, and for a date featuring two people who are total opposites in personality, that is impressive, and it came off believable in my opinion. Major cudos to you there man.
There was plenty of comedy here too, from Heather attacking the people to escape the downpour, her threatening Sam (loved him appearing by the way) to hand over his sweater, and her constantly complaining about having to wear it, both Heather's and DJ's reactions to the other's body, and Heather practically torturing DJ's hormones during the movie. I swear I thought they were gonna get it on in there.
Little did I know that we would be treated to arguably the best sex scene in the entire story. I figured DJ wouldn't be so meek when it came to making love with Heather. They practically $&%*# each other stupid. Honestly, It was nice to see a well-written chapter dedicated to a rather underrated pairing, and DJ being the gentlemen and carrying Heather through the floods was a sweet moment.
I'm not gonna lie though. I don't really understand the ending with Dawn. I reread that part like three times and I still don't know what her involvement is. I just didn't get it, or where you plan on going with it. But everything else about this chapter was fantastic. Again, it's hard for me to decide which couple I love more between CodyxBridgette and DJxHeather, since their both written so well here.
So it may be a while for the next update huh? I understand considering all you've got going on. I'll still be looking forward to the next chapter. Good luck Rufus, and don't work yourself to death :)
| Agent of LIGHT chapter 10 . 4/15
Good to see you back. And yes, i know school can consume your time and interest. Trust me, i'm going through the same at the Translation Course in Rosario.
Onto the chapter. Nice to see that Heather is going through some deserving character development. I never expected that Bridgette would actually set her up with DJ, of all people. Although i'm still worried about the path Bridge is going through, especially the janitor's comment about the surfer flashing him to get him to clean up the cinema's bathroom. I wonder how Cody will react to that.
So the next chapter is going to have three lemons, hu? Rule of three much? I have my guesses of who the couples are going to be: either Codette, Gweneron and Nourtney, or Samkota, DJther and Zoke (which could FINALLY be introduced). Personally, i stick to the former, i'd like to see more of Noah and Courtney's interactions, as well as Gwen and Cameron.
Dawn's inclusion and her subplot suggest that bigger things are about to happen, although i find it rather unnecessary. The story was just fine as it is.
Sorry that i don't have much to comment on, i'm exhausted.
| acosta perez jose ramiro chapter 10 . 4/11
Wow, great chapter, and yeah, I like the DJ and Heather's pairing.
Keep the good writing.
| The Brod Road chapter 10 . 4/11
Welcome back, dude! Another great chapter. I didn't expect the pairing to be DJ/Heather, but in your own way, you made it actually work. That's always a good thing to accomplish: taking a pair that not many would think could work and somehow put them in a scenario where they could come together without seeming farfetched. :)
That Dawn ending, though... Sounds like she definitely has her own journey ahead of her. Sounds interesting. The Moonchild waging some supernatural battle in, perhaps, her own version of Devil May Cry (or some other franchise to that effect).
It was quite well-done how Heather had quite a bad day that turned into a great one. Another step toward redemption for her (sort of!). I bet she'll still be bitchy in some aspects, though. It wouldn't be Heather without it. XD
Three lemons in one chapter next? I wonder if it's another visit to the "Gweneron/Codette" open relationship with a third pair involved somehow. Or just three different scenarios happening at the same time by sheer coincidence.
Guess we'll see the next chapter in... my best guess, half a year. Perhaps more, if I factor in you updating your other stories as well. Ah well, patience is a virtue. Keep it up, dude!
| CLake chapter 10 . 4/10
Nice addition, and nice couple ;)
| Linkonpark100 chapter 10 . 4/10
A job as a tour guide? I'd expect some Night at the Museum schtick from you.
It sounds like Meek is taking a really dark turn. I can assume that there's some influence from your Raptured work.
| R3qu13m0f50ul5 chapter 10 . 4/10
I'm quite interested in this other story idea.
take as much time as you have to for it to work but PLEASE write it eventually.
| CLake chapter 8 . 1/10
After reading chapter 9, will Mike and Zoey get their own chapter on this?
| Guest chapter 8 . 12/27/2015
I'm sorry, but I don't really like this chapter at all. It was just extremely repetitive.
You kept saying "the straw that broke the camel's back", using the same adjective (Mocha) over and over again. Also, practically every time you mention Noah, you talk about his 'stoic look" or "blank face". I get that Noah doesn't show much expression, but it's kind of annoying that you have to talk about each time.
If you could maybe fix those, then I think it could be one of your best chapters yet in this story.
| JC chapter 9 . 12/4/2015
Great update,I hope you do a Cody/Bridgette and Gwen 3 way next.
| Guest chapter 9 . 10/28/2015
What about a Noah and Bridgette chapter? Love the story by the way!
| TheGamingMonkey2002 chapter 9 . 9/23/2015
...did you just put a 6teen reference in here... my n***a
| inklings chapter 9 . 9/12/2015
Hi! Just wanted to say, awesome story so far. There are two couples that could work though. One is Noah and Emma, The other is Mickey and Kitty. Can't wait for the next chapter to come out! :-)
| CLake chapter 9 . 9/11/2015
If I may suggest, how about Noah and Emma from the Ridonculous Race
It's actually confirmed that Noah likes her in the new previews