But Theo is the curse breaker at Gringotts!

I’m surprised t how Astoria is presented in this chapter. She was a cheat and threAtened Pansy!

All of your stories are well planned and exciting and just plain GOOD. This was no exception. I really enjoyed this

First of all, thank you for writing this. Lovely premises and setting and your writing have great potential to be amazing. I hope you don’t mind if I leave a few personal opinions. Usually, if I hate the story I’ll drop and leave without bothering to comment, but I see there’s so much work and care that was put into this I wanted to see if my comments could help in any way.

1. “Verbal diarrhoea” - like what the few other commenters have noted, there were many parts the speech came in big chunks and packed full of information. While I do not mind reading through big chunks of it, I do think small bits would carve the characters in more depth. How the character behaves and what you describe sometimes do not match up. Like a freshly hurt person would keep their thoughts more to themselves, might overthink more, be more hesitant in their actions and what they say.

Eg. Draco's character is a man of few words and if his part is as vulnerable as pansy says, he would not be so vocal about praising hermione in front of Ron or defending her in a whole speech about his opinions of her, especially since their relationship is still fresh.
Eg. Pansy and Hermione never really interacted before, it doesn't make sense for her to share so much with hermione.

2. Would like to clarify what "patient confidentiality means -
It does not mean 'sorry i can't tell you' then give a summary of the patient and their medical history

3. Few other tiny things like how all the characters seem to have the same insight and give the same speech about them. I guess if it's placed this way then each character starts blurring into each other and they become out of character.

enjoying this so far.

You really hate the Weasle

Glad they found Blaise. I always liked his character for some reason...

Soooo amazing!

I really want to like this story. Your overall narrative path seems interesting, your characters seem true or feasible to cannon. But your typos and grammatical errors make it difficult to read/understand and stay within the story. It may be beneficial to get a beta reader to offer grammar and continuity feedback. I wish you luck in your writing and future.

this is one of the best Dramione story i read. i love all your stories ️

I'm really enjoying this story so far, but I just wanted to offer constructive criticism if you still read these and want to consider it.

Your writing style is really good, but when it comes to dialogue, your characters tend to speak a lot and you write it in fairly large paragraphs with little interruptions. This gives their speaking a sort of preach like quality in my opinion, and diminishes the value of what they're saying. This is because, at least in my head, when you have a character go off on a tangent about their feelings or ethics or relationships without giving me more information about their body language and expressions while they're speaking, I just imagine them sitting there giving a speech and it makes it easy for me to zone out. I think it's a pity that this happens because otherwise I really like your writing.

Should you choose to, I think it's an easy fix. You can just break up the speeches into shorter paragraphs and describe their actions in between, or just try to condense their points so the speeches don't go on for too long.

This is just something I noticed, but I'm aware that this might be a conscious choice and this is how you like your characters to be written, which I respect. In any case, great story and good luck!

I actually was pretty sure that Daphnee was the killer! I wasn't sure why but I had a feeling. I think it was because she was just kind of around but no one was really friends with her anymore. But I liked it because I wasn't 100% sure but I was right in the end! Great story btw!

Hi there - just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this story. The characters were well written and the plot strong and believable. Ron's fall from grace was one of the most believable parts, and it felt true to his character as JKR wrote him. Thanks for a wonderful story!

Jilly

interesting story. the writing and the dialogue could've used some work (editing and beta'ing probably would've been a good idea to polish some of the redundancies, grammar issues, and amercanisms), and a couple of times your characterisations seemed a bit off (especially in the dialogues). but literary issues aside the concept was nice and the story was an enjoyable read.

Harry for Merlin's sake, stop comparing Draco to the other moron! The bloke was clueless and stupid, let's leave it at that XD•Love the story, darling BTW. Reading it for the third time and it never gets old3•