|Reviews for Rebirth: What logic?|
| Guest chapter 3 . 6/6/2019
This story is written with so much ADHD it isn't even coherent
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/6/2019
Ur mom gay
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/24/2017
Meh. I can't be bothered reading this anymore. One question though, is Ichi a boy or girl? Because I can't tell.
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/13/2016
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/4/2016
This is not something to try and read when you've got a virus... Uuuuurrrrgggggghhhhhuuuu*gargling on snot sounds*... This story does suck... But I can see... *cough! Cough!... Sniff*... *wheeze*... Potential...
| sand-kit chapter 2 . 1/24/2015
Replacement for Duck-ass huh? I like it. It's... new. Not a idea you see every day.
| PerceptionOftheUnique chapter 3 . 1/10/2015
I don't get it, where is Sasuke? He is one of the most awesome characters.
| Kallios the Scholar chapter 2 . 8/28/2014
I think your beta needs to be a bit more attentive.
"I sat there in the mist blue kitchen nibbling on a cookie looking at my mom as she finished the dishes." For this sentence, commas need to be inserted after every separate action. Basically this sentence is a list, and you need to keep every item separate so that they don't get confused.
Also, in the next paragraph it mentioned that the character was "disciplined" by his parents. However, that's never clarified - you never say HOW he was disciplined. Was he trained? Punished for something?
Also you misspell jutsu as "jusu" at one point
The list of revisions goes on, and I don't really want to find out whether reviews have a character limit or not. Overall, if the rest of your fic is like this then I heavily suggest that you go back and edit your earlier chapters. I think that as a writer you have a lot of growing to do, though this certainly isn't a bad start.
| Kallios the Scholar chapter 1 . 8/28/2014
Okay, hmmm... this is an interesting start, though you have a couple of grammatical errors that made reading difficult. (Also yes, I'm aware that this is your first fic, which is why I'm trying to help you as much as I can. Your writing isn't going to improve unless you learn to recognize and fix mistakes).
"I had brown hair that was held in a cop end it all, I wore a cop uniform."
"I after sliding on the slippery floor, we crashed through the window."
I can't help you with the first sentence, since I can't understand it at all, but the second one would be better if you took out the first word. Also, it can't be THE window unless it's a very specific window, in which case you need to say why that is. Otherwise, it'd be A window.
My only other problem with the prologue was that you didn't go into greater detail about the chase scene through the corporate building. It would have been a chance to both show what your character is capable of, as well as how he reacts to the situation - basically an insight into his mind and skillset.
| a friend chapter 28 . 8/3/2014
I like it his laughing off what mac almost got bit off and note there are only 3 kinds of people dicks pussys and assholes
| 4fireking chapter 28 . 8/4/2014
I don't know if D*** is the right word to use in the chapter, it just sounds a little too dirty. Awesome chapter by the way.
| 4fireking chapter 26 . 7/18/2014
Do you think the Naruto series has gotten better or worse during the years. Good chapter. At least you know how to make the next chapters better. Please, please continue. :)
| 4fireking chapter 25 . 7/3/2014
I just want to say good job. But I was confused with the last part. Was there suppose to be a double quote with Those of you?
| 4fireking chapter 23 . 5/20/2014
This is a nice revelation. I don't know if I could be your beta but you're doing good.
| Guest chapter 2 . 4/24/2014
Just started reading dis fanfic,im in d 2nd chapter nd its looking gud nd well written...but correction to u implying dat sasuke has few fans..u cant be more rung!..there are countless sasuke fans..2nd only to naruto..including me.