|Reviews for Fog of War|
| Faraway-R chapter 1 . 9/20/2014
Sheesh. You'd think that Ozpin, after his first brush with the skinwalker, would have tried to find a way to actually destroy spirits.
As a matter of fact, now that he had his second brush, with another skinwalker, chances are he actually would.
On a side note, given that apparently dragons (Yang!) and other magical creatures actually can live for centuries and millenia, investing in spirit-slaying research sounds like a good idea. Let short-lived and short-sighted species be satisfied with century-long banishments. Long-lived species are in the market for more permanent solutions.
| Kage15oni chapter 1 . 8/12/2014
This is so totally awesome, The terror feeling, the fight scene, and the humor, it all just click.
| MagentaDragon chapter 1 . 4/20/2014
Wow. Yes. Love this. Hope you write more! (Or have written more. Iiiiiii'm going to go stalk your profile page right now.)
| growlscout chapter 1 . 4/18/2014
This was just great. :-) The interaction between the four members of RWBY, with Ozpin's dry wit mixed in, made for an enjoyable, many times hilarious, read. With just the right amount of suspense. I love Ruby's gun fetish, and Yang's comment about taking out years of frustration over Ruby's gun collection. Ahhhhh sibling rivalry. :-) And Yang and Weiss really are too cute with each other in your AU. Not to mention Ruby's crush on Blake. :-)
Thanks for sharing this story!
| Just Another Girl99 chapter 1 . 4/18/2014
Please do more Agents of Beacon!
| Tear of Light chapter 1 . 2/4/2014
This was a fantastic piece! Truly! Wonderful writing, awesome characters, epic battles and explosions, psycho weapons Ruby. What more could a reader ask for? XD
| Belthasar chapter 1 . 1/12/2014
Well, this was definitely interesting.
| Jack Inqu chapter 1 . 1/3/2014
A very good story, and I'm glad it didn't end too darkly. Not that there's anything wrong with darker stories, it just wasn't what I was looking for at the moment.
Glad to hear that your mood improved.
Take care, good luck, and I look forward to your next update.
| DezoPenguin chapter 1 . 1/3/2014
*looks around* There ought to be more reviews here, darn it!
I'm actually surprised that "Fog" is as short as it is-it felt a lot longer when reading in installments (I notice that you've made some edits in putting it together into a single story which help to smooth over some of the transitions between segments and avoid giving away revelations too early on).
There's both ups and down here.
There's an ominous, suspense-filled beginning as the two agents are hunted down by the then-unseen force which does do an excellent job of building the atmosphere of horror and threat (which, seriously, is one of the major issues with the Agents of Beacon AU; Ruby is an extremely badass normal with access to bleeding-edge anti-supernatural technology, Blake and Weiss are powerful supernaturals themselves in addition to having access to that same tech, and Yang is an honest-to-goodness dragon; it takes a lot to be a threat to these people and the major conflict in previous AoB stories has all been character-based: Ruby fighting out of her weight class to keep Weiss from having to Do Something Awful, Yang trying to not kill someone who's really in need of killing, Ren facing up to potential death and Nora in a life-changing moment, so score one for you in succeeding in both setting an *atmosphere* of threat early on and then presenting the *actuality* of threat in the confrontation). Part of me wishes that you'd actually hung on to your bad mood long enough to keep this atmosphere and tension up through the story, though that might have gotten Blake eaten or something and we'd miss Nuclear Ruby and most of Ozpin's better lines in that event and that would have been said.
The description of the fight scenes, beginning with Yang's awesomely dramatic entrance in the infirmary, was excellent and exciting. As always, you have a gift for this sort of thing, where reading the action as it happens makes it easy to envision it in a cinematic and immersive sense. Frankly, after having read your stories for so long, it becomes hard to continually comment with superlatives about it, because it gets kind of monotonous and you earn them every time with your descriptions. "It's bog-standard Moczo" is about as high as praise gets for action-scene writing, for those of us who know your work.
What's not as good is the humor. Not because it isn't funny (because it *is* funny, both the black-comedy bits and the more lighthearted stuff), but because it doesn't always fit with the setting and it flanderizes (to borrow a tacky but useful trope word) the characters by exaggeration of their traits: Ruby's enthusiasm over weapons, Weiss's snarkiness, Yang's lechery (the latter of which is only barely a trait in canon anyway). It reminds me quite a lot of the equally over-the-top characterization in the Eric Margrave stories, only with those it's made quite explicit that many of the foibles and oddities the characters exhibit is because these are very damaged people and that's why they act that way, and pretty regularly the lid comes off and we get to see inside the "Slayer of Evil...Prices Negotiable" cast to see the extent of that damage so we have something to compare that damage to. I'm not sure if that's where you and Beam are trying to go with AoB, but I'm not sure that it works here. As it is, both Ruby and Yang come off as being not-quite-functional people, and I can't understand how Weiss tolerates either of them, let alone works as one's partner and the other's in-universe ship half. (In "For Better or Norse," by contrast, Ren gets a little deadpan-snarkerness by virtue of being the POV character, Ozpin there and here both are kept within levels acceptable to his existing character, and Nora is Nora and therefore is canonically already an over-the-top character.)
That said, I doubt most of the readership will notice, or if they do notice then care about that, given that any and all of those concerns are buried in a giant heap of (1) funny, and (2) awesome, if not both (Nuclear Ruby!).
(I must mention Yang coming back and getting one very good not-over-the-top line in the final segment, her "How...comforting." Which starts out as being just a "dissatisfaction that the enemy isn't permanently dead" remark, until I started thinking about it. And realized: Dragon. Unlike Ozpin and everybody else, there's actually a pretty good chance Yang will be around for the rematch (if dragon lifespans in AoB are anything like dragon lifespans in virtually every other setting). And petty, cruel, evil things like the skinwalker tend to *want* rematches. So while everyone else is going "Well, at least the world is safe for another century," she's thinking, "better put that down on my 2114 calendar."
The wrap-up scene with Torchwick and Cinder was also excellent, with Torchwick appearing surprisingly rounded and Cinder acceptably scary (her very offhandedness is the worst of it-she comes off as, that skinwalker which took ALL THAT to sort-of bring down, was just something she tossed off to harass the folks at Beacon because it was Tuesday and hey, it might be productive and it's no big deal if it isn't. And *that* is a scary thought.
All in all, some flaws but overall a great story, and it's excellent to see you returning to this setting. Now we nag RadiantBeam to take her turn, right?
| AfroThunda chapter 1 . 1/2/2014
Damn, okay, I'm freakin' impressed, MORE PLEASE!
| Craxuan chapter 1 . 1/2/2014
Weiss seemed to have lost all semblance of control she had on the first story, the moment she's near Yang.
Blake was... jealous of Weiss a little? Maybe?
Ruby, for all your manic obsession with the BIGGER weapons, I still love you to death!
Yang did pretty well, considering that she had been flying for half an hour in Dragon form. May I presume that it consumes a lot of strength?
Oh, and finally I am so jealous of your ability to keep the story burning with excitement SO. JEALOUS. GAH!