Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Bakemonogatari or anything that appears in this fanfic.

Chapter 1: Hitagi Crab-Part 1

The sun rose as it always did; slowly being elevated from the east, supported by the invisible hand of a powerful deity, shining its blinding radiance on everything and anything it cast its gaze on. Beams of brilliant gold shone upon the city beneath, showering it with the sun's loving heat and warmth. To many individuals, the sun was their friend and symbol of life; a heavenly body that guided them with its warm light, a shining beacon of hope for some in the darkness of their lives. Others believed that it was a natural event, a star that the earth orbited in the mysterious space above.

Of course, according to the figure standing atop the tallest construction site in town, it could also be described as a huge ball of gas too stupid to know that not everyone liked its rays. The construction site, a plot of land that was bought by the incredibly wealthy billionaire, Namikaze Minato, was apparently the makings of the billionaire's new home. At the moment, the project was only about a third done with construction; the foundation had been laid, and the first three rooms were nearing completion but there were still twenty more rooms to be made, furniture to be bought, wiring to be installed…amongst various other things.

As the sun crept higher into the heavens, the dark morning sky lightened up considerably to reveal more detail of the still figure. He stood tall on the recently made seventh floor, standing close to five foot eight, and wore only black pants that clung to his form. He didn't seem uncomfortable at the tightness though, still gazing impassively with crimson eyes at the rising sun. Long crimson locks, a lighter shade of red than his sister's, floated gently in the morning breeze. They were of shoulder-length, spiking about all over the place with a certain exotic and feral appeal which was only enhanced by the bangs which were so long that they covered most of his right eye.

He wore no shirt, leaving his muscled chest bare. He was certainly ripped yet his muscles were compact and streamlined, unlike the somewhat grotesque physiques of male heavyweights. His feet were bare, gripping the ceiling by the toes and making small indents in them.

A tired sigh found its way out of him. "Another day, huh?" He muttered. Finally moving his gaze from the sun, curiously not blinking at all despite having stared at it for the past ten minutes, the youth looked down at the faraway ground. By his estimations, the distance between him and the hard ground was about two hundred feet, give or take.

A crimson brow quirked, though his face remained in its perpetually disinterested expression. He stared at the ground, considering the use of taking the plunge. If he jumped, would he finally find some release? 'Not likely…it didn't work last time, why should it now?' Jumping would do nothing for him; just as before, he would survive and carry on with this life, bored out of his mind like he had been for the past 500 years. Also, he had undergone some of the most brutal and ingenious murder attempts by various powerful and influential individuals all over the world and across time…why would a simple fall be able to do what even the most evil man in the world could not do? 'Besides, I doubt that she'd appreciate me trying to kill us both…'

He stared at it some more, contemplating the issue some more before sighing once more. Returning his gaze back towards the sun, his eyes narrowed when he noted its new position. 'They'll be up soon…I'd best get back and help them get ready for school.' Slowly settling into a crouch, the redhead youth closed his eyes for a moment. Time seemed to still, slowing down to a crawl as he tapped into the potent, overwhelming, limitless and primal power he had within him.

In a rush of sense that would've left any other individual extremely disoriented, he felt himself reconnect with the world in a way that others would never come close to; the sounds grew louder, more distinct and clearer. The sensations he felt from his feet were sharper, easier to notice and his body felt every little sensation that he had previously missed. If he stuck his tongue out, he was more than sure that he would've been able to 'taste' the surroundings…but, considering how snake-like the action was as well as who it reminded him of, he rarely used that particular sense. And, as his eyes opened to reveal the black slits that now gave him an animalistic appearance, the sights grew more detailed.

All this information was processed faster than the speed of sound. A moment later, the young man disappeared in a flash of motion. One moment he was there, the next moment he was gone without a trace; his form speedily flickering from one rooftop to the other, one could best describe the movement as a more refined and harder to spot Shunpo from the manga 'Bleach'.

Launching himself off the edge, he flew through the air like a missile, intent on reaching its destination. The wind howled in his ears as he flew through the atmosphere, cutting through it with his sharper Wind-natured chakra easily. A few moments of flying passed before the familiar sight of his home began to grow larger. At that, he cut the chakra emanating from his body and let himself hurtle forwards using the momentum gained from his flight. Feeling his speed beginning to decrease, the youth tucked his body into a roll and slipped through the open window.

Landing on the floor silently with cat-like grace, the youth rolled to his feet and quickly grabbed a nearby red undershirt. He could already hear the creaking of wood as his youngest sibling crept down the stairs, the excited bustling of his eldest sibling as she got ready for the day and, if he focused enough, even the gentle snores of his other sibling in her bed.

Having already taken a shower, he hurriedly dressed himself in the undershirt before his door burst open with a bang. A red blur leapt towards him with an excited cheer, her long red hair blazing like the flames of heaven and her eyes as deeply blue as the ocean sparkling with happiness and glee. "GOOD MORNING, NARU-NII!" She was shorter than him, probably about five feet tall, and wore the uniform of Tsuganoki 2nd Middle School. She had a slender, but feminine build with fair skin and her hair was arranged in buns with hair pins in them and three clips in the front.

It was hard for him to believe that she was already fourteen, just a few months younger than Karen.

Hello again. I'm glad that you all don't know who I really am; having to wipe you all out would've been annoying and stressful on my resources. Anyways, allow me to introduce the strange family I managed to gather in my years on this earth. I'd first like to say that even though I would most certainly outlive them, I do not regret forming bonds with them. If I was given a chance to do it all over again, I would definitely go for it again.

He ducked, avoiding the tackle as easily as picking a pen, letting her sail over his hunched form in surprise. Before she could slam unto his bedroom floor, his hand flashed out and grabbed her right leg by the ankle. Deftly maneuvering himself, the brother spun her around lightly whilst his other hand snatched her waist, securing it like a snake. The girl whooped in excitement as she was spun round in two twirls, ignoring the fact that her hair would get into her mouth if she kept it up.

Landing her gently on the floor, the taller boy gazed at his sister with a disinterested look. "Mito, why are you awake at this time…and why did you try that stupid thing from Bleach? I could've hurt you, you know?"

Mito giggled cutely, wrapping her hands around him and burying her face in his chest. "Waaii! Nii-sama, today is the special day! I woke up extra early today and wanted to surprise you." Turning her head upwards to meet the stoic gaze of her brother, her smile widened. "Besides, it looked kinda fun."

He arched a brow.

She looked at him with wide eyes and a huge grin. "And also because Mito knew Naruto-nii would keep Mito from falling down and getting hurt." She said.

The young lady I kept from damaging her head is my youngest sister, Uzumaki Mito. Surprisingly named after the Shodaime's wife, she acts more like I did when I was a child; loud, boisterous and having a rather strange fetish for sweet cakes. She is one of the more upstanding students in her year; the 2nd position champion, perfectly well-mannered towards her peers and teachers and said to be the darling of her class.

I wouldn't really know, since I hardly pay attention to what goes on in her school.

Especially since she's going to be transferred to Tsuganoki 2nd Middle School.

Of course, that side of her is only a pretext; Mito is actually a very devious adolescent and doesn't take kindly to those that slight her in any way. I suppose I had a hand in developing that sadist attitude of hers…but, it was already there before I got involved.

The boy knelt down to her eye level, still gazing at her with lidded eyes. "Mito, you know school doesn't start until eight o'clock…and it's only six thirty. I know you're excited to be joining Karen-chan and Tsukihi-chan at their school, but that doesn't mean you have to wake everyone up just because you woke up early." He bopped her lightly on the head, earning a blush and embarrassed pout from the redhead girl.

He ignored the look and gave her a pat on the head, watching with a miniscule smile as Mito leaned into his touch like a puppy. Patting her for a few more moments, he eventually retracted the limb and turned about to continue getting dressed. "By the way, have you heard from the old man recently?" He asked as he put on the black uniform shirt of Naoetsu Private High School.

Mito took a moment to answer, having temporarily fallen into a sullen pout at the loss of her Nii-sama's hand-petting. "No, Tou-san hasn't called me in the past few days…was there something he was supposed to say to me?" She questioned, crossing her arms and looking curiously at him.

Naruto finished buttoning his shirt and grabbed his belt from the hanger. "Well, he said that he'd be calling in one you three within the week…something about a trip?" He muttered. Securing his belt around his waist, he grabbed his favorite wristwatch and tied it around his left wrist.

Mito glanced at the clock and frowned. "Nii-sama, I'm going to make breakfast. It's already seven o'clock and I think Tsukihi-chan might still be asleep. Do you mind checking on her and waking her up for me?"

Naruto nodded. "Sure thing. D'you mind making some pancakes for me?" Grabbing his bag, he began stuffing in some books he'd need for the day's lessons.


Hearing the footsteps signifying Mito's trip to the kitchen had commenced, Naruto grabbed a pair of black socks and quickly put them on, uttering a few choice words at the restrictive feeling they gave his feet. Slipping on his shoes with obvious reluctance, he stepped out of his room and moved towards the spiraling staircase.

Climbing up to the next floor, he headed towards the second door on the right. It was bright and colorful, painted in varying shades of red, orange and yellow to emulate the brightness of the sun. On it was a sign that said, 'Tsukihi's Room' in bolded letters.

Rapping the door with his knuckles, Naruto called out. "Tsukihi-chan, are you up yet?" There was no response, though he could hear her heartbeat increase as well as the rustling of sheets.

He sighed and opened the door, which was always unlocked in the mornings, entering her room. Like her sister Karen, she was a bit of a neat freak; there were no clothes strewn about her floor, her books and desk were tidily packed and organized, her

She was a young girl with black hair and dark gray irises. She wore a sunny side-up egg-shaped hairclip on the right side of her hair and, like her true blood-related sister, had an ahoge. Her hair was currently sprawled all over her face, covering portions of the left side of her face. A large bedcover hid most of her body from view, but Naruto knew that underneath those sheets lay her naked body. It was something of a surprise to see her sleeping in the nude so young, but he didn't call her out on it and simply accepted it as part of her quirks.

He quietly made his way to her side, making sure to step on one or two creaky floorboards to let her know he was approaching. Reaching her bed, Naruto eased himself at her side and gently caressed her face. He brushed her dark hair from her face, revealing her cute face and parted lips. Running his hands through her hair, he leaned in closer. "Tsukihi-chan, it's time to wake up…" He said, making his voice as gentle as possible to avoid another fiery explosion like the few times before.

She mumbled incoherently, burying herself deeper into her bed. Naruto' lips twitched upwards. "Tsukihi-chan, don't you want to meet all your friends again after the long break? You know you can't afford to miss the first day of school." He urged, shaking her gently.

She flipped over, her face positioned in front of him once again. "O…Onii-chan…" She mumbled. He cocked his head and shook her a bit more, wondering if she was going to make him have to pull out the big guns. "Onii-chan…should give me a wake-up kiss…"

He stared at her.

This lovely lady asking me to kiss her is Uzumaki Tsukihi, the youngest child of the Uzumaki family. She is a second year in middle school, with higher than average grades and is a role model for many of the girls in their year. Her birthday falls in early April, which would make her fourteen in a couple of months.

She appears to be a little flower, but her appearance belies her true nature. She looks extremely feminine, but her nature is even more aggressive than Mito's and she gets easily provoked. On more than one occasion, her fits could be accurately described as hysterics.

Um…ah! She also happens to have a massive brother complex, which I fear may lead to incestuous advances sooner or later. I believe Mito was the one to plant and nurture this personality trait.

He blinked once before rubbing his nose. 'Oh well, time to pull out the big guns…' "Tsukihi-chan, if you don't wake up Karen will have all the pancakes to herself." He deadpanned.

She was instantly up, throwing her covers off herself with gusto and revealing her wide eyes. "Nani?!" Shoving herself off her bed, she dashed past her brother and into the bathroom; the sound of running water and Tsukihi's frantic movements brought a small smile unto his face. Unknown to many, Tsukihi hated anyone taking her pancakes; it was something of a gag amongst their family for Naruto to get her to do some things by threatening her with pancakes.

"Wow, you sure know how to get her out of bed on time. As expected of Onii-chan!" Turning around towards Tsukihi's door, Naruto was treated to the sight of his oldest sister; standing at five foot two, she was the only one of his siblings who he didn't have to constantly look down at. Her outfit consisted of a yellow hoodie and pants, a black tank top, red socks and white running shoes. She had tied her black hair into a ponytail on the right side of her head and used a similar hair accessory as her younger sister (both their accessories had a sunny side-up egg design). She also has dark gray irises like her biological sister Tsukihi and was grinning at him with her energetic mega-watt smile, her head tilted to lean against the wall.

This is the eldest of my sisters, Uzumaki Karen. A third year in middle school, her birthday falls at the end of June. A tomboy at heart, she excels at most sports; soccer, handball, tennis, lacrosse…she's very good at them. However, her talents are best suited for combat, which is a passion we both share. She earned her black belt in no time, and has been learning many things under me as a student of sorts.

According to a few of her classmates, she enjoys fighting too much to appear truly feminine and many of the boys at her school are too apprehensive of her strength to try approaching her.

Load of horseshit in my opinion.

I wouldn't call her manly, but the aggressive light in her eyes makes her more like a Kunoichi than anything…though she really can't compete with some of the ones I know; Samui, Kurotsuchi, Konan, Temari, Mei, Tayuya…they all have that sexy and dangerous vibe that gets me all fired up.

She's just cute and dangerous…there's a difference.

Naruto shrugged. "Yes, yes, Onii-chan is awesome. Now that we've established that, why don't you go help Mito with whatever needs to be done whilst I help Tsukihi-chan get ready?" He checked his watch and raised a brow. "It's already seven fifteen…you'd best do that quickly and have breakfast."

"Aye, sir!" Taking off like a shotgun, she was already clearing the distance from the staircase to the kitchen.

And, of course, there is my 'father'-Namikaze Minato. For those who know of my origins, it might be surprising for you to see him as my father in this time but I wouldn't worry about that right now. There is still time to get to that particular story…

The head of Spiral Corp, Minato has his hands full running the multi-billionaire enterprise and is almost always away from home. From what I hear, it dabbles in basically everything and anything. Impressive, considering the fact that it started as a dare from me…but then again, I had accumulated so many riches that getting it established was a foregone conclusion.

He's terribly busy with his company, but he tries to find time to spend with us…it isn't the best, but we're all fine and understanding with his situation. He once courted someone, a pleasant woman by the name of Kuchiki Koyomi, but she died in a car crash before they got serious.

He still mourns her passing, along with that of my birth mother.

Naruto stepped out of the house, waving to the rest of his family as he set out towards Naoetsu Private High School. It took him about ten minutes to walk from his home to school, since he was taking his time as opposed to just speeding over there. Stopping for a moment to buy a box of golden chocolate donuts from a nearby convenience store, he lazily ate as he walked past his neighbors. He met a few people on the streets, but they just gave him a cheerful nod and greeting, something he preferred over the paparazzi treatment his family had experienced when they lived in the United States.

Seeing the gates up ahead, he finished eating the donut in his hands and pulled out the last three from the box. Dumping the box in a close trashcan, he dropped the donuts on the ground, where his shadow was; at that moment, his shadow darkened like a portal and a hand reached out to snatch them. Waving cheekily at him, the arm receded back into his shadow.

He snorted at that and headed up the stairs. 'She can be such a pain…'

Looking back, despite all the problems that would come as a result of my actions, I do not regret catching her. It isn't in my nature to wish things had happened differently; of course, I tend to wonder what could've happened but the past is something I never regret.

You could say that I was deceived by her looks, but I don't believe that was the case…compared to beauties like Cleopatra, Mei, Konan, Grace Kelly, she falls short.

Was it because of her circumstances? To be honest, her situation was quite tame compared to many other people I've helped…even what happened to her family is relatively minor when you compare it to the atrocities committed by various people in positions of power.

I believe it had more to do with her personality, especially how interesting she was.

Shinobu doesn't agree with me…she's just jealous I find someone other than her interesting, even more so because Senjougahara Hitagi is only human.

And besides, had I not met her, my life would've remained a boring and monotonous experience.

At least now I have more than just Shinobu to fight…

A/N: Slow, I know but that is how I want to take this fic. Bakemonogatari has some pretty slow developments, and I'm still thinking up the various changes that Naruto's presence has caused. The next chapter WILL wrap up 'Hitagi Crab' and kick-start the 'Mayoi Snail' story.

Now, there are going to be a few changes: first off, there isn't a Little!Shinobu. Remember her appearance at the end of Nisemonogatari? That's how she looks like from the get-go. Details about her relationship with Naruto will be revealed, but note that there are going to be power plays between her and Naruto due to her unique situation.

Secondly, Nadeko Mudusa may or may not be written. If I decide to include it, note that it will be far different from what we got. (Fuck Ougi. Fuck Gaen. They'll be getting their medicine when I get to their stories)

Thirdly, expect more action scenes as well as a more 'realistic' approach; you won't see Karen take down a bridge, you won't see Naruto being curb-stomped by Yodzuru (though you can expect multiple skirmishes between those two, starting earlier from Bakemonogatari) and you'll be seeing more of Naruto's supernatural enemies as the story unfolds.

Last, the pairing isn't going to be revealed until the end of Nisemonogatari. Naruto may go on dates, have moments with various females and MAY SEEM to be getting closer to one particular character but don't get your hopes up.

Anyone know when the manga will continue? I can't wait to see what happens next! Also, Minato isn't the only Narutoverse character to appear…and there IS a reason for them to appear. Read and review,