Hello! This is my first Hangover fic (I've been hit by the fic bug for this!) so I hope you like it! This is rated T for swearing- this is Phil we're talking about, after all!


Phil flumped into his leather couch, the cushions hissing with displaced air- this was the first time he had had a proper sit down since they got back from Vegas, what with the wedding and all; he was absolutely shattered.

He leaned back, sighing. 'Fuck me….' He muttered to himself, rubbing his face. It had been a tough few days…he was glad to be home. He had bagged a few days off from the school, so he didn't need to rush around anytime soon. He leaned over and picked up the remote from the coffee table before flicking on some afternoon football.

Sitting down in the quiet, he began to relax. His muscles ached, his head was swimming- they had really been through some shit. He lightly touched the bruise from where that Chinese guy hit him with that damn pole-Maybe he should go to his doctor, just to make sure nothing was wrong- his thoughts were interrupted when he heard heels clicking on the wooden floor. He looked up, smiling, as Stephanie walked into the room.

'Hey,' she said, sitting down next to him and looping an arm across his shoulders. 'You've been so distant since you got back.' She whispered, kissing his temple.

'I know….its just…..we had a blast and I'm still coming back to earth, you know?' Phil replied, moving over and giving her a proper hug; he breathed in deeply as he rested his chin on her shoulder. It was amazing how he could miss someone this much- he had certainly missed her.

'So you had fun, huh?' she muttered into his ear, her fingers making circles in his back.

'So much fun…' Phil replied, rolling his eyes as he thought back over the past days. He pulled back, cupping his Wife's face in his hands. 'I missed you though.'

'Aww, that's nice to hear!' she laughed, before she stood up, reaching out and pulling Phil by the hand as well. 'You want some coffee or something?'

'Please- where's Eli?' he asked, looking around- no sooner had he spoken, a small figure came running towards him. He picked the little boy up and spun him round, laughing, before giving his son a tight hug. 'Hey little man!' he grinned, putting the smiling child back down on the ground. 'You wanna come play kickaround?' he asked, ruffling his hair as Eli nodded.

'Yeah, alright- lets go see Uncle Doug, huh? Maybe he'll come play.' He continued, holding out his hands.

As Eli grabbed them and began leading him out the door, he chanced a look at Stephanie, who was standing with percolator in hand. 'I'll be half an hour, tops!' he promised her, before almost tripping out the door.

'Alright my man, slow down!' he told Eli, managing to stop long enough to pick up one of the numerous balls scattered around the yard. Eli slowed, now walking side by side on the path leading to the road. 'You wanna walk, or should I drive?' he asked- he liked to let Eli decide once in a while.

'Let's walk.' Came his answer. Phil nodded, and they started walking down the road, the ball tucked under his arm.

'So, you liked the wedding?' he asked as they made their way to Doug's house.

Eli shrugged. 'The food was ok….I didn't like the music though.' He replied.

'Yeah, I get you- we'll have to have a party soon, how does that sound? You can pick some of the tracks!'

'Yeah!' he squealed, giggling- the sound made Phil's heart soar.

'Alright, party it is…' he grinned.

It didn't take long to reach Doug's place- it was only a few minutes away. Phil waved as Doug caught sight of them from the lounge window. 'Now be careful and don't shout too loud- Uncle Doug might still have a headache…' he said to Eli. The little boy's nose furrowed up, confused.


'Because that's what happens when grownups get married- they drink bad stuff and they get a headache.' He explained, watching as Eli nodded seriously.

Doug met them on the porch. 'Hey Eli, how's it going?' he smiled, high fiving the little boy. He looked up at the Father, shaking his head. 'Phil,' he offered, before a smile broke out on his face, and the two men embraced- Phil slapped Doug's back, laughing heartily. 'You started dying yet?' he said so only they could hear.

'Oh, yeah…feeling it already!' Doug teased as he broke the hug, shaking his head. 'So what can I do for you guys? Eli, you want some pop?'

'No thanks….will you play soccer with us for a while?' he asked, squinting in the sunshine.

'Me?' Doug said, looking quizzically at Phil. 'Uh, yeah sure- let me just go put my trainers on.' He smiled, before walking back inside. 'You can come in if you like-'he stopped, looking over Eli's head to Phil. '-Alan's here.' He muttered.

The other man's face darkened. 'Hey, champ- why don't we wait out here?' he asked, holding Eli back by his shoulder. This would be the first time Alan would meet his kid, apart from just seeing him at the wedding- he wanted to do it right.

'No Daddy, I wanna go inside- Uncle Doug, can I have some pop now?' Eli cried, scrambling to get inside and follow Doug. 'Course you can, buddy…let's see if there's any in the refrigerator.' Doug smiled, as Eli caught his hand.

Phil sighed, rubbing his eyes. 'Great…' he muttered. He stepped inside, the coolness hitting him. He walked into the Lounge and sat down, just as someone else entered. Alan stopped dead, before a huge smile graced his features. 'Hey Phil! I didn't know you were visiting!'

'Hey Alan, how you doing?' Phil asked, keeping up the niceties.

'Not bad…getting ready to go to my Jonas Brothers concert- gotta pack everything just right…' he said, emphasising the last two words.

'Uh, cool.' Was all Phil could say- he didn't even wanna ask.

'Yeah- so whattya doing here?'

'We came to see Doug, that's all, then-'

'We?' the tone was direct.

'Yeah, me and my kid.'

'…you have a child?'

'Yeah, Eli- I must've mentioned him before?'

'No, I don't think you have.' Alan muttered accusingly.

A little taken aback, Phil shrugged. 'Sorry, man, my bad.' He said, before they both turned as Eli bounded into the room, pop bottle in hand.

Alan was the first man he came to. He stood, quirked his head to the side at this new person, and held out his hand. 'Hello, I'm Eli- what's your name?' he asked in a high voice.

Phil's eyes widened. This was all it took? He looked behind them at Doug, who seemed just as relieved.

Alan looked down at the little hand. Slowly, he reached out his own, shaking the little boy's hand. 'I'm Alan.' He replied. He turned to Phil- 'You're sure he's your son? He doesn't look like you at all.'

Phil knew this wouldn't last. He spluttered for an answer as Doug swept in, taking Eli by the hand and leading him to the porch leading to the yard, talking about the fish in their pond.

He stood, hands on his hips. 'Yes Alan, I am sure he is mine!' he growled. He hoped Eli hadn't understood.

'I just didn't think a guy like you would ever procreate.' Alan said defensively, flicking back his hair.

'What do you mean?'

'You know- brave, fun, courageous….not father like material in my book.'

'…Well, sorry to break it to you, but that kinda does make me father material, doesn't it?' Phil replied, before walking out the room to the back yard, shaking his head. This was a mistake- he hadn't expected to deal with him this soon after coming back…

'Wait up!' Alan called. Phil closed his eyes briefly as he walked. 'I'll play some soccer with you guys!'

Phil turned as he reached Doug and Eli- 'You wanna play soccer?' he asked, irritation rising.

'I enjoy ball sports, yes.' Alan replied, standing up straighter. 'Only when the right occasion comes, of course.'

'Of course…' Doug repeated, shrugging at Phil. 'You can play goalie if you want?'

'I'm more of a dribbler, actually.' Alan said, brushing past the two men and walking over to Eli, who was kicking the ball around.

'You said it.' muttered Phil as they watched him come to a stop before the little boy, before reaching out a foot and gently moving the ball to him. He kicked it back, waiting for Eli to get it before coming in again, this time dribbling it farther away. 'Come get me!' he called- Eli giggled as he ran after him, almost throwing himself into Alan as he tried to kick the ball away.

Phil watched, open mouthed, as Alan patiently dribbled the ball away from him, before stopping to let Eli catch up. This guy wasn't bad with kids. He still wouldn't phone him up for babysitting duties, though- that was a definite no no.

Doug looked at his friend, shrugging. 'Looks like I put my trainers on for nothing!' he chuckled.

'Yeah- he isn't so bad after all…' Phil agreed, shaking his head.

'You just have to let him grow on you.'

'Like bacteria?'

'Exactly.' The two men laughed, before Phil turned, voice low. 'So, how did the wedding night go?' he whispered.

Doug's eyes widened. '…Why? It was…fine.' He said, eyebrows creased in confusion.

'Good, that's what I like to hear.'


'Dude, relax- I'm messing with you.' Phil laughed, slapping Doug on the back before turning back to Eli and Alan- but they were gone.

'Eli?' Phil called, something hard hitting the pit of his stomach. 'Alan?!' he turned to Doug, worry on his face- they had only turned away for a few seconds. They both looked around the large enclosed yard- suddenly they heard a high pitched giggle coming from the huge tree at the back near the pond. 'Eli?!' Phil yelled, running towards the sound.

He looked up as the sound got louder- Eli was sitting on a high branch, Alan's hands around his shoulders to keep him steady. 'How the hell did you get up there!?' he shouted, rolling up his sleeves.

'Alan helped me!' came his answer. Phil sighed angrily, trying not to let it show.

'Alan….' He said warningly, walking up beneath Eli, hoping he wouldn't have to catch him.

'What? I won't let him fall- I was climbing trees when I was half his age!'

'When you were half his age you couldn't even walk!' Phil reminded him.

'…I was a gifted child!'

'Gifted my ass….' Phil growled, pinching the bridge of his nose. He looked up, arms wide- 'Eli, come down, Daddy says so.' He muttered.

In a blink of an eye, he saw his son's eyes change- the little boy looked down, paled, leaned back and grabbed Alan's leg. 'I can't look Daddy! I'm scared!'

'I know buddy- but you can't stay up there all day!' Phil reasoned, lowering his voice. 'When we get home we can get some ice-cream, huh?'

'….Ok….' was his reply. 'Daddy I wanna get down!'

'Ok champ- Alan, can you help him?' he asked- the alternative was him climbing up, and he didn't want Eli getting too freaked out.

Alan paused, looking down at the drop to the floor. His face dropped- he clutched at the branch in front of him. 'I can't do it Phil!'

'You c- you have to goddammit!' Phil growled. 'Get your ass down here now, and help Eli down!'

'I can't, it too high!'

Phil closed his eyes against the anger, hands curled into fists. 'I knew this was too good to be fucking true…' he whispered to Doug, who had also paled.

'Alan-' he said, voice slow. 'You have to help Eli down, otherwise Phil will have to get up there.'

'I really can't move Doug!'

'Daddy? Daddy I'm scared!'

'No, no- don't be scared little man, Daddy's gonna come get you, ok?' Phil said, trying to keep him calm. He looked up at the branches nearer the ground, before jumping up and hanging onto it- slowly but surely he climbed the damn tree. He reached Eli first. 'Daddy how are we gonna get down?' he cried, tears in his eyes as he hugged Phil tight.

Phil rubbed the back of his head- 'Don't you worry- I'm gonna carefully drop you down so Uncle Doug will catch you…'

'…Uncle Doug? I didn't know you and Doug are related.' Alan muttered.

'We're not.' Phil replied through gritted teeth.

'….then how is he Eli's Uncle?'

'Because that's what we call him- same with Uncle Stu!'

'Oh…..does that make me Uncle Alan?'

'Just shut up Alan!' Phil growled, before carefully letting Eli latch onto him before moving again. Together the two of them managed to shimmy to a good branch, underneath which stood Doug, who had his arms wide open. 'You sure about this?' he asked as Phil and Eli peered down at him.

'I hope so- just catch him, please?' Phil replied, before gently lowering Eli so his legs were free.

'Ok….one…..two….three-' on three Phil let him drop- with a squeal from Eli and a yelp from Doug, the little boy was safe on the ground.

Doug looked up again as Phil turned to Alan- 'I am not catching him!' he shouted up.

Phil suppressed a snort- 'Gotcha!' he replied. Sighing, he held his arms wide. 'So, how are we gonna play this?' he asked the other man, who was still rooted to his branch.

'I don't know….I can't look….'

'How old are you? Near forty?' Phil said, incredulous that someone his age would still be afraid of heights to the point of this much fear.

'Near that, yes.' Alan sniffed. 'Though I don't see how that's going to be of any use right now…'

'You're right, I'm sorry…' Phil played along. He looked down, trying to work out a way to get them both down without breaking their legs.

'We can climb down over there, and its only a little jump to the ground.'

'I can't do it-'

'Alan you fucking climbed up- I'll be damned if you don't get down again!' he growled, before forcing himself to calm down again. 'Look- I need to go see if Eli is ok. You can either follow me down, or stay up here- your choice!' he said, and without another word he started moving down the branches.

'No, Phil…don't go.' Alan whimpered, before taking a deep breath- he started slowly but surely following the other man down.

'That's it, keep coming….' Phil guided him. He would have looked up, but he got a nasty shock when he chanced it- Alan was so close to him his ass was in his face. 'Slow down- you'll fall on top of me!' he cried.


Sighing, Phil continued. Pretty soon they were back in reach of the ground, and he jumped down. Eli ran over to him, and he was just about to pick him up when Alan shouted. 'Geronimo!'

He had barely seconds to push Eli out of the way before Alan launched himself downwards.

'Alan! What the fu-' Phil stopped himself from swearing at the last moment- he didn't swear in front of Eli. 'What the crud?!' he hissed instead, shaking his head. 'You could have crushed us!'

'I didn't mean to, I was jumping down like you said!' Alan replied as he straightened up, a hurt look on his face.

Phil sighed, but softened a little. He picked up his son, hugging him. 'Alright, you wouldn't have crushed us….just broken a limb or something…' he whispered.

Phil looked at Doug, who shook his head. 'Well- anyone wanna come in for some lunch?' He said, trying to think of something that didn't involve high places or dangerous activities.

'Sounds great!' Phil nodded, and they walked off, leaving Alan standing alone in the shade of the tree. 'Alan, you coming or not?' he yelled back.

He still stood there, looking all miserable, until Phil figured out why. He rolled his eyes and sighed- this wasn't an honour he gave out lightly. 'Uncle Alan, you coming or not?' he corrected himself, feeling better when he saw the man's eyes light up.

'Of course- someone's gotta teach that kid of yours proper table manners!' he said, flicking his hair with a shake of his head as he caught up with them.

'Right, of course…' Phil muttered, hugging Eli tight. He made a mental note to watch very closely as they ate. He would definitely have some un-teaching to do as soon as they got back home…

It was almost 7 by the time they got back home- Eli was asleep in Phil's arms as he dribbled the ball slowly up to the house. He gently woke the little boy as they got in. Stephanie met them at the door, looking more than a little pissed. 'Where have you been? Half an hour tops, you said!' she hissed, taking Eli from him- he looked up at her sleepily, a smile on his face. 'Hey Mommy…' he said, yawning.

'Hey, sweetie- did you have a nice time at Uncle Doug's?'

'Yeah! I made a new friend too!' he giggled- Phil smiled to himself, shaking his head a little.

'Really? Well, why don't I get you all nice and clean and you can tell me all about it when we read a story?' Steph smiled, before leaning over and kissing Phil. 'Friend?' she mouthed over Eli's head.

'Alan.' He mouthed back. As her eyes widened in alarm and surprise, Phil shrugged. 'He's not all bad- apart from the tree thing…'

'Tree thing?'

'Long story sweetheart- well we've both hand lunch, and dinner, so how about I pour a couple of glasses of wine and we can relax in a bit?' he said, before taking Eli again. 'I'll give him a bath tonight, seeing as I've looked after him all day too?' he offered, hugging the sleepy boy tightly.

'Ok, sure- I'll get his bed ready.'

'Sounds like a plan, partner…' he said, kissing the tip of her nose as he walked up the stairs.

As Phil got Eli ready for bed, he thought back to Alan, and how- mostly- he was quite good with kids….but only under intense supervision. He most definitely was not going to recommend him for childcare any time soon…. Grinning slightly, he closed the door to the bathroom, for a blissful evening with his wife and kid- for the first times in days.

I'm not too sure about the ending, but I didn't know how else to do it ^^

Thank you for reading, please review!