She could practically hear the ticking of the clock in the living room, but that could also be the product of her currently overactive mind. It wouldn't shut up, the thoughts in her head whirling around non-stop the moment Brenda had drifted off to sleep next to her.
They had finally done it, finally done something about the tension between them from the very first moment in that hospital nearly three years ago. She figured it would lead to either them having a down and out honest catfight in the Major Crimes squad room or them collapsing in a lusty heap in a bed. It had been the latter choice, Sharon huffed out a brief sigh, of course it had been the latter choice.
She ran her hands through the sweat-tangled locks of her hair, trying to reach a semblance of order to her sex-mussed hair without much luck. Sharon eased up out of her bed, wincing at the sore and stiff muscles, before reaching for her short silk robe and padding out of her bedroom without disturbing the sleeping blonde. She walked into her kitchen, shivering at the feel of the cool tiles beneath her bare feet before she pulled out her kettle and put some water on to boil. Maybe some tea would calm her thoughts enough to let her sleep.
She had slept with a superior officer. More importantly, she had slept with someone she had come to care about deeply even if the other person didn't see it. Sharon braced herself against the counter, her head slightly bowed, as she tried to make sense of the warring thoughts. Yes, she had slept with Brenda, it was against regulations, it was opening up her walls to someone who tended to smash through anything to get what she wanted in the first place and that was the thought that hurt the most. The thought that it hadn't meant something to Brenda other than to let off steam about her current life surrounding the lawsuit and her slightly messy divorce squeezed painfully around Sharon's heart.
Shit. Sharon muttered a curse under her breath, she had forgotten about how this would affect the lawsuit should it come out. She could be cited for being partial to Brenda, cited for losing her objectivity, and it could be seen as the Ice Queen of FID doing a favor for her superior officer, which Sharon pulling any favors in general would be a hot, juicy topic in the LAPD break rooms regardless. Her slender fingers tapped out an uneven rhythm while her brow furrowed and her piercing green eyes burned invisible holes into her countertop.
Sharon was so deep in her thoughts, she didn't hear the faint footsteps behind her, nor the whistling of her tea kettle. A soft touch of a hand on her upper arm startled Sharon out of her reverie with a jump.
"Easy, it's just me," Brenda's voice was soft, her accent thicker than usual. A quick glance out of the corner of her eye showed Brenda dressed in Sharon's button down shirt and her own underwear.
"What are you doing up?" Sharon asked after she cleared her throat and straightened, her hands naturally finding her pockets. She refused to look at the woman beside her.
"I woke up and your side of the bed was empty and cold, so I came investigatin'," Brenda smiled, her hand smoothing up Sharon's arm, feeling the tension beneath her palm. "What about you?"
Sharon shrugged, "Couldn't sleep, I thought some tea would help."
"Want to talk about what's keepin' you up?"
She pulled both of her lips into her mouth and bit down, mulling over whether or not to tell her. When Sharon remembered that Brenda would most likely pry it out of her regardless, she turned to the woman beside her. Brenda's liquid brown eyes, the same shade as her precious milk chocolate, were warm and slightly hazy from leftover sleep. The wide lips Sharon had feverishly kissed hours before were smiling lightly as their owner waited patiently for her to speak.
"You," Sharon finally answered. "…Us."
"What about us?" Brenda squeezed Sharon's arm.
"We slept together."
"That's true, yes," Brenda's smile widened. "What about it is keepin' you up?"
"Chie-!" Sharon was cut off by Brenda waving a hand and shaking her head. She frowned, her eyes narrowing, "Brenda, you are my superior officer. Can't you see the conflict we've already caused just by sleeping together?"
"First, I can. Second, I'm technically not your direct superior officer."
"So that makes it perfectly fine in your books?"
"Thirdly," Brenda continued as though Sharon hadn't interrupted, "I thoroughly enjoyed myself and I know you did too, Sharon." She inched closer, "What's really botherin' you?"
Sharon shifted to where she could lean back against the counter and crossed her arms, the abundance of her hair falling forward to shield her face from Brenda. "…I don't know if you feel the same way I do about what we did," she admitted quietly.
She saw Brenda's feet move into her field of vision, the toenails painted a predictable pastel pink. "Sharon," Brenda's hands smoothed up and down Sharon's arms as she tried to get the other woman to look at her. "Let me ask you one thing… but you have to look at me."
Green eyes slowly lifted to meet brown and Brenda smiled, "Would I still be here if I didn't care about you?"
"You care about me?"
"Don't lie to me, Brenda Leigh," Sharon whispered, the walls around her eyes and heart falling slowly. "I may be the Ice Queen of LAPD, but my heart can just as easily be broken as anyone else's and I don't take being toyed with kindly."
"I'm not lyin' to you, Sharon, I swear," one look at Brenda's face told Sharon she was serious, as serious as she was when prying a confession out of a suspect and as serious when she aimed down the barrel of her gun to shoot.
"You really mean it?"
"I do," Brenda smiled and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to Sharon's still frowning lips. "I do."
Sharon unfolded her arms and buried her fingers in Brenda's tangled curls, bringing her in for another kiss, deeper than the one before. She felt Brenda curl her hands around her elbows as Sharon pulled her body closer to her. They pulled away at the same moment to breathe, Brenda's eyes closed before she slowly opened them to see Sharon's glimmering in the low light, her parted lips curled in a smile, "I care about you too, Brenda Leigh."
Brenda let out a soft giggle, leaning further into Sharon's body, "Good to know. I like it when you call me Brenda Leigh."
Sharon brushed her lips against Brenda's, "I like calling you that… it rolls off the tongue," Sharon's cheeks reddened slightly at Brenda's chuckles.
"Never thought you'd be the sentimental type."
"You'd be surprised."
Brenda smiled, "Think you can try sleeping again?"
"I think I can if you're with me," she linked her fingers with Brenda's and both of them walked from the kitchen to Sharon's bedroom, the boiled water and lights forgotten as they slipped beneath the covers and basked in the warmth of each other.