Disclaimer: I don't own Frozen
Ah yes, here I am venturing into yet another fandom. I saw Frozen for the third time today and I just wanted to write a little something because I'm in love with it. I now own an Elsa and Anna pillow, a poster, an Olaf plushie, and a kids toy from subway (I told them I was buying a kids meal for my little sister because I'm sixteen).
Anyway, I love Elsa a lot. And I wanted to write about how she felt behind that door, and I also wanted to add some good ol' sisterly fluff in there, and thus this is what I came up with.
Prompt: One time Elsa sneaked into Anna's room.
Elsa felt like she was drowning. Drowning in what? She wasn't sure. Perhaps she was drowning in guilt, after all it seemed every time she closed her eyes she saw Anna jumping, going higher and higher, and then falling to the ground. Ice cold.
That was all Elsa's fault.
Mother and Father hadn't told Elsa that it was all her fault, but she knew in the bottom of her heart that's what they believed. If they trusted Elsa they wouldn't have taken her out of Anna's room, they wouldn't have insisted Elsa stayed locked up.
They told her it was only until she learned to control it, but that task seemed impossible. She was only eight but she knew that they were afraid of her. She was afraid of herself.
"It's for the best, stupid, you know that." She whispered to herself, "you'll just hurt everyone.. everyone will think you're odd."
Elsa didn't feel angry, at least not anymore. At first she was a bit angry because she loved Anna, and Anna loved her. Elsa had never wanted to play with anyone other than her baby sister.
Anna and Elsa only ever played with one another.
She was angry, and she cried when her parents separated them. She cried every time Anna knocked on her door asking the same question: "Elsa, do you want to build a snowman?"
But then after a week or so she stopped crying. After a week or so every time she closed her eyes she saw Anna going higher and higher, and then falling to the ground. Ice cold.
Because of her.
The next time Anna knocked on the door asking the same question: "Do you wanna build a snowman?" Elsa gave her a cold answer, almost as cold as Elsa's skin. Almost as cold as Elsa's soul.
"Go away, Anna."
"Okay, bye." She heard the soft reply from Anna.
Elsa was quick to blink back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. She could already feel the drop in temperature, and the snow start to fall from seemingly nowhere.
Anna went to school with a lot of children, surely one of them would build a stupid snowman with Anna. After all, from Elsa's window she could see the snow on the ground.
Anna didn't have to be lonely.
Elsa, she was always lonely it seemed. She was taught at home because of her powers, and she only had herself to keep her company. She didn't even eat in the dining room most of the time. She figured that was for the best; every time she eyed Anna across the table, staring longingly at her, her power would make itself known and her parents couldn't risk it.
Her mother and father would come in the room everyday, to check up on her. She used to smile at them and indulge their suggestions about concealing her strange powers.
Conceal it, don't feel it, don't let it show.
After awhile their presence just made her more nervous, more angry, and every time she saw them she longed for something she clearly couldn't have.
So she started shutting them out as well.
"She's far too young to be this sheltered, so is Anna." She had heard her mother mumble to her father one night when they thought she fell asleep. "Elsa is far too young to be this distant."
"It's for the best." He had softly assured her. "If Elsa is to be Queen one day, it's important she learns to control it."
That just seemed to plunge Elsa deeper into whatever she was drowning in. She was to become queen one day, how would that work? She would end up killing whoever she came in contact with. She was a monster.
Anna had always told all of her classmates that her sister was beautiful, smart, and amazing and that she would be a fantastic Queen, and they had seemed to believe her.
Oh, how she would hate to let everyone down.
It was spring when she had finally had some kind of contact with Anna, and Anna hadn't even known it.
Her mother insisted on brushing her hair. Elsa could see guilt in her mother's eyes whenever she would look at her eldest daughter. Elsa figured brushing her hair was one of the many ways her mother tried to make up for it. She would indulge her mother's attempts and sit on a small chair in front of her vanity, and let her mother brush her platinum blonde hair.
"You have such beautiful hair, Elsa." Her mother mused. "Such a beautiful color."
"It's almost white," She responded, "like snow."
Her mother hummed quietly and continued brushing her hair. She didn't say another word, probably because she was afraid any further talk of Elsa's hair color would lead to talk about Elsa's powers.
That was a touchy subject for her, and Elsa was thankful for that.
"Where is papa?" Elsa asked.
Her mother sighed. "With Anna, I'm afraid she's come down with something. She's dreadfully ill, but I'm sure she'll be up and riding down the halls in no time."
Elsa's shoulders tensed. Her little sister was sick and she wasn't there to comfort her. She must look horrible to Anna; Anna probably didn't believe Elsa loved her at all.
What if something bad happened to Anna?
At that thought Elsa reached out and clenched her vanity. Almost as soon as Elsa touched it, a beautiful ice pattern started to form on the wooden surface. She didn't notice, but her mother did because she dropped the brush and jumped to her feet.
"Your gloves." She said breathlessly.
She hurried to the other side of Elsa's room and snatched her gloves off of her dresser. The Queen took Elsa's hands from the table and gently slipped the gloves onto her small hands.
"There we go." She said, patting her daughter's left hand.
"Mama, I'm going to bed." Elsa whispered, holding back tears.
"Y-You just wear them for a bit, okay darling?" She stammered. "Just for a bit.. and then you can go to bed."
Without another word, she cautiously kissed her eldest daughter's forehead and left her room. It would have came off as a sweet moment to anyone other than Elsa, but she was accustomed to her mother leaving the room quickly when she saw Elsa's power first-hand. She was terrified of her daughter, and Elsa didn't hold her against it.
Elsa couldn't sleep that night. Every time she closed her eyes she not only saw Anna falling to ground, but she saw her in her bed, all alone.. crying and coughing. What if she wanted Elsa's company?
How many times had she offered her companionship when Elsa was sick? How many times had she read Elsa stories when she had a stomach ache. She wasn't the best reader, but she always managed to make Elsa feel better.
But Elsa couldn't offer the same to her.
Sure you can, Elsa. All you have to do is go down the hall, peek in her room, and make sure she's okay.
Elsa sat up in her bed. She could make it really quick, and her mother and father wouldn't have to know. She just had to see her sister to get peace of mind. She had to do it or else she wouldn't be able to sleep.
Elsa slipped off her bed and onto the floor. She grabbed a hold of her favorite doll that set next to her pillow and cradled it in her arms; it was her most precious doll, with it's button eyes and sewed on mouth. She had named it Lucy.
Elsa shook her head, Anna needed Lucy far more than Elsa did.
Elsa was too old for dolls anyway.
She started towards the door, but stopped when she reached for the doorknob.
"Stupid Elsa." She muttered to herself.
She turned towards her vanity and slipped on the gloves, mentally reprimanding herself for her carelessness. She eyed Lucy wearily, and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't see any ice on the doll.
She was lucky.
That could have been Anna.
She slipped into the hall. The castle was quiet, the only sound was the soothing tic tock of the large grandfather clock. Elsa payed extra caution to being silent, she wouldn't want to be caught sneaking into her sister's room.
She remembered where her room was, because it used to be her room too. It was at the end of the hallway, to the left.
Elsa stopped in front of the large door.
This was a bad idea. What if Anna was awake? How would Elsa explain to her little sister that she only came to check on her, and nothing would change.. she would hide back in her room once more. She couldn't bear seeing the pain in Anna's eyes. This could end in Anna getting hurt emotionally or physically, and then Elsa would have one more nightmare she wouldn't be able to rid herself of.
Elsa backed away from the door slowly.
But what if Anna died and her last wish was to have Elsa's affection?
The eight-year-old was conflicted.
She gripped onto Lucy and gently opened the large door. She managed to open it just enough to peek her head in. Through the moonlight she could see her sister's small form.
She was snoring, her hair in tangles all over her pillow.
Elsa almost laughed, out of joy and amusement. She placed her hand on her mouth to keep her giggles at bay, and slipped her small frame through the barely-open door. She tiptoed to Anna's bedside, and her stomach become more uneasy with each step.
She stared down at her sister longingly. Her mouth was slightly open, and her eyelashes made shadows on her freckled cheeks. Elsa had missed her sister's freckles. Elsa had freckles as well, but they weren't as prominent due to her incredibly pale skin. She missed freezing her sister's schoolyard bullies when they teased her about her freckled skin.
Elsa could feel tears threaten to fall from her eyes.
She just wanted her sister. Why did she have to hurt her? Why did they have to learn about the prophecy? Why was Elsa such a monster?
Elsa leaned down and tucked the doll next to her little sister.
"I'm so sorry, Anna." Elsa whispered, her voice cracking. "I love you, but I have to stay away to keep you safe. You can have Lucy, she can be there for you from now on, Anna. I'm sorry."
She leaned down and timidly placed a kiss on her sister's warm forehead, and she gently stroked the lone piece of white hair that was tangled in with her otherwise red hair. A reminder of what she had done. "I love you, little sister."
She tiptoed away from her sister, and slipped out of the room. Before she closed the door she peeked her head in one more time to take a look at her sister's sleeping face.
"E-Elsa?" Anna whispered in her sleep.
She was half-tempted to respond but then she saw the all too familiar image of her sister going higher and higher, and then falling. Ice cold.
That was all her fault.
She didn't say another word.
Elsa quickly shut the door and leaned against it. She let a lone tear stream down her face. Without another word she made her way back to her room. She knew Anna would be awake now.
But at least she could rest easy.
I'm not okay with this, but I hope you guys are.
Anyway, I just feel like little Elsa would've grown up far too fast. She would also be drowning 'so to speak' with guilt, because of what she did (even though it was clearly an accident). I got that vibe from her character from the way she isolated herself to keep Anna safe, I just feel like she's not very kind to herself.
She's very complex, and far more selfless than many think. I see a lot of Anna being lonely stories, but you never see many 'what was going through Elsa's head, on the other side of that closed door?'
Well I dwelled on that. I feel like her parents would be afraid of her, and that's part of the reason why she doesn't let people in. Perhaps she's afraid that they will judge her?
I have too many Elsa feelings, I know.. I KNOW. But that poor child... too much guilt for a child.
AND just imagine how she felt after she accidently froze Anna's heart *sobs forever*
Reviews are nice.