Disclaimer: Profitless fanwork

History: This fic comprises two adaptations of a playing-out of the staff meeting in CoS following the Dueling Club and the petrification of Justin and Sir Nick. Players were myself, charlotteschaos, and dannybailey. Both adaptations of the chatlog were done by me.

Chapter one is the minutes of the meeting, as taken by a rather entertained Filius, which is yeearrrs old.
Chapter two is the meeting in prose, which is just completed.

I always meant to do that, and while I haven't talked to the other players in a very long time, I believe and recall that I got their permission at the time. If you're one of them and I'm wrong, let me know. If you're one of them, whether I'm right or wrong, you were so much to play with, and I'm still loosely basing my Gildy or Albus (respectively) off yours, because they were awesome. Love and props.

Hmm. It's still gotta be Jan 9 SOMEWHERE, right? Happy birthday, Sev!

—o.O—

Hogwarts: 2nd Bimonthly Senior Staff Meeting, December 1992
Present: HM Albus Dumbledore presiding, dHM HGH Minerva McGonagall, HHH Pomona Sprout, HSH Severus Snape, HRH Filius Flitwick sec., Fawkes masc., Gilderoy Lockhart


While this was a regularly scheduled meeting, usual procedures such as Old Business, Budget, Head/Prefectural Report, and Reminding Professor Lockhart He Is Not Actually Senior Staff were delayed by mutual unspoken consent due to the pressing nature of recent events.


7:30: Meeting assembled in Albus's office and Minerva made tea.

7:32: Severus asked if [Harry P: Y2G; found by Peeves in presence of petrified Y2H Justin FF and Sir Nicholas] was able to shed any light on events. Albus said no, he was involved and shaken but hadn't said anything clarifying. Gilderoy wasn't surprised to hear Harry P didn't know anything about it, and mentioned one of his books.

7:33: Severus expressed concern that this second attack made it more likely that the writing on the wall at the first ["The Chamber Has Been Opened"] was accurate. Gilderoy brought attention to his (Gilderoy's) smile, and Severus suggested it might be easier to appreciate when still. Albus asked for a brainstorm re: connecting the two attacks. Gilderoy reminded the room that Sir Nicholas is already dead, and connected the circumstance to one of his books.

7:36: Albus asked about the progress of the mandrake crop and Pomona reported good progress. Some discussion of whether the scarves etc to keep the mandrakes healthy in winter would be donated by Severus or knitted by Albus (game point to Severus this time, I think), and whether cashmere mittens like Gilderoy and his male companion used in their greenhouse in Spain (Spain!) were required. Pomona assured Gilderoy she would consult his botanical expertise if necessary.

7:43: Albus asked Minerva if Justin FF and Sir Nicholas had been seen safely to the Infirmary, and was told that Justin FF was, while Sir Nicholas was still being helped there by Y2H Ernie McM. Gilderoy suggested we all buy one of his books to benefit from a relevant chapter, and Minerva gave him a cup of tea to shut him up. Some discussion of whether Minerva had put [Amortentia?] in Gilderoy's tea and whether and under what circumstances Severus would poison him.

7:45: Albus attempted to call the meeting to order. Gilderoy talked about goats.

7:47: Gilderoy suggested the Heir of Slytherin report to his Head of House. Severus ruined a perfectly good cup of coffee.

7:48: Largely incomprehensible discussion on the subject of Gilderoy, Severus, the Heir of Slytherin, who had and might let who win during yesterday's Dueling club meeting and more generally, and consultation on matters of technique [spellcasting, one dearly hopes]. Personal history being referenced, one suspects. Note to self: suggest to Albus at next meeting we don't hire, when the curse has eaten this one, any more DADA teachers who attended Hogwarts within at least six years of Severus's form.

7:50: Albus called the meeting to order. Minerva raised up the probability of the public and Board assuming implication in the attacks on the part of GK/KotK Rubeus Hagrid. It became necessary to assure Albus of the senior staff's support for Rubeus, especially after Gilderoy expounded on his compassionate understanding of how tempted to violence Rubeus must be by his giant blood.

7:54: Speculation concerning the identity of the Heir of Slytherin, largely by Gilderoy. Candidates considered due to power and [in the latter case, former] attractiveness: Gilderoy and Albus. Candidates rejected due to youth: Gilderoy and Severus. Writer suspects Albus of telepathically stopping Severus from turning Gilderoy's eyes into raisins on the spot.

8:00: Minerva complained of student body treating Harry P 'like a pariah' since yesterday's club meeting. Gilderoy stated Harry P has been hearing voices. Severus raised the possibility of using the time bought by Harry P's widely-alleged implication in the attacks to see about helping Rubeus and, after resulting misunderstanding resolved, expressed concern that Rubeus would be scapegoated and imprisoned. Albus assured him he would try to prevent it. NtS: suggest at next meeting that we find a way to effectively explain to Severus that no one will burn his office to the ground if he ever forgets, while, trying to be helpful, to pretend he isn't; he won't listen but set-to the suggestion sparks should give Pomona and me a chance at the sandwiches.

8:04: Severus questioned Gilderoy re Harry P hearing voices. Gilderoy repeatedly attributed it to being 'made a bit batty' by his [Gilderoy's] presence despite Harry P's being 'otherwise heroic,' to Severus's disgust and despite Albus's opinion that Harry P was hearing something real. Albus and Minerva re-emphasized the importance of not jumping conclusions. Pomona was distressed by the idea of a student's hearing things. Severus reminded her that the phrase 'hearing things' can apply to objective reality, also reminding us all (yet again, but briefly, at least, today) that Harry P 'does not need coddling.'

8:10: Albus pointed out that we can't do anything about Harry P's voices until we know for sure what their source is, and Severus wanted to know if we should even try to stop them. Gilderoy's interpretation of the conversation as a request that he leave the castle ended in Minerva hitting Severus with the sugar tongs. Filius asked why Albus thinks the alleged voices are real, and Albus connected them to Harry P's show of Parseltongue during the dueling club.

8:12: Filius asked that said show be confirmed for those who had only heard of it from overexcited students, and Severus summarized the incident while Gilderoy inexplicably tried to hide behind him. Gilderoy expressed the belief that Harry P had been showing off for him by using Parseltongue instead of the blocking spell Gilderoy had demonstrated.

8:18: Filius asked that the widely held student opinion that Harry P had asked the snake to attack Justin FF be addressed. Gilderoy repeated his opinion re showing off by attacking Justin FF, and Minerva and Albus expressed doubt. Severus agreed reluctantly with doubt, explaining that Harry P had seemed surprised not to be generally praised for his display.

8:20: Gilderoy suggested Harry P had attacked Justin FF out of thoughtlessness, and stated that he had allowed Severus to "save the day" so that Harry P would not be further embarrassed. Severus was adamant that the day had not needed saving, and demanded that Albus express confidence in Severus's unlikeliness to have let the situation get out of his control, which Albus did. Gilderoy commented on the impossibility of controlling Malfoys [re the conjuring of the snake in the first place], and considered taking Harry P under his wing as the boyishness of the powerful should have mature supervision.

8:23: Minerva asked for confirmation that Albus believed Harry P's alleged voices linked to his Parseltongue abilities, and Albus said he considered the possibility a 'highly plausible explanation for why Harry [P] would be hearing voices that would go unnoticed by most everyone else."

8:25: General gloom broken by Gilderoy's assertion that that Harry P is joined in his 'confused crush' by form-mate Y2G Hermione G. Meeting dissolved and hastily dispersed before Min could take more than offense. Will resume tomorrow over tea, making sure to begin with Argus's term record of cleaning offenses if Gilderoy follows Severus in again.