I OWN NOTHING
For this chapter prepare yourself for my way of telling Miss Logic and Princess Reason that we had a fun time while it lasted but now it's time for me and the ladies called Insanity and Fantasy to fuck with some heads.
Personal note: Some readers told me Naruto as a God of Destruction shouldn't be benevolent, already a god, and so powerful he should defeat everyone with a wink. To those reviewers and flamers I can only say that I wouldn't have so much fun if I wrote a fic like any of the other million Godly Naruto fics out there and that I enjoy this one for what it is: a different take on how Naruto could be if he could achieve godhood in other worlds. But someone has stated that deleting a guest review of their own that said Naruto doesn't work like this makes me a jerk who wants my readers to, and I am quoting the guy, suck my dick. In all honesty, I didn't see any reason to his first review or at least some constructive criticism, so I deleted both the guest comments.
You look funny
"Do you guys ever give up?!"
Bills and Whis stared at their empty plates, using their purple claws and spoon respectively to gather the crumbs of the sweet treat while behind them in the background a large horde of Hollows shot from the ground and rushed the blond. Naruto's red jacket was fortunately still in mint condition, same with his amber gi beneath it and the red ballooning pants. However, his boots were starting to get sand in them, and the Hollows just shot up more and more sand as they kept on gathering around him. Needless to say, he wasn't really happy.
With a great leap the blond was midair, and focusing his energy like Bills taught him stayed in the air. The Hollows who could reach him, that is to say the Menos Grande and the ones who could jump after him, tried to take a bite out of him now that they didn't to bother the duo that couldn't even see them as flies while they enjoyed their tea party. Naruto groaned as he saw his masters just peacefully sipping tea to wash down their pastries, partly because he was getting hungry himself. So with a determined glare he turned to the Hollows approaching him, curled his body into a ball as they neared him, and in just one instant released his energy, sending all of them flying back down into craters.
The blond finally sighed, "Will you guys give up? Please? You can eat cake." He aimed a finger at the tea table, which made Bills glare.
"Naruto, don't you ever dare to put my food in the line or I will destroy your world with you in it personally!" the cat said.
Naruto glared back at him and snapped, "You speak as if you couldn't eat everything you wanted! You're a fucking god, you furless cat! You basically eat more than the entire Akimichi Clan on your whims!"
"You bastard! Is that any way to talk to your master?!"
"Then what the Hell am I supposed to be?! I thought we would be equals since I am supposed to be on your level sooner or later."
Bills scoffed, "You're nowhere near my level." He looked bored at the boy, resting his chin on a claw while licking the other to groom himself, "If anything, you're more like a pet."
Naruto's eyes went wide and white as his jaw hit the floor, his body slowly turning white as he stared at the god, "You… You bastard…" he said, trying to be angry but the god was right if he thought about it. Naruto had been taken in the cat's home, given a room, food, and proper training… It was kind of ironic. And the irony and truth of it all just hit Naruto's brain like a bullet train would a water balloon, making it burst… for whatever seconds the Hollows had been away from the blond. The blond just grumbled, pouted, and kept on dealing with the beasts while Whis sighed.
"You're kinda cruel with the boy, Lord Bills. He is supposed to succeed his universe's god." The blue man said as he summoned chocolate parfaits.
The god just finished to groom himself to enjoy his dessert, "Well, like a good pet he needs discipline, and I'm not going to be kind to him if he doesn't get stronger, hesitates, or tries to eat my food."
Whis sighed again, remembering that the time Naruto tried to take a piece of beef the cat had wanted for himself the blond had been punted through one of the small planets on the god's home. It was good Naruto was already used to taking hits from his shinobi battles, Sakura when she was mad, and the weeks of training he went through with the cat, otherwise he'd have been a literal bloody pulp.
Meanwhile, a few miles away, a certain trio and their mistress looked at the blond singlehandedly slice two Menos Grandes' heads off with sheer brute force and his sword's edge cutting the wind. They had been debating whether or not to go meet the young but oddly cute looking blond, but finding out he had no mask made them really wary. Not only that, he was accompanied by a walking, talking cat and a blue skinned man whose white hair made them think he had dunked his head in a pool of hair gel before stepped into a tornado, or watched too much Johnny Bravo. Oddly enough, it seemed that the cat called the shots.
"What are they?" the reptilian woman asked with her long sleeve hiding her mouth.
"The blond one doesn't have spiritual power, but something else…" The bulker woman commented.
"It's as if he's draining the energy around him… But how can he do it without harming anyone?" the heterochromatic tomboy asked.
Their high-collared mistress replied, "He is someone we're going to meet. Whether he's an enemy or not, he is facing our brethren in this exact place where Aizen-sama tends to look for possible Arrancars."
The three female underlings bowed, "As you wish, Harribel-sama."
And just as the four ladies arrived with their leader having her arms crossed under her glorious valley, the woman with half her face hidden tilted her head to the side calmly as a Hollow's arm flew off, disintegrating midair while the rest of the body was burned by a red energy blast far different than a Cero. She could sense and see it, the energy the blond used was living energy, but something more, like he was combining the power of his body with his soul into it.
Then the Hollows finally stopped their attack, and the Menos Grande even stepped aside. This made the blond god in training raise a brow, "So, you guys really wanted cake?" he asked the creatures, perfectly ignoring the three women behind him as he scratched his head in faked confusion. He inwardly sighed in relief, 'Well, they're not trying to kill me when I have my back turned to them… yet.' As a shinobi he could never be too careful, no matter how strong he was. Hell, he learned that after facing Rock Lee for the first time, though that still didn't stop his will to fight even against people far out of his league.
The serpentine lady giggled into her hand, "He's kind of a dork… Kind of a cute dork." Somehow the blond managed to stumble midair, catching himself before he started to drop more than a foot down. He certainly didn't expect to be complimented by a possible enemy. Then again, Anko had done weirder things to him and she was supposed to be his ally. Perhaps this was proof that the only way for men to understand women was to try, fail miserably many times, and get the hang of it through trial and error.
For a brief second he composed himself, but for Bills and Whis it was as clear as day that the blond had no idea of how to deal with ladies interested in him.
Meanwhile in the very universe the blond was in, a stunning blonde woman with a body impossibly gifted scratched her head, feeling unusually happy as if she were about to take candy from a kid. Standing on a rooftop of the same universe a black cat wondered why there was a strange sense of almost sexual joy in having to meet a new person.
In another part of the twelve universes a stunning green haired succubus giggled to herself as she moved her hair past one of the bat wings at the side of her head, "Fufufu… I get the feeling I'll find an interesting playmate sooner or later." The temptress wondered as she looked at the night, wondering if she should feed herself or have a better rush by facing someone in battle.
On another far corner of the universes, another woman with long black hair, spectacles, and a body curving in all the right places in a tight black outfit moved her gun-heeled shoe from a white monster disguised as an angel, "Hmm… Is it a challenge, or some fun?" she asked herself before offing the monster with a shot into its face.
The blond god trainee turned to stare at the four ladies, and he could've stared for a long time but, in all honesty, due to a certain perverted sage making him hate perverts, and his experience with female fighters that could make him be in a world of pain for a lick of his blood, he kept himself composed. A good way to use such negative experiences for the female Arrancars expected him to stare longer or have his eyes darting to their bodies, so either he had some sick sense of fun that didn't need a woman's body unless pain was involved like a skinny Arrancar they sadly knew, or this guy was perhaps above temptation.
"You… haven't attacked me." The blond stated calmly, hefting the heavy Z-Sword on one shoulder, "I can sense you're the same as these guys, only stronger, much stronger, and you actually are intelligent." Harribel approached him, vanishing in a blur of speed and reappearing in front of her fellow blond in an instant, but for Naruto's eyes that had been trained on following a real god's speed, he could see she wouldn't attack him. He scanned the slightly taller woman, mentally cursing as he was years from reaching his top height, but he could see that Harribel was taller than a normal person, so it wasn't that big a blow to his ego.
Sensing no hostility from her, he slowly sheathed his sword, "Are you sure that's wise?" she asked calmly, "I could very well be here to kill you should you be a threat to us."
He chuckled, "In all honesty, I'd rather not fight you." He said, and a spark of anger appeared in Harribel's underlings' hearts, thinking this would be the typical sexist comment about women being porcelain dolls that shouldn't be touched or too weak to face him, until, "You seem like a nice person… I don't sense you want to attack me, so I won't attack you either, it's that simple."
Harribel closed her eyes, her way of showing appreciation, "It seems we can agree on something." She then looked at the strange whiskered blond right in the eye, "I'd like to ask you to come with me."
"Wait, are you four asking me out?" Naruto asked, genuinely confused.
To his surprise, the woman closed her eyes calmly, "Not in that way, sorry. I have my orders, and our leader's attention is now centered on you."
"Sorry… I used to try to ask girls out without any result, so now having a beautiful lady telling me to come with her feels too good to be true." He said with an apologetic grin, before beaming and adding, "Though I wouldn't mind an actual date with ladies like you." He said that actually meaning it as a compliment, his little experience was enough to know that women were more approachable if you were truly kind to them.
Harribel's underlings looked at their boss in shock at what they thought was a boy asking her, a much older woman both biologically and probably chronologically, out on a date. Their boss sighed and closed her eyes, "I'm flattered." She stated in her monotone voice, making the blond youth feel awkward due to having no way of knowing if that was heartfelt or not.
"You should go!" Whis said, his head appearing on Naruto's shoulder and making the blond air-jump away from the surprise, even Harribel blinked at the man's arrival while Whis just kept his grin, "Don't you know it's rude to decline a lady's kindness, Naruto? Besides, this'll give Lord Bills and I time to go do some window shopping or perhaps meet a few friends of our own. And don't worry, we'll summon you if you're needed."
Bills appeared beside Naruto, making the Arrancar lady group blink again to try to see if it was an illusion or not as the cat grinned, "Be sure to look presentable, eat with proper manners, and bring us souvenirs."
"Please, Lord Bills, you're not my freaking mom." There was a strange, bizarre, and both disturbing and adorable mental image of a baby Naruto being held in Bills arms and given a bottle of warm milk, shattered by, "At least my mom had hair." The echo of Bills' strike reached deep into the walls of Las Noches while the four ladies could only blind at the blond swordsman's feet sticking out of a crater. The Arrancars were unsure of how to react, until feeling an insane amount of energy spike up where Naruto was, and all the sand that had buried him was blasted aside while he stood. Then the whiskered future god's face turned green, and the Fracción almost pitied him as they the blond spit mouthfuls of sand, and looking fine… with the exception of the lump on top of his head.
"We're off." The god said, with a vein pulsing on his forehead as his assistant tried and failed to contain his barely muffled laughter. It was so easy to annoy Bills, and kind of hilarious for the master. But before any of the Arrancars could say or do a thing, Whis had already slammed his staff down and both him and his lord were off.
"This place is big!" Naruto said in amazement as he leaned his head as backwards as he could to look at the top of the enormous white castle before him. He whistled at it, "Not a bad place. But… could use some more color." He said, trying not to sound rude and say the place seemed a bit lifeless with such big corridors, but no seemingly intelligent Hollows like his current companions around, or even a painting or flower to decorate the place. It was… boring, at least for him. He sheer size was cool, but he wondered if anyone could get lost in these dull halls.
After introductions had been done, the muscular Amazonian woman known as Mila Rose spoke to him, "Are you always this talkative?"
Naruto turned at her with a bored expression and his hands in his pockets, "Not my fault, lady. This place is just so… dull. I mean, I guess I am the guest of honor to be invited here… Some conversation wouldn't hurt."
The bluenette with differently colored eyes, Apache, snapped at him, "We're not freaking tour guides! We're just doing our job! You should be thankful it was us and not one of the nuts in here!"
Harribel then hummed, "I believe… he is right."
The girl with long sleeves widened her eyes, this one being Sun-Sun, "Harribel-sama, you can't be serious."
The blonde woman turned to the slightly shorter youth, "We did ask him to accompany us, we didn't give him a reason to do so, and he only followed us because that purple…" she tried to find what to call Bills, because part of her wanted to say he was a cat, but another in her head thought he also looked like a rat. Naruto helped her behind her underlings' backs now that they were looking at their mistress by putting his hands over his head and making a cat face, something rather easy for someone with whiskered cheeks, "…cat just left him here." She finished without missing much of a beat and with her ego intact.
Mila Rose scratched her cheek, "Well, when you put it that way I can't argue much, Harribel-sama, but what're we supposed to do to entertain a stranger?"
Harribel closed her eyes, her arms crossed, "I do believe you said you wanted to talk." She told the blond, who nodded.
"Yeah, for starters, what am I here for, what's this place, and what're you supposed to do here." The blond replied calmly.
Harribel stood where she was, examining him, before looking at her underlings, who nodded, "We're the guards of this place, we try to keep order where other Hollows are just mindless beasts. This is our sanctuary, Las Noches, as for why you are here… only Aizen-sama will tell once you meet him."
"So, he's the big shot?" he asked, making the three female minions wonder what was up with his manners. He was smart enough to know when someone like their mistress could attack or not, and yet he acted like a brat. But he was really strong, and that put each lady around him on their toes.
That was, until a loud voice came from behind, "Him?! Hah! Nah, Blondie, the big shot… is me!" said an arrogant voice that made Naruto think of a far less mannered Kiba.
So he turned, and was face to face with… "That's the most ridiculous haircut I've ever seen in my entire life." He went straight to the point. The result was instantaneous, Grimmjow was fuming, Apache was on the ground rolling in laughter, Mila Rose was leaning on a wall roaring laugh after laugh, and Sun-Sun barely kept her giggles in check behind her sleeve. Even Harribel seemed amused with the way her eyes were closed.
The banchou-like Arrancar stomped towards the blond and lifted him by his collar, "Care to repeat that to my face, asshole?!" he asked with his face red and with veins pulsing in his forehead.
Naruto winced a bit, "Sorry, that slipped out." He said, while wondering whether or not to take the blue haired man's hand off his gi and jacket before they got wrinkles.
Grimmjow then raised a brow, "What the fuck…? You're… a human?" he asked as he kept the blond where he was before turning to Harribel, "Oi, I thought you were after a great source of energy, not a meal."
Then, to their shock, Naruto sighed tiredly, "I see… so you guys eat human souls." He said, and was about to grab and break the blue haired man's wrist, until Harribel interrupted his train of thought.
"We don't need to." She said, making Naruto's hands stay at his side, "The energy of this realm is more than enough to keep us living. However, the lower class Hollows just act out of violent instinct." She then looked at him right in the eye, "I have no power to order you around, but I'd like to ask that you don't think less of us for coming from such mindless beasts."
Grimmjow grinned at her, "Don't go all high and mighty… After all, if not for them we wouldn't be at the top as real kings…"
That helped the god trainee feel some relief, 'She is a nice person after all… Good, I didn't want to fight her.' Then he grabbed Grimmjow's hand, and with a squeeze the blue haired man yelped in pain as he felt his bones cracking, "Could I have your face off mine?" he asked, finally tired of being seen as lesser than others. With Sasuke it was bad enough, but finding new guys with superiority complexes had tired him out to the point it was kind of hilarious how many cartoonishly evil dipshits he had faced who thought of themselves as gods when the real deal was dimensions above them.
The azure head retrieved his hand, shooting the blond a nasty glare, "What the Hell are you?!"
Naruto considered his options for his answers with a) A future god, b) A shinobi, c) A duck, d) You're father, and e) "I'm just a guy who got lost in the road of life." Choosing the last answer meant making Kakashi proud, but the blond couldn't care less as it was guaranteed to annoy or confuse others. The former had happened to the feline Arrancar.
Harribel's minions were surprised that Grimmjow didn't get an aneurism from all the veins pulsing on his forehead, "What the fuck are you on about, pipsqueak?!" he asked, towering over Naruto.
The blond youth's right eyebrow twitched as a vein pulsed on the left side of his forehead, "I'M!" a powerful jab at Grimmjow's stomach that made the air rippled behind him, "NOT!" followed by a hook to the masked man's uncovered jaw, "SHORT!" and it was all finished with an upper-cut to the chin that sent the azure head Arrancar flying through the roof and making a large hole in it. The four women had all stepped back, ready for combat, but their stances fell when noticing Naruto hanging his head low and muttering, "I'm just of average height."
The four women felt like face-planting, Harribel managed to let it out by putting her index finger and thumb from her left hand to massage her temples while her loyal followers fell backwards from the ridiculous reason the blond god in training had to punch someone through a roof. But in all honesty, living with Bills meant the most ridiculous of things were worthy punching someone through solid surfaces.
Harribel considered fighting Naruto, after all he had hurt an ally of hers, but considering who it was and that the blond had been offended, but mostly taking into consideration how the azure head treated her underlings to try to show off, she let it slide, "We should get going." She said flatly as she stared at the slightly shorter blond.
Naruto cringed, "Yeah… sorry about your ceiling, though."
The masked woman could say many things, but none could change the fact this blond youth was a bit amusing, "It's not a problem, our own allies break this place for small whims all the time."
"They sound like a bunch of jerks." Naruto said flatly, typical of an Uzumaki.
Harribel couldn't lie, there was a ghost of a smile tickling the corners of her mouth as she closed her eyes to reign her emotions, "That sums it up." She said in her monotone, though this blond youth was actually making her feel at ease, kind of like her underlings' company made her feel at peace even with their bickering, this kid was like them but seemed much nicer, if touchy about his height.
"Tch, someone has an ego…" Bills said as he laid on his side, not even caring about manners as he had a large feast in the kitchen being made for him, and soon a nice set of cushions to eat calmly would arrive. Sofor now he couldn't care less about the men and women in black robes, with less than half of them with white cloaks, standing by the elder man before him.
"I'm afraid so, Bills-sama." The man before him, man with a ridiculously long beard, many scars on his body and even on his bald head, eyebrows that could replace his mustache, and a cane holding his old yet not weakened body, replied. The man, Yamamoto, was someone who commanded respect on his men and would deal with any traitors the same way Bills would with someone who annoyed them. But before the god of the seventh universe, the leader of the black robed individuals didn't feel like fighting.
Two large holes could be seen in a wall, one for a massive man built like a tank, and another for a much smaller… being. Both had tried to get close to Bills and Whis in ways none of them liked, so the cat left his assistant deal with them. After watching the cheerful blue man backhand their insane fellow and flick the other… being out of the room through the walls, every individual in the room knew why their boss had felt fear when they appeared. It had been a normal meeting, all nine white cloaked men and women stood there with their underlings, ready to discuss their course of action in the realm of Hollows, only for a blinding light and the god to appear before them.
Bills had smiled and given the old man Yamamoto the peace sign, "It's been a long time since I've been here, brat. I believe it was a millennia ago, when-"
"Who are you?!" asked a petite woman with her hair done in a black bob with two long braids as she and her fellow soldiers readied their blades.
Until the old man roared, "Don't you dare to attack them!"
Then the largest of them all, with his hair done in black spikes with bells on the end, grinned as his heavily scarred face was split from his smile, his one eye uncovered by the eye patch looking at the duo, "They don't even look strong…" He said with a chuckle, irritating Bills.
"Whis, take him out."
"As you order, Lord Bills." The blue man said before stepping to the swordsman whose head was above the assistant's white hairdo.
When the tank of a man was out, the cat god smiled peacefully while the men and women in the room gaped, licked the back of his hand and groomed himself, "So, Yamamoto, I've been wondering if there are any good challenges for a God of Destruction."
"H-Hey, how about you answer some of our questions?" a little boy with a nodachi, short white hair spiked up, and green cold eyes said as he didn't know whether to fight this entity or reason with him after watching what one of them could do.
The god smirked, "You even have kids here…? Perhaps the standards are actually getting lower."
The boy grit his teeth, but the old man spoke for him, "I'd like to ask that you do not look down on us. In recent years our forces have become stronger than the past… However, we're in the middle of a crisis, so I'm have to respectfully say your stay may not be as fancy as you'd like."
Bills grinned, "I won't stay long… I had hoped you knew, considering you are the oldest in here… But since the Shinigami King hides in his castle, I shall tell you this… I've come here to train a new god."
"A good, huh?" a white… being with paint on his face, a ridiculous white hairdo, and an even more ridiculous white cap mused to himself, "I have to ask, what would your insides look like."
"Already on it."
With the new hole in the wall, Bills hoped he could get things finished soon, grab a bite, and watch Naruto fight to the death for his amusement… and to become the new god of the ninth universe, but mostly for the cat's amusement. "So, what kind of crisis are you in?" Bills asked, getting an idea he hoped that could work.
Yamamoto went to the details of a rogue captain and his allies who betrayed him, the place he tried to protect, and whose goals was to become a god…
Bills could only smirk at the end of it, because even if he could complain about the ego, someone who had the plan to become a good should be a good training session for his blond charge.
But then, he remembered a very important mission he had ever since he arrived to this universe, this world so similar to the one where he enjoyed a great match… "Is there any pudding?"
"U-Um… no…" Yamamoto said, blinking in surprise at the request, but upon noting Bills frown he quickly added, "But we can give you a great feast while we look for this… umm, pudding."
"Are you serious, Yama-ji?" a man with an unshaven face, a straw hat, a pink flowery kimono on top of his clothes, and a laidback smile asked.
Yamamoto glared at him, "This isn't a laughing matter, this person right here before you is Lord Bills, a God of Destruction whose main job is to destroy entire planets."
The room turned silent in shock at the revelation, but Bills chuckled, "Calm down, I can't destroy the worlds of other gods without their permission… However, I am allowed to destroy anything I don't like so long as its entire planet is intact." He grinned maliciously, making the soldiers before him know this guy was a spoiled brat. He then chuckled, "But I'm not here for that, as I've said, I have someone trying to become a new god… so I'll have to ask all of you to face him, or else I'll destroy this entire place."
"You can't be serious!" Yamamoto said in shock.
Bills tapped the floor, and as soon as he did a purple aura sipped through it and into the wall with the holes, seconds before the wall turned to dust and flew in the wind. The feline smiled at the sunlight, "I'll start sunbathing while I wait for that feast." He stretched and then laid on his side on the light, "Knowing my charge, he shall be here sooner or later… possibly by accident or by doing something stupid."
The entire room sweat-dropped while Whis sighed, "Still cruel with the boy, I see."
"Shut up, he needs to learn from his mistakes!"
"Hoho… The boy was right, you do act like his mother." Whis said with a chuckle.
Bills huffed but only turned away from his assistant, leaving the white haired man to smile perkier than usual while the others sweat-dropped harder.
It was really hard to picture this guy as a God of Destruction.
Soon Naruto walked into a massive room, thinking exactly the same thing his mentor thought about the man who ran this place, 'Man, someone has an ego.'
He stood before a large throne in which a man clad in white with his brown hair combed back, though leaving a single bang between his handsome face, stared down at him, "So, you are the source of that power that shook my castle and the reason my Hollows have had their numbers reduced greatly." He then leaned forward and knitted his hands with a peaceful smile, "You don't seem like you have much of a purpose here, and you don't even carry a zanpakutou like the other shinigami… And yet, you look like you are hiding something incredible in you."
Naruto felt something off with this guy, so he decided to go all out and be blunt about his thoughts, "And you look like an asshole."
And that's my rap!
Sorry for the cliffy… Nah, I enjoy watching you guys squirming for my next updates. Mwahahahahaha! Now, in all seriousness, sorry, the chapter was getting long with the build-up and if I made a fight scene now then it'd have been taken far longer to update this chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it. I tried to balance some humor in the mix to make you relax before the next chapters where… well, let's say Harribel will have a lot to ask Naruto when she sees him fighting.
Oh, and guess who were the hinted ladies, if you can.