To the Library: Doorstep


Now we're here at the doorstep of the Library.

You seem so happy and so excited. I can see that you're already walking ahead of me. Your hand's on the doorknob already turning it. I only watch while you open the door and start to enter the building.

I want to follow you. I want to see you smile. But I know that when you smile, it'll be because you'll see him again. Not the person who has been with you all these nine years. I think I'm angry. But, I scold myself and tell myself that this is what will make you happy.

Him.

You'll be back with him in a few minutes. You'll be in his arms and then we'll be apart.

But then again, it's not all his fault; I think it's really mine to begin with. We've been together these nine years, but I never found the courage to admit it. My mind was on other matters. Hell, I was searching for my own light too. I was too busy with that, I never thought to look right in front of me.

At first it was just a flicker of light, like a candle in a big dark room. But before I realized it, the flame had grown big enough to warm my soul as well. But then I had ignored it, now someone's taking it away.

There is nothing I can really do, because you really want to go.

I want to call your name, and ask you to stop. But my voice is caught in my throat. Choking myself over the chance that I let pass.

Nine years…damn. The more I think about it, the more I want to hit my head against a wall.

I wonder now if there was ever a time when I'd show you how I felt. I also wonder if you understood what I was trying to say.

I guess you didn't. You're halfway into the building now. I'm still outside, staring at the open doorway.

I don't want to follow you in and see you in his arms. That would probably hurt more than all the Heartless' attacks combined. So, I'll just go. Turn around and be on my way. I'll be back in the Hotel. Maybe I'll wait for you there. Or, maybe not.

I have a feeling that there'll be a new member to our group.

This time, I feel that four's too much of a company. Especially since that means, I'll see you everyday with him.

It may be childish to you, but to me it's all I can think of. I wonder if I'll get over it quickly. I know that you'll be happy, that's all that should matter.

Why should I stay and fight? I think you've made your choice even before we met.

Has it always been him, Aerith? I suppose so.

Then, what are you doing out here on the road holding my hand? I look at you; I'm surprised you want me to go inside with you. You're wondering why I've turned away all of a sudden. I want to tell you that I don't want to go in, but I don't want you to let go of my hand either.

Your eyes are telling me that everything is going to be okay. They're not telling me that you know how I feel right now, or how I've been feeling these past few months.

Do you want me at your side till the last moment, Aerith? I'll accompany you, if that's what you want. I know you think it's childish of me, but I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye. To whatever future we would've had, if I took every opportunity to show you how much I've come to love you.

That's right, I love you.

It's been nine hellish years, I lost someone I loved in Hollow Bastion too. I went crazy trying to find her, just like you have been trying to find him. Instead, I found you, but it took me several more years to actually find the courage to move on. But now, he's back, and I know that it's too late for me now.

You found your light. I am about to lose mine again.

You must be surprised why I've put my arm around your shoulders. The Library's dark, but this may be the last time that I'll ever get to hold you this close. I walk slowly, pretending that I'm just trying to protect you. There may be Heartless in the shadows, but that's just a big lie.

I just want to hold you. At least until we get to the room, where everybody's waiting for him to see you and celebrate your reunion.

Maybe I should tell you now before we get to our destination. Even though I know that it's not going to change anything. I love you, Aeris. But I would never want to hurt you.

I know you love him.

So then, I'll just keep quiet.

- - - - - - -


Note: Nope, I still have not played Kingdom Hearts. Most of the stuff up here is based on what I've read on FAQs and forums on the game. I'm not even sure if Rinoa ever existed in the game (she did, did she?)…but it would be cute to have both her and Squall in the game, tho. J

Anyway, I think this one came out a lot better (and longer) than the first chapter.

Thanks to all those who have sent in their reviews!