Disclaimer: Dragonball Z is an anime.

Dear Diary. Mood: Solid (heh.)

Okay. Let's get something straight. I would totally have dodged that guy's spit if I knew it was going to turn me to stone.

He just got a cheap shot in, that's all.

The nerve of that son of a bitch, calling himself the King of the Demons. As far as I'm concerned, there was only one Demon King, and I'm the egg that came out of him. I don't care if Dabura's a million times stronger than my dad, he looks like a chump with that silly blue costume. Just looking at those stupid poofy blue pants and that puff-shouldered ultra-V-neck shirt makes me appreciate my own clothes. I may not be Heidi Klum, but at least my shoulders aren't puffs. They're spikes. That's more intimidating. I don't even remember where I learned that name. Heidi Klum, I mean.

I think I've wanted to start writing down all my thoughts since just before Cell showed up. But that hasn't really panned out, mainly because I've been too busy meditating to learn how to write. The last seven years, I've either been meditating or sleeping. Sometimes Dende says he can't tell which one I'm doing sometimes. Perhaps, if he were useful, he'd be able to tell the difference.

Low blow, I know. But I'm just telling the truth.

Krillin got spit on before the stuff on me actually had an effect. Brilliant move. You know, I don't know why he came with us instead of Android 18. Krillin probably wouldn't be able to win a fight with her after ten years in the Hyperbolic Time Chamber. But she's the one who stayed behind with her daughter. Cute kid, but looks too much like her damn father.

Yeah, I know it's hypocritical to be making fun of Krillin for getting spit on. Shut up.

Oh, shit. I can hear a bird flying around my head. Barely, but it's there. Get away! Shoo! Shoo! Fuck off! Oh, God, I don't think I have my sense of feeling. That means it's probably going to take a crap on me and I won't be able to tell. Why did I retain my sense of hearing but nothing else? Is it because I'm Namekian? God damn it.

So, okay, I don't hear the bird. That scares me even more than hearing the bird. That means it probably landed on me. It's going to call like eighty of its friends over and that'll be it. They won't even touch Krillin either, I bet. Even a bird could see what a loser he is.

I don't know why I'm so much more down on Krillin than I used to be. Honestly- and I'm ashamed to say this, in a way- I think it's because he got Android 18. Namekians aren't supposed to have any sexual feelings. We reproduce by egg-budding, for Christ's sake. But I think I've learned a little about human romance from those two. They're the only two I could learn it from, I think. Goku and Chi-Chi's relationship is so celibate, they've only fucked like, twice. And Bulma and Vegeta? That little brat couldn't even detach from his own dick long enough to give it to Bulma. Besides, I've seen Bulma's "special robots." She keeps herself hanging off of them quite enough.

Anyway, to get off of that subject, I think my cape is actually starting to chafe my shoulders. I don't even know how that's possible, but it feels like… oh shit… OH SHIT! There better not be an insect nest living in my cape right now! Oh, son of a bitch! It feels like a bunch of tiny needles scraping the lining of my pink… uh, muscle things! Why did Namekians even evolve those, I wonder? Just seem like an unnecessary aesthetic touch. Heh. More like ASS-thetic. Heh. Heh. I'm not good at jokes.

I wonder what kind of bugs they are. Wow, that's weird. I'm not sure what I'd rather them be, that's even weirder. If they're bees, that's really going to be a bitch when I go back to normal. Well, if I even do. NO! None of that talk! I swore I'd be an optimist about this entire situation! Okay, uh… I don't have to listen to Dende and Mr. Popo play the "twisty game" anymore. I don't know what they do, because I close my eyes every time they start, but it sounds… squishy. Ugh.

What if they end up being scorpions? Shit, I hate scorpions. I wouldn't dare tell Mr. Popo or Dende that, though. They'd spray the whole damn lookout for scorpions and I'd never stop feeling embarrassed. Those two try way too hard to be accommodating and it ends up being smothering. There was this one time I mentioned how gross Mr. Popo's favorite stew smelled. He literally threw the batch he was in the middle of making off the lookout. I mean, fuck, it's what he likes to eat, I didn't want to make him stop. Just put a lid on it or something.

So what the hell are Goku, Vegeta, and Gohan doing anyway? If I had any money to bet, and the physical ability to bet it with someone, they'll release Majin Buu. Vegeta's probably dumb enough to let him out, Goku's probably too dumb to stop him, and Gohan…

Well, Gohan should at least be able to shake his head disgustedly in my place.

Anyway, I'm running out of shit to talk about, so I might as well try to get more meditating done. Just because I'm trapped in a stone prison, doesn't mean I can slouch on my training. I mean, all my powers maybe gone, but I can still… uhhh…

Fuck! Well, I have to do something to preoccupy myself! Not everyone can have a Nintendo 3DS like Dende! He even got a black one because it reminds him of Mr. Popo. I really need to separate those two when all of this is over. At least get different rooms.