Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Title: Muddy Bird

Author: Savanna van Smutsmut from

Beta: Dollybigmomma from

Banner maker: Jules Meghan

Rated: NC-17 for sexual situations

Summary: Geeky Edward is frustrated with a girl in the library that sits at his table everyday keeping him from chatting with his online best friend, DirtySwan.

That stupid girl was at my favorite table again, and I had to wait her out. It was the only quiet table at the library. Ironic, I know. Since it was a library, they all should have been quiet, but they weren't. They all had noisy foot traffic that passed them, except that one table. It was off to the side a little, so no one walked past it. It was the perfect place to take advantage of the free wireless network and send a note to my girl. I hadn't met her yet, but she was beautiful. I just knew it.

She was so dang funny, witty and smart. I'd had to cover my mouth with my hand more than once to keep from laughing out loud. She was perfect for me, and she'd been hinting at meeting me. We'd never mentioned any sort of physical characteristics. I didn't know why it had never come up, but it hadn't. We were always too busy ranting about the latest movie or comic, and occasionally, she'd mention a professor. I'd had Professor Banner last year, and she had him this year. She kept me up to date on his latest toupee disaster. That was the only hint I had that she was here. She'd given it away on accident, and when I asked about his runaway hair, she'd known exactly what I was talking about and confirmed he was her professor. She was on campus with me, I just didn't know where.

Since we'd confirmed we were nearby, and in fact on the same campus, we'd subtly batted around the idea of meeting. We'd mentioned campus activities, and we'd both attend them, but we'd never meet because we didn't know who the other person was. It was crazy, because we'd go and then we'd get online and talk about what we thought about the concert, game or party, but we didn't know if we'd passed the other person, or if we'd maybe sat next to them. I wondered about that sometimes, and I'd get frustrated, because I felt like I should have been able to just look at her and know it was her, but I couldn't.

I was about ready to stomp over to the brunette and tell her to move it. DirtySwan was always on at this time, and I'd always just miss her. We'd tried to catch each other, but we were never able to line up our times. I'd literally missed her by one minute on several occasions. It was maddening, and all because of this stupid girl who wouldn't leave my table! "Excuse me, would you mind finishing up and moving on?" I glanced at my watch and then back at her. If she'd just hurry, I might be able to catch her.

"Rude much? I'm actually busy, so you can just move along yourself." She waved her hand at me, like she was shooing a little kid away.

It was another ten minutes before she left, and I ran to the table, pulling out my laptop and quickly signing on. Sure enough, there was a message from my DirtySwan.

"It looks like I missed you again. I can't believe it. This is getting so frustrating. I know we've kept to ourselves this whole time, and I've actually really enjoyed our anonymity. It's fun to have petty debates over fictional characters. By the way, I think Prof. Banner's toupee qualifies as a fictional character. Today it looked like Puss and Boots from Shrek. I don't know what the hell he was thinking when he put on that orange hairpiece. Maybe he's a football fan and trying to support our team.

Our school colors were the one thing I didn't look into when I picked this college. I really should've put that into the criteria. No one should be subjected to bright orange, NO ONE! I'll bet you're wearing bright orange right now, aren't you? Do you like showing your school spirit, CullingWraith? I'll be at the football game on Saturday. I'll be the one in the orange shirt. Do you think you'll be able to pick me out? How about I give you another clue? I'll be the girl with brown hair in the orange shirt. Yes, I'm laughing, because there is no way in hell that narrowed it down for you.

Do you want me to narrow it down for you? I think it might be nice if we narrowed it down for each other, if you're interested. I'll be here again, same time tomorrow, looking for your answer. Maybe we'll be able to IM then. One of these days, we'll get on at the same time. Of course, if we met, then maybe we wouldn't have to worry about it. If you don't want to meet, I'm cool with that, too. I hope I didn't scare you off. I hope you still want to talk to me.

DirtySwan, signing off for today, maybe I'll catch you tomorrow."

By the time stamp on the e-mail, I'd literally missed her by two minutes. If I hadn't been in the library, I would've freaking screamed. I swear to god, if that girl was at my table again, I was going to just shove her off of it. I was not missing DirtySwan again.

DirtySwan wanted to meet, and I think I was ready to finally do it. It was time. I'd met the witty, silly girl online. I didn't care if she was overweight, shaved bald, missing her left eye, and her front teeth. She was too awesome to pass up.

"DirtySwan, I'd like to meet you, too. I think it's about time we bit the bullet and did it. I know we've probably passed each other on campus a hundred times. So, I'm going to be adventurous. I'll be the guy with orange socks at the football game, and I'll wear my Tony the Tiger Frosted Flakes shirt. It shows a little school spirit with minimal orange factor. I hope my socks don't burn your retinas. I'll see you then. CullingWraith, signing out until tomorrow."

The next day, that obnoxious impossible girl was at my table again. I couldn't miss DirtySwan. The game was tomorrow, and we would be meeting instead of emailing then. I hoped she'd give me another clue as to what she'd be wearing.

"Excuse me." I tried to be polite, I really did.

She looked up at me and sighed. "Really, dude? Every damn day you're here, rushing me off and away from this table with your half-assed 'excuse me.' There are six other tables in the library."

"Yes, but this one is quiet. I assume it's why you prefer this one as well."

"Look, OCD Man, I'm trying to catch a friend, and you rushing me doesn't help. I'm already set up here. Can't you go somewhere else?" She sounded like she was trying to be patient with me, but was failing.

I looked at the other tables and saw a few jocks roughhousing by one and a couple making out on another, while the others were similarly occupied.

She must have seen my dilemma. "Gah, fine, freaking fine, just give me a minute," she waved me off. That little hand motion was annoying. I wasn't a toddler or a dog. I had half a mind to hand wave her back. "Shoo, little girl, shoo, shoo," I wanted to say, but I didn't have the guts. Besides, I had been raised to be respectful to women, even if they pissed me off.

As soon as she walked away, I jumped on the computer at the speed of light and my heart sank. I'd thought for sure I'd catch her today. I was on a full ten minutes earlier than all the other times. I usually just missed her, so I should've been able to catch her before she went offline. I was crushed when I saw her little IM light was off, and I had another email from her in my inbox.

"Sorry I missed you again today. I really tried to catch you. I'm sure I missed you by a mile. I couldn't justify keeping someone from their studying just so I could chat with you, especially since I'll hopefully be seeing you tomorrow. Your little line suggesting it was time we 'bit the bullet and just did it' could really be misconstrued as dirty. Be forewarned, I have pepper spray so we won't be 'just doing it' on the first meeting. I know I'm coming off as a little mean, but I'm a girl, and bad things happen to girls that meet strangers over the internet. I've heard stories, and I know you have, too. I'm really hoping you're not a serial killer. You come across as really nice, and I'm looking forward to meeting you. I won't pepper spray you unless you try and grab my boobs or any other feminine part of my body. I'm still a little nervous about the whole meeting you thing, but I'll give you another clue as to what I'll be wearing. Like your shirt, mine will also have a food logo. I really am excited to finally meet you. DirtySwan signing off."

I did my best not to guffaw out loud at her "just do it" rant. I really wasn't even thinking of grabbing her boobs or anything else. I also caught that she'd said "on the first meeting" in her message, so was she alluding to maybe doing "it" on later meetings? It was kind of exciting and scary all at once. I was worried she'd be very disappointed in my appearance, and then the idea of "it" would be the farthest thing from her mind.

I tried to look casual as I stood kind of by the entrance gate. I didn't want to look like I was waiting for anyone, just in case she decided not to come. I didn't want to be humiliated by her backing out. I worried that she'd see me and never speak to me again.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. Excuse Me." I looked up to see library girl.

"I'm sorry I come across as rude. I really don't mean to," I apologized, glancing around her.

"No, I get it. I really do." She started laughing at me, and I didn't know why she was. I didn't like it. I was worried DirtySwan would show up and see a girl laughing at me and leave.

"Can you please not laugh at me?" I implored. "I'm hoping a friend of mine shows up this evening."

Library girl smiled up at me and then leaned on the wall next to me. "A friend, huh? Can you tell me about this friend of yours?"

I frowned down at her. "She's my friend, that's all you need to know."

"Okay, I get it, you don't want to talk about your friend, but you did say 'she,' though."

"If you must know, she's who I'm always trying to catch, but just miss because you're at my table." I did my best to not sound rude. I hoped that if she knew she was interfering with me catching my friend, she'd have mercy on me and give me the table sooner.

"I think I know why you miss her."

"You do?"

She gave my shirt a tug. "Yup, CullingWraith, I know exactly why we're never on at the same time."

My eyes popped wide. "You're DirtySwan?"

She nodded her head, "You always just miss me, because you run me off from the table. I thought of suggesting we share it a couple of times, but you didn't seem like the sharing type."

I blushed, feeling horrible. "I'm sorry."

"It's kind of funny, actually. You always said that you knew we were walking past each other, and we were full-on talking to each other the whole time."

"I didn't mean to be rude. I was always missing you, literally, by only a few minutes, it was so frustrating. I just knew if I could just get on a little faster, I'd catch you."

She bumped her shoulder into my side. "It was never going to happen. No matter how fast you signed in, I would've already signed out to give you the table."

I was horribly embarrassed. "I'm really sorry."

She surprised me by grabbing my hand. I blurted out, "It's not your boob."

"I grabbed you, not the other way around, come on." She tugged my hand, pulling me away from the game.

"Where are we going? Are you the serial killer?" I asked worried.

"If I gave you my pepper spray, would you feel better?" She pulled it out of her pocket and held it out for me to take.

"No, that's fine, please don't spray me."

She frowned, but didn't release my hand. She led me over to a truck that was parked at the far side of the parking lot. She opened the tailgate and hopped in the back, patting the place next to her. "So, what's your real name, CullingWraith?"

"Edward Cullen."

"I'm Bella Swan, actually, Isabella, but I like Bella best."

"It's nice to officially meet you, Bella." I held out my hand for her to shake. She shocked the hell out of me when she yanked me towards her and kissed me. It took me a moment, but I did kiss her back. When she pulled away, my eyes were wide. "You don't do it on the first meeting."

She laughed, grinning widely. "It's not our first meeting." She straddled me and kissed my lips lightly. "I knew you'd be a sweetheart."

She kissed me again, and I was doing my best to keep my hands in safe places. I was nervous about the whole boob warning. When she pulled back again, I sputtered out, "Does that mean I can touch your boobs?"

She giggled and kissed from my neck up to my ear, "Yes, and all the other feminine parts that go with them."

Since I was no longer scared, I was hard as a rock. "Okay."

She smiled before she dived into my lips again and dropped her body down against mine. I was worried about her knowing I was hard for half a second, but she rubbed against me, making me moan. She was gasping and panting between kisses as she rubbed on me. I was going to cum in my pants if she didn't slow down.

I grabbed her hips nervously and looked down between us. She seemed to know just what my problem was. She jumped off my lap and held out her hand for me to take. "Did you drive?" she asked opening her truck door.

"No, I live across the street," I pointed to the apartment, and her eyes lit up.

"Show me."

She acted like she was in a hurry, so I hustled across the street with her and unlocked my door. We were barely inside when she kissed me again. "Where's your room?"

I pointed to my door, and she practically skipped to it. She jumped on the bed with a giggle. "Come on, Edward. I've been wondering about you for a while."

"You have?" I squeaked.

She pulled me down on the bed and straddled me again. "Yup, and not just you online, I have been wondering about CullingWraith, but then there was this stiff guy at the library, always bugging me about the table. He was obviously in a rush every time, but he never yelled at me, always attempting to be polite. He was hot, and I wanted to loosen him up so he'd stop freaking out about the table." She kissed me hard. I felt her take my hands and start to push them up under her shirt.

I really looked at her shirt for the first time. "It's orange."

"Not bright orange. It's a retro Cheetos shirt, so it's a dull orange. See, just like I said, brown hair, orange shirt, food logo."

I wound my fingers in her hair, feeling how soft it was. "Brunette, beautiful brunette…" She captured my lips before I could say anything else about her. She was a lot hotter than I expected her to be. We kissed slow and easy. I really loved that she wasn't only into my computer personality, but the library guy, too. She was rubbing against me hard, panting out my name between kisses. She pulled off her shirt, shocking me. I almost came right then. Her lace-covered boobs were beautiful, but then she popped her bra off, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I didn't fully register what she was doing until my hand hit her breast. My eyes darted up to hers, wondering if I was dreaming, because I'd never heard of a girl grabbing a guy's hand and putting it on her boob before.

She leaned forward, kind of pinning it between us. She kissed my lips and then down my neck. She got to my shirt collar and tugged on it a little. I sat up, and she pulled me over so I was hovering over her. She took my shirt off of me and kissed down my chest a little. She bit my nipple, making me jump. "My turn," she pointed to her breast, and I nervously kissed them and moved my lips slowly to her nipple, half expecting her to slap me. When I got to her nipple, I bit it lightly like she had done to me, and she shoved my face into it. I gave it a light suck, just to check to see if she wanted me to, and she arched up off the bed, squeezing my face into it more. If my mouth hadn't been full of booby, I would have said, "Oh, wow!" I did the same to the other one, and then she pulled me up for a kiss that seemed a little wilder than all the others.

I felt her hands rubbing up and down my chest. She didn't give me a chance to feel self-conscious about it. Her fingers suddenly popped the button on my jeans, and I pulled back huffing, trying to catch my breath, as she unzipped them and shoved them down, along with my boxers, using her feet. My eyes were wide and shocked. I didn't think we'd get that far. I wasn't experienced with that sort of thing, and I proved it.

She grabbed hold of my cock, gave it a good squeeze and a few pumps, and I came embarrassingly fast all over her stomach. I was about to apologize, but she didn't give me a chance. She pulled me back to her lips. I was careful about leaving space between us, so I didn't get my mess all over me. I felt something move between us and looked down to see her using my shirt to wipe off her belly, all the while her lips were still moving on my neck, and then she turned my face back to hers to claim my lips again. My being a two-pump chump didn't seem to faze her.

She pushed me over on my back and kissed down me, until she was between my legs. My body was already getting excited again. Then she grabbed a mouthful of me, and I made a noise that sounded like my loose engine belt. It didn't seem to slow her. I gently placed my hand on her shoulder, not sure what the protocol was for this kind of thing. It didn't matter, though, because she was up and rolling a condom down on me seconds later. I looked up at her face, and her smile was beautiful. I couldn't help but smile back. If I was going to lose my virginity, I really did want it to be with her. I already thought of her as my best friend, lover would be the next step.

She slid down on me, and my eyes rolled back in my head as I shouted, "Holy crap!" I was panting like a madman. She leaned down and kissed me, moving my hand to her breast again. I liked those. I decided to enjoy the invitation, and it seemed to make her get louder and move harder and faster.

The little sounds she was making were making it difficult to hold back. I'd never held back before. I'd heard it was possible, but I just didn't see it. I was getting louder, too, and she sat up, like she knew my dilemma, and pounded down on me hard. Her boobs only got to bounce a few more times before I lost it. The way she cried out and her body tightened around me made me think she might have, too. "Oh, wow!" I cried out like a geek as I came.

She collapsed down on me giggling. "Jesus, that was good." She turned her face down and kissed my chest. I felt things slipping and knew it'd get messy. She slid down to my side and then grabbed the condom, tied it in a knot, and threw it into the trashcan like a pro ball player. Then she dropped her mouth on my cock, sucking my tender skin. I cried out again, and then she just flopped back next to me and smiled. "I didn't want to leave you a mess." She snuggled down into my side and pulled the blanket up around us.

All I could say was the night turned out way better than I'd ever imagined.

When I woke up the next morning, I was sure I'd had an awesome dream, until I opened my eyes and she was still there, draped over my body with a smile on her face. I couldn't believe it had really happened! I wrapped my arm around her and rubbed her back lightly. It seemed like the right thing to do.

She opened her eyes and smiled up at me, before she gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Where's your bathroom?"

"Across the hall."

She grabbed my robe from the back of my door, slipped it on, and headed for the bathroom, buck naked under the terrycloth. I got up, pulled on a t-shirt, and was stepping into my boxers, when she came back in, and she slapped my butt. "Your turn, it's open, but I think I hear your roommate moving around, so you better hurry." She took off my robe, standing there naked, and pulled me down for a kiss. I think I was still trying to get my brain past "naked girl."

She shoved me towards the door, so I did as she asked and took care of my morning routine. When I came back, she had on my Green Lantern shirt, and it hung down to the middle of her thighs. I noticed her panties were still on the floor and wondered what, if anything, she had on under the shirt.

"Kitchen, baby, I'm hungry. You need to feed me," she said, taking my hand and leading me to the door. I pulled her toward the kitchen, silently inventorying what I had to feed her.

When we got there, it didn't matter. She hopped up on the island, pulled me between her legs, and started kissing me. My hands moved up her thighs and answered the question, no panties, no nothing. My hands were moving up to her hips, when I heard Eric shout, "It's a girl!"

We looked over at him, and I pulled the shirt back down, covering her legs again.

"Edward," he whispered not taking his eyes of her, like he was scared to spook her, "It's a girl."

"Hi, I'm Bella, I'm Edward's…" she looked up at me, waiting for an answer.

"Yes, mine."

She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her lips. "Yes, yours," she whispered before she kissed me.

I was getting lost in the kiss until Eric cried, "Holy cow!" I was getting tired of his interruptions, but I had a feeling he wouldn't go away anytime soon.

Bella looked over at him and smiled, "Nice undies, the Hulk is funny."

Eric looked down at his underwear mortified and ran stumbling off to his room. I was sure he thought she was making fun of him. She looked up at me worried. I knew she wasn't insulting my friend, we had discussed the Avengers at length, and she really loved the Hulk, thinking he was the funniest because of the whole Loki beating scene.

"It's fine, don't worry about him." I heard her stomach growl and stepped away from her to find some food. I knew I had bread and jam, so I could make her some toast. "Would you like toast and jam, do you have any food allergies?" I asked. I felt her arms wrap around me and her breasts press into my back as I opened the fridge. Her hand slid down, grabbing me through my shorts. I was hard, and she wasn't making it any better. She moved around me and knelt in front of me. My eyes widened as she pulled down my boxers while we were in the kitchen. I was grateful I was hidden behind the island and could hold onto it and the fridge door for support. I held on tight as she sucked me hard, my legs shaking, threatening to give out. I was grunting and huffing like a freak and came hard.

"Edward, are you okay?" I heard my other roommate, Ben, ask. Then Bella stood up and his eyes widened. He pulled out his inhaler and took a couple of puffs. "Was she…" he gasped, "in the kitchen?"

"He was hard, and I was hungry, two birds with one stone." She reached into the fridge and pulled out the jam, "So, breakfast?"

I was still shaky, but nodded my head yes and was able to get the bread for her.

"Edward…psst, Edward," Ben tried to get my attention. "She's a girl," he whispered pointing at her.

I nodded at him, "Yeah," I grinned comically huge. The Joker had nothing on me.

"Holy Moly, a real girl!" he hissed a little louder.

"Yeah, she's mine."

She looked over at me and smiled when I said that. She pulled me to her and kissed me again, "Yours."

I really liked it when she said that. I really liked her being mine. She made a stack of toast with jam and pulled me down the hall, back to my bedroom. I glanced back to see Ben's mouth hanging open wide.

We sat down on the bed, and she passed me some toast. I realized the name DirtySwan wasn't referencing a muddy bird like I'd always thought, but a naughty girl. "So, Bella, when you picked the name DirtySwan, you weren't talking about muddy birds, were you."

"Nope." She pulled the shirt she wore up over her head and dabbed a bit of jam on her breast. "No muddy birds, just a dirty Swan." She pointed to her sticky breast, making her point.

I smiled huge and dove in, ready to clean her up. It was time for breakfast with my girl, my dirty Swan.