Originally Posted: January 2014. Set a few months in the future when Abigail's affair with EJ has become common knowledge.
Disclaimer: Days of Our Lives is the property of Ken Corday and NBC. I can't remember if Sony still owns a piece or not. Either way, not mine!
Note: I didn't feel like tracking down my old Days account here on FF.N, so I'm posting this here. My apologies to OLTL people who had me on author alert.
I already know how to destroy other peoples' relationships, so I'm not writing to you for advice.
Are you too young to get the reference? I don't think Dear Abby is a big deal, culturally, in the internet era. You see, back when I was your age, there used to be these things called newspapers…
Of course you knew that. Your father was Jack Deveraux, proud publisher of the Salem Spectator.
That's why I didn't tear you limb from limb as soon as I found out.
Let me start over. This isn't going well.
Oh, wait, you have people calling you "Abigail" now, don't you? A grown up name for a grown up woman who'll have an affair with a man without a thought to his fiancée and children.
But I remember when you weren't much more than a toddler and you spent the Brady-Horton Fourth of July picnic telling Will that a meteor was going to crash into his head. He wouldn't look at fireworks for a year after that, you know.
And I remember when you fell off the swings at the playground and blamed Will for it. Everyone was so happy to believe you because Will was my son and you were Jennifer's daughter. That year when the two of you pulled the wishbone at Thanksgiving, the whole thing played like some kind of battle between good and evil.
And I remember you and Will holding hands when you went to funeral after funeral as the Salem Stalker picked off your family members one by one. Your dad disappeared, and then your mom; my dad disappeared, and then my mom. You'd barely even hit your teens, but you handled the whole situation with more strength and grace than I did. There were several times I meant to tell you how much I admired you and didn't follow through.
I remember you sticking up for Will when he was the joke of your high school—the kid whose mother chased the other parents with a knife at the Halloween party or dressed in drag to prove she hadn't cheated on his father.
I remember that you didn't blink when Will came out of the closet. It made no difference to you as his cousin or as his friend.
I certainly remember that Will asked you to stand godmother to my first grandchild.
With all those memories between us, I think you'll understand why you'll always be Abby to me.
I wonder if all those memories between us are what convinced you that it was all right to have sex with my fiance. Your mother never could stand me. Jennifer used to tell me "Sami, you lack everything that makes a person likeable. Intelligence, sensitivity, humor. You know, the list could go on and on, but what really boggles my mind is how anyone in their right mind would waste a minute on you."
Okay, Jennifer only said that to me once. It's amazing how you can remember an insult word for word ten years later, isn't it? Or aren't you old enough to know? You'll find out. It usually only happens when you're afraid it's all true.
Your father, though… Jack and I cared for each other very much. But you probably just wrote that off as one of his quirks the way everyone else did. "Jack does lots of weird things. He spontaneously recites Shakespeare, juggles random stuff to make you laugh, and oh, he thinks Sami Brady is friendship material."
I know you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. You're waiting for me to take revenge. You're going to wait a long time, though, because I would never hurt a hair on Jack's daughter's head.
(I'm not above making you sweat it out for a while, though.)
Is Jack what this is about, Abby? Do you feel guilty that he died saving you?
Do you look at EJ and see a man who is tall like your father? A man who is educated and erudite like your father? A man who loathes himself but puts your goodness on a pedestal like your father did with your mother? A man who is crying out for the love of a good, pure, innocent woman to fix him? A man whose past is full of dark deeds? A man who knows that he will always be a rapist?
I should have led with this. Let me start over.
Instead of asking for advice, I'll give it.
I get that you miss Jack. I miss him too. There was no one quite like him and he was one of the best friends I ever had. But me losing my friend is nothing compared to you losing your father, especially knowing that your father died to save you. In addition to missing him, you must feel guilty.
Jack wouldn't want that. It was one of the things that drew us together. He loved you as fiercely and completely as I loved Will. We were in a tight spot once and I didn't know how I was going to make it through. He just said Will's name over and over. He knew it would work.
"Will! Your son Will! What's going to happen to your child if we don't get out of here? That's all I'm thinking of right now. Abigail."
(See, Jack could get away with calling you Abigail, Abby. That's another reason why I won't. Your full name is his to use, not mine.)
This thing with EJ, where you're trying to reach a damaged, dangerous man the way your mother reached your father? It's not the same.
Jack would not approve.
He would want you with a man like Will or Sonny. I mean, obviously not Will or Sonny because they're gay and also your cousins. But someone like them. Like them except for the gay and related part.
EJ isn't Jack. Jack never felt completely comfortable around my Aunt Kayla after what he did to her. No matter that she forgave him. No matter that decades passed. Think hard and see if you remember a time that they were in a room together. If he had to touch her, he'd hesitate every time, almost like he was asking permission. He always did everything he could to keep her and Steve together because he had driven a wedge between them and violated her to take what he wanted.
If EJ were Jack, he would have tried to put my relationship with your Uncle Lucas back together. You're an imaginative girl, but can you imagine that?
I suppose you're saying that Steve and Kayla were meant to be and Lucas and I were not.
That's bullshit, Abby.
Excuse my language.
Your Uncle Lucas was the love of my life. I didn't know it at first. We were so very young. But I knew he was my friend the day I taught him to play hopscotch. (Can you believe it? Seventeen years old and not knowing how to play hopscotch?) I knew he was my partner when he took me to my high school prom in exchange for my helping him find out that he was Bill Horton's son. I knew he was my hero when he saved me from Alan Harris. I knew he was my equal when we tricked Austin and Carrie into breaking up. I knew he was part of me forever when I realized that we shared a child. I knew that he was essential when my throat was slashed and he became my voice. I knew that I loved him when… well, whether it was that day in the clown car or the time he ate the French toast I made with salt instead of sugar or the day or the whole mess with Horton the Tiger…
Suffice it to say, we figured it out. And Kate couldn't have that, so she drugged me and put me in bed with another man. We lost over a year that way. And, yeah, things got a little ridiculous when I dressed in drag to prove what Kate had done, and somehow that made us lose another year. When we were finally together and happy and there was nothing else Kate could do, that was when EJ stepped in.
Lucas was dying. EJ wouldn't save him unless I had sex with him. That's how my son Johnny came to be.
Or did you think I was such a slut that I have twins by different fathers because I wanted it that way?
Or did you think I deserved it because your mother has always told you to hate me?
Or did you think EJ was sorry?
EJ had a funny way of showing me that he was sorry.
He blackmailed me into divorcing Lucas. He would have killed Will. He did have John run over and tortured.
He tricked me into staying married to him. He made up some story about being deported how that would affect Johnny.
Lucas didn't like that. Lucas had had enough.
It was crazy. Somehow, I thought that destroying Lucas and me would be enough for EJ. That that would mean he'd won and he'd leave Rafe and me in peace. But then he pretended that Sydney was dead and had Rafe kidnapped and replaced with an imposter. Never mind what the freak did to my kids.
EJ made it clear. He would never allow me to be with anyone but him, and I could learn to like it or not. There were no other options.
That's how I became the person who told you last January that DiMeras take what they want and we have no say.
But you won't understand this. You think that you can fix EJ. You think he will change for you. You think he respects you in a way he never respected me. You're so young, as everyone likes to remind me.
"EJ found a younger, prettier, smarter, kinder woman."
Let me start over.
Everyone likes to whisper behind my back that EJ has found a younger, prettier, smarter, kinder woman than me.
I'm not angry.
And my relief should scare you far more than my anger ever could.