Title : The Anti-Angst Movement
Author : Di-chan
Description : A collection of related ficlets demoting angst and promoting fluff : join Di-chan and her band of miscellaneous muses in their quest of attacking well-known (and not so well-known) H/D clichés and presenting them in a new anti-angst, pro-fluff debut of romance and hilarity!
Rating : PG-13
Archive : Fanfiction.net, Fiction Alley (Schnoogle), Pure Magnetism
Pairing : Harry/Draco, Ron/Hermione, Blaise/Seamus, others
Warnings : Slash (don't say I didn't warn you), het, language, mature themes, excessive humor, excessive fluff, and NO ANGST!
Flames : Will be glomped and snuggled with while author secretly stuffs a dung bomb into flamer's underwear (or, if the flamer has no underwear on at the time, up their nose. If flamer has no nose, up the ass. If flamer has no ass, flamer should consider wondering what he/she is going to do, as he/she cannot go #2 now.). If flame is of homosexuality, what the HELL are you doing reading this thing in the first place?
Disclaimer : This story contains characters created and owned by J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing, Scholastic, Inc. and AOL/Time Warner, Inc., and may incorporate characters, locations and things created and/or owned by other third parties including but not limited to Joss Whedon, George Lucas and/or Lucasfilm, Fox, Paramount, Random House, Pengun Putnam, Inc., Ballantine Books, and a lot of other people. No permission has been given and since no money is being made here, no infringement is intended. I'd also like to note that Section 102(b) of the U.S. Copyright Act makes it clear that copyright protection does not extent to ideas, procedures, concepts, principles or discoveries – only the actual words used to express those things. The Harry/Draco clichés and/or ideas belong to the Harry/Draco fanfictions and/or authors. Di-chan belongs to herself. Oh, and the disclaimer was borrowed from Snoogle.com.
The Anti-Angst Movement
Chapter 1 : The Harry Has a Nightmare Cliché
Several heads snapped up at once. Some had guilty looks, as if they had been doing something they shouldn't have been doing. Some looked fearful, as if one Professor Snape had found exactly what was in their Potions essay, because everybody knew that Snape didn't actually read the essays – he just took one point off if it was from a Gryffindor. For most of the faces now visible, there was startle and a raised eyebrow.
The source of the yell was none other than a huffing, puffing, I-am-SO-going-to-blow-someone-up Draco Malfoy. The ruffled Slytherin was pointing an angry finger at a bewildered Harry Potter. Now all of the students had raised eyebrows (just one per student!).
"YOU!" shouted the enraged blonde.
The class jumped as a whole. The eyebrows started twitching. Both of Hermione Granger's eyebrows had shot to her hairline; it looked as if she had no eyebrows at all.
"You!" hissed the angry Head Boy.
Harry dared to speak, even though all of his instincts were telling him to run like hell. "Er, what about me?"
Silver eyes narrowed, and suddenly Harry found himself shoved against the wall. A strong hand held his wrists above his head, while its mate held Harry's chin. Harry gulped as he stared up at Draco.
"You..." murmured the taller boy, as he leaned down and pressed his lips to Harry's.
Harry Potter's eyes snapped open, the remnants of the dream... no... nightmare flowing through his mind. He bolted from his chair as if burned, wild green eyes focused on nothing.
Several heads snapped up at once. All eyes fixed on the Boy-Who-Lived, who was panting as if he had just run the entirety of Hogwarts with a very angry Severus Snape on his heels. The aforementioned Potions master, while not snapping at Harry's feet, stood from his desk and glared at the Gryffindor.
"Potter! What is the meaning of this?"
Harry didn't answer for a moment. His eyes cleared and, as if by magnetic pull, shifted to the blonde Slytherin at the front of the room, who was watching him. They stared at each other for a moment.
Understanding suddenly filled the silver eyes. Harry blanched. With a smirk, Draco Malfoy stood and ambled his way to the shorter Gryffindor.
"Why, Potter, I never knew you cared..." The silver-eyed Slytherin leaned down and pressed his lips to Harry's.
All students jumped. This time, the scream came from Snape. He had seized his throat, and his face looked rather blue. The professor sputtered, turned over once, and promptly died.
Again the students were put in risk of heart failure as not Draco, not Harry, and definitely not Snape, but NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM of all people screamed. The clumsy boy rushed to Snape's side and threw himself over the prone body, either not noticing or not minding that his hand became very greasy as he ran it through Snape's hair.
"No! My love! Don't leave me! We haven't even consummated one hundred times yet!"
Several of the students turned green.
Draco pulled himself away from the wonder that was Harry Potter's lips, and smirked at the blue professor. "I told him that if he saw me kiss Harry that his tongue would turn into a snake and choke him to death, but did he listen?"
Harry, who was looking rather breathless, gazed up at Draco with verdant eyes filled with afterglow. "Draco... kiss me again..."
Said Malfoy looked down at his prize with another smirk. "If kissing you makes you glow like this, I can't wait until the honeymoon!"
At the word "honeymoon," Ron Weasley fell over in a dead faint.
Unknown to (or perhaps ignored by) all, Neville cried over Severus Snape's body, whispering that he would never let his love's sex drive have died in vain, and no, the handcuffs would not be wasted...
Severus Snape bolted upright in bed. His black eyes snapped to the side, and the Potions professor relaxed as he found confused dark eyes gazing at him from under a dark black mat of hair.
"Severus? Honey, are you okay?" came the sleepy voice of his beloved.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. Just a nightmare."
"Oh... good..." A playful glint entered the dark eyes. "Now that we're up, want to..."
"...shag? Brilliant idea, Sirius."
Harry Potter bolted upright in bed, his eyes wide. Quickly, he pinched himself in the thigh, and at the burst of pain caused by his too-long nails, Harry deemed himself in the real world and allowed his body to relax.
Only to have it tense up again as one Vernon Dursley banged on the door. "Shut up in there, boy! One more noise out of you and it's into the cupboard you go!"
Harry didn't move until the thundering footsteps faded away. He breathed a sigh of relief, and rolled over to go back to sleep.
"That was the scariest dream I've ever had..."
To Be Continued...