Alright everybody, I have a new idea(helped with by butterflygirly99), which is basically this. You guys(that's right you guys, the readers!) send in a tribute you plan on, or already have sent in, and give it to me. My beta Butterflygirly99 and I will both give our opinions on the tributes, pointing out what is good, and bad about them. I will live thoughts sprinkled through the form, then at the end a short summary, while Butterfly will leave a more detailed analysis at the end. So, of course a big thanks to Butterfly! These will be two tributes per chapter, and should help you with creating tributes!

The Tributes

Alonzo Knight- my first tribute I ever made(which is quite awful I might add)

Zaphrina Harrier Xell- The wonderfull ZataraGrace's D11 female submission to my SYOT that I'm working on

Name (first and last): Alonzo Knight(Not a bad name, decent start)

Gender: Male

District (put your second choice too): 9(think it's the only choice left)

Age: 16

Family: Dad is single parent to him, doesn't see his father much because he and his dad both work so much to keep food on the table.(well, that's perfectly fine, but at the same time it's boring. Always make sure to also include things such as; personality, age, relationship, appearence, how much they get along, etc.

Friends: Is shy kid who doesn't really have any friends(well, isn't this a boring character...I mean, let him have something to work with, the poor writer has nothing to do for this guy)

Allies? (pm me if you want someone specific): No

Volunteered?: No

If yes why?:

If not, reaction?: Walked up emotionless, knowing he was dead, but not wanting to look weak.(that's actually pretty realistic)

District token: None(yaaaawn)

Personality: Is a shy kid who keeps to himself. He is pretty normal/boring person though.(wow. Really? That's all? Like, 2 short sentences? Like, personality should be a whole paragraph[see next tribute])

Appearance: Tall and slim with long jet black hair. He has dark brown eyes that are almost black and he has a decent amount of muscle.(not bad, but a bit more detail would be nice[see next tribute])

Romance (pm me if you want someone specific): No

Strengths: Is strong and has practically no fear about the games.(no fear of dying? Even though he knows he's going to? Well then..."

Weaknesses: Is unwilling to kill anyone but careers, and is probably going to die at the cornucopia.(wow, I seriously wrote this guy?)

Strategy in the arena: Go for the cornucopia and try to get a really good weapon and fight his way out.(perfectly fine if he dies)(the heck...)


Well then, don't even know what to say...I created this? What in the actuall hell? I get that you don't want to spend time, and maybe want to make them shy, but seriously David. What the heck? At least make him have something interesting about him...that poor writer.

GENERAL THOUGHTS- Butterflygirly99

Ok, so to start off, district 9's main industry is grain. The creator of this doesn't use any information or description to show the readers how his district has shaped him (ex: the bio, appearance, and personality is not at all effected by the district). Next, the creator of this tribute gives you very little detail about the tributes personality. The readers like tributes who are relatable and have a strong identifiable personality. Next, is the bio/friends/and family. This is what I see a lot, and used to be guilty of my self. When the creator of a tribute just lists a friend or a family member and gives no connection between them what so ever. Also, this creator used the "cop-out" (no offense intended) of saying "he is shy therefore he has no friends" this can be acceptable if done correctly, like for example: Something in his backstory caused him to become extremely shy and left him without the chance nor incentive to make friends. Explanation and elaboration are key to making a strong tribute, which is something this creator lacked in. Overall, I believe that while this tribute did have potential, the creator lacked in certain areas such as the strengths and weaknesses, where he could have given his tribute more stronger, more identifiable traits, and background and appearance, which he could have tied into his district. ~butterflygirly99

Name: Zaphrina Harriet Xell(very unique name, pretty solid)

Gender: female

District; 11 if that's taken then the one that fits the closest to her history

Age: 15

Appearance (Detailed!): She's around 5,6 with a dancers build. She has dark mocha colored skin. She has dark brown earthy eyes that looks as if it's has flecks of red in it. She has dark brown curly hair that goes down to her shoulders, that is secured with a headband around her forehead, it gives her a tribal menacing look. She has high sharp cheekbones from being hungry, and thin lips.(see, this is appearance. It shows height, build, skin color, eyes, hair, accessories, face details. This is absolutely perfect, not too much, but not too little either, try doing something like this)

Personality (Detailed!): With her huge temper, commanding aura, and a death glare that has made people wind up in the hospital, there's no reason why people are fiercly intimidated by her. Shes Sarcastic, mischievous and has a lot on confidence. She's rebellious, she has a humongous temper, and she can get really destructive when she gets mad. She's super smart and strategic too, always three steps in front of you, and was first in her class. She has a dry sense of humor, and shes Kind of a pessimist. She's a great theif and liar, and has good out of the box ideas. She can get a little cocky/funny sometimes though. She's not lazy and works really hard to be the best, from her throwing knives to her wittiness. Very brave and loyal to a fault, she's a fast thinker on her feet and doesn't get stressed easily. She never backs down and has a lot of pride. She's kind of a loner and she's very Mysteroius. She's very independent and nobody tells her what to do. She doesn't get manipulated easily, and is hardened, and EXTREMELY observant.(another perfect example of something. This just shows, it takes a whole paragraph to show your personality. This is just very good, the only critique I can have is this leaves little for the imagination of the writer, but still pretty dang good, possibly the best I've ever received)

What Quote Represents Your Tribute's Personality?: Having a v*** doesn't stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours(Oh man lol, this is an absolutely brilliant quote. Betty White...oh you)

History (Not too tragic please): Born into part of the night work crew, it's lucky she even survived the first day of work, let alone 7 years of it. Her father and three brothers are all part of the night work crew, and she loves them dearly. The night work crew, or kingslayers as they call it, go out at night into the fields and shoot and kill all the birds that fly over and try to eat the crops. Easy until the tracker jackers come out, which they always do at nighttime, plus you have to kill a quota of 17 birds or you're whipped publicly. Plus if there's a scarce amount of birds, people will sabotage to help their family such as steal too get the killed birds. But other than that, she loves her family, and she lived becoming strong and proud and a bad a**. Her mother she visits sometimes, as she is a gatherer and was not fit for the night crew. She was taught everything about shooting and killing since she was a little one. And when she first started her job she got stung thrice and almost died. Her brothers filled her quota for her, but we're whipped. She gives that day she'd never let somebody get hurt in her place.(See, this is unique, but not tragic. It's interesting, but no one dies. It has something that isn't meta(kingslayers), but it's realistic, and she completely creates a feeling of knowledge about the night crew, again, perfect)

Family and Friends:
Mother: Willow Xell - Zaphrina gets her confidance, loyalty, rebelliousness, pride, and smarts from

Father: Birch Xell- Zaphrina gets her temper, observant-ness, mischevoiusness, intimidation/bravery, and pessimism from

Bark Xell - really brave and loyal, plus kind (19)
Oak Xell - Big temper, prideful, rebellious, beautiful (18)
Thread Xell - quiet, cunning and smart (16)(see, this is good, with the only problem being putting in some appearance[although I guess they look similar to her] and then also what her relationship[good or bad] with them is. Overall, pretty solid, and better then the average one though)

Cade- her "hunting" partner, he picks up her slack if she doesn't meet the quota and she picks up his if he doesn't
Zander- one of her older brothers friend, hot too(okay...*coughs*)

What You Did Before The Reaping?: She took her usual morning run with Cade, and promised him and he her that if they went in, they'd do whatever it took to win. She then went home, and got ready for the reaping, by making herself look as scary as possible, while also comforting Thread. She then played with her knives a little bit (nervous habit) and got ready to walk to the reaping(don't know why this was in here...kind of suppresses uniqueness from the writer, though I guess that's the creator of this form, not her)

Reaping Outfit: She wore a orange/burgundy dress, with a deep red headband around her forehead. She used the dark mud to paint two lines on each cheekbone to give her a tribal look.(pretty unique, scary, but unique)

Reaped or Volunteered?: reaped

Reason Why You Volunteered?:

Reaction for being Reaped: She looked shocked, and looked around for her brothers, who then have her a fierce nod and a look in their eyes that said show them what you got, so she hiked up her dress and walked confidently up the stairs glaring at anyone who have her a sympathetic glance(pretty awesome lol)

Thoughts on The Capitol?: She hates them, she hates being controlled and them whipping people and making her family to out at night for them is insane.

Chariot Ride Outfit her designer put her in a multi changing dress to represent the four seasons! She first comes out in an ice queen dress, complete with white lace and an ice blue color. Then the dress dramatically changes to a pale pink dress, with tulips/flowers blooming about, then it changes into a gold dress (summer) with dramatic drops making it look almost sexy to show off her dark skin, then it changes to a deep burgundy (almost looking like blood) elegant look dress, with flowing till, and leaves as a waist piece, then back to the Ice queen.(woa, pretty dang good, I mean, wow, most people say something to do with being set on fire or something suggestive...)

Interview Outfit: An almost tribal looking dress to represent her work with an muted dark gold/ burgundy color, and the dress hanging around her knees. She has knee high golden gladiator shoes

Interview Angle and Quote (forgot if u needed one)
Interview Angle: Fiery or Intimidating

Quote: It's not illegal, just frowned upon(random, but good)

Strengths: Knife/cross-bow Skills, stealth, plant knowledge, tree climbing, smarts, speed, thievery skills, can go hungry, agility, death glares, works well at night, master in deception(pretty dang good, dem death glares tho lol)

Weaknesses She cannot do close combat, she doesn't have real good upper body strength, she has a big temper, she's way too prideful, she cannot swim at all, she's too rebellious and could end up hurting herself, she's not good with making friends, she's not socially adept to feelings, she can be very blunt and very cold, unwillingness to take orders, and often reacts first and thinks about the consequences later, she can be really snarky(wow, someone who did more weaknesses then strengths. I don't even know what to say...this is uncharted territory for me)

Weapon of Choice (Maximum is Three): Knives and Cross Bows

What You Did In Training?: She worked a lot on her hand to hand combat and her strength/agility, doing the obstacle training course many times. She also worked on getting herself used to the feel of the crossbows, she also stole two of the knives to use later in her room so nobody knew her skill.(again, suppresive and lazy, but not her fault, rather the creator of this)

Training Score: 8, she put the target maker on and then turned off the lights, using her stealth and knife skills to hit the targets(someone who actually described what they did? This is all so new for me...)

Alliances?: If somebody can deal with her fieriness and has skill then sure. She might even make an anti career group

Career? (Explain why?):

Romance?: sure why not

Why Should Your Tribute Win? It's her will to live and not only live but survive. Her ability to somehow make it out alive every night with her life, and still be sane enough to care and joke around with her family. It's the fieriness and the passion ablaze In her eyes, that girls should strive to be, powerful and independent. She deserves to win because instead of moping about her job, she got off her butt and worked hard to become good at it.(pretty good reasons, pretty darn good)


A great tribute, maybe a bit too detailed, but hey, I'm never gonna complain about that. Missing certain things, and added in uneeded ones, but overall one of the best(if not the best) tribute I've ever received, a big round of applause to ZataraGrace!

GENERAL THOUGHTS- Butterflygirly99

This is a very well created tribute. To start off, this character has a memorable personality. Characters that have a particular cause or angle (Zaphrina's being girl power) makes her seem likable and a character that readers want to know more about. This character is also what I like to call "flawfically awesome" Zaphrina isn't a perfect character, yet she is likeable and easy to identify with. This is something I myself struggle with, making characters likable, yet having lots of flaws. As you can see, the creator gave her tribute a pretty even amount of strengths and weaknesses which were consistent with the personality and gave lots of details and specifics. READERS AND AUTHORS LIKE SPECIFICS! Next, bio/family/friends. As seen above, I pointed out that it's important to not only list friends and family, but also add a relationship between the tribute and their family and gave her acquaintances a bit of a personality too. Also, as you can see, this tribute, while not very outgoing, still has close friends, or acquaintances. Also, something that I noticed is that Zaphrina isn't a carbon copy of most d11 tributes. As I mentioned above, while you do want to incorporate the way living in the certain district shaped the tribute (ex. Zaphrina had dark skin), she isn't soft, shy, scared, like Rue, or not super big and buff, like Thresh. TRIBUTES SHOULD BE THEIR OWN PERSON. She also opened the door of oppotunities by adding things like "She might even make an anti career group" which added a whole new element to her character and the what might unfold in the SYOT. Overall, Zaphrina was a very strong character who was very well described and detailed, but not Mary-sue or over the top.