Drastic Measures


I've seen something similar to this done a few times before, but I couldn't get the image out of my head. I hope you all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Chekov, over here."

Chekov didn't even try to stop his smile. "Thank you, Lieutenant."

Uhura rolled her eyes. "We're off duty, Pavel; you can call me Nyota."

"Really? I vas under ze impression that that vas not awisable."

Uhura laughed and patted the table in front of her. "Only for certain people. Trust me, you're not one of them."

Chekov's grin widened as he slid into the seat opposite. Being so much younger than the rest of the crew, he had worried that he was going to be lonely, and have trouble fitting in. He was relieved to find those fears unfounded. Sulu and Uhura were the cool big brother and sister respectively, while Kirk and Scotty were like a pair of crazy uncles. Spock was the slightly terrifying genius, and McCoy, well, it was all too easy to guess that he was already a father. Their CMO might be a bad-tempered workaholic with a fondness for jabbing people with hypos, but by now the mask fooled no one.

He still missed his family, but everything could have been a lot worse.

"So, did you enjoy shore leave?"

Chekov wrenched his mind back to the present. "It vas excellent, zank you. Hikaru gave me some fencing lessons."

"Did he remember that you've never done it before this time?"

Chekov gave a rueful smile. "He is improving. Slowly." Sulu had a tendency to forget that not everyone was an expert. He was working on it. Chekov was just glad that he hadn't had to visit Dr. McCoy this time. Uhura rolled her eyes, but before she could say anything all attention was drawn by the sounds of shouting in the corridor.

"I don't need a physical!"

Chekov bit the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning as Uhura's head came down on the table. "He's been back less than an hour."

Chekov shrugged. "That's still better than the last time, right?"

"Being captain doesn't mean you can just ignore the rules, Jim! Everyone coming on board needs a physical!"

"This is not going to end vell," Chekov muttered.

As if on cue, the door slid open and Kirk stormed into the room. His handsome face bore the cuts and bruises they had come to accept as an inevitable part of their captain's shore leave. Even more familiar was the sight of McCoy trailing after him, his face flushed with frustration. "Come on, Jim, this is important."

"You worry too much," said Kirk carelessly.

"Really? Do you really want me to tell you what you might have picked up down there?"


"Oh please," Uhura muttered. "It's not like we didn't know."

Chekov felt his face heat up and he busied himself with his food. He had heard far too many of Kirk's stories before McCoy had turned up, realised what was happening, and practically dragged him from the room. Scotty and Sulu had found the entire incident hilarious. For now though, nobody was laughing.

"Jim, for the last time-"

"You know, I'm really not that hungry after all," Kirk interrupted.

"Jim, you get back here!"

Chekov watched as the door hissed shut again and shook his head. "I'm glad I not have his job."

"Agreed," Uhura murmured. The sounds of arguing could still be heard, growing fainter but still clearly audible. Chekov winced. Their captain was passionate and eloquent, and having his anger turned on you was never fun. McCoy seemed more immune to it than anyone save Spock, but Chekov could see all too easily how being Kirk's best friend could be exhausting.

"He needs a break."

"I'm sorry?"

Chekov blinked and looked up. "Dr. McCoy. I teenk he deserwes a break."

Uhura's frown turned thoughtful. "He has been looking a bit run down recently. He didn't take shore leave either."

"But I thought all crewmembers had to take shore leave."

"Some refused," Uhura told him. "Dr. McCoy was among them." She sighed. "He said that he had too much to catch up on to afford to take time off."

Chekov grimaced in sympathy. Their last few missions, while successful, had not exactly been easy. Dr. McCoy had been very vehement in his insistence that everyone took some time off. His failure to follow his own instructions was all too typical.

It wasn't right. McCoy did nothing but look after the crew. Maybe it was time they returned the favour.

"Ve need to do something about it."

Uhura's eyes narrowed, then seemed to light up. "You know, I've got just the thing."

"So where's the emergency, kid?"

Chekov glanced round, not bothering to be offended. McCoy called everyone kid. "Vhat emergency?"

McCoy frowned at him. "I was told there was an emergency."

Chekov spread his hands. "Well, as you can see, no emergency."

"Then why am I here?"

Out of the corner of his eye Chekov saw Uhura turn away to hide her grin, and had to bite his lip to keep his own off his face. "I don't know. Maybe when the keptin awives you can ask him."

McCoy snorted. "I'll pass." He turned on his heel and began to stalk up to the turbolift. Chekov shot a panicked look at Uhura, but before either of them had a chance to intercede, the doors hissed open and Kirk stepped out onto the bridge. His eyes widened at the sight of McCoy.

"Bones? What are you..." His voice trailed off and he twisted round. "Can you hear that?"

"What are you on about now?"

Kirk frowned. "It sounds like...music?"

In the resulting silence, the words were easy to make out.

"I'll tell you from the start,

He's gonna break your heart."

"What the hell?" Kirk exclaimed. Chekov turned back to his console, hunching over in an attempt to keep his shaking shoulders from giving him away.

"You can't stop the lover boy,

You can't stop the lover boy."

A slow grin spread across McCoy's face as he turned to look at Kirk. "Any ideas, Captain?"

Kirk's cheeks flamed red. "Spock, shut that thing off."

"I am trying, Captain," said Spock. "It appears to be a most ingeniously hidden subroutine."

"You're supposed to be stopping it, not admiring it!" He whirled round. "Chekov, help him."

Chekov hastily swallowed his giggles. "Yes, sir."

"No rush," McCoy drawled.

Kirk glared at him, before letting out an exasperated huff and slumping down in his command chair. "Don't you have work to do?"

"Nah, I'm good." His hazel eyes were gleaming with delight, and Chekov exchanged a quick grin with Uhura as he made his way over to join Spock. Perfect.

"You can't stop the lover boy,

You can't stop the lover boy."

McCoy wasn't even trying to hide his sniggers now, and the rest of the bridge crew weren't much better off. Kirk looked round at them all before slouching deeper into his chair. "Spock..."

"I am working on it, Captain." He looked at Chekov and raised an eyebrow. "Do you have any ideas, Ensign?"

Chekov blinked at him. He was good, but Spock had years of experience on him, and was far more familiar with the ship's computers. He had to have found it by now... Oh.


Chekov shook his head. "I do not know, sir. Let me inwestigate further."

Kirk scowled at them. "Well, hurry it up, gentlemen. In case you've forgotten we have a mission to complete. And it's not that funny, Bones," he snapped, as McCoy started cackling again from where he was hovering next to Uhura.

"Speak for yourself," the doctor spluttered.

It was perhaps fortunate that the song finished before Kirk could take further steps. The captain straightened up, and turned with the utmost dignity to Sulu. "Continue on previous course and speed, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu schooled his grin into a proper expression of respect and turned back to the viewscreen. "Aye, Captain."

Kirk nodded and glanced at McCoy. "Don't you have work to be doing, Doctor?"

"Yeah, yeah, Captain." He waved a half-hearted salute before heading up to the turbolift. Just as he passed, Uhura caught Chekov's eye and started humming.

McCoy's laughter could be heard even after the door closed. So could the sound of the captain's head thumping back against the cushion of his chair.

Chekov turned back to his console, no longer bothering to hide his own grin. They might be the most dysfunctional family in the galaxy, but they were a family nonetheless.

The song was 'Lover Boy' by Supertramp. Any feedback would be appreciated.