I am so sorry it took me so long to update. School is not that bad but homework is pure evil. I am planning on updating every week but it might take longer due to the evil that is homework.
Spock gets to talk about the bond, Kirk's mind, and explain more about the bond to Kirk.
Not mine, never mine, usual disclaimers
He should have known that Jim would not react to the revelation of the bond as a normal human being would or should.
He also should have realized that because Jim's personality was so unique, it was only logical that Jim's mind would be as well. Humans are a psi-null species, meaning human's have little or no aptitude for telepathic or mental abilities, but Jim had managed to not only find and touch the bond on his own, he had followed the bond to Spock's own mind and had initiated a telepathic conversation with him, if with some difficulty.
The unique openness about the bond was slightly disconcerting. There was a compatibility between Jim and himself the Spock had only glimpsed when the initial connection had been made but now...
Jim's thoughts seemed to fit with Spock's, like Jim was the other half of his mind, and that was something Spock had never felt. The sense of completeness when Jim was in his mind had been oddly comforting. It had seemed so natural for Spock and Jim to share thoughts, memories, emotions and that revelation had been startling. While Jim's acceptance of him would credit part of the openness, Spock suspected it was more than that.
There was an old story on Vulcan that spoke of the closest bond possible for a Vulcan, and that was the bond of T'hy'la, or soul mates. T'hy'la were said to have the strongest, deepest bonds and that true T'hy'la were two parts that made one complete whole. They were said to balance each other out and to be able to understand each other better than any other, just as it seemed between himself and Jim. There had been times where without words, Jim and Spock had understood each other completely and acted accordingly.
But there are some things that are hidden from me that I do not understand..
One peculiar thing Spock had noticed about Jim's mind was that there were sections that were walled, or blocked off. These barriers were probably made unconsciously, but it was Jim. Jim's natural ability to defy logic made it nearly impossible to deduce whether the walls were made consciously or unconsciously.
What worried Spock was that if the barriers were made unconsciously, the memories or emotions that were hidden behind the walls must have been extremely traumatic. Jim was the strongest and bravest human Spock had ever had the pleasure of meeting and anything that traumatic for Jim must be severely debilitating for any normal human.
Despite the fact that Doctor McCoy had informed Spock that Jim would not be unpleased by the notion of a mind link, Spock had not anticipated the overwhelming rush or surprise, joy, and affection he had felt when Kirk had touched his mind. Jim's mind was truly amazing.
Jim's recovery from the disorientation was remarkably fast and soon Spock could feel Jim's overwhelming curiosity and insatiable desire for information.
"So," Jim asked slowly as he looked up at Spock, "exactly how strong is this bond? Because I have like no mental abilities all and I was able to touch your mind through the bond. Not easily but I could." Spock paused, trying to decide whether it would be productive to tell Jim that their bond was one of T'hy'la.
"You should tell me." Jim told Spock, answering the thoughts inside his head. "And no I wasn't reading your thoughts, you have your thinking face on. And yes, I know that your expression never actually changed, it just made sense to me." Spock just raised one eyebrow in response. It appeared he would never completely understand the enigma that was James T. Kirk.
"The link between our bonds is both stronger and deeper than any other bond I have ever felt between bond mates." Spock started.
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing because it sounds pretty good to me." Kirk asked with a grin.
"It is neither good nor bad, but unique. We appear to have the bond of T'hy'la, the strongest bond possible for Vulcan bond mates."
"T'hy'la? What does it mean?"
"It has multiple meanings. It is a combination of friend, brother, and lover and the feelings associated with these words."
"It is an ancient word, from before the time of Surak."
"Wow, that's a long time. The word makes sense and it is the feeling I have for you. It's like more than a friend, practically a brother, closer than a lover. You are the one who understands me better than even Bones. It's a good feeling." Kirk smiled softly at Spock, a genuine smile that made Spock feel a sudden rush of fondness.
Spock agreed. It truly was a good feeling. Just hearing Jim say it caused Spock to almost smile. T'hy'la was the perfect word to describe what he felt for Jim, the complete acceptance of him as a being of his own. Jim was Spock's other half and he was lost without Jim.
Spock wanted to ask if Jim knew about the walls in his mind and if so, if he himself had created them, as that spoke of high mental abilities but he resisted. Spock could just tell that if he brought up the subject, Jim would no longer be happy and that was the last thing Spock wanted to happen.
Spock couldn't have said how he knew that Jim would not be pleased if he asked about the walls, it was the same way that Jim could read Spock's practically non-existent body language. They knew each other completely subconsciously and some of that knowledge made it to their conscious minds and the result was knowledge of the other that no one else had.
"Do we need to keep the bond between the two of us? I know that Bones is going to ask if something else happened between us and if we need to keep it secret we need a cover story for Bones." Kirk asked. It was clear to Spock that Jim was reluctant to keep the bond a secret from his friend, but would do so if Spock asked. Spock was tempted to do just that but as the doctor already knew, it would be pointless to try to keep it from him. Of course, Jim didn't know that the good doctor already knew.
"I believe that it would be best to keep the information as secret as possible." Spock paused. "But as Doctor McCoy is your friend and the CMO, it would be logical to share the information with him." Spock smiled inwardly as Jim's face lit up.
"Logical, huh?" Kirk laughed. "You were deliberately winding me up by not saying that I could tell Bones first! I am onto you!"
"I am afraid I do not understand, Captain. 'Winding you up'?" Spock asked and had to resist the urge to smile as Kirk only laughed harder as he started walking to the door.
"You know exactly what I am talking about, you naughty little Vulcan!" Kirk laughed, his sky blue eyes sparkling with amusement. Spock was very pleased that he had been the one to make Jim laugh, he was to one to make Jim smile just as he had to resist to string urge to do the same. "Well, I'm going to go inform Bones of this new development."
Spock nodded and Jim walked out the door. Spock was so absorbed in the recent conversation and his memories of Jim's bright smile that it took him a moment to realize that he was still in Jim's quarters and that exactly 1.7 hours had passed since Alpha shift had ended. Spock walked through the adjoining bathroom to his own quarters where he hoped to search deeper into the bond to try to discover how it could affect both Jim and himself.
Spock did not know how long he had been studying the bond when he felt strange emotions emanating from Jim's mind.
All of these feelings flickered through Jim's mind in rapid succession. Even though he was not trying, Spock could tell that most of these emotions were directed at Jim himself or at the world in general. Spock wondered what could make Jim feel this way and if what was behind the walls had anything to do with it.
As Spock meditated on these questions, he noticed his door was being buzzed. He stood up, as graceful as a cat, stretched and let in Doctor McCoy.
"You told him." McCoy stated. Spock simply nodded in response.
"You had a telepathic conversation." Another nod.
"He touched your mind and you touched his." Yet another nod, but this one was more hesitant, almost cautious.
"Did you..." Spock waited for the doctor to continue but McCoy just shook his head. "No, Jim can tell you himself, it is his secret to tell, his burden to share." This part was mumbled but Spock's hearing was better than a humans. The doctor knew this and Spock suspected he had wanted Spock to hear but would have felt bad about telling him straight out.
"Jim took the whole situation strangely well, just as you predicted." Spock said calmly, trying to change the subject.
"Of course he did, you stupid hobgoblin!" The doctor groused as he went to the door. "The real question is if that is a good thing or a bad thing." McCoy said with uncommon solemness. Spock had the suspicion that they were no longer talking about the bong between himself and Jim, but rather the walls he had found in Jim's mind and that McCoy had hinted to earlier.
Jim did not react to situations as a normal human would but what had caused this? What made Jim so unique that made him Spock's perfect friend. His other half. What made Jim who he was today?
Well, it took longer than I would have liked but it is done! I have started chapter 12 and plan to have it done soon. The next chapter will be Bones and Kirk talking about what is behind the walls in Kirk's mind and Spock. I hope everyone liked this chapter and I hope to have more soon!
I have updated a lot of the chapters too. I fixed and added some things for a couple of chapters. Just as a heads up.