Title: Parents Day
Author: Sybil Rowan
Pairing(s)/Characters: Most likely Kuro/Fai/Yuui- I just don't have it all plotted out yet. Just depends on the where the mood takes me for maximum comedic value. Normally, I don't dabble in Kuro/Fai/Yuui, as my Floodland readers know, but what the heck.
Summary: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen setting. Headmistress Yuuko decides to throw a Parents Day party at the school and it creates chaos at the school. Faculty have to invite their parents, too, and Kurogane's gym gets turned into a party central. Ashura, a mad scientist, visits the twins with his newest invention and runs into his rival. The schoolyard becomes a battleground with Kurogane as the prize.
Author's Notes: This story is just silliness- a wacky comedy primarily, but has some sad family drama between Yuui and Ashura. I miss writing comedies, so here goes one. I'm using my first names for Lord and Lady Suwa from Floodland in this one. I added in some other CLAMP characters that aren't in Horitsuba Gakuen. Just assume anyone from Angelic Layers to X/1999 could show up.
Disclaimer: Shiritsu Horitsuba Gakuen, its names, and all other characters in this story belong to the wonderful ladies of CLAMP.
Beta Reader: WingedPanther73, my awesome husband!
Date: January 25, 2014, 4:58 am
Word Count: on going
Kurogane strolled down the school's hallways towards the faculty lounge. Fai was at his right elbow, chatting away about Yuui's stellar breakfast making skills. Yuui, who was at Kurogane's left elbow, was bashfully brushing off Fai's compliment. Kurogane agreed with Fai; it had been a good breakfast. He ended up grateful Fai had barged into his adjacent apartment, literally dragging Yuui by the hair to cook for them.
Kurogane had hopes of a good day. The only thing he had to worry about was getting that scrawny kid, Watanuki, to climb up a rope at a decent speed. When he went to Yuuko about the kid, she had the nerve to chastise him over Watanuki's lack of muscles and was holding him personally responsible for Watanuki's failing grades in P.E.
It was as if his thoughts about his vexing boss and her pet student conjured her. Yuuko's voice came over the loud speaker, "I need to immediately see all instructors in the faculty lounge."
"Crap! Immediately is never good with her," Kurogane mumbled. "Fluorite, tell her I'm sick," he addressed Fai. After all, Fai was one of the most accomplished liars he'd ever meet.
The chemistry teacher just flashed him a smile and shook his head. "The last time I lied to Yuuko-sensei she made me watch over after-school detention for a whole week."
He turned to Yuui, but the home economics teacher waved his hands in the air. "You know I can't lie like Fai. Well, except when we switch places. Then I'm just doing the opposite of what I normally would do."
"Looks like you're stuck," Fai said, linking arms with Kurogane and dragging him towards Yuuko and the faculty lounge. The the closer they got, the more Yuui had to push on Kurogane's back while Fai pulled on his arm.
"We're here!" Fai announced brightly, as he slammed opened the door. The rest of the facility were in the lounge already and snickered at Fai's flashy entrance.
Two obnoxious idiots, another set of brothers that got on Kurogane's nerves, caught his eye as the pair shared ice cream out of a carton. Fuuma, the history teacher, gave the trio a devious grin, while Seishirou just shook his head with one of those deceptively charming smiles.
Kurogane could tell Fuuma wanted to make some sort of smart ass comment laced with perverted innuendo. After all, it had been Fuuma that pulled a practical joke that had gotten him trapped in a closet with the Fluorite twins for a full weekend!
Kurogane still wanted to beat the stuffing out of Fuuma for it. The history teacher had a knack for ticking him off. But he didn't want a run in with Seishirou, Fuuma's creepy, older brother, the school nurse. He swore that man was a real ghoul. One day he expected to watch TV and see the man confronted by Chris Hansen asking him, "Exactly what are you doing and what is that smell from your crawl space?"
He didn't think Fuuma would push him too hard today, seeing as how he and his brother were engaged in their "ice cream therapy." The Fluorite twins, on the other hand, in particular Fai... "Kuro-rin said he felt ill, but we convinced him otherwise."
"I could always look you over," Seishirou offered. Kurogane just shot the gloating pervert a dirty look. He wouldn't let the man get within ten feet of him.
"Good job, Fai! I'd hate to dock his pay," Yuuko said, flashing the older Fluorite twin a smile. "Anyway... I wanted to announce our first annual Parents Day! It'll be so fabulous. Everyone, students and faculty, will invite their parents to come and see what we do every day, and then I'll throw a mixer in the gym after school."
"Wha...? Mixer in the gym? My gym!" Kurogane raged, with a raised fist.
"Yes, with streamers, punch, and everything," she said. Kurogane's stomach turned at the thought of his neat, orderly gym being turned into a party lounge.
"So it will be held in three days. Anyone without a family member present will have to serve after school detention for two weeks. And I'll warn you, Kazahaya Kudou and Rikuou Himura are serving detention at the same time."
"No way I'm watching those two at the same time," Fai said to Yuui, who nodded at the very thought. "Breaking up their fights is a special kind of headache."
"And breaking up their make out sessions is worse," Yuui finished for his twin.
"Yeah, I spend half my time dumping ice down their shorts," Kurogane snapped, getting all eyes on him. "Hey, if you guys think of something better, let me know."
"Well, now that we've agreed on Parents Day..." Yuuko said.
"I don't remember having a vote," Kurogane softy griped to the Fluorite twins, crossing his arms.
"...let's go have a good day," Yuuko finished, shooting Kurogane a sly glance.
"I'm so excited! We finally get to meet Kuro-pu's parents!" Fai said, practically skipping down the hallways towards his classroom.
"Yeah, I guess so," Kurogane said. "I'm not spending after school watching after those two frustrated horn-balls."
"And I guess you'll get a chance to meet Ashura, because Kazahaya's questions are way too embarrassing to answer," Fai said.
"Ashura might be too busy," Yuui said.
"I'll ask him. He won't say no to me," Fai insisted. "Here's my stop. See you two at lunch."
Fai jogged into his classroom and greeted his students with a large smile and a cheery, "Good morning, everybody!"
Kurogane and Yuui walked on a little further. "Ashura spoiled us, and it really went to Fai's head," Yuui explained.
"That's why he is the way he is, but it doesn't explain you," Kurogane pointed out. Fai was tight lipped about their past when it was just him and Kurogane working together. Now that Yuui was in the picture, a little more spilled out because it had to, but Yuui seemed to clam up most times about their past lives, whereas, Fai just distracted away from the past with silly jokes. Neither twin shared why they had to be adopted, and Kurogane wasn't one to pry.
"Ashura is a scientist, too. That's where Fai got his interest, but thankfully, he doesn't use that knowledge like Ashura does," Yuui said. There was a dark tone to what the meeker Fluorite twin had said, causing Kurogane to be a little curious. Before he could ask, Yuui darted into the home ec classroom.
Kurogane walked down the hallway towards the gym and was a little disgruntled to see Sakura, Himawari, Tomoyo, and Yuzuriha were already planning out decorations rather than starting their mat exercises. He had a bad feeling about this Parents Day business. It was just another one of Yuuko's ways of turning the school into a zoo.
"Watanuki, you're not paying attention," Yuui said to his star pupil. "This is not one of your better efforts."
All eyes in the classroom went to Watanuki's cake. There was no way he would have screwed up a home economics assignment. Watanuki adopted a waspish expression. "Well, I was distracted by those two!"
Yuui noticed he was glaring at Syaoran and Doumeki, his station mates. Syaoran looked baffled, Doumeki looked apathetic. He knew about Watanuki's long standing irritation with Doumeki, but the boy always seemed to get along perfectly with Syaoran.
"Stay after class," Yuui ordered as the bell rang. All the other students left. Watanuki trudged over to where Yuui was throwing the cake in the garbage. "What's got you so irritated?"
"This whole Parents Day nonsense! It's all Doumeki and Syaoran were talking about. Both of them are bringing family and gloating about it. It's all anyone is talking about!" he snapped.
"It's because your parents are gone, isn't it?" Yuui asked gently, fully aware of Watanuki's status as an orphan. Watanuki didn't say anything, he just looked at the ground. "Well, why don't you go on to your next class. I'm sure something will work out for you."
After Watanuki left, Yuui ran down the hallway towards the literature classroom. Yuuko was at her desk, feet propped up. "Yuui, coming to visit in between classes? How sweet."
"It's about Watanuki and Parents Day."
"He's been sulking. I know, and I already have plans to handle it." There was a devious smile now playing on Yuuko's lips.
Yuui smiled back at her. After his short time working for her, he had realized she was trustworthy when it came to the students' wellbeing. He went back to his classroom and inwardly groaned when saw Himawari around his cutlery.
"That's okay! I'll clean up those knives, Himawari. Just back away," Yuui said, nervously.
"Yeah, and so could you come and help me out, Dad," Kurogane asked over the phone. He had called his parents' house immediately when he got back to his apartment.
His dad, the big tease, said, "I don't know. I do have a martial arts match I'm judging that evening." They may look alike, but Hondo Suwa's personality was certainly more carefree then his son's.
Kurogane sighed and his dad chuckled. Kurogane then said through gritted teeth, "I suppose you want me to say please?"
"Well since you are asking me a favor," his dad said.
"Okay, okay... so long as I don't have to watch after those two weird kids trying to grope each other. Please help me out. My boss is a real pain in the ass."
"So you've said, yet you still work there," his father pointed out, to his annoyance. When Kurogane didn't answer right away his father asked, "So what is keeping you there anyway?"
Kurogane gritted his teeth when his mind conjured the blond twins next door. "I just... no reason... let me talk to Mom!" As always, his father was able to push his buttons, just like when he was a child.
His father chuckled again and called for his mother. Hitomi Suwa got on the phone and said, "Kurogane? We're coming to visit you at work on Friday? That'll be so wonderful. I'm looking forward to meeting your friends."
"More like pests than friends."
"Oh now, you can't be serious. What about those neighbors you work with? The identical twins? You wrote a lot about them last month," his mother said. Kurogane's face got hot at remembering writing her a seventeen page ranting rage letter about how Fai had deviously roped him into helping Yuui move into the chem teacher's apartment next door. Kurogane did admit he had gotten a really awesome dinner and lots of beer out of the deal. It was a mixed bag having the Fluorite twins as neighbors.
"I know. They just get under my skin all the time," he mumbled. Fai did annoy him in obvious ways, but he wondered why he included Yuui in his irritation.
"It sounds like they certainly challenge you. Well, regardless, I can't wait to meet them and the rest of the people you work with. We'll see you on Friday, Kurogane."
"Thanks, Mother," he said, hanging up the phone. He breathed a sigh of relief in spite of his parents' irritating probing. He flopped on the sofa and started having a sneaking suspicion his parents were plotting against him, somehow, some way.
Yuui prepared dinner. Meanwhile, Fai was in the living room chatting on his cell phone with Ashura. His stomach felt anxious as his bother and adoptive father spent more and more time on the phone. They were still very close, and there was a nagging fear that Ashura would convince Fai to go work for him.
"Yuui! Ashura wants to talk to you," Fai suddenly called out. Yuui froze, pausing slicing vegetables and walked out to the living room. His twin was on the sofa, waving his cell phone covered in glitter stickers. Fai's expression was hopeful, almost desperate. Normally, Yuui would have turned down the call, but he found himself unable to say 'no' to Fai, just like Ashura.
He took the phone and repressed a glare. Fai looked gleeful now. Yuui held the phone to his ear and asked, "Ashura?"
"It's nice to hear your voice after so long. How have you been?"
"Just fine. I'm settled in with Fai."
"Good. You can make sure Fai consumes things other than sugar and alcohol."
"I'm doing my best, but you know him."
"So how have you been? We seldom talk since you ran off to Italy."
"I know and I'm sorry about that. I just had some things to sort out," Yuui said, turning his back on Fai's anxious eyes. He didn't need that on top of Ashura trying to put a guilt trip on him for going to Italy. Of course he ran away! Who wouldn't, considering how Ashura made a living? Well, Fai hadn't run off with him, even after Yuui's badgering.
"You know I can't stop my work," Ashura said, getting right to the heart of their disagreement.
"It's not just your work, but also who you work for," Yuui said.
"Are we going over that again? You know I'm not permitted out of my contract."
Yuui let out a sigh and said, "No, I guess not."
"Well, I'll be seeing you on Friday. We can talk in person, privately, then."
"What? I thought you'd be too busy to come all the way to Japan."
"I'll be there on business."
Yuui's shoulders slumped. He'd hoped his father would be too tied up with his shady work to attend something trivial like a Parents Day at a private school. Suddenly, looking after Kazahaya and Rikuou didn't seem so bad. "Okay. I'll talk to you then." He clicked disconnect on Fai's cell phone and handed it back to his twin. He noticed Fai was smiling gleefully.
Yuui snapped, "Happy now?"
"That you're going to work things out with Ashura? Yes!"
"Why don't you ask him to quit his work, too? No one says no to you."
"I never bother asking him things I know he'll refuse to do. And that's one thing he'd refuse to do, even for us." Yuui shivered at Fai's sudden dark demeanor.
"Even when they're in his best interest?"
Fai's expression darkened further. "Even then."
"Yuuko here," the chairwoman announced over the phone the next morning before school was in session.
"Oh no! You're calling in that favor?" the man on the end asked.
"So you know the favor I want?" she asked, smiling.
"No, but I imagine you're about to tell me, but this better be the end of it!"
"All you have to do is attend Parents Day at my school. I want you to accompany one of my students as his parental figure. I know that's a stretch for you, but it'll keep you from peeking up skirts and getting thrown into jail for being a pervert."
"It's not my fault people misunderstand me!" the man bellowed and then sputtered in rage. "Okay, but this favor wipes out what I owe you in bail!"
"Check your email. I've sent you details. Plus, there is a special guest you'll want to see again," she said in a flirtatious tone.
"You know I hired the Fluorite twins?"
"That means Ashura will be there! I'm in! I'll finally show that man what a real scientist is all about! Must go create! Icchan go BOOM!" Then the phone cut off. Yuuko shrugged and tossed it aside.
After that, she said to herself, "Now, how to torment Kurogane? I must order more pink balloons and an ice sculpture of a unicorn!"
To be continued.
BTW: I did lift the Chris Hansen gag from (WingedPanther73) my husband's story "Quatre Meets the Real Gary Stu." It's hysterical. Go check out his stories for some laughs.