Summary: S03 set. On Halloween night, Kurt Hummel ends up being alone in the Lima Bean for the night. He rethinks his relationship with Blaine, and ends up being disrupted by Sebastian. At first, their conversation is as typical as it gets …but quickly, it takes a stranger route and Kurt realises he really doesn't know Sebastian at all. Warning for character death and suicide.
When he'd been younger, Kurt Hummel had grown up with the idea that Halloween was his favourite holiday.
It seemed strange, but there was something about wearing another skin for the night that made him feel somewhat safe. He could cake his face in make-up and rather than being seen as androgynous or feminine, it was seen as creativity. There was something behind hiding behind masks and coming home with a barrel of candy to dissolve his sorrow in that was just so uplifting.
As the days had gone by, all this euphoria seemed to ebb away what with tonight's Halloween being the worst he'd had in such a long time.
For one, his only date that Halloween night involved a thick Chemistry book and a spiral green-coloured notebook he seemed to always carry around with him on school days. He'd bought his rucksack as well.
There was no dressing up tonight, not even in the Kurt fashion. He supposed he wasn't truly dressed as Kurt either. Flashy, flamboyant clothing was traded for what was essentially dark skinny jeans and a maroon hoodie. His hair was completely askew. His skin was grey and his eyes had light circles underneath them from the sleepless nights he'd been faced with the past week.
He didn't look like himself at all. Mercedes had taken pity on him and said she'd skip the party if he wasn't going, but he'd told her not to do that and he'd honestly meant it. It wasn't that he was friendless. It was simply that Blaine's words were etching at his mind, casting mirrors and shadows when he wasn't looking so he was faced with them every single waking moment.
It wasn't that Blaine had said anything wrong. All of the faults that Blaine had pointed out were true. Well, Kurt, I don't know how to break it to you but you're not very 'real'… and Kurt knew immediately what he was talking about. His dolled up figures, his mask of dictionaries and words, of facts and fable. Kurt didn't know how to be 'real' however. He knew Blaine had pointed out a legitimate fault in him.
He was the stereotype, a character that seemed to only exist in fable and fiction—a victim that was created by a lazy author that couldn't think of anything better than oh so to stick to the general definition of 'gay'.
He'd not known why it had been bothering him. However, Kurt fought back at the time. They'd yelled and lashed out, saying things they didn't mean and that were stupid. They'd both realise it quite soon, but then, Kurt hadn't run to his phone and apologised to Blaine yet.
Fake…Kurt was playing the whole scenario in his head, again and again. There was nothing 'real' or concrete as far as he was concerned. Their whole relationship seemed like a fairy tale, one that floated on ideals of reality rather than reality itself. There was something about it that Kurt was missing, or was blinded to.
He was too in love with Blaine to see the faults that he carried. Sometimes, he wanted to see them. Sometimes, he didn't. This was one of the time where he was speculating Blaine as a persona.
He wondered if he was happy. He wondered how their relationship was right now. Needy, that was what it was. Desperate…lacking somewhat, but fulfilling in another aspect. He didn't know how to expect it. It was like being sick of taste but not physically full off consumption. There was something that was deeply unsatisfying with Blaine. Even now, in the midst of a fight, he could not see it.
And here, Kurt was, a green-red colourblind male attempting to distinguish between the oh so clear red and green. Sometimes, he wanted to ask people, but the New Directions were hopeless sometimes when it came to such questions and speculations.
Rachel was quick to judge. She was adamant that they were there for one another. Kurt didn't want to break up with Blaine, but there was a hole missing in their relationship—something that he needed to touch on, for a feeling of fulfilment.
He'd just ordered his coffee, and he'd sat down on a table all by himself. The Lima Bean was just as empty as Kurt thought it would be at this time of night. He'd seen an overweight blonde just leave carrying a toddler and a small full-fat macchiato.
He was humming to himself, and sipping his latte. He felt angry at his inability to figure out this whole relationship issue. He'd been speculating to himself for a fifteen minute period, and he'd gotten nowhere. Kurt looked around the café – it was completely and utterly empty.
Even the cashier seemed to take a break. He could hear her chattering and twittering over the phone.
Somehow, even in this miraculous silence, Kurt Hummel didn't hear Sebastian Smythe walk into the café. He didn't see him wandering towards the counter to look over at different types off in a near nostalgic manner. He'd been wearing quite an odd costume – that of a shirt and jeans combination, that was so completely drenched in fake blood that had dried on. He was wearing a beanie, which was slightly unusual for Sebastian.
Kurt didn't care what the situation was. There was something hilarious about seeing Sebastian trudging barefoot in jeans and a shirt, drenched in fake blood to appear as either a zombie or a ghost. Kurt snorted and tried not to laugh.
Apparently, Sebastian caught the noise and had spotted Kurt. He moved towards the Ohio native with a smirk that seemed to be permanently plastered on his face.
"Oh, this is pathetic," Sebastian called out, shaking his head. "No Halloween plans for sad little Hummel? I mean I'm equally as pathetic, but I'm known to be a friendless asshole. Now, you, Hummel, with all his ickle friends…are you going to end up singing about your misery at some point during the night and possibly end up rekindling with your friends through another inappropriately timed song?"
Kurt sighed. So, this really was the worst night of his life. He took a sip of the latte in his hand. "Sebastian, I'm trying to think. Your comments about what I do in my spare time is frustrating me to no end."
Sebastian laughed, and it was the kind of laugh that sent shivers down Kurt's bone because it just felt empty to him. He'd looked up to see Sebastian stare at him with crazed, green eyes as if he'd eaten the last biscuit from the biscuit tin and nobody had caught him doing it.
"And you telling me that my comments are frustrating you is supposed to make me stop commenting?" Sebastian knitted his eyebrows, offering a Kurt of mock thought.
Kurt sighed once more, and played with the sleeve of his jacket. "Why are you tormenting me? Doesn't the elusive Sebastian Smythe have nothing better to do than spend his nights in some disgusting, local café that sells overpriced coffee?"
"Could say the same to you," Sebastian snorted, sitting down just opposite of Kurt. They were just at the corner of an empty coffee shop. They were practically alone together. Kurt realised that Sebastian wasn't leaving any time soon.
"So, you said you were thinking—what about?" Sebastian raised an eyebrow this time.
Kurt wondered if his blood pressure was going to be spontaneously high at the end of the night. A force drove him to answer Sebastian's question. "Blaine and I," he announced. "I don't know what's wrong with our relationship."
Sebastian snorted. "Easy. He's got an ass made of gold and you're not using it enough," he announced, playing with the ring on his finger.
Kurt shot Sebastian an icy glare. "Oh, believe me, I do use as much as I would like to," at that, he allowed himself to appear self-satisfied. Sebastian looked disturbed at the thought. Kurt continued to make his point. "I mean, that there is some sort of spiritualistic part of the relationship that I'm not getting, something that is obviously there but simply because I'm blinded by Blaine's glory, I can't see."
Sebastian moved slightly forward. "Easy," he announced again.
"Well?" Kurt waited for another cheap ass comment. "If you're going to tell me about how Blaine and I should break up just so you can get your smarmy hands on Blaine then…"
"My hands are not fucking smarmy," Sebastian snorted. "Cold, but not smarmy."
Kurt noted that Sebastian was honestly attempting to derail the actual topic. Sebastian's eyes had gone from a hard green to a much softer tone. He looked…caught, as if Kurt had figured it all out and could see straight through a façade that Sebastian had built up.
"And yes, you should break up with Blaine," Sebastian spat out. "And yes, it is so that I could get my 'smarmy' hands on him."
Kurt noted the change in Sebastian's tone of voice. "You're hiding something."
"Aren't we all hiding something, Hummel?" he was close to shaking. His eyes had all but gone hard again. "It's fucking Halloween night and we, of all people, are alone. Everyone has their fucking plans. I just want to go home and sit by a fire and hold my fat cat."
"You have a cat?" Kurt raised an eyebrow.
Sebastian laughed. "A very fat cat," he announced. "I named him after you."
"You asshole!" Kurt had clenched his hands, noting that Sebastian had practically implied that he was very fat. "At least I'm not dressed in that. I do not know how you've managed to get without anyone making fun of you for one."
Kurt breathed in, feeling his blood boil. "Why do you do this to me? Can you and I not have one civil conversation together? I was telling you about something that was honestly bothering me. I was confiding in you. It really does bother me that there may be something in Blaine and I's relationship that I just can't see. I wanted a proper response from you. Forgive me for expecting you to provide me with some decency or to pity me at least—"
Sebastian had cut off Kurt. "Will you shut the fuck up? I'm sick and tired of your stupid sob story."
Kurt could feel his face heating up with rage. "Fine," he finally said, crossing his arms over his chest in a near immediate response.
He honestly wondered why Sebastian didn't have plans on Halloween night. He suspected that Scandals was still open. This night fell on a Friday, and thus, this might easily mean drinking for Sebastian. However, here Sebastian was, devoid of drink, perfectly content with spending the night away with Kurt.
This seemed wrong…and at the same time, it wasn't wrong enough for either of them to leave.
Kurt looked over at Sebastian's face. His facial expression was unreadable. They kept on glancing at each other quite awkwardly. None of them was making a movement to leave. Kurt had sipped on one of his lattes, before sighing deeply.
"I can't handle this," Kurt announced. "I cannot handle the silence."
But yet again, the silence resumed. It filled the air, and it burned Kurt's lungs. He oh so hated the silence, more than anything else. He'd hated the way the sounds seemed to scream at him.
Kurt bit on his lower lip, trying to think of a topic he could discuss with Sebastian. "Why aren't you at home? I suppose most families are more traditional than mine. The only person in my house now is my stepmother, and I'm still incredibly awkward around her thus don't want to spend a whole night with her. I…"
Apparently, this question was more unpleasant for Sebastian than Kurt asking him what was so wrong with Blaine and Kurt's relationship that Kurt was so blind to. "You're not happy with Blaine."
It was a statement, said oh so clearly. Kurt stared at Sebastian for some time and then burst into laughter.
"Who told you that I am not happy with Blaine?" he looked over and noted that the cashier had returned to count money and was glancing at Kurt as if he was a maniac. He supposed that he was a little loud but he didn't understand the woman's gaze. He ignored it.
Sebastian didn't seem to offer a snarky reply. "You did."
Kurt looked at Sebastian for a few moments, shocked at his statement but at the same time, intrigued at what he might've meant. At the same time, he was also furious because Sebastian was making accusations about Kurt when he just about barely knew Kurt.
Sebastian seemed to look down at the table, not meeting Kurt's eyes. Kurt took this as a sign that whatever Sebastian was going to reply was going to be from the heart, rather from hatred. "You're unhappy with him, so you're trying to find an excuse for why things are wrong when it's right in front of your eyes. There's nothing wrong with Blaine. It's always been you that was the problem... you're stupider than I thought."
Kurt wanted to respond to that, but it felt like Sebastian's analysis made more sense to him than anything he did say for some time now. It definitely hurt the first time that Sebastian had said it out loud. He knew they were drifting away. He knew that much, and he knew that they were still clinging.
But perhaps, because they were clinging onto each other so desperately, that it was worth it? Or were they chasing a ghost of rekindled love? A ghost that never was theirs to feast their eyes upon.
"And where did you concoct this theory of yours from?" Kurt asked, his voice colder than intended.
Sebastian didn't seem to flinch at the ice in Kurt's voice. "It's not a theory. It's a fact."
"You're dodging the question," in fact, Sebastian had been dodging questions since the beginning of the conversation. Kurt wondered why that was. He looked over at Sebastian's facial expression. Why was it so hard for Sebastian to admit that Kurt was distressed over the relationship? That he was unhappy? There was something more to it. "Tell me."
Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat. "Because I fucking saw it happen before, alright?"
"With who? With you?" Kurt asked, only for Sebastian to burst out into laughter. Kurt had noticed the cashier had gone off again.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "You're joking, right?" he asked, as if it was an actual question. "Like I'd be in a relationship with some asshole that was unhappy with me or that I was unhappy with. I'm not that stupid, Hummel."
"Then who?" Kurt asked, voice more adamant this time.
Sebastian's smirk seemed to disappear. "My Mother," he pursed his lips.
"And why was that so hard for you to admit?" yet again, Kurt could feel that there was more to the story. He didn't doubt Sebastian's answer due to how brief he was – how much he wanted to close the conversation. "I just wish you'd tell me and feed my curiosity."
"Schrodinger's cat was stupid enough to look at the gunpowder and he exploded," Sebastian spat out coldly. "Be fucking careful what you wish for, Hummel, or…"
"Just answer the question." Kurt announced.
Sebastian looked at Kurt. His hard features still intact as he asked, "What are you dressed as?"
"Nothing," Kurt announced. "What are you dressed as?"
Sebastian looked at his clothing, as if for the first time in a while. He then looked back up at Kurt. "A ghost," he explained, crossing his legs.
"A real shit one you must admit," Kurt tapped against the table as he smirked. "Just answer the question," he reinforced once more. He noticed that he was to be home in an hour or so.
Sebastian didn't say anything for a while. Kurt noticed a certain weakness fill Sebastian's eyes, a kind of vulnerability he'd never been exposed to before his eyes hardened and he burst out into laughter.
"You're really gullible, Hummel," Sebastian announced after some bit. "I'm an adopted boy by the way. I don't know or have never seen my real parents and I don't give a fuck either."
"I'm sure they recognised evil when they saw it, so they decided to keep you as far away as possible from them," just as Kurt said it, he realised just how coldhearted he actually sounded and nearly wanted to apologise to Sebastian for it. However, Sebastian seemed unaffected by it.
Sebastian stared at Kurt for some time, raising an eyebrow.
"Don't you wonder how your real parents are like?" Kurt couldn't help but ask.
Sebastian shook his head. "Nope," he sounded like he meant it too. Somehow, Kurt's realisation of the fact that Sebastian had once been a boy that lived in an orphanage made him somewhat interested. It seemed like it was impossible, considering how lavish Sebastian's life was currently. It just felt like there had never been a struggle with him.
Kurt looked at Sebastian for some time. There seemed to be something playing on his mind, because he kept on looking at the table in some sort of maudlin thought.
"And if I was unhappy in Blaine and I's relationship?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Why do you care about my happiness? I believe that it is a decent human trait, but I've not seen you act decent in my life. Why should I believe you?"
Sebastian looked back at Kurt. "You think too much, Hummel."
"Where did your unhappiness theory come from? You told me you never met your Mother, and surely, have spent the last half hour playing around with me," Kurt announced. Sebastian was right to some extent.
Kurt was feeling empty. Kurt was unhappy with Blaine's relationship. In fact, he'd tried to digest the idea when the silence had left them to their thoughts a long time ago. He'd not accepted it, but he was using this time to fairly come to terms with it.
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. "I recognised human emotion. You're upset. It's obvious. That's all there is to it, Hummel. Do you really have to make every little fucking thing seem like it came from my past? Hell, even if I was a spineless coward of a person, do you think I'd admit to you? Of all the fucking people in the universe. You really don't know shit."
Kurt knew Sebastian had a point, but he continued to intrude. He knew that throughout the conversation – some parts of it seemed to prod on soft spots. Perhaps, Kurt would just get lucky tonight. "Perhaps, I really don't know shit. Forgive me. I didn't know you knew how to recognise human emotion considering all the crap you've managed to pull."
"So?" Sebastian scoffed. "It doesn't mean I don't recognise human emotion, Hummel. I felt all the kind of shit you've felt too."
"That's incredibly hard to believe," Kurt declared, only to add on. "Considering anyone that would feel at thing would have the decency to apologise after he nearly blinds his crush…oh, by the way, I'm not stupid. That slushie was meant for me, which was lovely information for me. You loathed me enough to think about blinding me."
Sebastian shrugged. "And?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Doesn't prove your point. Doesn't mean that I didn't feel bad afterwards. It's just a case of my ego is bigger than my guilt."
"You must have one hell of an ego then," Kurt reinforced the idea once more.
"You don't know shit about me, Hummel," Sebastian restated, placing a hand on his knee. Somehow, Kurt was suddenly aware of how pale Sebastian was.
Kurt had decided to mention it. "You look pale."
"I am pale," Sebastian commented. Kurt wanted to interject – Kurt was pale as well, but he was not pale enough to look ashen and grey.
Kurt leaned forward, and then was just about to place a hand on Sebastian's hand. He'd never made contact with Sebastian before. Somehow, just as Kurt brushed his hand against Sebastian's skin, the taller male had just stood up in alert.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? Who gave you permission to touch me? Gross, Hummel. Now I'll have cooties," Sebastian was enthralled, which in turn made Kurt angry.
Sebastian's skin was freezing from that particular quick brush. It was cold outside, incredibly so, so he didn't give it a second thought. He just glared at Sebastian, standing up himself to look at the French boy's facial expression.
"Will you please act civil for one?" Kurt snapped, his voice high with anger.
"I thought I wasn't the problem. It's the empty gaping hole in you and Blaine's relationship. You have everything I could've ever wanted and you aren't even fucking happy with it, are you?" Sebastian snarled, his eyes looking dangerously overwrought. "And you expect me to sit around and listen to you bitch about it?"
Kurt continued to shoot an icy glare at Sebastian's frame. He noticed the shaking again, but decided not to question it. Sebastian seemed to be allergic to people caring about him anyway. "I hate you," Kurt suddenly announced. "I really hate you."
"Enough to want me dead?" Sebastian asked.
Somehow, the question had thrown Kurt off his balance completely. "Excuse…excuse me?" the brunette asked.
Sebastian had turned around, fixing his blood-covered beanie before he placed his hands into his pockets. It wouldn't have elicited a response at any other point in time, but for some reason, this time it did. Kurt had stood up and followed Sebastian outside, leaving his cold coffee order on the table.
"Following me, Hummel?" Sebastian was looking back at Kurt, looking paler by the moment.
"Why ask that question?" Kurt just wanted an answer to that. It seemed that Sebastian wasn't going to give him that answer. The taller male just gestured for Kurt to follow."I don't want to play games, Sebastian."
"This isn't a game," there was that vulnerability again, resurfacing. His voice sounded scratchy. It just sounded wrong, to see Sebastian so vulnerable because Sebastian wasn't vulnerable.
Kurt had followed Sebastian. He ended up in a bus and they sat in the back together. It was silence, but a kind of silence that was acceptable. It was the kind of silence that was filled with anxiety and shifty glances. Kurt had never been so afraid to where Sebastian was leading him.
A small part of him believed it was a ploy. A bigger part of him was feeling sick, because Sebastian looked solemn for once in his life.
Hey, Blaine had texted him. I'm sorry. It was a stupid fight and we shouldn't have let it get to us like this.
Kurt looked at the text. Usually, this would be the point of rejoicing for him and Blaine. It's okay.
I didn't go out tonight either. I couldn't. Somehow, that knowledge made Kurt smile just a bit more. Can you come over tonight?
I'm a little tired, Kurt lied. I've not been sleeping fairly well.
Oh, Kurt knew it was believable as he'd been walking around with dark circles under his eyes. Okay then. Sleep well, Kurt. I love you.
Kurt didn't respond to that at all. He just stared at the screen, not sure that he was happy or not anymore. He was just so comfortable with Blaine. He looked back at Sebastian, whom seemed to be focusing more on wherever he was leading them.
Sebastian got off the bus and gestured to Kurt to continue following him, and Kurt had. He wondered if they were going to walk for long. Kurt had noted that Sebastian was leading him to his house. Of course, everyone knew where the elusive and rich Smythe lived. Kurt had only associated the road with Sebastian. Kurt had wondered why he was trusting Sebastian enough to lead him anywhere really. He just had a bad feeling about all of this.
The gates were open, causing Kurt to raise an eyebrow.
"Is your Father home?" Kurt asked, wondering if he should've added 'adoptive' Father now.
Sebastian shook his head. "My Dad doesn't come home unless it's a holiday," he snorted. "He's too fucking busy."
Kurt noted how nervous Sebastian was. His hands were shaking again and somehow, he was growing paler by the second. Kurt decided not to mention it, and just followed Sebastian into the household. When Kurt walked inside, he noted that the household lights were open.
Sebastian had gestured again, making Kurt follow him upstairs.
"This better not be a game," he knew Sebastian had already ensured that it wasn't.
"Will you just shut the fuck up?" Sebastian asked, looking at Kurt. Kurt was immediately shocked by the presence of hot tears filling Sebastian's eyes – he was close to crying, and he didn't know how to feel about this. He looked angry again, and moved towards a room that Kurt had noted was probably his bedroom.
Kurt was quickly hit by a metallic scent – blood. Kurt stepped inside and noted that the smell was definitely pungent. There was something else that came with that scent but he didn't know what. Sebastian walked around and seemed to stand in front of his bed.
Kurt followed him again and felt sick when he realised what he was supposed to be looking at. He sat down on the bed, trying to muster up what he was looking at. Or really who.
He was essentially looking at two Sebastian's. One of them was standing in front of him with a somber expression and the other one was lying on the ground with the contents of his brain spilled out, decorating the carpet and a gun on the ground.
The standing Sebastian took off his beanie, only for Kurt to be faced with the same brain injury. Somehow, it just dawned on him that the one that was standing in front of him was essentially not alive. A ghost. Kurt had never believed in the supernatural, but he couldn't deny what was in front of him.
"Other people can't see me, Hummel," Sebastian snorted. "I don't let them."
The cashier had been staring at Kurt weirdly. He'd probably appeared to be talking to himself. The fact that Sebastian had been staring over the counter, as if longing to order but knowing he couldn't. It was the fact that Sebastian seemed to walk into an empty coffee shop, without alerting Kurt's attention at all. He just seemed to pop out of nowhere. Perhaps, that was true. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps—
"Enough to want me dead?" Sebastian whispered his question again.
Kurt was suddenly hit with the reality of the situation. Sebastian was telling him that he had passed away and he'd been asking Kurt if he would've wished for this. Kurt didn't even know what this was. He just knew he could not deny what was in front of him. The standing Sebastian was floating now, above ground and reinforcing the situation for what it truly was.
Kurt's eyes filled and he felt the tears spilling just as quickly as his eyes filled with them. "No."
this was previously a one-shot idea, but it'll be a multi-chaptered fanfic. there will be more explanations as we go on obviously. this is probably going to stay Klaine for the fanfic, as i don't know how ghost!Sebastian and Kurt could have a relationship but it is heavily Kurtbastian based friendship here. we're going to see it forming and blossoming soon. :)
xo Peanut Butter/Sam