Short little drabble based off the song Say Something by A Great Big World, which I do not own. Nor do I own Harry Potter.
Also, Warning for a dark ending. Sorry
"I don't need help from a filthy little Mudblood like her!"
Severus Snape would forever regret that sentence. He remembered everything: the way she turned her back too slowly to hide the hurt look in her eyes, the furious look on Potter's face, the immediate sorrow that followed his words.
What had he done?
Sixteen-year-old Severus Snape ducked his head hastily into his lunch as the redhead walked by. He stuffed his mouth with his roast beef sandwich, nearly gagging at the sight of her smiling at James bloody Potter. With one last bite, he shouldered his bag and stalked from the Great Hall, turning sharply in the Entrance Hall and bursting into the bathroom. He crumpled in front of the toilet and promptly emptied his stomach into the white bowl.
His shoulders shook in a single dry sob as he let out a weak cry of despair. He buried his head in his hands and angrily flushed the remains of his lunch away.
He should be past this. It had been over a month since he had returned from home. The nutrient potions only did so much. And even his anti-nausea potions weren't helping anymore.
An extremely thin, seventeen-year-old Severus watched angrily as Potter escorted Lily everywhere around the castle. That should be him taking her to Hogsmeade. That should be his arm linked in hers.
He caught her alone one morning after breakfast. "Lily."
She turned around sharply, her red hair falling loosely around her shoulders. "Sev." Although her tone was kind enough, there was tension in her voice.
"Lily, look, I've said this a hundred times. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." He paused before adding, "I miss you."
Lily looked him in the eyes, green eyes meeting black, for a long moment. "Severus, what's done is done. I'm with – I'm with James now. It's not – I can't – ah." She fumbled for words, hesitating before taking a half-step closer. "Sev, you're so thin. Have you been eating?"
"Lily, I love you." Sharp. Precise.
Thick silence spread between the two of them. Lily looked at the stone floor between her shoes.
"Look at me," Severus spat. "Look at me. I mean it. I love you, Lily."
The redhead opened her mouth to speak but closed it again.
"Say something! Say something, Lily!" He threw his hands in the air and ran them through his greasy hair. "I'm giving up on you. Look, I'll be the one. I'll be the one if you want me to."
"I told you, Sev." Her voice was soft, heartbroken. "I'm with James. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you. I'm sorry I can't give you what he can. I don't have a loving family or a vault full of Galleons or a lighthearted sense of humor. But I would have followed you anywhere."
Severus turned and ran. He ran straight to the Astronomy Tower, where he pulled himself up onto the ledge and sat down, letting his feet dangle out in the open air.
As he watched the sun rising brilliantly in the distance, he felt so absolutely small. He had no family who loved him, no true friends now that he had scared off Lily. Nobody noticed him at all, and he felt like he was drowning, felt the waters closing in over his head. He hadn't kept down a bite of food in days. He would be worried if he still gave a damn about his life.
Severus let a bitter laugh escape before choking on a sob. He used one pale, shaking hand to pull himself to his feet on the ledge. The toes of his boots hung over the edge, and he looked past them to the frost-covered grass far beneath his feet.
He took one last long breath deep into lungs before stepping out into the open air.
And then he was falling, falling, falling.
Just like he had fallen for Lily.
This is the first fic I've written with a young Severus. This one kind of took a mind of its own and got away from me. Hmm.