Author's Note: This is my very first Doctor Who fanfic. I've read so many wonderful stories that I decided to try my hand at it. And of course it had to be a reunion fic because I am a Doctor/Rose fan. Always will be. The song that was the inspiration for this is 'Should I Stay' by Gabrielle, which is the same as the title. It was playing on repeat as I typed up this first chapter and some of the lyrics even made its way into the story. This will not be a long one since I'm new to writing Doctor Who. Just a chance for me to see if I can do it. There will only be about 14 or 15 chapters and I've already typed up the first 12. Story takes place during the episode 'Dinosaurs on a Spaceship'.
Happy reading and I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. If I did then somehow, someway Rose Tyler would still be with the Doctor in the TARDIS traveling the stars.
Summary: So many years have passed since she was left behind with a clone of the man she loved. Desperate to return home, Rose Tyler was ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen. But something unexpected happens. She suddenly finds herself back in her own universe on a beach that resembles the very one she was visiting. And there, standing a short distance from her, was the Doctor.
Chapter 1: Remembering Him
Nothing but the sounds of the ocean waves greeted the woman as she climbed out of a decrepit light blue truck. The sky was filled with dark angry clouds making everything around her look gray and bleak. Strong winds whipped around her long dark-blonde hair, obscuring her view as she walked along the damp sanded path. Though, she didn't need to see anything. The area was nothing more than a flat stretch of land and Rose Tyler knew the grounds like the back of her hand. Much of her time was spent here, on this beach, at the spot, where an old blue box once stood. How could she not know this place? It was here that she last saw him.
Since that day many years have passed. Long lonely years; yet she remembered their time together as vividly as though they had just happened. They were burned in her memory. Was it because she couldn't let them go? Or, was it because they served as a reminder of how she was abandoned? Whatever the reason, they continued to plague her thoughts; which was why she was here today, on this beach, when she shouldn't be. It was too opened of an area for somebody who lived on the run. She could easily be seen. Still, here she was and as she looked around, Rose couldn't find it in herself to care. No matter how dangerous it was.
But then again, nobody knew the importance this place held in her heart. Nobody but her family that is, and they were all long gone. Taken from her so soon after she had finally accepted her new life. Rose felt the familiar pang at the thought of her mum, her brother Tony, Pete and the man who never had the chance to really live. Quickly she pushed it down. Now wasn't the time to think of them. No, today was about remembering him and allowing the pain to run rampant so she could do what needed to be done without emotions getting in the way. Her plan to return back to her own universe was very risky. She only had one chance and Rose mustn't mess it up, so she had to do it; she had to think of him.
At that thought, Rose lowered her body to the sand and pulled her legs up against her chest. Wrapping her arms around them, she rested her chin on her knees and stared out at the ocean as the waves rolled in. The sound was soothing. With a sigh, she took a deep breath and did what she needed to do. One by one, memories began flooding her mind. Riding along were the feelings that always accompanied them; pain, loss, betrayal and even hatred. Rose fought back the desperate urge to push them back to the far recess of her mind. Instead she closed her eyes and decided to pull out a memory that didn't cause her much pain.
A time when her Doctor had dark cropped hair and intense gray-blue eyes; who had grabbed her hand and rescued her from stored shop dummies. The man who wasn't conventionally handsome yet she couldn't help feel attracted to. She missed her first Doctor; the one who was hard-ridden, having been born from fire caused by the blood and battle of the Time War. Rose wondered if she would've been where she was now if he hadn't regenerated into the man who would one day abandon her so easily. Thinking about what ifs was futile. It happened and there wasn't anything she could do to change that. And even if there were, Rose wouldn't, because despite everything, she didn't regret meeting the Doctor.
How could she when he showed her the universe. Rose had never felt more alive than she did when she traveled with the Doctor. After all the places he had showed her and seeing that there was so much more out there, how could she go back to the life she once knew? Returning to where she was nothing more than a shop girl was something she couldn't do. No, she could never regret meeting the Doctor. What she did regret was thinking that what they had, was something special. Rose shook her head as she remembered all the time she wasted waiting for signs that he loved her as much as she loved him. Oh, he cared. That much she was certain of.
Here I am waiting for a sign
I never seem to know if you want me in your life
It was just always unclear whether he wanted her in his life in the long run or if she was just another name on his long list of companions to help fill his lonely existence. There were many moments the Doctor would say or do things that had her believing that maybe, just maybe, there was something there. Like the long gazes they shared, the way their hands constantly came together and the time she asked him if he was going to abandon her as he did Sarah Jane and he told her he wouldn't do that to her. The way the Doctor responded and the look in his eyes had Rose believing she was different and it made her heart soar. Then Madame De Pompadour happened shattering that belief.
Where do I stand, I just don't know
I never feel I know you 'cause you blow hot and you blow cold
Despite the emotional roller coaster she was riding on, Rose had refused to get off. The Doctor and the world he lived in became her everything. There was never any other choice for her to make. So she managed all the ups and downs, pains and sorrows and all those sharp turns. Through the good and bad she remained firmly at his side; unable to do anything else. It didn't matter that she would grow old, wither and die while he continued to live on. All that mattered was being with the Doctor and living the rest of her life with her hand intertwined in his as they traveled the stars together.
It seems I've grown attached
Though we're not the perfect match
I just can't explain.
After becoming trapped in the parallel world the first time, Rose worked exhaustively, day and night, to find a way back to the Doctor. She refused to accept that that was their end. Her mum thought she was crazy and urged her to move on. Pete did all he could to block her from working on the Dimension Cannon's. Surprisingly, it was Mickey who was the supportive one. He understood and helped whenever he could. Without him, Jake or her little brother Tony, Rose didn't know how she would've coped. Her spirit started plummeting when all her efforts were unsuccessful. Then the stars began disappearing and the walls between universes had weakened.
Suddenly she was able to jump from parallel to parallel without collapsing the universes. And that was what Rose did. She continuously jumped until she landed in hers then set off to find the Doctor. When she finally found him; saw the way his eyes lit up when he saw her, she felt whole again. Only their reunion was halted when he was shot by a Dalek before they could even reach each other. That was the beginning of the end for them. No, she thought, as she angrily swiped away the tears trickling down her cheeks. It began much sooner than that. The day the Doctor met Professor River Song.
That was when Rose truly lost him. Once the woman whispered the Time Lord's true name, he was no longer hers. Was he ever really; she wondered? Returning to him may have meant everything to her but for the Doctor it was burdensome. He knew one day he would meet the woman who was to become his wife and when that day came, there would be the question of what to do with Rose. Being shot by that Dalek was the answer the Doctor needed, because in pouring his regenerative energy into that glass jar containing his hand, the meta-crisis was born and he was able to pawn her off on him.
Should I stay, should I go?
The weeks following the day the Doctor left her on Bad Wolf Bay were a blur for Rose. Most of it was spent crying in her room. When her mum continued to barge in and try to talk her out of it, she resorted to locking the door. Then the clone, bearing the Doctor's face, began visiting. He chatted away about whatever came to mind. So much like the Doctor. The first time he appeared, he told her the name he chose for himself. Jonathan Noble, to honor Donna; Rose ended up calling him Jon. The second time he told her he accepted Pete's offer to join Torchwood. Eventually she began holding up her own end of their conversations. Then one day she woke up and felt it was time to try and move on.
Could I ever really stand to let you go?
But before Rose could do that she needed to say goodbye to her past. So the next day she readied herself, packed a bag and drove out to Darlig Ulv-Stranden. There, she planned on having one last cry; one last day to mourn before returning to Jon and keeping the promise she once made to her leather-jacket wearing Doctor to live a fantastic life. In the same spot Rose sat in now, she sat in back then and replayed memories after memories as she cried her heart out. Over her gut wrenching sobs, she didn't hear the sounds of somebody joining her until a string of explicit swearing in a language not of earth exploded by her side. Jon had figured out where she had disappeared to.
He stood there, looking down at her with eyes filled with anger, frustration and hurt. She knew what he was thinking, that she would never give him a chance. How wrong he was. But before Rose could explain, he began speaking. And what he said shattered her heart. He told her what really happened on Satellite Five; what she did to the Daleks, how Jack was now immortal because of her and why the Doctor regenerated. Then Jon told her about meeting Professor River Song and how she knew his true name. Something he never even told Rose; something he would only tell his wife.
"That's why the Doctor left you here with me in Pete's World. He knew one day he would meet the woman he'd fall in love with and marry. With her by his side, there was no place for you in his life."
Can you not find the right words to say;
that maybe I'm getting in your way?
Numbness was all she felt after Jon left her there and returned home. Rose thought she knew pain before, but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling at that moment. Once again she began crying; only they were tears of anger. Rose felt like a fool for ever thinking she was anything more to the Doctor then a companion. Right then and there she buried her feelings for the Time Lord. When all her tears had dried up, Rose left Bad Wolf Bay with a vow to devote her life to Jon. And for a brief time life was good, until it all went to hell; reminding her again that life doesn't always pan out the way you planned.
Rose shook her head free from the past and with a sigh, stretched out her legs. It truly is beautiful here, she thought as she stared out at the water. It was too bad the beach held so many painful memories. It would've been nice to actually enjoy her time here instead of always being in a state of sorrow. A strong gust of wind blew and out of instinct, Rose folded her arms across her chest as if to hold the cold out. The temperature had dropped considerably but she couldn't feel it. She no longer felt the cold or heat; one of many things that had changed about her since the day she discovered she was now different.
But if that were the case, then why was she shivering as though she were cold? Why was she burrowing herself deeper inside her leather jacket as though she wanted to get lost in it? The hairs on the back of her neck prickled and an uneasy feeling settled in her stomach. Rose learned not to ignore those feelings. It has saved her many times before. Immediately she lifted her head and looked around to make sure she wasn't being watched. Her scan of the area showed she was still very much alone and she didn't feel like there was anybody around. If that were true, then why did she have the sudden urge to run and hide?
Her uneasiness intensified.
Rose frantically jumped to her feet and once again scanned the area. They must have found her. That was the only explanation she could come up with. She knew it was a huge risk coming here; a place so out and opened, but she was sure Bad Wolf Bay was a well guarded secret. How could they have found out about it? Rose wasn't followed. She was sure of that. But what if I was? The thought brought a pang to her heart at the thought of never stepping foot on this beach again. The place may bring her nothing but sadness but she still loved it. It was all Rose had in this world. Without it, she didn't know how she would survive should she be unsuccessful in making it back to her own universe.
All of a sudden Rose could feel pressure building inside her, trying to rise to the surface. It was unnerving, but not as much as when she felt her body being tugged by some unseen force. Immediately her combative skills kicked in and her body took on a defensive stance. But how does she fight something she couldn't see? Rose took a step back and the tugging sensation disappeared. A few seconds later she felt it again. Whatever it was, it was following her. Testing this theory, she took a few steps back and the same thing happened. She had no idea what was going on but what Rose did know, whatever was happening, it had to be of alien nature.
What Rose didn't know was if she was the intended target or chosen, seeing as she was the only one in the vicinity. Whatever the answer, one thing was certain; she wasn't going to stick around to find out because if it is alien, then Torchwood would be arriving soon. Armed at that thought, she set off at a fast pace towards her truck. A couple of steps away from reaching it, there was a sound that had her halting immediately. It was a song; one that was familiar. A haunting melody she hadn't heard in a very long time. It was beautiful just as she remembered. Hearing it brought a smile to her face and tears to her eyes. Warmth spread throughout her body erasing any fears she may have had.
It didn't take Rose long to realize the music she was hearing was coming from within her mind. The sound triggered her consciousness and long hidden memories played out. Everything Jon told her she did on Satellite Five she now remembered. Without a doubt she knew what it was she was hearing. The song of the TARDIS. The same melody she heard when she looked into her heart. But it couldn't be, Rose thought. She didn't hear the grinding sounds of the engine or feel the heat from the glow of her key that she still wore on a chain around her neck. Yet, that didn't stop her from looking around for the familiar blue box.
Seeing nothing brought disappointment. For a brief moment Rose was hopeful. So sure she would soon have a way back to her own universe without going through her plan; something that was very risky and something she knew would surely upset the Doctor should he ever hear of it. But it was her only choice and it wasn't like he was doing anything from his side to help bring her back. If Rose wasn't careful, if things didn't go accordingly, then she could cause more damage or alter a fixed point in time. Regardless of how much she wanted to return home, she didn't want to do that. She didn't want universes collapsing or Reapers flying around.
The melody began to alarmingly increase in volume until it was the only sound she could hear. No longer did she found it soothing. Should it be that loud? Rose fell to her knees, covering her ears as though that could drown out the sound. She didn't know how long she remained that way when the pressure inside her, that had been slowly building, felt like it now wanted to claw its way out. Then she felt the tugging sensation again. Only this time it was stronger; so much so that Rose began crying and trembling in fear. It felt as though she was being pulled apart. Heat began to course throughout her body. It was excruciating.
With a thud, she dropped forward into the sand, rolling to one side as she whimpered in pain. Rose wanted nothing more but for it to stop. Removing her hands from over her ears, she brought them down to clutch at her stomach when it lurched violently but immediately stilled when she saw them. Golden light was swirling around them. Just the way it does when her body was healing itself from a fatal injury. But she wasn't dying and the glow was never this bright. So, what was happening to her? It was hard to concentrate on anything but the intensifying pain and soon it all became too much.
The last thing Rose felt was the sensation of being lifted then nothing as she succumbed to darkness.
Author's Note: Comments, criticisms and suggestions are always welcomed. A reminder, the song used in this chapter is 'Should I Stay' by Gabrielle. If you haven't heard it, it is one I highly recommend you listen to. Chapter 2 will be posted soon.