Hello boys and girls. I'd like to tell a story.

This is an idea that came about almost haphazardly. When I wrote I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, I put in a line about Elfman and Evergreen's daughter and her first word. So, I kinda wanted to expand on this. Plus I haven't written an ElfEver fic. And so I wrote this. Enjoy... or don't. I won't tell you how to feel.

Baby's First Word

"Say mama." Evergreen Strauss cooed to her daughter.

"No!" Elfman yelled. "Say papa! It's much more manly."

Evergreen glared at her husband before returning her attention to their daughter.

Their daughter, a girl by the name of Yosei Strauss, looked at her parents in childlike wonder. She had no idea what her parents wanted from her. She was more interested in the building block in her hands and chewing on it.. She made some cute gurgling sounds, which made the proud parents smile.

Yosei Strauss, the apple of her parents' eyes. She had the white hair that all Strausses have which looked beautiful on her adorable face. She had a bit of color on her skin. And thankfully, Evergreen didn't pass on her magic eyes, which made her happy. She was perfectly healthy and happy and that's more than any parent could ask for.

It wasn't just Elfman and Evergreen who adored Yosei. Mirajane, Lisanna and the rest of the Raijinshuu loved her. The moment she was born, Freed inscribed a rune on her so that if she ever went missing, she could be tracked almost immediately. Bixlow created a mobile that could instantly put any child to sleep. Lisanna, whenever she babysat her, turned herself into cute animals to keep her entertained. Mirajane spoiled her rotten, getting her gifts every time she came around. And Laxus, well he had the strangest way of showing his affection for the little girl. When Yosei threw up on his jacket, he let her keep it and it became her favorite blanket.

Now the youngest Strauss was about a year old and was starting to form phonetic sounds. She had yet to say a real word yet but they knew it wasn't long now.

"Mama." Evergreen enunciated. "Ma-ma."

"Papa." Elfman counted. "Pa-pa."

Elfman and Evergreen glared at each other. Apparently, they were having a contest between themselves to see who would be the first word on their daughter's lips.

Lisanna laughed and picked up her niece. "You can't force Yosei to say what you want her to." She said. "A baby's first words just happen. Right, Yosei?" She asked as she gently tickled the baby's stomach.

Yosei responded by gurgling happily.

Evergreen stood up indignantly. "I will not my daughter's first words be papa." She said crossly. "I carried her for nine months. I went through 14 hours of labor to bring her into the world. I named her. Her first words should be mama."

Elfman chuckled. "You're just jealous, Ever. Me and Yosei have that special father-daughter bond. I can tell, her first words are going to be papa. It's more manly."

The two parents glared at each other again before once again returning to the task at hand

The other members of Fairy Tail watched on in amusement as they tried to get young Yosei to speak. However, the young children of the guild, Uriel Niji Fullbuster, Igneous Jude Dragneel, Mamoru and Reimi Redfox, were confused. Why were they making such a big deal out of this, they wondered.

Uriel pulled on her mother's sleeve. "Mommy, what are Elfman-san and Evergreen-san doing?

Juvia smiled. "They are trying to have Yosei-chan say her first word, Ur-chan."

Ur was confused. "Why?"

Her mother was about to answer when Uriel was picked up by her father. She squealed in delight as she was spun around. Afterwards, Gray sat his daughter down on his knee.

"That's how you teach babies how to speak." Gray explained.

The little girl turned to her father. "Daddy, what was my first word?" She asked.

Gray and Juvia smiled.

"Ur-chan's first word was daddy." Juvia said with a bit of pride. Her daughter was just as much a fan of Gray as she was.

"My first word was daddy." Ur cheered.

Igneous went to his mother and tapped her knee. "Mommy, what was my first word?" He asked.

Lucy grimaced, Natsu smirked, and Happy landed on Iggy's head. "Your first word was 'Ayesir'." The blue Exceed explained

Iggy grinned and pumped his fist into the air. "Ayesir." He yelled.

Lucy banged her head against the table. "Happy number 3." She groaned. Natsu chuckled at his wife.

The Redfox twins went to their parents.

"What was my first word?" Mamoru and Reimi asked their parents in twin unison.

Levy picked up Reimi. "Your first word was mommy." She told her daughter. "And that made me happy."

"And my first word?" Mamoru asked.

Levy took a deep breath and turned to her husband. She frowned at her husband. Gajeel's face contorted into a pained look.

"Sweetie, your first word was a bad word that you picked up from your father." The blue haired woman said in a very even tone.

Mamoru put his hands to his mouth. "I said a bad word?" He mumbled. "Did mommy wash my mouth out with soap?"

Levy held out her hand. Mamoru took it and she lifted her son onto her lap as well. "No." She told her son. "But I did wash daddy's mouth out with soap and he was punished by getting sent to bed early without dessert."

Gajeel's frown grew deeper. She made him sleep on the couch for a couple of nights until Mamoru learned a new word.

"How the f..." Gajeel yelled. Levy snapped her head towards her husband so fast he could have sworn he heard something crack. He was about to say the word that got him in trouble. Ever since the birth of his children, the Iron Dragon Slayer was told by his wife to start censoring himself and he was really trying his best but sometimes it just slipped.

Gajeel took a deep breath and started again. "How was I suppose to know that he would repeat it?" He said.

"Babies repeat everything they hear." Levy told him.

Erza laughed out loud as she cradled her son in one arm and eating a slice of strawberry cake.

"Figures one of Gajeel's kids would repeat stuff from his filthy mouth." Erza said.

Gajeel stood up to his full height to stare down at the Armored Knight who was nonplussed. "You can go f..." Gajeel shouted but he caught himself. "I hope you choke on that."

Erza smirked, undaunted by the Iron Dragon Slayer's threat. "See, my son's first word was cake. Who doesn't like cake?"

Everyone stared blankly. Then again, why were they surprised? This was Erza.

"Annnyways." Alzack drawled. "Asuka's first word was NO. And when she learned that word, we always loved asking her yes or no questions and seeing what she'd say NO to."

Bisca chuckled. "Yeah, that was fun. The funniest part was when Jet asked her if he'd ever find someone to love. Asuka told him no."

Everyone chuckled at the expense of Jet.

While this was going on, Elfman and Evergreen were still trying to coax their child into saying something.

"Say mama, Yosei." Evergreen begged.

"Say papa, Yosei." Elfman countered. "Papa is manly."

Evergreen growled at her husband. "I will not have my baby..."

"Your baby?" Elfman roared. "She's my baby too."

The two continued to bicker over who Yosei takes after more. An outsider looking in would wonder how it was that Elfman and Evergreen got married in the first place. But all of Fairy Tail knew the truth. Their bickering was their way of saying "I love you".

Mira gently picked up her niece and rubbed her nose against hers. That action made Yosei giggle. "You don't have to worry about speaking." She whispered. "You will when you are good and ready. And I am sure that you will have loads of interesting things to say."

Mira placed her on the bar and gave the youngest Strauss a teething cookie, which she gummed on happily. After finishing her treat, she watched her parents back and forth some more until they turned their attention to her.

"Say mama, Yosei." Evergreen cooed to her daughter. "You love your pretty mommy more."

"Say papa, Yosei." Elfman said. "You love your manly daddy more."

With everyone's eyes on the year old girl, the little girl opened her mouth. "Ma..." She mumbled.

Evergreen's eyes widened. "She's going to say it." She giggled giddily. "She's gonna say mama."

"Don't say mama, Yosei." Elfman begged. "It isn't manly. Say papa."

"Ma..." Yosei mumbled again.

"Go on. Say mama." The Fairy Woman coaxed.

"MANLY!" Yosei shouted.

There was a deafening silence in the guild. Not a single person said anything. I mean, what was there to say. No one expected that word from Yosei's lips.

"Manly! Manly! Manly!" She repeated.

The entire guild roared with laughter. Some were banging the table with their fists. Some were clutching their sides in pain. Some were crying so much, tears fell from their eyes. It was the funniest thing to come out of a child's mouth in a long time.

"Manly! Manly!" Yosei continued, oblivious to the hilarity she's causing.

Elfman grinned. "That's my girl. She takes after her manly father."

The Beast Man felt a chill run up his spine, like the millions of nerves in his body just cried out in terror. He turned around and saw Evergreen clutching her fan.

"Ever." Elfman chuckled nervously. "Honey."

"You stole her first words." She said in a low voice, enunciating every word.

"MANLY!" Yosei shouted.

"You stole her first words." Evergreen said again in the same low tone. "Her first words are suppose to be mama."

"Now, now, Ever." Elfman sweated, holding up his hands in apology. "Let's not do anything we might regret."

Evergreen stalked over to Elfman who was slowly backing away from his mightily angry wife.

The Fairy Woman hit her fan against the palm of her hand. "I am going to kill you, slowly and painfully."

"Uhh... I love you?" He panicked.

"Manly!" Yosei shouted again.

"DIE!" She screamed

Elfman ran for his life, chased by his wife and her fan of doom. All the while, their daughter kept shouting Manly to the chagrin of Evergreen and the amusement of everyone else.

To this day, Evergreen has never forgiven her husband for stealing Yosei's first word.

Thus ends the one shot.

I have another ElfEver one-shot plan, a bit more angsty than this one. We'll see if I can put that to writing soon.

And for those interested, I am still working on the Fairy Tail project. I haven't forgotten about that. I just needed to get this out of my head first.

Like it? Hate it? Have no opinion one way or another? Please leave me a review. I'd love to hear from you.

Until next time,

A. Angel