Chapter 3- Sweet Mirage
February 2002 (edited version- October 2002)
Disclaimer: Eagle, Geo, and all Magic Knight Rayearth characters belong to CLAMP, not me! I'm not makin' any money outta this!
WARNING: This chapter contains yaoi that borders on lime, which means male/male sexual relationships! So, if ya can't stand the stuff, are uncomfortable with such material, or are too young to read such material, please just don't read this fic!
Note: This fic will contain scenes and spoilers from the entire second season of Magic Knight Rayearth! This fic is based on the anime storyline, not the manga!! Please read with caution!
"Calling, from the heaviness of the sighs on the endless nights
I am in pain from missing you
I can no longer see anything
Don't let me go
Don't leave me...
Calling in the night
My emotions make my heart pound
Night after night
Love is crying out
I can hear silent words in my dreams
Shut out the bitter memories
I can no longer see anything
Don't tell me, don't say anything at all
Falling into the heat of the night
Ah, it's all just a mirage"
-Ishihara Shin'ichi, "Eternal"
This isn't wrong.
"Geo... Let's go to your room."
Jade eyes widened. "Eagle... What..."
Geo sighed softly as he led Eagle to his room.
Eagle refused to look at Geo, his eyes glued to the ground as they walked in silence. This isn't wrong... I... I just need to be with someone tonight... I just need to know that someone cares for me, that someone wants me... I just need to be held, to be embraced...
I just need to recover from seeing Lantis...
From having all of those torturous memories rushing back...
From hearing that deep, enchanting voice...
From staring into those beautiful eyes that once held love...
I just need to forget.
The two men entered the darkly lit room. The young commander walked close to Geo, close enough that they could feel each other's warm breathing, close enough that they could hear each other's heartbeats...
"Geo..." Brown eyes tinged with sorrow gazed into green eyes full of concern.
"Geo... Make me yours."
"What? Eagle, I..." Eagle's lips claimed Geo's in an urgent, almost harsh kiss.
The younger man pulled away and whispered, "Please, Geo... I don't want to be alone anymore."
Lantis... Lantis is gone. I just had to see him once more before I could finally realize that. Things will never be the same as they were back in Autozam. Even if the feelings still remain... Eagle rested his head on Geo's chest. "Lantis doesn't matter to me anymore..."
Jade eyes darkened. "You're lying."
"I saw the way you looked at him. I saw the flicker of hope in you eyes as you thought that he might..."
"No... That's not true. I can't think of him in the same way anymore." Brown eyes narrowed. "We are now enemies."
"Eagle... You can't mean that. I know that you still..."
"Geo, please..." Eagle reached out and traced a hand along Geo's face.
The older man sighed softly.
Strong arms wrapped around Eagle's thin waist. "Are you sure you want this, Eagle?"
A moment of hesitation.
Eagle softly shut his eyes, lost in thought, torn by his conflicting emotions.
I'm not sure of anything anymore....
A tentative nod.
All I know is that I want to forget.
Forget about how I betrayed Lantis, the one I still love... Forget about my duty to conquer this innocent world... Forget about how Geo may love me, and I might hurt him even more in the end because of this night... Forget about how I can't love anyone...
Forget about my wish...
Eagle tilted his face up towards the other man. Geo's lips claimed Eagle's own, a tongue slipping in to taste his sweetness.
A tear rolled down Eagle's cheek.
The two men made their way to the bed in the middle of the dark, sparsely decorated room. Eagle laid on his back, resting his head on the soft pillow. Geo peered down at him, and gently cupped the other man's chin in his hands. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this, Eagle? I... I don't want us to do anything that we might regret..."
I... I'm too far gone now.
I don't care about the consequences.
I don't care about anything at all... I don't want to care about anything anymore. I don't want to worry about anything anymore. I don't want to think about anything anymore.
I just want to feel.
I want to feel... nothing.
Brown eyes met jade ones.
Two hearts started beating faster.
Geo lightly planted hot kisses along Eagle's neck, savoring the soft, sweet flesh. He licked a trail along the younger man's collarbone, covering every inch of the tanned, sweaty skin with his lips.
"Take me, Geo..."
This is wrong.
Eagle arched into Geo's touches, craving more. "Yes..."
It feels so good.
Throwing his head back, Eagle screamed.
I feel it.
All around me.
Soft brown eyes opened. Eagle gasped softly.
He was lying on Geo's bare, muscled chest. Geo's strong arms were wrapped tightly around Eagle's waist protectively. A damp bed sheet was pulled over their two naked bodies.
Trapped in the other man's embrace, Eagle sighed.
It feels so... warm... almost like all that is cold, all that is dark, in the world doesn't exist if he's with me... It feels so... peaceful... almost like if I stay here in his arms, I wouldn't have to worry about anything, because I know that he'll always be by my side, that he'll always protect me, that he'll always love me...
That I'll never be alone...
A tear began to form in beautiful brown eyes.
But... It can never be.
Even as much as a part of me wants to just stay here in his arms, in the arms of a man who I...
Images from the distant past flashed in Eagle's mind.
Strong arms pinning him to a cold bed. Hot lips on his neck, on his chest. A hand tangling in his hair. A tongue slipping into his mouth hungrily.
His own soft moans of pleasure...
Icy blue eyes consumed with a lustful fire gazing at him...
Brown eyes widened.
What have I done?
No... I shouldn't have allowed this to happen. I shouldn't have allowed myself to be so hurt by Lantis that I needed some support, some comfort...
That I needed something...
I shouldn't have allowed myself to be so weak.
Not in front of Geo... Not in front of anyone...
Not even in front of myself.
I can't be weak.
I can't miss Lantis. I can't question my mission to invade his country and steal the Pillar system. I can't feel guilty about hurting him, about betraying him...
I can't have these lingering feelings for him... I can't still be in love with him anymore.
I can't do this to him. I can't keep giving him mixed signals, leading him on to think that I want to be with him one moment and being cold to him the next. I can't keep letting him think that there's a chance that we can be together, because I'm only hurting him in the end...
I can't keep using him like this...
I can't have these growing, uncertain feelings for him... I can't fall in love with him.
I have to be strong. I have to be distant, aloof to others. I can't let anyone get close to me. I can't let anyone in my heart.
Even as much as I want to... as I need to... right now.
Because... it'll only cause them more pain if I do.
That's all I'm good for.
I don't want to hurt the ones I love anymore... I don't want to bring them down with me. Because... The closer I get to the ones I love, to Lantis, to Geo, to Zazu...
The more it's going to hurt them when my wish comes true.
When my wish comes true, and I die like a warrior.
No matter what, I know that I'm going to die alone.
Eagle suddenly brought a hand to his mouth as harsh coughs escaped his dry, scratchy throat. No, not again! Not now! I hope I don't wake him...
A slight ruffling in the sheets. Geo stirred in his sleep, but didn't wake up, not having heard Eagle.
A soft sigh of relief.
I... I have to go. I can't stay here... with him.
Eagle slowly slipped out from under the covers. He dressed himself quietly, hoping not to wake the other man. Pausing for a moment, he watched the sleeping form of his friend. Geo was lying on his stomach, one muscular arm draped around his pillow. He was breathing steadily, and Eagle heard faint snoring.
He smiled softly.
Eagle leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss on the other man's cheek.
I wish you could just wake up and think that nothing happened here tonight... that it was all a dream...
But, I can't erase the past.
Even as much as I want to.
All we have is the future...
At least... you... have a future, Geo...
Don't let me ruin it.
With that, Eagle walked out of the room and shut the door.
~To be continued...~
Author's Note: Hi there! Well, this is the edited version of this chapter, so if you want the original version you'll have to check out my webpage! ^^ I will continue to write the rest of this fic, but I've just been so wrapped up in other things lately. I thank all of u for reviewing and supporting this fic!! You guys are the bestest! ^.^