Hearts Desire By Natalie Elizabeth

Chapter 1.

It had been almost two months since Buffy had been back, two months of Buffy you're looking great today, Buffy how are you feeling, Buffy nothings changed, Buffy its back to normal now your back. Boy were here friends wrong, every thing was not normal, and everything had changed. Months had past and they acted as if she was never gone, which you would think it would be good but it wasn't. In the time she was gone her friends had changed, she had changed yet they didn't understand that. They were only looking out for her but the constant caring was getting annoying, they didn't understand that she needed space and time. Funny enough the only person who really gave her space was Spike, whenever he saw her he shrunk away as if he were scared of her. I guess out of all the gang he was the only one who knew what it was like to die.

She had wanted to talk to him for awhile now, to thank him for looking after Dawn. Willow had told her that while she was away he never left Dawns side no matter what the Scoobies said, he stuck by her. Now it had been days since Dawn had seen him, she talked to him the day before but he hadn't been around.

"Buffy stop daydreaming and lets go we still have to go to the magic shop and you promised to take me shopping were leaving tomorrow remember"

Buffy looked at Dawn blankly then realised she had been talking to her

"Umm yeah lets go"

Buffy and Dawn left there house and made there way out to the car. Getting her license was the one of the first things Buffy did when she got back. Kind of a new life resolution, do anything you want and have no regrets, change the past, live.

"Listen Dawn" Buffy began pulling out of the driveway "I am not to thrilled about going into the wilderness for 2 weeks with the gang". That was a total understatement she loved her friends but she needed time to figure her self out. Find out who the real Buffy was.

"For starters Buffy its not the wilderness it's a great camping ground with showers and everything and you wont need to worry because ill be in L.A with Cordy so ill be fine"

Buffy looked at her sister and smiled "Yeah reminding me that your staying with Cordy is supposed to make me not worry, but its not that, its just."

Dawn looked at Buffy scared "Buffy what's wrong"

"Nothing, nothing" she said reassuring her "Its just since I came back they have been a bit much you know way over protective, like super Giles or something"

"Gee that sounds familiar"

"I wasn't that bad" she said trying to hide her smile "I know they are trying to protect me. I know they love me, I love them too but since Giles left they have taken over the parent figure and its kinda wiggen me out"

"Yeah I figured that, when you first came back and they we all living at home you were weird"

"Gee thanks Dawn"

"No what I mean is now when we are at home your cool, you laugh you have fun, but when your with them your like putting on an act, you know"

"Am I that obvious, I didn't think anyone would notice" she asked sheepishly

"Well so far only me and Spike can tell so no"

Spike it always came back to Spike, she could never fool him. Spike knew her inside and out yet he had known her for less time that Willow or Xander.

"Dawn what was he like when I was gone"

Dawn thought for a moment then took a deep unneeded breath. "Weird, he totally freaked us all out. He like spaced out for like five minutes crying then he saw me and pulled it all together. he said he promised you that he would protect me, take care of me and that's what he did. You know what I never really thought about it till you asked, he went through a lot "

Wow he actually listens to what I told him Buffy thought. top of new life resolution list deal with Spike, second on the list, smack myself in the head for not doing it sooner. Two weeks in the woods would probably change her mind about talking to Spike, her friends badgering her would cement it. She really needed to talk to Spike and she really wanted time on her own.

"Dawn look I really don't wanna go on this thing tomorrow, you wouldn't want to go instead"

"Buffy are you sure I mean yeah I'd love to go, listening to Cordy whine for 2 weeks wasn't my idea of a vacation"

"Cool thank you so much I just really need to deal with a whole bunch of stuff right now you know I might come up later on though I could just use a few days"

Dawn nodded "How are we going to tell your friends I don't think they'll understand, maybe we could fake a sickie, start looking sick"

"Thanks Dawn" Buffy said smiling

"That's not looking sick" she said happy to know that her sister was going to be alright. Dawns life broke down when Buffy died and the only thing that kept her alive was Spike. If Buffy was going to stay home for awhile on her own, she might consider asking Spike to patrol. If Spike could keep her alive then there was still some hope that Buffy would come out of this rut she was in.

~TBC~

Authors Note: well that's the first chapter what do you think? This is going to be a Buffy Spike story. Probably not the most believable story but if you like those stories that are lovey dovey and kinda corny at the same time you will like this story so I suggest you read more. Any suggestions on how to make this story are greatly appreciated don't hesitate to e-mail me Sunsetali@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: I only own the story and nothing else.